This year’s obligatory Black Friday frenzy video comes to you courtesy of the North Buffalo Target, where, according to one shopper, the scene “went from controlled to a mob in less than five minutes and it just got nasty.”
One man was reportedly taken to a nearby hospital, but was released a short time later.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
FoxNation.com Reposts Anti-Obama Article From The Onion, Doesn’t Mention It’s A Joke
WASHINGTON — Having admittedly "reached the end of [his] rope," President Barack Obama sent a rambling 75,000-word e-mail to the entire nation Wednesday, revealing deep frustrations with America's political culture, his presidency, U.S. citizens, and himself.
The e-mail, which was titled "A couple things," addressed countless topics in a dense, stream-of-consciousness rant that often went on for hundreds of words without any punctuation or paragraph breaks. Throughout, the president expressed his aggravation on subjects as disparate as the war in Afghanistan, the sluggish economic recovery, his live-in mother-in-law, China's undervalued currency, Boston's Logan Airport, and tort reform.
According to its timestamp, the e-mail was sent at 4:26 a.m.
"Hey Everyone," read the first line of the president's note, which at 27 megabytes proved too large for millions of Americans' in-boxes. "I'm writing to you because I need to clear up some important issues. First and foremost, I want to say that this has nothing to do with the midterm elections because I was going to send an e-mail regardless of the outcome. However, I guess one could argue that, in the end, the midterms are an important measure of a president's overall success, though I wouldn't go so far as to call the results a referendum. Legislatively, I feel I've had a lot of success that I think history will judge quite favorably. I mean, pretty much every modern president has seen his party lose seats during a midterm, you know?
"Anyway," the e-mail continued.
A 150-page printout confirms that while Obama's points are generally cogent in the first quarter of the message, the increasingly chaotic spacing, multiple spelling errors, and near total lack of commas rendered the later portions almost impossible to parse.
Excerpts indicate an erratic use of capitalized and underlined words, with the phrase "Stopped a second Great Depression" mentioned 14 times in a bolded red font double the size of surrounding text. In addition, the e-mail contained multiple links to the Wikipedia entry for Social Security and line graphs of Ronald Reagan's year-by-year approval ratings.
Because Obama copied and pasted some critical passages directly from right-wing editorials and personal blogs, the e-mail included formatting irregularities that caused many citizens to receive a message in which all of the apostrophes were replaced with question marks. Moreover, some software flagged it as spam.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I thought we were all on the same page about health care reform," the 29th paragraph of Obama's e-mail read in part. "It was part of my platform. You all knew I was going to pursue it when you elected me. And just real fast, going back on what I said earlier, the economic stimulus cut taxes for 95% of Americans. It didn't raise them. It cut them. You people need to look at facts and stop listnening to all the right wing crap out there. By the way, we're basically out of Iraq now. You're welcome."
"JESUS CHRIST, WE LOST OVER @ MILLION JOBS BEFORE I EVEN TOOK OFFICE !!!!" reads a sentence occupying a large white space between two massive chunks of texts, one of which was a 6,500-word tangent on the Muslim community center being built two blocks from the former World Trade Center site.
According to White House sources, Obama "snapped" late Tuesday afternoon when a staffer reminded him he was scheduled to take a call from incoming Speaker of the House John Boehner. At that point, a visibly disgusted Obama was observed slowly repeating the words "House Speaker Boehner" before ordering everyone to leave the Oval Office, where he sat typing and, according to some, banging angrily on his keyboard for the next five hours.
When White House Chief of Staff Pete Rouse urged the president to sleep on the e-mail, Obama told him he had already sent it.
"In terms of fulfilling campaign promises I think I've actually done a pretty good job in terms of fulfilling campaign," Obama wrote in response to an anonymous comment made to a post by conservative blogger Michelle Malkin. "I know I said I'd close Guantanamo and I still want to do that but it's harder than it looks. And yes I know I said it would be done by now along with energy reform too—-trust me it is still a priority because "TOGETHER WE CAN " and we " MUST EMBRACE CLEAN ENERGY""
"Yes we can!" the e-mail concluded. "Ugh, you know what ? Forget it. Believe what you want. Yours, Barack."
Thus far the response from the American public has been subdued, though a sixth of the populace did not even receive the e-mail because the message generated 50 million mailer-daemon delivery failure notifications.
"I tried reading [Obama's] e-mail, but it was just way too long," said 48-year-old Sophia Washington of Moraine, OH, adding that because her computer displayed the text all on one line, she had to scroll from left to right in order to read it. "I just ended up skimming to see if my name was in there. It wasn't, but I did notice that my daughter can stay on my insurance for one more year. That's great. I think that's because the Republicans won the midterms."
NOW, AS FUNNY AS THIS PIECE OF SATIRE IS ............... FOXNATION.COM REPOSTED THIS ARTICLE ........ BUT ...... UMMMM ...... FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT WAS A JOKE POSTED BY THE ONION.
