ANYONE NEED TO SEE A TRICKCYCLIST ?

ALL TOGETHER NOW ........... 1 2 3 4 ...

YOU'LL GO SPARE , YOU'LL GO SPARE
WHEN YOU HEAR ... THIS ADVERT .... ON THE AIR
YOU'LL RIP YOUR HAIR , RIP AND TEAR
YOU'D KICK THE CROTCH ... OF AN ANGRY GRIZZLY BEAR
YOU JUST WONT CARE , IT ISNT FAIR
YOU'D HUNT HIM DOWN AND CORNER HIM IN HIS LAIR
SO BEWARE , DONT GO THERE
TURN IT OFF ... GO ONLINE AND GROW A PAIR


I hate the Go Compare Advert - http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=187039512018

XMAS JOKE

Santa ; " I do hate this time of year "
Elf ; " Why's that Santa ? "
Santa : " Having to dress up in this red uniform year after year and having to run
around the place like a fool "
Elf ; " Well , now you know how Steven Gerrard feels "

NOTHING LIKE A XMAS CLASSIC ..............

..... and this is nothing like a Xmas classic ............. Ba Boom !

XMAS AT LAST

''Doing a Liverpool'', definition of....

LIVERPOOL n {Latin: Historia} Anachronism, ancient history, antiquity, bygone days, bygone times, days of yore, dead past, deceased, finished, former times, historic, history, irrelevent,memorabilia, memorial, obituary, old hat, outmoded, past, past historic, past history, past times, pre-historic, relic, remains, the ...irrevocable past, the past, thou unrelenting past, times past, token, trace, yesterday, yesteryear.

And now for a Liverpool joke :

Which is the odd one out between a crab , a lobster , a shark and a scouser ?

The shark .... the other 3 pinch everything and wear shell suits !!!!!!!!!!!

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ......

Store stocks 'inflatable boob job

Debenhams has announced the launch of inflatable pads that can enlarge the appearance of the wearer's breasts by up to one cup size.

The air pads are placed between the breasts and bra, and can be activated by a button-operated pump.

Head lingerie buyer Annette Warburton said: "Moving on from traditional silicone and oil inserts, the lightweight and adjustable nature of the air version lends itself to every occasion, whether it's a va-va-voom effect needed or a just natural enhancement.

"Costing just £5 a pair, tests showed that when fully inflated, the pump-up air pads gave women a boost of a whole cup size."

She added: "We predict women all over the UK will be storing these in their desk drawers ready for the mistletoe moment with the office hunk.

"Plus, they're easily and quickly deflated when Nigel from accounts approaches after a few glasses of mulled wine."


10,000 starfish wash up on Norfolk coast

Over 10,000 starfish have died after washing up on a beach in North Norfolk.

The creatures are believed to have been forced onto the land by high tide during heavy storms. They can only live for a few hours out of water and are thought to have gathered in shallow waters to feed.

Local pharmacist dispenser Margaret Wright told The Times: "The sight of all these little creatures dying on the beach was horrendous. We only went on a short walk and found a starfish graveyard.

"It's a long stretch of beach and there were just thousands of them littering the shore line for as far you could see.

She added: "The funny thing is that further down the beach we found a starfish which was still alive and put him back in the water.

"Now he's not going to have any friends - he's going to be floating around out there by himself."

Nigel Croasdale from Hunstanton Sea Life Sanctuary, explained: "This type of thing may happen once a year, depending on the weather. When the tide returns, the bodies are usually washed back into the sea."




Married couple 'jailed for reuniting'


A husband and wife in Spain have both been sent to prison after reuniting following a break-up.

The unnamed couple were found guilty of breaching a distancing order which forbade them being within 500 metres of one another following their separation last year, The Daily Telegraph reports.

Using laws designed to tackle domestic violence, the court had previously banned the husband from approaching or contacting his wife, but the couple decided to get back together after their year-long split.

However, Civil Guard officers spotted the married pair with one another in Motril in Andalusia on Spain's southern coast and arrested them, despite their protestations that their reunion was by mutual consent.

The man was sentenced to six months in jail for breaching the order and the woman was given a four month sentence for being his accomplice.





Prostitutes in Copenhagen have reportedly announced plans to offer their services for free to UN climate summit delegates.

