Saturday, December 29, 2012

GOOD ON YER ARSENE

Wish a few more Prem managers had the nuts to say it like it is .......... 

/b>

Friday, December 28, 2012

Dia de los Santos Inocentes – Day of the Holy Innocents

In Spain, December 28th is a day of practical jokes, similar to what we in the UK/USA celebrate on April Fool’s Day. Dia de los Santos Inocentes – Day of the Holy Innocents is a religious holiday named in honor of the young children who were slaughtered by order of King Herod around the time of Jesus’ birth.

Messi turns down whopping £460,000-a-WEEK deal after Anzhi trigger his £205m Barcelona release clause.

The club, thought to be Anzhi Makhachkala, then offered a blockbusting £460,000-a-week deal to the Argentine superstar, a massive £24m a year after tax, according to The Sun.

Barcelona were obliged to accept the massive offer but a gobsmacked Messi quickly rejected the move after discussions with Barca president Sandro Rosell and his family.

Today most Spanish children play simple pranks like putting salt in the sugar bowl or sticking paper cut-outs on people's backs. These little practical jokes are called Inocentadas. However, unusual celebrations stemming from ancient traditions continue to be held, such as the “Flour Battle” that takes place in the streets of Ibi, Valencia and the “Crazy People’s Dance” in Jalance, also in Valencia.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Actor Jack Klugman dies

Jack Klugman, who starred in the NBC medical drama Quincy, has passed away at the age of 90.

Born Jacob Joachim Klugman on April 27, 1922 in Philadelphia, he enjoyed a long and varied career, taking up acting following his discharge from the US Army at the end of the Second World War.

In addition to his portrayal of the tenacious and principled medical pathologist Dr Quincy, Klugman is probably best known for playing laid-back sports reporter Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple on Broadway, and in the subsequent 1970s ABC sitcom of the same name.



He was a Tony Award nominee, a triple Emmy winner and ten-time nominee, and received a Golden Globe in 1974 for his work on The Odd Couple.


Thunderbirds creator Gerry Anderson dies aged 83

Animator behind popular puppet TV shows Captain Scarlet, Stingray and Joe 90 died in his sleep.

The news was announced on his son Jamie Anderson's website. He wrote: "I'm very sad to announce the death of my father, Thunderbirds creator, Gerry Anderson. He died peacefully in his sleep at midday today (26th December 2013), having suffered with mixed dementia for the past few years. He was 83."

Gerald Alexander Anderson – famous for the use of "Supermarionation", or the use of modified puppets – was born in 1929 in Hampstead, north London, and began his career as a film trainee at the Ministry of Information before starting work at Gainsborough Pictures. He later set up AP Films with some friends.

Gerald Alexander Anderson – famous for the use of "Supermarionation", or the use of modified puppets – was born in 1929 in Hampstead, north London, and began his career as a film trainee at the Ministry of Information before starting work at Gainsborough Pictures. He later set up AP Films with some friends.

Gerry Anderson With Troy Tempest From '' Stingray'' in 1966

 With commissions thin on the ground Anderson and his team were eager to produce their first puppet show The Adventures Of Twizzle. Others including Torchy The Battery Boy, and Supercar followed. Success continued with Fireball XL5 and Stingray. But it was Thunderbirds, filmed on the Slough Trading Estate in Berkshire and first broadcast in 1965 that made his name. With the catchphrase "Thunderbirds are go!", the programme revolved around International Rescue, a secret emergency service run by the Tracy family aided by London agent Lady Penelope and her butler, Parker.

Anderson moved towards live action productions in the 1970s, producing Space: 1999. In the 1980s, a burst of nostalgia for his Supermarionation series led to the commission of new productions, including a remake of Captain Scarlet. New Captain Scarlet, a CGI-animated reimagining of the 1967 series, premiered on ITV in the UK in 2005. He also worked as a consultant on a Hollywood remake of his 1969 series UFO, directed by Matthew Gratzner.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

JUST SAYING ..........

This is the 54th Xmas in a row that I DIDN'T get one of these from Santa


Monday, December 24, 2012

OTT MUCH S'RALEX ?