Most people recognize The Onion as the Peabody Award-winning satire machine that it is. Some people, however, don’t. Which is why we get a story like this every few months. Of course, it’s sometimes easy to mistake an Onion article for the real thing since the writers make sure to skew as close to their targets as possible. It also doesn’t hurt when real news outlets reprint the satirists’ work and decide not to let their readers know it’s a joke, as Fox Nation did today.
Yes, the Fox Nation editors were apparently so enamored with an Onion piece from today entitled “Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail” that they reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature. The only clue that this wasn’t real (besides a quick peek at your inbox to confirm that Barack Obama hasn’t been emailing you) was a link at the bottom instructing readers to go to TheOnion.com for the real story. This tiny link was, unfortunately, not enough for the vast majority of FN readers. At least, that’s the way it seems from the comments section.
In fact, at the time of this post’s writing, you have to scroll through 20 comments to find someone who realizes the story’s fake. Five comments below that there’s actually someone (sarcastically?) saying they emailed The Onion for confirmation on the story.
Whether Fox Nation reposted this story without a disclaimer accidentally, as a prank, or because of something more sinister, you decide. However, Fox Nation should be aware that, sad as it may be, not everyone is familiar with the brilliance that is The Onion.
WE ARE LEFT WITH A CHOICE OF QUESTIONS ....... HOW DUMB ARE REPUBLICANS ? ........ AND .... HOW DUMB DO FOXNATION THINK REPUBLICANS ARE ?
Click here to see the comments - > http://static01.mediaite.com/med/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Fox-Nation-Onion.png
According to its timestamp, the e-mail was sent at 4:26 a.m.
"Hey Everyone," read the first line of the president's note, which at 27 megabytes proved too large for millions of Americans' in-boxes. "I'm writing to you because I need to clear up some important issues. First and foremost, I want to say that this has nothing to do with the midterm elections because I was going to send an e-mail regardless of the outcome. However, I guess one could argue that, in the end, the midterms are an important measure of a president's overall success, though I wouldn't go so far as to call the results a referendum. Legislatively, I feel I've had a lot of success that I think history will judge quite favorably. I mean, pretty much every modern president has seen his party lose seats during a midterm, you know?
"Anyway," the e-mail continued.
A 150-page printout confirms that while Obama's points are generally cogent in the first quarter of the message, the increasingly chaotic spacing, multiple spelling errors, and near total lack of commas rendered the later portions almost impossible to parse.
Excerpts indicate an erratic use of capitalized and underlined words, with the phrase "Stopped a second Great Depression" mentioned 14 times in a bolded red font double the size of surrounding text. In addition, the e-mail contained multiple links to the Wikipedia entry for Social Security and line graphs of Ronald Reagan's year-by-year approval ratings.
Because Obama copied and pasted some critical passages directly from right-wing editorials and personal blogs, the e-mail included formatting irregularities that caused many citizens to receive a message in which all of the apostrophes were replaced with question marks. Moreover, some software flagged it as spam.
"I don't mean to be rude, but I thought we were all on the same page about health care reform," the 29th paragraph of Obama's e-mail read in part. "It was part of my platform. You all knew I was going to pursue it when you elected me. And just real fast, going back on what I said earlier, the economic stimulus cut taxes for 95% of Americans. It didn't raise them. It cut them. You people need to look at facts and stop listnening to all the right wing crap out there. By the way, we're basically out of Iraq now. You're welcome."
"JESUS CHRIST, WE LOST OVER @ MILLION JOBS BEFORE I EVEN TOOK OFFICE !!!!" reads a sentence occupying a large white space between two massive chunks of texts, one of which was a 6,500-word tangent on the Muslim community center being built two blocks from the former World Trade Center site.
 |
| Obama's FAKE email |
When White House Chief of Staff Pete Rouse urged the president to sleep on the e-mail, Obama told him he had already sent it.
"In terms of fulfilling campaign promises I think I've actually done a pretty good job in terms of fulfilling campaign," Obama wrote in response to an anonymous comment made to a post by conservative blogger Michelle Malkin. "I know I said I'd close Guantanamo and I still want to do that but it's harder than it looks. And yes I know I said it would be done by now along with energy reform too—-trust me it is still a priority because "TOGETHER WE CAN " and we " MUST EMBRACE CLEAN ENERGY""
"Yes we can!" the e-mail concluded. "Ugh, you know what ? Forget it. Believe what you want. Yours, Barack."
Thus far the response from the American public has been subdued, though a sixth of the populace did not even receive the e-mail because the message generated 50 million mailer-daemon delivery failure notifications.
"I tried reading [Obama's] e-mail, but it was just way too long," said 48-year-old Sophia Washington of Moraine, OH, adding that because her computer displayed the text all on one line, she had to scroll from left to right in order to read it. "I just ended up skimming to see if my name was in there. It wasn't, but I did notice that my daughter can stay on my insurance for one more year. That's great. I think that's because the Republicans won the midterms."