The move has been outlined to protest anti-prostitution initiative undertaken by Copenhagen city hall over the course of the December 7-18 summit in the Danish capital, AFP reports.

Postcards have been distributed to the city's hotel reading: "Be sustainable: Don't buy sex." Letters have also been sent to hotel managers to discourage prostitutes meeting clients on their premises.

Susanne Moeller of the Danish association for the defence of sex workers said: "All delegates who come to Copenhagen for the world climate summit will be able to use the postcards for payment after making a request on our website.

"We do not expect many delegates [to make use of the offer] but we want to protest what we consider discrimination."

Prostitution was decriminalised in Denmark in March 1999, though the operation of brothels and other types of pimping remain illegal.



Shoe thrown at Bush shoe-thrower

A man claiming to be an Iraqi journalist-in-exile has thrown a shoe at the protestor who flung his own footwear at the then-US president George W. Bush a year ago.

The man, known only as Khayat, accused Al-Baghdadia reporter Muntazer al-Zaidi of "working for dictatorship in Iraq" during a conference in France, AFP reports.

During a question and answer session at the Foreign Press Welcome Centre in Paris, Khayat threw his shoe and yelled: "Here's another shoe for you!"

Zaidi responded: "When I used this method, it was against the occupation. I did not use it against a compatriot. I always knew the occupier and his lackeys would stop at nothing to get to me."

As with last year's incident, Zaidi dodged Khayat's boot, which then bounced harmlessly away. Zaidi's brother grappled with the man and venue staff later took him away.

Zaidi was jailed for nine months after his own shoe-throwing, before being flown out of Iraq by his employers on his release.



Celebrity 'DNA perfume' goes on sale


Perfume made from the DNA of celebrities has gone on sale.

The Sun reports that My DNA Fragrance claims to make the scents out of DNA taken from the stars' hair.

The company has joined forces with John Reznikoff, who has the world's largest collection of celebrity hair.

Fragrances have already been concocted using the DNA of stars including Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe and Napoleon Bonaparte.

The firm's chairman Carlton Enoch said: "We use the genetic code to formulate the fragrance. If you are putting on MJ's perfume, it's a unique fragrance to him. The biggest seller is Elvis, but MJ is selling very well too."

Enoch added that the scents are "strong", contain no alcohol, and use aloe vera so that the smell lasts all day and is good for the skin.

He continued: "We had the actor Samuel L. Jackson call up to get his own perfume made - it's so unique and special that he wanted it."

DECISIONS , DECISIONS , DECISIONS .

Now dont get me wrong , I actually like Queen ( The Rock Band ) , I think Freddie Mercury was a very talented guy , wrote great songs , great musician , great showman and so on .......... but really ..... how many times do record companies expect fans to buy the same album ?




1981 ( GREATEST HITS )
Bohemian Rhapsody,Another 1 bites the Dust,Killer Queen,Fat Bottomed Girls,Bicycle Race,Your my Best Friend,Dont stop me .now,Save me ,Crazy little thing called Love,Somebady to Love,Now I'm here,Good ol' Fashioned Lover boy,Play the Game,Flash,Seven Seas of Rhye,We will Rock you,We are the Champions,

Ok so far ...........








1991 ( GREATEST HITS 2 )
A Kind Of Magic,Under Pressure,Radio Ga Ga,I Want It All,I Want To Break Free,Innuendo,It’s A Hard Life,Breakthru,Who Wants To Live Forever,Headlong,The Miracle,I’m Going Slightly Mad,The Invisible Man,Friends Will Be Friends,The Show Must Go On,One Vision.


Yup , thats fine







1992 ( CLASSIC QUEEN )
A Kind Of Magic,Bohemian Rhapsody,Under Pressure,Hammer To Fall,Stone Cold Crazy,One Year Of Love,Radio Ga Ga,I’m Going Slightly Mad,I Want It All,Tie Your Mother Down,The Miracle,These Are The Days Of Our Lives ,One Vision,Keep Yourself Alive,Headlong,Who Wants To Live Forever,The Show Must Go On.



Eh ......... Hello !







