Tuesday, November 29, 2011

LOL

A GALWAY councillor has refused to apologise for swearing at a County Council committee meeting after he told a fellow councillor to "go **** himself"

Local area councillor Seamus Tiernan made the amazing outburst after he was told he was a "feckin eejit" for thinking that cloud computing was only suitable in areas with lots of rain.
He had told the Infrastructure Committee meeting this week that his native Connemara would be ideal for cloud computing because it has heavy cloud cover for nine months of the year."

The Independent councillor said that the Government should be doing more to harness clean industries for the Connemara area and he named wind energy and cloud computing as two obvious examples.

"Connemara in particular could become a centre of excellence for wind energy harnessing, as it is open to the Atlantic. Also in terms of cloud computing, we have dense thick fog for nine months of the year, because of the mountain heights and the ability to harness this cloud power, there is tremendous scope for cloud computing to become a major employer in this region."

However his mistake was pointed out by an incredulous Cllr Martin Shiels who said that "this is taking the biscuit. I've heard it all now. You must be a fecking eejit to think that the cloud computing had anything to do with climate."

Cllr Tiernan took umbrage at the remarks of his colleague and called for them to be withdrawn. When Cllr Shields refused to do so, Tiernan said "go **** yourself, Cllr Shields."

Chairman Sile Ni Baoill asked for both councillors to withdraw their comments, but Cllr Tiernan was repentant that Cllr Shields was wrong and that cloud computing is linked to cloud cover.

"Tell me why large companies are opening server farms in cold wet countries then, he asked Cllr Shields.

TODAYS JOKE


I phoned the local gym instructor and I asked if he could teach me how to do the splits .......... He asked, " How flexible are you ? "

 I said, " I can't make Tuesdays."


I'll get me tracksuit !

LOL

Monday, November 28, 2011

TODAYS JOKE


I bought all the ingredients for a lovely salad on saturday ........ went to the fridge today and guess what ?

The Rocket has gone off !!


I'll get me croutons !

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Arsene Wenger - " We are very reliant on Robin at the moment, and that's always a problem "


Here's hoping a wheel comes off before Xmas

Thursday, November 24, 2011

BATTLE OF THE BEARDED WARRIORS

Ka D'Argo [Farscape] or Khal Drogo [Game of Thrones] .............. there's only one way to find out ......... FIGHT !!!

WOOT !

It looks like we’ll be getting more of our favorite serial killer. Despite earlier reports of a troubled negotiations, Showtime has renewed Dexter for two more years. According to today’s announcement by David Nevins, Showtime’s President of Entertainment, production will begin on season seven in 2012 in Los Angeles. Seasons seven and eight will consist of 12 episodes each.


Dexter will be jumping for joy for the next two years

Thursday, November 17, 2011

THEY SAID IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN

All we’ve heard out of Ricky Gervais for the past 11 months is how awesome and EDGY he was as host of last year’s Golden Globes, but that he’d never do it again. The Golden Globes people banned him forever ! All his Hollywood bridges were burned ! It was a one-time occurrence, no going back, like the creation of the universe, or the opening of a tin of Pringles !



So, naturally ...... Ricky Gervais is to host next year's Golden Globes - and has promised to turn up the shock factor even more.

Gervais posted a YouTube clip on his Twitter page of his biting opening monologue from the 2011 show, promising "This (times) 10".

The HFPA [Hollywood Foreign Press Association] acknowledged on its website that "not everyone is happy with the decision" to bring Gervais back because "his blunt one-liners targeting big-name celebrities caused anger and resentment in some quarters".

The 69th annual Golden Globe Awards will be held January 15 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California.

Good on yer Ricky

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

RORY SMITH IN THE INDEPENDANT

" There is a considerable gulf between Terry's self-perception and how the rest of the world views him. "

Hmmmmmm ....... actually Mr Smith

He is the only England captain to appear in the FIFA FIFPro World X1 five years running.

Actually he's the only England player to have appeared in it five years running - and indeed the only player in the world to date.