NOW, AS FUNNY AS THIS PIECE OF SATIRE IS ............... FOXNATION.COM REPOSTED THIS ARTICLE ........ BUT ...... UMMMM ...... FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT WAS A JOKE POSTED BY THE ONION.
Most people recognize The Onion as the Peabody Award-winning satire machine that it is. Some people, however, don’t. Which is why we get a story like this every few months. Of course, it’s sometimes easy to mistake an Onion article for the real thing since the writers make sure to skew as close to their targets as possible. It also doesn’t hurt when real news outlets reprint the satirists’ work and decide not to let their readers know it’s a joke, as Fox Nation did today.
Yes, the Fox Nation editors were apparently so enamored with an Onion piece from today entitled “Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail” that they reposted the first two paragraphs in their culture section with nary a sign as to its fictional nature. The only clue that this wasn’t real (besides a quick peek at your inbox to confirm that Barack Obama hasn’t been emailing you) was a link at the bottom instructing readers to go to TheOnion.com for the real story. This tiny link was, unfortunately, not enough for the vast majority of FN readers. At least, that’s the way it seems from the comments section.
In fact, at the time of this post’s writing, you have to scroll through 20 comments to find someone who realizes the story’s fake. Five comments below that there’s actually someone (sarcastically?) saying they emailed The Onion for confirmation on the story.
Whether Fox Nation reposted this story without a disclaimer accidentally, as a prank, or because of something more sinister, you decide. However, Fox Nation should be aware that, sad as it may be, not everyone is familiar with the brilliance that is The Onion.
WE ARE LEFT WITH A CHOICE OF QUESTIONS ....... HOW DUMB ARE REPUBLICANS ? ........ AND .... HOW DUMB DO FOXNATION THINK REPUBLICANS ARE ?
Click here to see the comments - > http://static01.mediaite.com/med/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Fox-Nation-Onion.png
WILL THIS WOMAN EVER GET IT RIGHT ?
In War Against the Obamas, Palin Drops Cookie Bomb
Sarah Palin brought 200 cookies to a Pennsylvania Christian school Tuesday, a hostess gift that would not be notable if Palin had not declared the move a stunt to mock anti-childhood obesity campaigns in public schools.
Fresh on the heels of Rush Limbaugh's pro-Twinkie tirade against Michelle Obama's health initiative, Palin explained to the audience, "I wanted these kids to bring home the idea to their parents for discussion. Who should be deciding what I eat? Should it be government or should it be parents? It should be the parents." The crowd roared. Palin was reacting to an incorrect report that Pennsylvania was considering banning sweet treats at school parties. She followed up with this tweet: "2 PA school speech; I'll intro kids 2 beauty of laissez-faire via serving them cookies amidst school cookie ban debate; Nanny state run amok !" (Is it odd to decry the "Nanny State" to the very people who actually have nannies?)
It's Not Parents vs. Government
Michelle Obama's health initiative ........ The Lunch Tray's Bettina Elias Siegel insists. "Of course, it’s the framing of that last question which is so specious, in that it seemingly pits governmental intrusion against personal freedom. But that’s not what’s going on here. I personally have no interest in regulating what foods a parent can or cannot bring for his/her child’s own consumption at school. That would, in my opinion, be a true example of a Nanny State. What I do object to, however, is the lack of oversight regarding what foods other parents can bring for my child’s consumption. ... when a child is at school, he or she is as captive to what goes on there as a person in an elevator is captive to second-hand smoke. We don’t allow smoking in elevators, and we shouldn’t allow the serving of food to school children to which a parent might object on a variety of grounds — nutritional, religious, a concern about allergens, or for any other reason."
Experts say obesity is now a full-fledged public health crisis. If the rate of obesity and overweight continues at this pace, 75% of US adults and 24% of children and adolescents will be overweight or obese by 2015, according to the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Chew on that, Sarah."
Sarah Palin brought 200 cookies to a Pennsylvania Christian school Tuesday, a hostess gift that would not be notable if Palin had not declared the move a stunt to mock anti-childhood obesity campaigns in public schools.
Fresh on the heels of Rush Limbaugh's pro-Twinkie tirade against Michelle Obama's health initiative, Palin explained to the audience, "I wanted these kids to bring home the idea to their parents for discussion. Who should be deciding what I eat? Should it be government or should it be parents? It should be the parents." The crowd roared. Palin was reacting to an incorrect report that Pennsylvania was considering banning sweet treats at school parties. She followed up with this tweet: "2 PA school speech; I'll intro kids 2 beauty of laissez-faire via serving them cookies amidst school cookie ban debate; Nanny state run amok !" (Is it odd to decry the "Nanny State" to the very people who actually have nannies?)