Assault weapons are very handy, says US gun lobby

MILITARY-STYLE assault rifles have many practical applications for the perfectly sane, it has been claimed.

As America mourns the victims of Sandy Hook, pro-firearm campaigners in the US have warned against tighter controls on so-called ‘assault weapons’, highlighting the sheer usefulness of semi-automatic artillery.

MISTY LaRUE
Mother-of-three Misty LaRue said: “We have a big yard so when it’s time to call the family in for meals I fire a burst of rounds into the air, it’s sort of like a ‘dinner gong’ but with bullets.

“If my gun weren’t semi-auto I’d have to reload between shots – more like a succession of single rounds – which would be ineffective because it could be mistaken for a car backfiring.

“However I do think America needs to reform its mental health laws. This obviously would not affect sane people like me.”

Texas office worker Tom Logan said: “I use my assault rifle to re-heat coffee. After firing a number of rounds into a wall the barrel gets very hot, and then I hold my mug against it.

“If you want to take my warm mug away you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands.”



The real McCoy

Huntsman and NRA member Boggy McCoy said: “Normal guns are fine for deer but I’m actually after the Jersey Devil, a sort of bear/bat/wolf hybrid from popular American mythology.

“When that mythical chimera is charging at me I won’t have time to reload. So if they found my bloodstained boots next to some massive three-toed footprints, it’d be those peacenik Democrats to blame.

“You can’t argue with that logic, can you? Especially as I’ve got an assault weapon.”

AMERICA'S GOT TALENT

Liverpool face tough bigotry test

ZENIT St Petersburg will pose Liverpool FC a massive bigotry test, admits manager Brendan Rogers.

The two teams were drawn in the Lidl Champions League, and Liverpool face an uphill battle to prove themselves the more racist and homophobic team.

Rogers said: “I’ve got the lads watching old Bernard Manning tapes to work on their pin-eyed hatred and we’re travelling to a rural pub in Yorkshire tomorrow with a gay dance troupe from Namibia to study how the locals react.

RODGERS SHOWING OFF HIS NEW DANCE MOVES AT THIS YEARS XMAS BASH

“People have been bigging up this club’s intolerance and Zenit are a massive challenge as they’re so suspicious of outsiders they blew up their own airport to stop any strangers coming to town.

“We’re having to get a coach there. You cannot buy that level of commitment to being a small-minded moron. Unless you’re Leeds, obviously.”

Zenit fans recently wrote to their board insisting they never sign black or gay players. Previous requests for things they don’t want at their ground have included ‘anyone who eats salad’ and ‘anyone who has been to an art gallery’.

Liverpool are hoping the racism of Suarez combined with the homophobia of Suso will be enough to see off Zenit but admit this might falter in the face of 65,000 drunk Russians armed with road flares.

Rogers said:”If all else fails we can get the lads to call everyone in the stands ‘Boris’ and offer them a bottle of vodka. Expensive and time-consuming but a really comprehensive stab at being a xenophobic arse.”

NRA calls for end to childhood obesity by putting McDonalds in every school

The National Rifle Association has insisted that childhood obesity is only an issue because of the dangerous lack of junk food available to American schoolchildren.

In a press conference opposite the White House, NRA spokesperson Wayne LaPierre told gathered reporters that his organisation cared deeply about the children of his country, and would not rest until every single one of them had easy access to a terrible diet.

Speaking in sombre tones, he said, “We are at crisis point, and the only way to stop our children being negatively affected by junk food, is to make sure they are surrounded by even more junk food.”

'FROM MY BIG FAT HANDS'

“If you really think about it, no-one would be able to call a child ‘fat’ if everyone had a BMI well into the 50s.”

“Childhood obesity is only an issue because so few children have good access to junk food.”

NRA statements

LaPierre went on, “The liberal left will tell you that removing crappy foods from the equation would solve this crisis, but to that I would say ‘nay’.”

“It is a constitutional and God-given right of every american to have access to burgers the size of your head. We just need to even up the playing field – by filling it completely with fat kids.”

