Sir Alex Ferguson to replace De Gea with Swansea City ball boy

Manchester United have made a sensational £30m bid for Swansea City ball boy, Charlie Morgan, for his ability to hold on to a football under pressure.

 Sir Alex Ferguson praised the youngster’s ability to retain possession despite having a large section of his thoracic cavity stoved in by Chelsea midfielder Eden Hazard. 

Ferguson is keen to replace his out-of-favour keeper after the only thing he had managed to catch all season was the Norovirus. 

After witnessing Morgan’s heroics, Sir Alex immediately called in De Gea for a crisis meeting, before passing him the mobile and landline numbers of Stoke manager Tony Pullis on a beer mat. 

“We could really use someone like Charlie to run the clock down, especially if we’re 2-1 up against Liverpool in the ninetieth minute at Old Trafford,” he told us. “The way he’s shielded that ball with most of his upper body as though his life and that of his entire extended family depended on it – and remember this is Wales we’re talking about – is pure textbook.”