It's Not Parents vs. Government
Michelle Obama's health initiative ........ The Lunch Tray's Bettina Elias Siegel insists. "Of course, it’s the framing of that last question which is so specious, in that it seemingly pits governmental intrusion against personal freedom. But that’s not what’s going on here. I personally have no interest in regulating what foods a parent can or cannot bring for his/her child’s own consumption at school. That would, in my opinion, be a true example of a Nanny State. What I do object to, however, is the lack of oversight regarding what foods other parents can bring for my child’s consumption. ... when a child is at school, he or she is as captive to what goes on there as a person in an elevator is captive to second-hand smoke. We don’t allow smoking in elevators, and we shouldn’t allow the serving of food to school children to which a parent might object on a variety of grounds — nutritional, religious, a concern about allergens, or for any other reason."
Experts say obesity is now a full-fledged public health crisis. If the rate of obesity and overweight continues at this pace, 75% of US adults and 24% of children and adolescents will be overweight or obese by 2015, according to the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. Chew on that, Sarah."
Real Madrid v Barcelona: Monday night football
Real Madrid and Barcelona come together to contest the 'El Clasico' in La Liga on Monday.
Spain is expected to grind to a halt when the country's two biggest and richest clubs clash at Barca's Nou Camp stadium in the latest instalment of this historic contest.
HEAD-TO-HEAD
LIONEL MESSI v CRISTIANO RONALDO
World player of the year Messi, 23, and former holder Ronaldo, 25, are playing some of the best football of their careers. The Argentina forward scored a hat-trick against Almeria last weekend to take his league tally to 13 but Portuguese Ronaldo matched him with a treble against Athletic Bilbao to top the scoring charts on 14.
Both players have the freedom to roam off the flanks and are often most dangerous driving down the centre, dribbling past opponents and playing one-twos. Their styles are very different. Messi plays with schoolboy enthusiasm, making darting runs and exchanging quick passes with team mates. Ronaldo is more of a showman, making muscular charges down the pitch, and his powerful, swerving freekicks are a threat from any range.
THE HISTORY
The rivalry between the two clubs is steeped in politics, with the two clubs representing distinct regions and two distinct schools of thought. Barcelona is Catalan, Madrid is Castilian. Catalans favour independence, while Madrid is seen as the seat of the establishment and the royal family. When Barca are victorious it is seen as a rebellious victory for an independent regional culture while a win for Madrid represents the establishment re-asserting its authority.
On a sporting level, Real Madrid and Barcelona are the most successful teams in Spain. This means the results are not only useful for bragging rights but are often key to where the trophies end up at the end of the season. This latest clash is no exception.
GREATEST EVER PLAYERS
The sides' rich histories have meant that the El Clasico has featured some of the greatest players of all time. Johan Cruyff, Zinedine Zidane, Alfredo di Stefano, Ronaldo, Messi and Luis Figo are just some of the greats to put their skills to the test in this rivalry.
CLASSIC MATCH: 2007 - Barcelona 3-3 Real Madrid
Lionel Messi was the toast of Barcelona when he completed a hat-trick in injury time to salvage a 3-3 draw for 10-man Barca. Real looked set to win until the 19-year-old Messi latched on to a pass by Ronaldinho, beat two defenders and thrashed a left-foot shot across Iker Casillas into the corner of the net to cap a sensational performance.
THE STADIUMS
Both the Nou Camp and the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium are massive, and this only helps when creating one of the most incredible atmospheres in football. The Bernabéu can take 80,000 people, while the venue for Monday's match - The Nou Camp - is the biggest stadium in Europe with a 98,772 capacity. It should be electric ...
Spain is expected to grind to a halt when the country's two biggest and richest clubs clash at Barca's Nou Camp stadium in the latest instalment of this historic contest.
LIONEL MESSI v CRISTIANO RONALDO
World player of the year Messi, 23, and former holder Ronaldo, 25, are playing some of the best football of their careers. The Argentina forward scored a hat-trick against Almeria last weekend to take his league tally to 13 but Portuguese Ronaldo matched him with a treble against Athletic Bilbao to top the scoring charts on 14.
Both players have the freedom to roam off the flanks and are often most dangerous driving down the centre, dribbling past opponents and playing one-twos. Their styles are very different. Messi plays with schoolboy enthusiasm, making darting runs and exchanging quick passes with team mates. Ronaldo is more of a showman, making muscular charges down the pitch, and his powerful, swerving freekicks are a threat from any range.
THE HISTORY
The rivalry between the two clubs is steeped in politics, with the two clubs representing distinct regions and two distinct schools of thought. Barcelona is Catalan, Madrid is Castilian. Catalans favour independence, while Madrid is seen as the seat of the establishment and the royal family. When Barca are victorious it is seen as a rebellious victory for an independent regional culture while a win for Madrid represents the establishment re-asserting its authority.
On a sporting level, Real Madrid and Barcelona are the most successful teams in Spain. This means the results are not only useful for bragging rights but are often key to where the trophies end up at the end of the season. This latest clash is no exception.
GREATEST EVER PLAYERS
The sides' rich histories have meant that the El Clasico has featured some of the greatest players of all time. Johan Cruyff, Zinedine Zidane, Alfredo di Stefano, Ronaldo, Messi and Luis Figo are just some of the greats to put their skills to the test in this rivalry.
