Thursday, January 31, 2013

RUMOUR


Rumours are circulating that Rafa Benitez woke up this morning and found a Tesco Burger on his pillow.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Sir Alex Ferguson to replace De Gea with Swansea City ball boy

Manchester United have made a sensational £30m bid for Swansea City ball boy, Charlie Morgan, for his ability to hold on to a football under pressure.

 Sir Alex Ferguson praised the youngster’s ability to retain possession despite having a large section of his thoracic cavity stoved in by Chelsea midfielder Eden Hazard. 


Ferguson is keen to replace his out-of-favour keeper after the only thing he had managed to catch all season was the Norovirus. 

After witnessing Morgan’s heroics, Sir Alex immediately called in De Gea for a crisis meeting, before passing him the mobile and landline numbers of Stoke manager Tony Pullis on a beer mat. 

“We could really use someone like Charlie to run the clock down, especially if we’re 2-1 up against Liverpool in the ninetieth minute at Old Trafford,” he told us. “The way he’s shielded that ball with most of his upper body as though his life and that of his entire extended family depended on it – and remember this is Wales we’re talking about – is pure textbook.”

WILL HE STAY OR WILL HE GO



Click here to keep up to date -> https://www.change.org/petitions/chelsea-football-club-ensure-that-rafael-benitez-is-not-considered-beyond-his-interim-title

VALENTINES DAY IS COMING UP

What says 'I love you' better than a Zombie Teddy Bear that's ripped it's heart out for you ? ......... Not alot ............. £54 and free shipping in the UK.


Click here to see more -> http://undeadteds.tumblr.com/


Billionaire Abramovich Buys Historic Kabakov Collection

Billionaire Roman Abramovich and his partner, Dasha Zhukova, bought a major group of works by Ilya Kabakov, the priciest living Russian artist. While the amount paid for the group last year hasn’t been disclosed, the asking price for the works ranged as high as $60 million, according to observers familiar with private art sales.

The group consists of about 40 paintings as well as important early albums and installations. Most of the works were made by Kabakov before he left Moscow in 1987. The artist, who lives in New York, was a founder of Moscow’s conceptualist-art movement.

“The collection is priceless because it has many historic works that you can’t get anywhere else,” said Natalia Kolodzei, executive director of the U.S.-based Kolodzei Art Foundation, which promotes 20th-century Russian art.

Kabakov, 79, has held the title of Russia’s most expensive living artist since 2008, when his 1982 painting “Beetle” sold for 2.9 million pounds ($5.8 million at the time) at Phillips de Pury & Co. in London, now known as Phillips.

      HERE'S A STILL LIFE ABRAMOVICH PAID £50M FOR IN 2011


SOME EXPERTS HAVE EXAMINED THIS ITEM AND DEEMED IT A FAKE 

Monday, January 28, 2013

WHAT WERE THE ODDS ON THAT THEN ?

A man died tonight after being hit by a sign which fell from a William Hill betting shop.

The man, believed to be in his 20s, died following the incident in Camden, north London, at 4.55pm, Scotland Yard said.

He was treated at the scene in Camden Road for a head injury and transferred to hospital where he later died, London Ambulance Service (LAS) said.

IS HE OFF ?

Goal have claimed that the striker is off to Italy for a medical with AC Milan after his agent finally struck a deal between City and the Italian giants. According to them, Balotelli has not only flown half his possessions back to Italy but has also placed his house on the market and held a farewell dinner in Manchester. Add to this the troubled player saying goodbye to his team mates and staff this morning and its pretty clear Mario is off.



This morning, agent Mino Raiola arrived at City to begin negotiations and finally a compromise has been struck between the player, agent and clubs. It was thought City wanted £22 million with an additional sell on clause, yet now AC Milan chief Adriano Galliani has claimed: “Yesterday was 99.9% no, today is 99.5% no. It is a situation different from that of yesterday, but the bag is closed until tomorrow morning.” Balotelli could now fly to Milan in the next 24 hours for a medical.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

THE WELSH ELVIS



FOOTBALL CHANTS .......

