Tuesday, August 31, 2010

JACK HANDEY QUOTE OF THE DAY


" The other day I got out my can opener and started to open a can of worms when I thought , what am I doing ? ".

Norton warns of 'celeb email' scam

Online security company Norton is warning that a new round of scam emails are being circulated with the aim of infecting people's computers. The emails claim that a big name celebrity has died in a car crash.

Other e-mails claim that a celebrity has died in a plane crash alongside all of the other passengers.

Scammers know that this kind of subject line is tempting and they hope to get its recipients to click on the attachment to find out more. The virus can also infect computers through HTML code. Both the code and the attachments carry Malware.

One of these viruses is the Trojan.Zbot. This virus can compromise the security of a computer and steal bank details along with other personal information. The virus can also been changed by criminals to gather whatever information it is that they require.

“This is a new variation on an old trick. Scammers know what makes us tick. Like old-school con men, they’re basically masters of human nature. By offering people something titillating, or shocking, they’re hoping to bypass our learned defenses in order to get us to do something in the spur of the moment that we may ordinarily think twice about. These approaches work well on young people who, having grown up on a steady diet of online gossip, always want to be the first to know.”

White tiger cub losing stripes


White tiger cub turns black in southern India
Uploaded by itnquirky. - News videos from around the world.

THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK

According to multi-year research by PR Marketing, released to sportingintelligence for publication, Manchester United and Liverpool sell more official replica football shirts, for Nike and Adidas respectively, than any other teams in the English Premier League, and both are at or close to the top of the global merchandise sales tables.

PR Marketing, a leading German sports market research company has provided sportingintelligence with the findings of its detailed multi-year survey into the popularity of club football shirts.

The most consistent top 10 sellers, over numerous seasons, as discovered by Dr Peter Rohlmann from PR Marketing, are as depicted above.

TODAY'S TOP TIP

WEATHER PRESENTERS : When presenting the forecast , feel free to use both temperature scales for dramatic effect . Use Celsius for cold temperatures (-5°C sounds much colder than 23°F) and Fahrenheit for high temperatures (90°F has much more impact than 32°C).

SAD KEANU

Modern Family Gone Mad

Monday, August 30, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

KEEP A COPY of Love Actually or Mrs Doubtfire in your medicine cabinet at home. The last five minutes of these films can induce vomiting if toxic substances have accidentally been swallowed.

THE STIG

According to the British tabloids, The Stig was fired from Top Gear. In the light of the recent events, with The Stig, a.k.a. Ben Collins, looking to publish his autobiography, various sources are reporting that the show's producers had to let him go. Recently, more and more rumors are suggesting that one of the people under the white racing suit of The Stig is professional driver Ben Collins. There is a lot of evidence pointing to him, including some of his company's financial statements.

Currently, BBC and the Top Gear producers are fighting a legal battle against a publishing company which is looking to put Stig's autobiography on the book stands.

Apparently, all the attention Ben Collins is receiving is bad for the show, so they had to fire him . The same sources say Top Gear has already found a replacement for The Stig.

This is all rumors at the moment, and none of this has been confirmed by the BBC , nor by Top Gear.

Collins has an extensive and impressive racing history that includes experience from Formula Vauxhall to international Formula 3, Indy Lights, GTs and World Sportscars and NASCAR. He was nominated for the prestigious BRDC Autosport Driver of the Year (1995), was third in the 2001 World Sportscar Championship driving for Ascari, was European NASCAR (ASCAR) Champion in 2003 winning six races, and completed Formula One testing for Ascari. Collins also tested for the American Red Bull NASCAR team.

In addition to his impressive racing credentials, Collins is also a leading stunt driver for film and television, most recently working as a double for Daniel Craig driving James Bond's Aston Martin in Quantum of Solace.

Researchers show benefits of medical cannabis for chronic pain

For years the use of cannabis as medicine has been debated by governments, doctors and the public. A new study from McGill University shows real evidence that cannabis offers relief for patients with chronic neuropathic pain.

The study, Smoked cannabis for chronic neuropathic pain: a randomized controlled trial authored by Mark A. Ware MBBS, Tongtong Wang PhD, Stan Shapiro PhD, Ann Robinson RN, Thierry Ducruet MSc, Thao Huynh MD, Ann Gamsa PhD, Gary J. Bennett PhD, Jean-Paul Collet MD PhD is in the current issue of the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

Lead author Dr. Mark Ware said that this trial was the first time that allowed patients to smoke cannabis at home and to daily monitor their responses. The subjects were given low doses (25 mg) of inhaled cannabis containing approximately 10% THC smoked as a single inhalation using a pipe three time daily over a period of five days. Within the first few days the chronic neuropathic pain patients found modest pain reduction. Patients also were found to be in better moods and had improvements to their sleep. When subjects were given cannabis strains containing less than 10% THC the benefits were lessened.

"The patients we followed suffered from pain caused by injuries to the nervous system from post-traumatic (e.g. traffic accidents) or post-surgical (e.g. cut nerves) events, and which was not controlled using standard therapies" explains Dr. Ware in a press release. "This kind of pain occurs more frequently than many people recognize, and there are few effective treatments available. For these patients, medical cannabis is sometimes seen as their last hope."