Perhaps your perception could do with some scrutiny, what is they say ? ..... ' Those who can, do ... and those who can't, criticize '

DID YOU KNOW ................

If you are logged-on to your Facebook account and surfing the Web, your session cookie conducts this logging. The session cookie additionally records your name, e-mail address, friends and all data associated with your profile to Facebook. If you are logged-off, or if you are a non-member, the browser cookie conducts the logging; it additionally reports a unique alphanumeric identifier, but no personal information.

Thilo Weichert, data protection commissioner in the German state of Schleswig-Holstein, expressed alarm at how Facebook's technology could potentially be used to build extensive profiles of individual Web users.

"Whoever visits Facebook or uses a plug-in must expect that he or she will be tracked by the company for two years," Weichert said in a statement. "Such profiling infringes German and European data protection law."

GOOSE SACKED BY TURKEY

Guus Hiddink is contemplating a return to Chelsea in move that could unsettle new boss Andre Villa-Boas after the one-time FA Cup winning Blues manager revealed he would like to come back to England.

The Dutchman has had his contract terminated by the Turkish Football Federation after he failed to guide Turkey to a play-off win over Croatia, missing out on qualification for next summer's European Championship.


Ajax would like the 65-year-old to return to his homeland Holland in a director of football capacity but it is a similar role at Stamford Bridge that Hiddink could turn to instead.

Hiddink was popular figure at Chelsea when he took over from Luiz Felipe Scolari on a caretaker basis in 2009 and guided the club to FA Cup glory.

The players did not want him to leave before he opted to resume his full-time role at the time with Russia and it is understood he remains a close friend and confidant to owner Roman Abramovich.

Bullet Hits White House Window

The Secret Service is investigating how a bullet hit an exterior window of the White House. A round was stopped by ballistic glass behind the building's historic exterior glass.

The Secret Service also tells News4 that one additional round was also found on the exterior of the White House. Both rounds were discovered Tuesday morning.

The investigation started after an incident on November 11, when gunshots were heard near the White House. The Secret Service has not yet conclusively connected Friday's incident with the bullets found on White House grounds.

The Secret Service, Park Police, D.C. police and Arlington police all responded to the reported shooting at 9:30 p.m. on Friday night. Investigators found an assault rifle in a car abandoned near the Theodore Roosevelt Bridge. It was not an AK-47, as suggested in previous reports, and the owner of the gun is unknown at this time.

A spokesman for John Terry has issued a statement confirming that the England and Chelsea captain was training with the rest of the English squad at the time of the incident.

IT'S FUNNY ...... BUT IT'S ALSO THE FUTURE

Monday, November 14, 2011

Terry talk all about football as FA stop England skipper answering questions on race row

The Football Association prevented John Terry answering any questions about the ongoing racism investigation into comments he allegedly made towards Anton Ferdinand. Chelsea defender Terry is alleged to have racially abused the QPR defender in a Barclays Premier League match three weeks ago, an allegation which is now the subject of a Metropolitan Police investigation.

Chief Inspector Lou Tennant of the Metropolitan Police announced today that the investigation is still in it's initial phase and will continue until such time as all avenues of inquiry were exhausted.

Chief Inspector Tennent leading the hunt for clues on Dartmoor yesterday
Scotland Yard is expected to interview every football fan who attended the game at Loftus Rd. on the 23rd of October and both MI5 and MI6 are preparing to call on everyone who watched the match on television.

The Home Secretary has confirmed that The Director General of the Security Service will enlist the services of the Armed Forces, " The Army, The Navy and The Air Force will be involved " said Theresa May earlier today, " We are even recalling troops from Afghanistan and Iraq to help with the investigation ". She denied that the SAS had been mobilized during the initial stages of the trouble.

Renowned psychic Mystic Meg has been called on to commune with the spirit of former slave trader and Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest [1821-1877] in an attempt to get to the bottom of the case. Forrest, who served as the 1st Grand Wizard of The Ku Klux Klan during the reconstruction of the south during the mid 19th century is believed to have 'racist radar' and may be able to either confirm or deny any shenanigans that may or may not have occurred on the day in question.