CLASSIC MATCH: 2007 - Barcelona 3-3 Real Madrid
Lionel Messi was the toast of Barcelona when he completed a hat-trick in injury time to salvage a 3-3 draw for 10-man Barca. Real looked set to win until the 19-year-old Messi latched on to a pass by Ronaldinho, beat two defenders and thrashed a left-foot shot across Iker Casillas into the corner of the net to cap a sensational performance.
THE STADIUMS
Both the Nou Camp and the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium are massive, and this only helps when creating one of the most incredible atmospheres in football. The Bernabéu can take 80,000 people, while the venue for Monday's match - The Nou Camp - is the biggest stadium in Europe with a 98,772 capacity. It should be electric ...
Friday, November 26, 2010
PALIN TARGETS FISH
SARAH Palin has pledged a campaign of systematic fish genocide in a bid to stop marine life forms spreading lies about evolution.
The front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination has long expressed doubts about Darwinian theory, partly on religious grounds though mainly because she does not really understand what it is.
Promoting her breathtaking new book America by Heart: Reflections on Faith, Family, Flag and Fish, Mrs Palin said: "People say we come from fish, but fish can't drive trucks, they certainly can't hold semi-automatic weapons and, to the best of my knowledge, they do not aspire to be famous.
"So the question is - who's spreadin' these lies? Fish. They want to be seen as equals so they can have gay fish weddings and unmarried spawning and God only knows what else.
"All things with scales are liars. Fish are just big, fat swimming snakes, and it's time we put an end to them."
However the staunch Alaskan's plans to club all fish to death one by one have drawn a mixed response from her followers.
Tom Logan, a God fearer, said: "Don't she got a gun? Our ancestors didn't die for the right to bear arms just so's a woman can kill fish with a stick."
He added: "I would be honoured to lend her my bazooka."
In her first book Going Rogue, Mrs Palin seriously describes how she doesn't believe 'in the theory that human beings - thinking, loving beings - originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea' or 'from monkeys who eventually swung down out of trees'.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Inniscara Institute for Studies, explained: "Actually the theory of evolution is more about us sharing a common ancestor with monkeys than... oh fuck it, it's not going to make the slightest difference."
The front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination has long expressed doubts about Darwinian theory, partly on religious grounds though mainly because she does not really understand what it is.
"So the question is - who's spreadin' these lies? Fish. They want to be seen as equals so they can have gay fish weddings and unmarried spawning and God only knows what else.
"All things with scales are liars. Fish are just big, fat swimming snakes, and it's time we put an end to them."
However the staunch Alaskan's plans to club all fish to death one by one have drawn a mixed response from her followers.
Tom Logan, a God fearer, said: "Don't she got a gun? Our ancestors didn't die for the right to bear arms just so's a woman can kill fish with a stick."
He added: "I would be honoured to lend her my bazooka."
In her first book Going Rogue, Mrs Palin seriously describes how she doesn't believe 'in the theory that human beings - thinking, loving beings - originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea' or 'from monkeys who eventually swung down out of trees'.
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Inniscara Institute for Studies, explained: "Actually the theory of evolution is more about us sharing a common ancestor with monkeys than... oh fuck it, it's not going to make the slightest difference."
Twain biography a publishing sensation
When the creator of Huckleberry Finn wrote his autobiography he insisted that it not be released until the 100th anniversary of his death.
Now,one hundred years after his death, the popularity of Mark Twain's autobiography has caught publishers by surprise.
Twain [Samuel L Clemens] insisted on the 100-year embargo before publication in order to allow himself to speak freely, to tell all – though the idea that he had been tight-lipped in his opinions up to that point would have come as news to both friends and enemies. The embargo was not honoured by his estate's trustees, and various abridged versions of the autobiography have appeared over the years. Never before has the book been published as Twain wished it, though – in all its fragmentary and convoluted glory.
Twain appears to have felt honour-bound, or fated, to attempt to do justice to his world-famous, white-suited life, while at the same time worrying that any attempt to contain his shifting enthusiasm, his incessant imagination, his scattergun prejudices and vitriol and jokes, was almost doomed from the outset. Among the many entertaining themes of this volume are the various and contradictory prefatory notes to self, about the impossibility of the project on which he is embarked: "What a little part of a person's life are his acts and his words!" he offers at one point. "His real life is in his head and is known to none but himself…" If this internal monologue were to be written, he suggests, prefiguring Leopold Bloom by 20 years, "every day would make a book of eighty thousand words, three hundred and sixty-five books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of a man – the biography of the man himself cannot be written…"
Like the river that became his greatest subject, there would have to be meanderings and digressive tributaries, sudden floods of drama and discarded ox-bows of comic observation; moreover it would, by necessity, just keep rolling along. That The Autobiography of Mark Twain should have been begun while the author was 42, and restarted and abandoned 30 or 40 times over the course of the next three decades, that it should have eventually done away with beginnings and middles and ends and sought to submerge the reader in the unstoppable narrative of what was on the mind of America's favourite writer on any morning he chose to compose it, should therefore come as no surprise. Neither should the fact that a century after the book concluded – with the author's death – much of it still reads as compulsively as if it were being dictated in the next room.