This particular tune is about the most popular for fan chanting in the last two years ..... with classics like 'He scores when he wants, he scores when he wants .... Robin van Persie ... he scores when he wants' being one of the most popular.



The chant is becoming ever more familiar these days with Chelsea's 'We know what we are, we know what we are ..... Champions of Europe ... we know what we are'

The Jason Puncheon chant is fairly new, as is the 'He left coz you're shoite, he left coz you're shoite ...... Robin van Persie .... he left coz you're shoite' which is regularly sung by opposition fans when playing Arsenal.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

EVERY LITTLE HELPS




The man on the Tesco deli counter asked me if I wanted anything on my takeaway burger ....... I said 'I'll have a fiver each way'

TODAY'S JOKE

In a club last night and this really ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my ass and said "give me your phone number sexy".

 I said "have you got a pen''. She smiled and said "yes".

 I said "well feck off back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing".

I'll get me wellies !

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

JUST CHECKED THOSE TESCO BEEF BURGERS IN THE FREEZER ...................

.... AND THEY'RE OFF !!!



My next door [neigh]bour was admitted to hospital yesterday, having tucked in to a box of Tesco burgers on  Monday ..... his condition is said to be stable.

I like the Aldi Horse burgers, but My Lidl Pony ones are nicer.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

TESCO BURGERS GOING DOWN A TREAT IN FRANCE

Tesco beef burgers found to contain 29% horse meat ...... 

Horse meat has been found in burgers on sale in British supermarkets. Tests on beef products sold in Tesco, Lidl, Aldi, Iceland and Dunnes Stores uncovered low levels of the animal’s DNA.


An investigation was carried out by the Food Safety Authority of Ireland. The Food Standards Agency, working with the Irish authorities, established that mainland Britain was part of the area affected. More than a third (37 per cent) of the products tested in Ireland contained horse DNA, while the vast majority (85 per cent) also contained pig DNA.

Horse meat and pig DNA was found in 27 beef burger products. Another 31 foods, including cottage pies, beef curry pies and lasagnes, were analysed, with 21 testing positive for pig DNA.

GOOD OL' JANUARY


CLASSY BREAKFAST


Chelsea’s Iconic East Stand

One of the most iconic stands in the Premier League is Chelsea’s East Stand, which was opened for the 1974-75 season. Almost forty years on, the stand still looks modern from pitchside.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

WHO'S YER DADDY

DE KERRY KILLERS

It’s amazing how much just an accent can change a classic scene as this dubbed clip from cult flick Pulp Fiction illustrates.

John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson’s characters, and in particular this scene, have been copied and quoted many times over the years – but never quite like this. Someone has managed to to get the voice-dub pretty dead on and with a comical Kerry accent.





For those of you who don't know where Kerry is, it is in the south west of Ireland ...................... and For Americans ....... Ireland is in Europe.

Friday, January 11, 2013

CHELSEA FANS IN A PANIC OVER LUIZ'S LUSCIOUS LOCKS

When the Brazilian Chelsea star's mother published some Instagram photos seeming to show David Luiz having had a haircut, Chelsea fans were quick to panic. You see, David Luiz has endeared himself to Chelsea fans largely because of his extravagant hair.



Unfortunately, David Luiz hasn't yet released a picture confirming the loss of his shaggy mop, so we'll have to wait to make sure. Or do we? Thankfully, for the state of the Chelsea-supporting public, his mother did publish another photo... Captioned "David Luiz perdeu os cachinhos! Que garoto maluco!" ["David Luiz missed the curls! That crazy kid!" according to the ever-mysterious Google.]



If he does show up with a close crop in the coming days, it will prove three things. A) David Luiz will be spending most of his time in midfield, 2) Marouane Fellaini will be a Chelsea player soon, and D) Chelsea have some sort of mad hair quota system, which probably explains Raul Meireles' gone-but-not-forgotten hair ferret of last season.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

'YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE ....... SAFELY'

VALUABLE Yorkshire stone paving slabs have been ripped up from Liverpool's historic Hope Street area in a daring daylight robbery.