Prince Phillip is expected to lead a Royal Inquiry into the racism row with HRH The Queen giving evidence as it seems that she passed a television which was broadcasting during the incident.

" We don't want another Vietnam ! "

Sgt Chuck Slaughter, Head of Traffic Division for Sth Yorkshire has confirmed that  thus far, the Americans aren't involved, "we have our fingers crossed" he said  "and are confident that this incident won't escalate into an international crisis like we saw with The Gulf of Tonkin in the '50's ..... we don't want all those yanks coming over here with their Hueys and their Napalm tearing up Stamford Bridge every saturday afternoon for 19 yrs .... the British authorities have the case under control and it should be concluded within the next year or so ".


Mrs Rita May Snipe
Councelling  services will be provided to all those who witnessed what may or may not have happened at the time according to The British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), http://www.bacp.co.uk/. A spokesperson for (BACP), a Mrs Rita May Snipe said " Incidents such as this have an enormously negative effect on the average sports fan, and it could be several months before any symptoms manifest themselves. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the bugger we are looking for in most cases, but sudden hair loss and diarrhoea may also occur ", she went on to say that " the average footie fan usually deals with stressful situations by shouting abuse or indulging in random acts of violence, but in a case such as this where he [or she] may [or may not] have been a witness [or not] to a racist outburst during , what is normally such a joyous event ...... the consequences could be devastating [or not] ".

Mrs Entwhistle spoke for a further 30 mins on the subject, using words like 'confusion, paranoia, moron and juxtapose', she concluded some time later with a dire warning to both the FA and the country as a whole ..... " We still do not know where this will end up, or the effect this may have on our nation ..... we don't even know if John Terry will receive a retroactive Yellow card ..... I would therefore advise the Government to do it's utmost to get to the bottom of this case in the next year or so and not allow it to drag on in the press. People need some good news, and if Stefanie Powers were to win 'I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here' the world as we know it could, in theory, fall apart ".

Max Clifford has so far made no comment on the incident which leads some to believe that nothing whatsoever took place.

Jedward have announced that they will be doing a live concert on the 26th Nov for victims of the incident. Tickets will be £53 and available at all good megastore outlets throughout the UK.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Muhammad Ali and George Foreman lead tributes to Joe Frazier

Old foes Muhammad Ali and George Foreman led the tributes to the former undisputed heavyweight champion of the world, who died in the small hours.

SMOKIN' JOE FRAZIER AND ALI [The Louisville Lip]
To those who grew up in the post-Tyson era, the name Joe Frazier is only a name, if that, but once like Mike Tyson, he was the baddest man on the planet, though unlike Tyson, for all the right reasons. Some boxers have charisma, others let their fists do the talking. Unlike his arch-rival, the charismatic Muhammad Ali, Smokin' Joe was never a great talker, for him, actions always spoke louder than words.

Although he was a worthy world champion and the man who handed Muhammad Ali his first professional defeat, Smokin' Joe is best remembered by aficionados for four fights, three of which he lost. The first was his aforementioned victory over Ali - the self-proclaimed Greatest - the others were the rematch and the decider; the fourth was his crushing second round loss to an up and coming George Foreman.

It was recently announced that former heavyweight champion Smokin' Joe Frazier had been admitted to a Philadelphia hospice suffering from cancer of the liver. Now, the man who buttoned the Louisville Lip has gone to that great boxing ring in the sky as his old foe paid tribute to him.

The meeting of defending champion Joe Frazier and former champion Ali at the world famous Madison Square Garden on March 8, 1971 was the first time two undefeated heavyweight champions had fought for the title, and unlike the disgraceful spectacle of Tyson v Spinks 17 years later when Spinks was slaughtered in 91 seconds like a frightened chicken, the two men put on a show that lived up to the hype as the fight of the century, with Smokin' Joe winning a gruelling 15 round decision, knocking down Ali in the final round - not knocking him out as claimed erroneously on the BBC Breakfast news programme this morning.