Twain's ultimate solution to this problem was to have a secretary follow him around and take down his every passing thought. This was "The Final (and Right) Plan" at which he laboured for much of the last six years of his life, first in Florence, Italy, and subsequently in New York and elsewhere, often from his bed. What the method lacked in logic, it made up in offering an authentic glimpse of how Twain's mind worked, or at least how it was working as he neared the end of his life.
Twain's great virtue as a writer, his genius, was his deliberate refusal of borrowed propriety or scale. The tallest of tales could be fashioned from the most modest of ingredients. That skill is fully on display here, as he magnifies the trivial – a hilarious attempt to send a letter to France from a London post office, for example – while providing conversational intimacy for great historical shifts – in his dismantling of the neo-colonialism of Theodore Roosevelt, say, or his championing of Booker T Washington's nascent civil rights fervour. In all of this it is prudent, he suggests, to bear in mind his mother's words about him as a boy: "I discount him thirty per cent for embroidery, and what is left is perfect and priceless truth without a flaw in it anywhere." It is good to know that the ratio served him well right up until the end.
Twain [Samuel L Clemens] insisted on the 100-year embargo before publication in order to allow himself to speak freely, to tell all – though the idea that he had been tight-lipped in his opinions up to that point would have come as news to both friends and enemies. The embargo was not honoured by his estate's trustees, and various abridged versions of the autobiography have appeared over the years. Never before has the book been published as Twain wished it, though – in all its fragmentary and convoluted glory.
Twain appears to have felt honour-bound, or fated, to attempt to do justice to his world-famous, white-suited life, while at the same time worrying that any attempt to contain his shifting enthusiasm, his incessant imagination, his scattergun prejudices and vitriol and jokes, was almost doomed from the outset. Among the many entertaining themes of this volume are the various and contradictory prefatory notes to self, about the impossibility of the project on which he is embarked: "What a little part of a person's life are his acts and his words!" he offers at one point. "His real life is in his head and is known to none but himself…" If this internal monologue were to be written, he suggests, prefiguring Leopold Bloom by 20 years, "every day would make a book of eighty thousand words, three hundred and sixty-five books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of a man – the biography of the man himself cannot be written…"
Twain's ultimate solution to this problem was to have a secretary follow him around and take down his every passing thought. This was "The Final (and Right) Plan" at which he laboured for much of the last six years of his life, first in Florence, Italy, and subsequently in New York and elsewhere, often from his bed. What the method lacked in logic, it made up in offering an authentic glimpse of how Twain's mind worked, or at least how it was working as he neared the end of his life.
Twain's great virtue as a writer, his genius, was his deliberate refusal of borrowed propriety or scale. The tallest of tales could be fashioned from the most modest of ingredients. That skill is fully on display here, as he magnifies the trivial – a hilarious attempt to send a letter to France from a London post office, for example – while providing conversational intimacy for great historical shifts – in his dismantling of the neo-colonialism of Theodore Roosevelt, say, or his championing of Booker T Washington's nascent civil rights fervour. In all of this it is prudent, he suggests, to bear in mind his mother's words about him as a boy: "I discount him thirty per cent for embroidery, and what is left is perfect and priceless truth without a flaw in it anywhere." It is good to know that the ratio served him well right up until the end.
ISN'T IT IRONIC
Bernard Matthews, who died yesterday, on Thanksgiving, November 25 aged 80, began with a clutch of eggs and an incubator and made his fortune by cultivating the British taste for turkeys plucked and oven-ready, and turkeys tumbled, extruded, lubricated, breaded, shaped and packaged into 120 assorted products.
In 1960 – Bernard Matthews entered the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest turkey farmer in Europe ...... he was 6'4".
Turkey Twizzlers
One of Bernard Matthews' formed-meat products, 'Turkey Twizzlers', became a subject of debate in January 2005, when they were singled out for particular criticism by the celebrity chef Jamie Oliver in his television series Jamie's School Dinners. The product became an emblem of the mass-produced processed food that Oliver wanted to remove from school meals. In the wake of the programme, several major catering organisations announced that they would no longer serve Turkey Twizzlers in schools. Bernard Matthews discontinued the product in 2005.
Animal welfare
On 7 September 2006, two contract workers were convicted of animal cruelty after being covertly filmed by a member of staff from Hillside Animal Sanctuary, playing 'baseball' with live turkeys. The two men were sentenced to a 200-hour community service which was later criticised as being 'derisory' by some animal welfare organisations. Palmer's and Allan's defence lawyer, Simon Nicholls, stated that their actions were part of a ‘culture’ at the Norfolk plant and, describing the conditions in the unit as "appalling", said: "You can see why people move to an organic, more open type of farming." An RSPCA inspector said it was the worst case of cruelty to farm animals of which he had heard A vet, after seeing the footage, said it was the ‘most hideous and blatant’ abuse he had seen in 25 years.
