Charlie Sheen done with porn stars and drug addiction

Charlie Sheen recently announced his decision to rehab in the comfort of his LA mansion. Sheen's critics say he's not taking his addiction seriously, but a look at the star's rigorous rehab schedule reveals that he'll be plenty busy...


MONDAY

6:00 AM-12:00PM -- Sleep in

12:00PM-12:30PM -- Try to pee

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Daily Reflection (optional)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Beer pong

3:00PM-3:30PM -- Counseling (canceled)

3:30PM-5:00PM -- Lunch with Andy Dick

5:00PM-6:00PM -- Bingeing

6:00PM-8:30PM -- Nap

8:30PM-9:00PM -- Body Painting

9:00PM-10:30PM -- Movie Night ("Major League 2")

10:30PM-1:00AM -- Jell-o shot contest

1:00AM-2:30 AM -- Fainting spell

TUESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Wake up

12:00PM-12:30PM -- Wake up porn stars

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Spiritual Group (postponed)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Tickle fight

3:00PM-5:00PM -- Stare at hand

5:00PM-7:00PM -- Foursome (not golf)

7:00PM-10:30PM -- Clean handguns

10:30PM-12:00AM -- Skinny dip

12:00AM-3:30 AM -- Bender

3:30AM -- Curfew

4:30AM -- Lights out


WEDNESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Learn to play trumpet

12:00PM-2:00PM -- Peel label off Jim Beam bottle

2:00PM-4:00PM -- Lunch with Dealer

4:00PM-6:00PM -- Nude dodgeball

6:00PM-7:30PM -- Try on hats

7:30PM-9:00PM -- Lock Domino's delivery guy in bathroom; demand extra cheesy bread

9:00PM-11:30PM -- Rampage

11:30PM- 6:00AM -- Blackout

THURSDAY

6:00AM-11:00AM -- Wake up screaming

11:00AM-12:30PM -- Ninja training

12:30 PM-2:00PM -- Prank call CBS execs

2:00 PM-3:00PM -- Think about a Mohawk

3:00 PM-5:30PM -- Eat Minute Rice straight out of box

5:30PM-7:00 PM -- Practice walking on elbows

7:00PM-3:30 AM -- Porn Movie Night ("How to Drain Your Dragon")

3:30AM-6:00AM -- Hide in bushes

FRIDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Pull own Wisdom tooth

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Group grope

10:00AM-10:30AM -- Punch FedEx guy

10:30AM-3:30PM -- Free time

3:30PM-4:30PM -- Find tattoo with safe combo

4:30PM-7:00PM -- Substance Abuse Education Group (postponed)

7:00PM-11:00PM -- Luau Night

11:00PM-4:00AM -- Collect call to Bogota



SATURDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- "Manscaping"

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Try to fry egg on sidewalk

10:00AM-12:00PM -- Threaten President

12:00PM-4:30PM -- Drink nine bottles of Chateu Latour

4:30PM-7:00PM -- Choke somebody

7:00PM-11:00PM -- Text pictures of junk to Eva Mendes

11:00PM-3:00AM -- Smash some shit with ballpeen hammer




SUNDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Snort Count Chocula

7:30AM-11:00AM -- Buy replacement liver on eBay

11:00AM-2:30PM -- Brunch w/ Ron Jeremy

2:30PM-7:30PM -- Write "hush money" checks

7:30PM-8:00PM -- Eat live spider

8:00PM-5:00AM -- Soil self