“So I call on congress today to ensure that every school in our great nation has easy access to cheap, poorly prepared fatty food with a low nutrient value.”

“Then one day soon we can forget about which of our children is ‘fat’, as they’ll all be exactly the same. Like true, free Americans.”

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

Friday, December 21, 2012

FOR SALE

ONE BRAND NEW UNDERGROUND BUNKER - SLIGHTLY USED

A few squirts of Harpic Toilet Duck will take care of that


MOST WANED XMAS PRESSIE THIS YEAR

APPARENTLY ALL THE YOUNG PEOPLE WANT THEM ..........


YOU PLUG IT IN YOUR iSOCKET 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - LAST 16

FEB 12

CELTIC V JUVENTUS [2D LEG MARCH 6]

VALENCIA V PARIS ST GERMAIN [2ND LEG MARCH 6]

FEB 13

SHAKHTER DONETSK V BORUSSIA DORTMUND [2ND LEG MARCH 5]

REAL MADRID V MANCHESTER UNITED [2ND LEG MARCH 5]


FEB 19

ARSENAL V BAYERN MUNICH [2ND LEG MARCH 13]

PORTO V MALAGA [2ND LEG MARCH 13]

FEB 20

GALATASARAY V SCHALKE [2ND LEG MARCH 12]

AC MILAN V BARCELONA [2ND LEG MARCH 12]

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Reformed Hitman Who Inspired 'The Wire's' Omar Dies at 58

Donnie Andrews was a Baltimore hitman who turned police informant, and inspired David Simon to create the popular character.

Donnie Andrews, a former Baltimore drug world hitman whose life partly provided the inspiration for the character of Omar Little on HBO's beloved crime epic The Wire, has died at 58 from heart complications.

Andrews was surrounded by violence for much of his life, growing up in an abusive household and even bearing witness to a brutal murder at a young age -- all over an alleged fifteen cents. He was soon taken in by criminals and was robbing drug dealers at gunpoint in his teens. By 1986, he was addicted to heroin and carrying out hits for a major drug kingpin.

Andrews was arrested for the murder of two drug dealers, a crime for which he turned himself in and never sought a lesser sentence. He offered to cooperate with authorities "to repent," and was soon wearing a wire, capturing conversations implicating other criminals.

Andrews was paroled in 2005, and devoted the remainder of his years advocating to keep youth on the right side of the law.

The Wire creator David Simon was a crime reporter for the Sun at the time of Andrews' arrest, and sent Andrews copies of the newspaper while he served a life term in federal prison. He'd later use him as a consultant on The Wire, where Andrews, along with several other drug world assassins, became the inspiration for Omar -- the killer with a moral code.

Played by Michael K. Williams, Omar was a Baltimore underworld legend who never deviated from his own set of rules, the golden one being that he never threatened anyone not in "the game."

Williams saluted his real world inspiration on Twitter, writing on Friday, "R.I.P. to the original gangsta and a stand up dude Mr Donnie Andrews the man who was the inspiration for Omar Little sending out prayers."

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

TODAY'S JOKE

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond out the back that was the perfect shape and size for a swimming hole, so he fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a BBQ pit and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, just to look it over.

He grabbed a 5 gallon bucket on his way to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard loud noises of people laughing and shouting and the sound of splashing water.


As he approached the pond, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in the pool.

He made the young women aware of his presence and they all retreated to the deep end of the pond  .... 'We are not coming out until you leave !' one shouted.

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or to force you to get out of the pond in the nude' he said.