Avian flu outbreak
The 2007 Bernard Matthews H5N1 outbreak was an occurrence of avian flu in England that began on 30 January 2007. The infection was caused by the H5N1 subtype of the Influenza A virus and occurred at one of Bernard Matthews' farms in Holton, Suffolk. A range of precautions were instituted including a large cull of turkeys, the imposition of segregation zones, and a disinfection programme for the plant.
It emerged in a highly critical report from Defra that there was a series of biosecurity failings at the Holton plant, some of which had been drawn to the company's attention in the past.
Though the cause of the outbreak has not been determined, Bernard Matthews regularly transported turkeys and turkey products between the UK and its plant in Hungary, and the H5N1 bird flu strains found in Hungary and Britain were effectively genetically identical.
Consequences of the outbreak included bans by a number of countries on the importation of poultry from Britain, a sharp fall in sales of Bernard Matthews products resulting in workers being laid off and a collapse in confidence in the brand
What's the odds that 'All things Bright and Bootiful' will be sung at the funeral ?
In 1960 – Bernard Matthews entered the Guinness Book of Records as the biggest turkey farmer in Europe ...... he was 6'4".
One of Bernard Matthews' formed-meat products, 'Turkey Twizzlers', became a subject of debate in January 2005, when they were singled out for particular criticism by the celebrity chef Jamie Oliver in his television series Jamie's School Dinners. The product became an emblem of the mass-produced processed food that Oliver wanted to remove from school meals. In the wake of the programme, several major catering organisations announced that they would no longer serve Turkey Twizzlers in schools. Bernard Matthews discontinued the product in 2005.
Animal welfare
On 7 September 2006, two contract workers were convicted of animal cruelty after being covertly filmed by a member of staff from Hillside Animal Sanctuary, playing 'baseball' with live turkeys. The two men were sentenced to a 200-hour community service which was later criticised as being 'derisory' by some animal welfare organisations. Palmer's and Allan's defence lawyer, Simon Nicholls, stated that their actions were part of a ‘culture’ at the Norfolk plant and, describing the conditions in the unit as "appalling", said: "You can see why people move to an organic, more open type of farming." An RSPCA inspector said it was the worst case of cruelty to farm animals of which he had heard A vet, after seeing the footage, said it was the ‘most hideous and blatant’ abuse he had seen in 25 years.
Avian flu outbreak
The 2007 Bernard Matthews H5N1 outbreak was an occurrence of avian flu in England that began on 30 January 2007. The infection was caused by the H5N1 subtype of the Influenza A virus and occurred at one of Bernard Matthews' farms in Holton, Suffolk. A range of precautions were instituted including a large cull of turkeys, the imposition of segregation zones, and a disinfection programme for the plant.
It emerged in a highly critical report from Defra that there was a series of biosecurity failings at the Holton plant, some of which had been drawn to the company's attention in the past.
Though the cause of the outbreak has not been determined, Bernard Matthews regularly transported turkeys and turkey products between the UK and its plant in Hungary, and the H5N1 bird flu strains found in Hungary and Britain were effectively genetically identical.
Consequences of the outbreak included bans by a number of countries on the importation of poultry from Britain, a sharp fall in sales of Bernard Matthews products resulting in workers being laid off and a collapse in confidence in the brand
What's the odds that 'All things Bright and Bootiful' will be sung at the funeral ?
BELIEVE IT OR DONT
It's a real toy .......... $29.95
This toy is like a magic 8-ball with a twist. Literally. You twist the crown of thorns into Jesus’ scalp until he answers your “prayers” between bellows and cries of pain.
This toy is like a magic 8-ball with a twist. Literally. You twist the crown of thorns into Jesus’ scalp until he answers your “prayers” between bellows and cries of pain.
TODAY'S TOP TIP
SAVE MONEY : on water rates by only ever eating bananas, the food you can eat without washing your hands after a visit to the bathroom.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
José Mourinho and Real Madrid four charged with unsporting conduct :
Uefa has charged José Mourinho and four of his Real Madrid players over allegations he ordered Sergio Ramos and Xabi Alonso to get themselves sent off in a Champions League match.
Uefa's disciplinary committee will investigate Mourinho for alleged unsporting conduct as well as Alonso, Ramos, Iker Casillas and Jerzy Dudek. The Uefa control and disciplinary board will rule on the case on Tuesday.
Mourinho appeared to send instructions from the bench before Alonso and Ramos got second yellow cards for time-wasting late in a 4-0 win against Ajax in Amsterdam on Tuesday.
Their expulsions meant they should serve one-match suspensions in a meaningless group match against Auxerre next month, then start the knock-out rounds in February with a clean slate.