His victory over Ali was as good as it got for Smokin' Joe; he would lose the rematch and the rubber match, and suffer two ignominious defeats at the hands of George Foreman, but these two great champions were the only men ever to beat him, and both paid tribute to him shortly after his death.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I EXPECT MANY OF THE WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS AT THE DISPLAY HAVE EXPERIENCED A SIMILAR DISAPPOINTMENT BEFORE

A technical hitch at the annual Oban bonfire night display set off thousands of pounds worth of fireworks within a minute.



The show, organised by Oban and Lorn Lions, was expected to last about half an hour and was to be accompanied by music.

After the unexpectedly short display, an announcement was made to inform the crowds that the fireworks were over.

Posters advertising the event had advised that the fireworks at Mossfield Stadium would start at 19:00 prompt on Friday and visitors had been asked to donate generously to help cover the costs.

TODAYS JOKE


The flooding in Thailand is getting very bad, I got an e-mail from my ex girlfriend saying that the water is already right up to her nutsack  !


I'll get me passport !

ARE YOU GROWING A MOVEMBER ?

Throughout the country and around the world November has been re-appropriated as Movember, a fun and trendy public health campaign that raises millions of dollars worldwide in efforts to eradicate prostate and other men's cancers.

In 2003, inspired by the successful fundraising and awareness efforts of women's breast cancer health campaigns, a clever bunch of hirsute Australians came up with the concept for Movember over a round of beers (probably Foster's). Together, they agreed upon the concept: Shave it all on Nov. 1 and let one's moustache — and only the moustache — grow uninhibited for the rest of the month.

The campaign quickly caught on in other countries, including the U.S., the U.K., Canada, New Zealand, Ireland, Spain, South Africa, The Netherlands and Finland. Houston has jumped on-board en masse, with dozens of local teams and a handful of hairy Houston Texans helping to raise awareness.

Friday, November 4, 2011

WILL MESSI MAKE IT 3 IN A ROW ?

Of the 23 nominees listed who may win The 2011 Ballon d'Or, an impressive 13 play for either Barcelona and Real Madrid, with Argentine maestro Lionel Messi favourite to lift the title for a third consecutive year.

If he does so, he will be the first player to win 3 titles in a row since Michel Platini ['83,'84 and '85], two other players have received the honour 3 times ...... Johan Cruyff and Marco van Basten.

PLAYERS NOMINATED :

Eric Abidal (France), Sergio Aguero (Argentina), Karim Benzema (France), Iker Casillas (Spain), Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal), Dani Alves (Brazil), Samuel Eto'o (Cameroon), Cesc Fabregas (Spain), Diego Forlan (Uruguay), Andres Iniesta (Spain), Lionel Messi (Argentina), Thomas Muller (Germany), Nani (Portugal), Neymar (Brazil), Mesut Ozil (Germany), Gerard Pique (Spain), Wayne Rooney (England), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany), Wesley Sneijder (Netherlands), Luis Suarez (Uruguay), David Villa (Spain), Xabi Alonso (Spain), Xavi (Spain).

The announcement of winners will be held in Zurich, January 9, 2012.

Pink Floyd re-releases entire musical output and more

Pink Floyd have released an "ultimate collection", including previously unreleased materials. The new release involves some real music production history which should be properly understood as well as the history of the band.

There were two Floyds- The Syd Barrett Floyd, incorporating the mercurial Barrett as perhaps one of the most underrated songwriter in UK musical history along with Nick Drake, and the hyper-successful Floyd of the Dark Side of the Moon days. Arguably, the band was more adventurous prior to Dark Side.



If you haven’t heard much of Floyd, or don’t know the historical progression, the repack (hopefully the last of far too many) will put the band’s development in perspective. It’ll also explain quite a lot about the recording techniques which at the time were considered miraculous.

LAST YEAR IT WAS ROONEY, THIS YEAR IT'S BALOTELLI

2010                                                                                      2011
A 30ft statue of Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli is to be set alight on Saturday as part of the Bonfire Night celebrations.

