With the Mayan Long Count calendar concluding a 5,125-year cycle, many doomsayers are predicting a cataclysmic event will occur next Friday, Dec. 21. Here’s how people are preparing for what they view as an impending global catastrophe:
Hastily trying to get in the good graces of snake-bird god Q’uq’umatz
Lining up to see Here Comes The Boom before it’s too late
Frantically downloading latest software updates
Throwing aluminum cans in with regular garbage
Finally telling children which one is favorite
Getting special “doomsday” haircuts
Shooting a cop to see what it feels like
Allowing the extended warranty on Toyota Sienna to expire
Attempting to convince girlfriend this her last chance to try anal
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