The trial consisted of 23 subjects with a mean age of 45.4, all were over the age of 18, 12 of the subjects were women. The subjects all suffered from neuropathic pain of at least three months in duration caused by trauma or surgery, with allodynia or hyperalgesia, and with an average weekly pain intensity score greater than 4 on a 10-cm visual analogue scale.

Prairie Plant Systems provided the herbal cannabis for the study. Longer time frame studies are needed to further evaluate the long-term safety of medical cannabis. These studies will need to study higher doses of THC.

"Our challenge as researchers is to continue to conduct rigorous clinical studies on the medical use of cannabis with strict attention to details such as quality and dosage," says Dr. Ware. "This will allow us to move the debate forward by providing reliable scientific clinical data."

These studies are needed as current treatments for pain management do not help all patients with neuropathic pain. Cannabis can produce moderate relief for these patients and the analgesic effect is more pronounced could be more pronounced in central, as opposed to peripheral, neuropathic pain.

HIT A NERVE 'ARRY ?

Sunday, August 29, 2010

INSPIRATIONAL STUFF

Anonymous Hero Donates Hospital 200 Human Kidneys

Irish man finds lost cat after message posted on Twitter

Dublin - Most people who lose a pet tend to search the garden, the streets and maybe put up some posters, but for one Dublin man none of those measures worked. Instead, he logged into Twitter and found his missing moggy.

Lilou the cat is a suburban house cat who lives in Ireland. One day the cat boarded a train near her home, taking her into the bustling and busy city of Dublin.

The lost cat was found by staff at Dublin's Pearse Street train station who looked after her while working out how to return her to her owner.

Searching through the vast amount of CCTV images that come in from Dublin's huge rail network, staff discovered where Lilou had boarded. They were then able to use that information to send a Tweet about the lost cat on Twitter, giving out the location where she boarded along with a picture of the cat.

Using the IrishRail Twitter account, they sent out this information and waited to see if Lilou would be claimed. Soon after, Lilou was happily reunited with her owner, Eric Bieci, who made sure to thank everyone involved.

Once the cat was returned to her owner, she was awarded a rail pass, photo ID and all. Because you can’t just walk right onto the train without paying a fare!

SAD KEANU

TODAY'S TOP TIP

US TROOPS : Catch members of the Taliban by setting large moustraps in the Tora Bora hills and baiting them with a little girl learning to read.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Six-hitters:

Hitting opponents for six has been a topic of the season, with four 6-0 scorelines already, two of them by Chelsea. And according to sportingintelligence analysis of high-scoring games in the Premier League since 1992, those two 6-0s mean Chelsea have overtaken Manchester United at the head of the League’s “big scorers” league (where a big score is defined as a team scoring six goals or more).

Chelsea now lead 13-12 against United.

On 12 January 2008, Manchester United defeated Newcastle and thus registered six or more goals in a Premier League game for the 12th time. At that point United led Chelsea 12-6 in terms of occasions scoring six or more.

United have yet to score as many as six goals in a single League game since, while Chelsea have done it seven times, to bring their “six-hitting” tally to 13.

Up until the beginning of this season, there had been 77 instances of a Premier League team scoring six or more goals in a game, in 6,706 matches, or in 13,412 attempts (because two teams attempt it per match). That works out as a success rate of below six in a 1,000, or to be exact, a success rate of 0.574 per cent.

Already this season, there have been four sixes or more (all 6-0s, as it happens) in just 20 games, or in 40 tries, for a magnificent, stupendous, barely believable but absolutely delicious success rate of one in 10, or 10 per cent. Astonishing.

Even more astonishing is there had been only 16 examples of 6-0 in the Premier League in 6,686 games before this season (in 0.239 per cent of games). Already this season it has happened four times in 20 games, or a whopping 20 per cent.

The season-by-season record of “big-scoring” feats is in the chart below, while the full record of those teams who have hit six or more in one Premier League game is as follows:

13 times – Chelsea
12 times – Man Utd
10 times – Arsenal
8 times – Liverpool
6 times – Newcastle
4 times – Blackburn, Everton, Tottenham
3 times – Man City

Twice – Aston Villa, Fulham, Leeds, Middlesbrough, Portsmouth
Once – Nottingham Forest, Oldham, Reading, Sheff Utd, Sheff Wed, Southampton, West Ham
.
The Premier League clubs who have been “hit for six (or more)” on the most occasions are Derby and Southampton (five times each), followed by Sheffield Wednesday, Tottenham, West Ham and Wimbledon (four times each).
..

WORD on the STREET with PATRICK TRUEMAN

" I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics . Two birds , one stone mon ."

SAD KEANU

WELL , YOU GOTTER LARF , DUNCHA

MAN CITY BID £25M FOR DAVE BLOKE

BELIEVE IT OR DONT

Mike Connors [born Krekor Ohanian in 1925] who is best known for playing detective Joe Mannix in the CBS television series , Mannix , made a series of movies in the 1950's in which he was credited as ' Touch ' Connors ...... a nickname he got during his days as a basketball player in UCLA .

