THATS RICH !

Ringo Starr has announced that he is no longer going to reply to fanmail ........... for a guy who stumbled into a career on the back of some of the most talented musicians in Music history , that is a little patronizing ........... how dare this talentless git ( once voted the 3rd best drummer .......... in the Beatles ......... by the band members ) announce such a thing , there are few examples anywhere in popular culture where someone with so little potential has risen to such dizzy heights by having the right haircut at the right time . On the singles " Dear Prudence , Back in the USSR and The Balled of John and Yoko " Paul McCartney played drums , not that anyone would have noticed that Ringo was missing .

John Lennon , Sir Paul McCartney and George Harrison inspired a generation with their musical achievements , rarely has there been a Band with such an amount of musical genius within it and for the dross of such a band to now say to his fans that it's too much trouble for him to respond to those who thought that he had any input at all in this Supergroup ( apart from keeping the beat and stumbling across some song titles ) called The Beatles is insulting to all music lovers worldwide .

Its a pity that Heather Mills didn't run into him at a charity bash instead of Paul ........ If there is any justice in the world , he will end up in a Celebrity show in the future and be voted off first .

I hope his tombstone reads " Here lies the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine " ......... the only memorable thing he's ever done .
When you consider that he has many homes paid for by his fans , one would expect more .

I didn't think he could go down further in my estimation .......... I was wrong ! .

POLAR BEAR THEFT RING UNCOVERED

In Churchill, Manitoba, the polar bear capitol of the world, a mysterious crime spree has apparently been solved.
(Churchill, Manitoba) Here in the polar bear capitol of the world, living with polar bears is never boring. In late summer everyone is on edge as hundreds of polar bears come into town after the sea ice melts on Hudson Bay. Because the bears are so dangerous to humans, people leave their doors unlocked in case someone gets chased by a bear, and children are not allowed to walk to school alone. Contrast this fearsome reputation of the adult polar bear, weighing up to 1,500 pounds and possibly the most dangerous carnivore on Earth, with cuddly-looking polar bear cubs and one might wonder, "when do the bears go 'bad'? What causes these innocent cubs to grow up to be so vicious?" The answer to this mystery might be found in another mystery that has plagued Churchill for years. Even though everyone knows each other in this sleepy little town, there have been an unusual number of thefts. Cars, boats, and even garbage cans have been taken. But the stolen items always seem to turn up again. For instance, cars and trucks usually have been driven to the edge of Hudson Bay, and then left there with their motors running and with the doors open. Boats are taken, but they usually end up being found pulled up upon an ice floe out in the bay. Garbage is actually stolen out of the cans. The thefts have pitted neighbor against neighbor, and have made the residents of Churchill suspicious of everyone. But then a group of townspeople decided to install a few security cameras to try to catch the culprit. The plan paid off when two bear cubs were caught stealing a boat (see picture above). "It appears that the young cubs simply have too much time on their paws, and without close parental supervision, they go out in search of thrills", explained Manitoba Provincial Police officer Ursula Merrytime. "When the cubs are left unsupervised, anything can happen." Instead of walking the distance between town and the bay, the bear cubs steal rides in boats, cars and trucks. Since most people do not lock their vehicles, and keys are often left in the ignition, they are easy targets for roving gangs of juvenile bear thugs. When the cubs get hungry, rather than chase seals, they simply steal the nearest garbage can along with its tasty contents. Now that the mystery is solved, the residents of Churchill have a new problem: how to keep the cubs from continuing with their troublemaking. Talking with the cubs' parents has gotten nowhere since the parents respond very defensively, even aggressively. The local bear jail, used for the most troublesome adult bears, could possibly be used for confining cubs as well, by many residents are offended by cute bear cubs being locked up in the slammer. A Bear Youth Center has also been discussed as a way to offer more wholesome activities to the cubs to occupy their idle time. "But something has to be done", said Officer Merrytime, "I just can't bear many more of these thefts…I'm already covered up in paperwork as it is."

BASIL-GATE

THE Madrid government last night sprang to the defence of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross hailing them as the new heroes of anti-Spanish racism.

'My Eeengleesh is a very gooood' Prime minister José Luis Zapatero said the assault on Andrew Sachs was 'measured' given the actor's portrayal of a halfwit Spaniard who thinks a rat is some kind of Siberian hamster.Zapatero said Sachs, banned from entering Spain since 1976, was single-handedly responsible for the country's image as a nation of greasy-haired chimpanzees who have to have everything explained to them twice.
A spokesman for the Spanish embassy in London said: "We've been leaving dirty messages on his answerphone for years.
"And every Sunday we camp outside his house and chuck handfuls of paella at his front door."Spain's biggest newspaper El Pais said: "Señors Ross and Brand are the champions of every waiter who has ever served a table of drunken English tourists who find it amusing to answer all of his questions with 'Qué?' until one of them finally comes out with 'I'm so sorry, he's from Barcelona'." Meanwhile, as Russell Brand admitted he had been 'caught up in the money', jumped-up researcher Jonathan Ross was last night told to apologise 18 million times over the next three years.The BBC has also offered Brand's £200,000 salary to the Treasury to help pay down the jaw-droppingly out-of-control national debt that everyone seems to think is irrelevant compared to some swear words on an answering machine.

The DailyMash.co.UK