1999 ( GREATEST HITS 3 )
The Show Must Go On,Under Pressure,Barcelona,Too Much Love Will Kill You, Somebody To Love,You Don't Fool Me,Heaven For Everyone, Las Palabras De Amor,Driven By You May,Living On My Own,Let Me Live,The Great Pretender,Princes of the Universe,Another One Bites The Dust,No One But You,These Are the Days Of Our Lives, Thank God It's Christmas.








2000 [( GREATEST HITS 1, 11, and 111 )The Platinum Collection]
1. Bohemian Rhapsody
2. Another One Bites the Dust
3. Killer Queen
4. Fat Bottomed Girls
5. Bicycle Race
6. You're My Best Friend
7. Don't Stop Me Now
8. Save Me
9. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
10. Somebody to Love
11. Now I'm Here
12. Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy
13. Play the Game
14. Flash
15. Seven Seas of Rhye
16. We Will Rock You
17. We Are the Champions

1. Kind of Magic ............... Takin' the piss now !
2. Under Pressure
3. Radio Ga Ga
4. I Want It All
5. I Want to Break Free
6. Innuendo
7. It's a Hard Life
8. Breakthru
9. Who Wants to Live Forever
10. Headlong
11. Miracle
12. I'm Going Slightly Mad
13. Invisible Man
14. Hammer to Fall
15. Friends Will Be Friends
16. Show Must Go On
17. One Vision

1. Show Must Go On - Elton John, Queen
2. Under Pressure [Rah Mix] - David Bowie, Queen
3. Barcelona - Montserrat Caballé, Freddie Mercury
4. Too Much Love Will Kill You
5. Somebody to Love - George Michael, Queen
6. You Don't Fool Me
7. Heaven for Everyone
8. Palabras de Amor (The Words of Love)
9. Driven by You - Brian May
10. Living on My Own - Freddie Mercury
11. Let Me Live
12. Great Pretender - Freddie Mercury
13. Princes of the Universe
14. Another One Bites the Dust - Wyclef Jean, Prakazrel "Pras" Michel, , Queen
15. No One But You
16. These Are the Days of Our Lives
17. Thank God It's Christmas





AND NOW 2009 , INTRODUCING QUEEN - ABSOLUTE GREATEST
1. We Will Rock You
2. We Are the Champions
3. Radio Ga Ga
4. Another One Bites the Dust
5. I Want It All
6. Crazy Little Thing Called Love
7. A Kind of Magic
8. Under Pressure
9. One Vision
10. You're My Best Friend
11. Don't Stop Me Now
12. Killer Queen
13. These Are the Days of Our Lives
14. Who Wants to Live Forever
15. Seven Seas of Rhye
16. Heaven for Everyone
17. Somebody To Love
18. I Want to Break Free
19. The Show Must Go On
20. Bohemian Rhapsody


ABSOLUTE PISS-TAKE ..... Whats next ?
THE ULTIMATE QUEEN
THE QUEEN COLLECTION
QUEEN GOLD
QUEEN-ALL THE HITS


and as I said before .... I like Queen , but really , and I havn't even included their Greatest hits I & II or Queen - The Works .