The case will be dealt with by the UEFA Control and Disciplinary Body on Tuesday, November 30.
After the game, Mourinho denied any wrongdoing, saying: "Stories sell, but the important thing is the 4-0 win and the fantastic game we had. Let's talk about that and not other things."
Mourinho appeared to send instructions from the bench before Alonso and Ramos got second yellow cards for time-wasting late in a 4-0 win against Ajax in Amsterdam on Tuesday.
Their expulsions meant they should serve one-match suspensions in a meaningless group match against Auxerre next month, then start the knock-out rounds in February with a clean slate.
The case will be dealt with by the UEFA Control and Disciplinary Body on Tuesday, November 30.
After the game, Mourinho denied any wrongdoing, saying: "Stories sell, but the important thing is the 4-0 win and the fantastic game we had. Let's talk about that and not other things."
Rumbled in the jungle:
I'm A Celebrity's Gillian McKeith smuggles banned food goodies into camp... in her M&S knickers
Gillian McKeith took her trip Down Under to new levels after it emerged she smuggled banned food products into the Australian jungle in her underwear.
The oddball contestant broke strict rules by hiding items including rock salt, garlic powder and soup in secret pockets she had sewn into her knickers.
Food nutritionist Gillian had earlier been caught with contraband when she slipped salt in to her campmates' food, resulting in her jungle jail privileges being removed.
But show bosses were then alerted that Gillian, whose increasingly erratic behaviour has sparked concern in recent days, had more banned goods when Stacey Solomon asked her for 'special stuff' to go in her lunch.
Gillian was then spotted fishing around in her bag, causing producers to demand all contestants to hand over anything they are not allowed to bring into the jungle.
The 51-year-old TV personality then brazenly revealed her haul, which consisted of five pouches Japanese miso soup powder, eight stock cubes and assorted bags of cumin, celery and garlic, rock salt and herbs.
HEY, COME ON FOLKS .. THIS IS GILLIAN MckEITH WE'RE TALKING ABOUT .......... WHO DIDN'T GUESS SHE'D CHEAT TO WIN THE MONEY ?
Gillian McKeith took her trip Down Under to new levels after it emerged she smuggled banned food products into the Australian jungle in her underwear.
 |
| THE HIGHLY OFFENSIVE ARTICLE ......................... HOLDING UP HER KNICKERS |
Food nutritionist Gillian had earlier been caught with contraband when she slipped salt in to her campmates' food, resulting in her jungle jail privileges being removed.
But show bosses were then alerted that Gillian, whose increasingly erratic behaviour has sparked concern in recent days, had more banned goods when Stacey Solomon asked her for 'special stuff' to go in her lunch.
Gillian was then spotted fishing around in her bag, causing producers to demand all contestants to hand over anything they are not allowed to bring into the jungle.
The 51-year-old TV personality then brazenly revealed her haul, which consisted of five pouches Japanese miso soup powder, eight stock cubes and assorted bags of cumin, celery and garlic, rock salt and herbs.
HEY, COME ON FOLKS .. THIS IS GILLIAN MckEITH WE'RE TALKING ABOUT .......... WHO DIDN'T GUESS SHE'D CHEAT TO WIN THE MONEY ?
RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH
ALLOW ME TO CLARIFY, THIS IS NOT AN INDIANA JONES MOVIE, INDY WAS A PROFESSOR OF ARCHAEOLOGY AND THIS MAN IS A PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH
They also do not share an aversion to snakes, while Indy hates snakes above all creatures, this Professor is willing to put his life on the line when dealing with the highly predatory Garter snake in this movie.
The Garter snake is a Colubrid snake genus (Thamnophis) common across North America, ranging from Alaska and Canada to Central America. It is the single most widely distributed genus of reptile in North America.
Garter snakes are harmless to humans due to the very low amounts of venom they produce, which is comparatively mild, and the fact that they lack an effective means of delivering it. They do have enlarged teeth in the back of their mouth, but their gums are significantly larger.
A bite may result in mild swelling and an itching sensation. There are no known cases of serious injury and extremely few with symptoms of envenomation.
Their average length is 3 feet.
NO SNAKES WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS MOVIE.
They also do not share an aversion to snakes, while Indy hates snakes above all creatures, this Professor is willing to put his life on the line when dealing with the highly predatory Garter snake in this movie.
The Garter snake is a Colubrid snake genus (Thamnophis) common across North America, ranging from Alaska and Canada to Central America. It is the single most widely distributed genus of reptile in North America.
Garter snakes are harmless to humans due to the very low amounts of venom they produce, which is comparatively mild, and the fact that they lack an effective means of delivering it. They do have enlarged teeth in the back of their mouth, but their gums are significantly larger.
A bite may result in mild swelling and an itching sensation. There are no known cases of serious injury and extremely few with symptoms of envenomation.
Their average length is 3 feet.
NO SNAKES WERE HURT DURING THE MAKING OF THIS MOVIE.
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