Holding up the bucket, he said ........ 'I'm just here to feed the alligator'

Sunday, December 16, 2012

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED

RAT SLIPPERS

ALTHOUGH YOU MIGHT LEAVE THEM LYING ALL AROUND THE HOUSE

Preparing For The Mayan 'Doomsday Prophecy'

With the Mayan Long Count calendar concluding a 5,125-year cycle, many doomsayers are predicting a cataclysmic event will occur next Friday, Dec. 21. Here’s how people are preparing for what they view as an impending global catastrophe:


Hastily trying to get in the good graces of snake-bird god Q’uq’umatz

Lining up to see Here Comes The Boom before it’s too late

Frantically downloading latest software updates

Throwing aluminum cans in with regular garbage

Finally telling children which one is favorite

Getting special “doomsday” haircuts

Shooting a cop to see what it feels like

Allowing the extended warranty on Toyota Sienna to expire

Attempting to convince girlfriend this her last chance to try anal

STILL WONDERING WHAT TO GET THAT ANNOYING WORKMATE FOR SECRET SANTA ?

STOP WORRYING

HAPPY XMAS FOLKS

Saturday, December 15, 2012

KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS

A father of nine in Wisconsin has been ordered by a judge to not have any more kids as a condition of his probation. Corey Curtis owes almost $100,000 in back child support and interest.

Judge Tim Boyle, of the state's Racine County Court Circuit, pointed out that this wasn't the first time he wished the court had "the authority to sterilize”.

The high court made their ruling due to the fact that they were not violating the constitutional right to bear children, considering procreating can still be done assuming the child is well supported.

The 44-year-old Curtis owes 50,000 dollars in back child support and 40,000 dollars in interest, says Rose Law Group Reporter, and was sentenced to three years probation after pleading no contest back in October.

He was sentenced Monday after jumping bail and neglecting to pay for child support.

Curtis has fathered the nine children with six different mothers.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

WENT FISHING .... AND CAUGHT FOUR DEER

The Best Day Of Fishing Ever!

Some fishing stories are a little hard to believe, but this guy has pictures to prove his story .......

I've heard of salmon jumping into boats, but never anything quite like this ...

Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel when four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat. "Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it !


Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering." "This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest.

We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help.


This is me carrying the little guy. My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well !"

"Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear." - Mark Twain

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

IRONY

Patrick Edlinger, known as ‘the god of free climbing’ has died at the age of 52. He was famous for overcoming sheer rock faces and horizontal overhangs, often without equipment, sometimes without shoes.


Edlinger regarded himself as a minimalist mountaineer, relying on strong fingers and toes, super flexible limbs and quite incredible core body strength to scale vast peaks and ranges.
 
He would hang from a rock, and flip his legs above his torso to somehow find a grip. This way, he took on the 1500-foot vertical ascent of the Verdon Gorge — France’s smaller but no less daunting equivalent of the Grand Canyon.

He had several films made about him and was a hero in France, where his passing was headline news.

Do you know how he died ? ...................................  He fell down some stairs at home.

PART 1 OF THE TRILOGY: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

Monday, December 3, 2012

Antonio Di Natale will take custody of Morosini's disabled sister

We have become so accustomed to hearing players fight over a million more or a million less. About television contracts and rights issues and the other things that make the game the business that it has evolved into. There is selfishness everywhere and the only thing that matter is the bottom line. People only care about their team winning and if they don’t do that, it is the end of their lives- figuratively.

Morosini, 25, was on loan at Livorno when he collapsed and died during a clash with Pescara on Saturday.

PIERMARIO MOROSINI
The impact that Morosini had on many teammates past and present compelled him to make that decision. The impact he had on DiNatale was great. DiNatale talked about how Morosini helped him overcome the death of his mother just four years ago.

ANTONIO DI NATALE
The former Italian youth international had a very difficult life. Both of his parents died when he was still a teenager, his disabled brother committed suicide and his sister was disabled and he took care of her while he played for Livorno. Yet throughout these tough blows that life dealt him, he was always known for his fortitude as well as the commitment towards his family. This was what made him such a likable player. This is what made him so popular within the clubs he played for.

Udinese has confirmed plans to look after the player's only remaining family member, his severely disabled sister.

The player's sister relied on Morosini for financial support following the death of their parents, and Di Natale has assured that Udinese will now look after her.

"We know the situation of his sister and we as a team, the club, and Udinese for Life have decided to help her because she is in real need," Di Natale said.

"It is essential to stay by the side of Piermario’s sister for her entire life. She needs us and we want to help, both for her and for Mario.