Two sections of stones, laid almost 200 years ago, disappeared from Blackburne Place, and from Huskisson Street, outside St Bride's Church over the weekend.

STREETS OF SHAME
In both cases thieves put “men at work” barriers around the excavations to give the impression of legitimate road works as they went about their business amid an unsuspecting public.

Now Merseyside Police is investigating the thefts after they were flagged up by Liverpoool Confidential. If not stolen to order, it is most likely that the stones, which are unmarked, will be sold on the lucrative black market as “reclaimed”.


Today Dr Emlyn Williams, from the Rodney Street Association, issued a plea to local residents to be on the look out for street thieves posing as genuine workers. He said: “It is clear this is the work of thieves. They have left gaping holes in the pavements with no regard for public safety. "I would urge anybody in the area to keep a close watch for work teams and take down any particulars, such as vehicle registration numbers. It is almost certain that legitimate contractors and the utility companies will have identifiable vehicles.”

Today swift repair work was carried out in Blackburne Place by the council after it was alerted by Councillor Tim Moore, its cabinet member for transport and climate change. He said he had plans to have urgent talks with highways and security officials to discuss ways of protecting streets from theft.

RUMOUR MILL

MANCINI AND MODRIC MEET UP FOR SECRET TALKS

IT'S A CORRIE THING


DOOFUS OF THE WEEK

Bradford City won the first leg of their Capital One Cup semi-final at Valley Parade 3-1, giving them a great chance of reaching the final as they gear up for the second leg at Villa Park in two weeks's time.

Their victory sparked much talk on Twitter where Stoke striker Owen also commented that the side were 'on fire'.

An inferno at the Old Bradford stadium in 1985 killed 56 people and injured at least 265. The former England striker later apologised for his insensitive tweet after a number of followers brought it to his attention of his turn of phrase.

The Bradford City stadium fire was the worst fire disaster in the history of English football. It occurred during a league match in front of record numbers of spectators, on Saturday, 11 May 1985.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

AND THE WINNER IS .............................



Ballon d'Or 2013: Lionel Messi


Le Barn d'Or 2013: Fernando Torres


Fallon d'Floor 2013: Gareth Bale

Ruud Van Nistelrooy sparks racism row .......

Retired Dutch footballer Ruud Van Nistelrooy has been accused of racism after visiting a hospital dressed as a King with a 'blacked-up' face.

The former Manchester United and Real Madrid striker, who was taking part in the Parade of the Three Kings in Marbella, Spain, dressed up as Middle Eastern king Balthazar. Wearing black face make-up, a jewelled head dress and a robe with a leopard print trim, the Dutchman entertained the crowds at the weekend.

Along with the two other 'Kings', Van Nistelrooy visited a hospital where he gave gifts to staff and handed out sweets to children. He posted several photos of his costume on Twitter writing: 'In hospital with presents for the young and old.'

Although the costume appears controversial, Balthazar is traditionally portrayed as a black man in historical texts.

Seriously ? ........ This is a news story ? ..... What's next ..... 'Coal-miner accused of being racist after secret photos taken in the 40's appear online' ?

Monday, January 7, 2013

LAMPARD TO BE OFFERED NEW DEAL TO EXTEND CHELSEA STAY

Chelsea could be set to make a remarkable u-turn regarding the future of club stalwart Frank Lampard by offering the midfielder a new contract that will see him stay beyond the end of the season.

Lampard is joint-second in the Blues all-time scoring charts with 193 and during his 12 years at Stamford Bridge, he has collected three Premier League winners’ medals, four FA Cups, two League Cups, and the 2012 UEFA Champions League title.


With no sign of Chelsea offering Lampard a new deal this has clearly upset his skipper. Terry posted a picture on photo-sharing service Instagram of he and Lampard holding the FA Cup, with the comment: “Devastated is an understatement. We should retire the number 8 shirt in honour of Lamps. #theheartbeat #hero #legend #goalmachine #friend #keep the blue flag flying high #cfc #chelsea.”

Football fans across Britain now wonder if 'The Yellow Card' will be retired when Paul Scholes finally hangs up his boots.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013