WATCH YOURSELF ROGER

SCANDAL IS A TERRIBLE THING













Gillette have already altered some of the adverts

Arsenal 0 Chelsea 3

Lost.......... One plot. If found, please contact Mr A Wenger at Emirates Stadium, London N5. Small reward on offer (if Arsenal can afford it).
England had the Wally with the Brolly. On Sunday Arsenal had the prat in the Anorak. In his dreadful waterproof hooded parka and straight-out-of-the-box trainers, Arsene Wenger was a pitiful sight on the touchline whether it was sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, gesticulating wildly for another non-existent penalty, or just crouching down on his haunches in an apparent effort to see the game from the same perspective as Sami Nasri.
Whether it was due to water on the brain from standing forlornly in the rain for 90 minutes, the Mad Professor was soon displaying how desperate his grip is on the last vestiges of sanity with his post-match comments.
The scoreline was a very unfair reflection of the game. Drogba didnt do a lot (apart from score twice, obviously) and he didnt mean to put the cross for the first goal into the net (Where did he mean to put it then? Over the bar? Into Row Z??). Absolutely everything went for Chelsea (apart from the stonewall penalty decision, of course). The disallowed Arshavin goal should have stood because I watched it five times and it was a Chelsea player that impeded Cech (try watching it a sixth time, Arsene. See that player with the blue boot kicking it out of Cechs hands? Thats Eduardo, that is). Chelsea didnt impress him (nah, not much) and will drop points (maybe so, but not enough for you to get back in the title race). And on and on and on.
Even the usually adoring members of the press didnt buy it. Risible, they labelled his comments. Wild and deluded. One went so far as to say that Wenger must have been so traumatised he was temporarily incapable of telling the truth. To which the rest of us would respond temporarily???
As far as Im concerned, Wengers relationship with reality has for some time now - been tenuous at best. His legendary inability to see certain incidents on the field can be dismissed as merely laughable. But his insistence that only Arsenal play proper football, and his apparent belief that games should be decided on artistic merit rather than the boring old traditional goals-scored method puts him firmly in the crank category.
He has promised to hold a press conference later this week with the aid of statistics, graphics, pie charts and presumably a Ouija board to show how Arsenal, in fact, dominated the game on Sunday. He will also prove that Chelsea carried out the 9/11 atrocities, that JFK was assassinated by Jose Mourinho, and that Roman Abramovich is single-handedly responsible for climate change.

HOW CRAP IS THIS PROGRAMME

For a start , why dont they call the show what it is ......... I live in my own shit and I dont really mind !

Here we go with some more " Humiliation TV " , same show after same show every week , I dont know how they tell the episodes apart , maybe its by the insults they hurl at the occupants , cant use the same ones every week so the script writers have to keep coming up with new and innivitive ways of telling us exactly how filthy the houses are , not actually sure why they do as we're watching it all in high def on our widescreen TV's .
Every episode starts the same , the cleaners [thats what they are] Kim and Aggie scream and howl their way through someones house exclaiming as they go " Oh my God Aggie " and " Oh my God Kim " , then they switch between an assortment of nouns such as [filthy , grimey , horrendous , horrific , gross , atrocious , unbelievable , vile] and then tell us how they cannot believe what they're seeing . Next they pick through the persons belongings trying to find the single most disgusting thing on the property to show us , they once again scream and howl about how disgusted they are [as if cleaners never come accross dirt in their line of work] .
Now comes the fun bit [if your into Humiliation TV] the owner of the premises is wheeled in to be insulted and belittled by two cleaning women in a mock horror type scenario with phrases like " How on earth can you live in this filth ? " or " We've never seen anything like this before " [presumably since the previous episode at least ], this part of the show is milked for every ounce it is worth ........ then Aggie will tell us all how many bacteria there are and where they live while Kim shows someone how to wipe a table top .
Then the real cleaners come in to clean the house while Aggie and Kim take the rest of the day off presumably ......... next day sees the return of the two cleaning women to take full credit for all thats been accomplished and hopefully hear from the grateful householder that " they have their life back again " or maybe " you've saved my life " .
If the occupant happens to be a man , this is Kim's opportunity to get a kiss and to saucily tell him that " only in his dreams " could he get more ........... this from mutton dressed as mutton ! ...... to be honest , this particular part of the show is more disturbing than the rest , frankly I'd rather live in the shit .


My favorite quote of the series has to be " I'd be ashamed if anyone saw inside my house " Cue the cameras !


Kim, Aggie and their team are looking for more dirty houses to clean in the next series of their popular programme “How Clean is Your House” on Channel 4.

LIVERPOOL FC END OF SEASON PARTY [nov 24 '09]

Lets have a closer look , shall we ?




Its not a coincidence that Liverpool fans are calling Rafa -Rafa Beneath us !

GIVE PEAS A CHANCE

Hmmmmmm , interesting

hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (uncountable)
The fear of long words, ironically. It is literally the hippopotamus- and monster-related fear of very long words.
Ben is a sufferer of a mild form of hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia
Whereas hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is simply a
common misspelling of hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia.

FIFA GRANT IRELAND 2nd 1/2 EXTRA TIME REPLAY

...... with a few minor adjustments

THE THIERRY HENRY GAME

Think you can do better than Thierry Henry ?
Well ......... have a go yourself , its not that easy to
cheat your way to South Africa .


http://www.jeu-de-main.com/