The huge effigy is the centrepiece of Edenbridge Bonfire Society’s annual display. The Italian striker became this year’s Bonfire pin-up boy after a bathroom-based fireworks extravaganza caused a serious fire in his Cheshire mansion.

Balotelli’s crazy antics provided some late inspiration for the organisers.

Bonfire society committee member Jon Mitchell said: “We were getting a bit worried because nobody had done anything silly enough to be our guy, then Balotelli set his house alight with fireworks.

“He’s now capitalising on his little disaster as he’s joined the campaign for firework safety so we fully support him on that.”

TODAYS JOKE


Man walks into a bar wearing a tie fastener.

Barman says "Sorry, we don't like your tie-pin here !"



I'll get me cravat !

Game of Thrones is 'fantasy gateway drug'

THE immensely popular A Game of Thrones books are leading thousands into the desperate squalor of fantasy addiction, it has been claimed.

George R.R. Martin's epic novels, which have become the default read among ordinary-looking UK commuters, and the associated HBO TV series provide a seemingly innocent introduction to 'fantasy culture'.
However there is increasing concern that the hit saga is leading them to experiment with even thicker and more outlandish fantasy paperbacks, and in extreme cases to start pushing tiny metal monsters around a table with shy ponytailed men.

Prof, Murray Brubaker

Professor Murray Brubaker, of the Carrigaline Institute for Studies, said: “People who read A Game of Thrones often tell themselves it's a one-off, that they won't read any more embossed-covered 1000-page books with dragons in except Lord of the Rings which doesn't count.

“But after you've consumed one fantasy epic, it can be hard to stop. We've seen people with decent jobs and normal healthy relationships moving on to Dragonriders of Pern novels or the Wheel of Time sequence.

“From there it's a short, slippery slope towards Warhammer 40,000 and the complete social exclusion that comes with knowing what a 'chaotic goblin' is.”
Jeff 'Krell the Magemancer' Ellis

Teacher Nikki Ellis said: “My husband Jeff was a loving, well-adjusted man when he first picked up A Game of Thrones (A Song of Fire and Ice Book One).

“Clearly with a title like that I was concerned, but he assured me it was just 'magic realism' like Angela Carter.

“Six months later, he's made his own suit of armour and stands in front of the bathroom door saying 'You shall not pass, I am Krell the Magemancer'. If you try to get past he hits you with a rubber sword, shouting 'minus four strength points'.

“I hate to say this, but he's totally lost the plot.”

Architect Tom Logan said: “I don't consider myself a fantasy fan, preferring more literary novels about ageing academics taking stock of their lives. However, unlike Alan Hollinghurst's books, A Game of Thrones has lots of beheadings, ghost knights and wolves the sizes of ponies.

“At a recent aspirational dinner party I locked myself in the toilet and read a few pages. I couldn't help myself, I just had to see how the manipulative dwarf Tyrion Lannister's evil schemes unfolded.

“But dear god, the shame was so intense. I fear I am entering a dark and unfashionable place from which there is no return.”

WATCH THIS SPACE

Westlife: We won't reform after our farewell concerts next year

Brian McFadden, Shane Lynch, Ian 'H' Watkins and Ringo Starr .
Even if they were offered all the potatoes in Ireland ....... That's it .... Scouts honour !

Kian Egan said: "We walked away from a multi-million-pound record deal that would have changed our lives for ever, secured our future beyond anything.

"It's not about the money. We'd have made far more on a new record than we ever would with a comeback tour."

NIIIIICE !

Twelve new weekly five-minute episodes of the cult show will be screened from November 10 on website http://fosters.co.uk/


The Fast Show's Ted and Ralph

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

THIS WEEK, I SHALL BE MOSTLY WATCHING ............


1. Homeland
2. Dexter
3. Once Upon a Time
4. Death Valley
5. The Walking Dead
6. Boss
7. Southpark
8. Suburgatory
9. QI
10.Frozen Planet