TODAYS JOKE

CAREFUL NOW

A new paedophile arrives in town , he asks an old resident paedophile " Where's the best place to meet kids round here ? " ... the old paedophile replies .... " well it's swings and roundabouts here really "

Boom Boom tish !

Thursday, August 26, 2010

WORD on the STREET with PATRICK TRUEMAN

" I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday . I'll tell you what, never again mon ."

THE GREAT CRAWL OF CHINA

Vendors cash in on 60-mile traffic jam that's lasted 11 days - with no end in sight

Next time you are stuck in a traffic jam, just think of the traumas inflicted on China's drivers.



Thousands of motorists have been caught up in a 60-mile tailback since August 14 - an incredible 11 days ago. And it could last a further three weeks.

While many motorists took detours, some ended up trapped for up to five days, sleeping in their cars and taking shifts behind the wheel.

Others played cards to pass the time and chatted by the roadside as 400 police were drafted in to ensure the communal road rage was kept in check.

And local traders made the most of the situation by setting up stalls and roaming from lorry to lorry selling their wares at exorbitant prices.



On Sunday, day eight of the gridlock, trucks moved less than a mile on the worst-hit section, said Zhang Minghai, a traffic director in Zhangjiakou, a city 90 miles north-west of Beijing.

At some points, the tailback reached 60 miles, roughly the same distance between London and Brighton.

Officials admitted that the jam could continue until mid-September, with accidents and broken-down cars hampering efforts to keep things moving on the National Expressway 110 between the capital Beijing and Inner Mongolia.

Traffic has become a serious problem in China but the 11-day jam is among the most chronic examples of a transport network which has been over capacity for years.

SAD KEANU

TODAY'S TOP TIP

VETS : A human armpit hair makes a great prosthetic leg for an invalid spider .

3 teens dead after appearing on Facebook 'hit list'

In the Colombian town of Puerto Asis, three teens were killed after they were listed on a Facebook-created "hit list" and the rest of the people on it are being threatened to leave or be killed.

Within the span of 10 days, the three teens were murdered and there are about 69 names left on the 'hit list'. This chilling list was only posted a week ago to the social network, and unfortunately, local authorities only thought it was a joke some kids were playing

This list, as reported by CNN, stated that the people on it only have three days to leave Puerto Asis or they would be killed. However, when the three teenage boys were finally discovered, they were long-dead before that. Newser reports that the three boys were shot to death while on a motorcycle. The age of the boys were 16, 19 and 20.

Now there are two hit lists, the second one having been recently posted with 31 names of women. Puerto Asis police are now being aided in their investigation by authorities from Bogota, even though they have no leads or know who has posted these anonymous lists to Facebook.

Though while some people may question how a person can anonymously post content to Facebook, the user (or users) is more than likely using a fake name and information. Also, this should be a warning to police globally that hit lists, even on social networks and websites, should be taken seriously regardless.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE

The draw for the Champions League will be made a 5 pm this afternoon . The top teams in Europe will all be there [cept Liverpool] with Chelsea , Manchester United , Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspurs all in the mix .

Tottenham Hotspurs qualified by beating Young boys at home to go through 6-3 on agg , although they did have to come from behind ..... thats Young Boys for you . [On a side note - the dark cloud seen over north London this morning was not it seems an incoming storm , apparently it was Spurs fans blowing the dust off their passports]

Pots for Uefa Champions League draw:
Pot one: Inter Milan, Barcelona, Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Bayern Munich, AC Milan, Lyon.
Pot two: Werder Bremen, Real Madrid, Roma, Shakhtar Donetsk, Benfica, Valencia, Marseille, Panathinaikos.
Pot three: Tottenham, Rangers, Ajax, Schalke, Basle, Braga, FC Copenhagen, Spartak Moscow.
Pot four: Hapoel Tel Aviv, FC Twente, Rubin Kazan, Auxerre, CFR Cluj, Partizan Belgrade, MSK Zilina, Bursaspor.


AND HERE IS THE DRAW ..............


Group A
Inter Milan, Werder Bremen, Tottenham, FC Twente
Group B
Lyon, Benfica, Schalke, Hapoel Tel-Aviv
Group C
Manchester United, Valencia, Rangers, Bursaspor
Group D
Barcelona, Panathinaikos, FC Copenhagen, Rubin Kazan
Group E
Bayern Munich, AS Roma, Basel, CFR Cluj
Group F
Chelsea, Marseille, Spartak Moscow, Zilina
Group G
AC Milan, Real Madrid, Ajax, Auxerre
Group H
Arsenal, Shakhtar Donetsk, Braga, Partizan Belgrade

Group G is likely to be billed this season's 'Group of Death' with AC Milan, Real Madrid and Ajax drawn alongside each other. The trio have won the European Cup 20 times between them. French team Auxerre complete the quartet.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

LOL



The shampoo Wash & Go was launched in 1986 by the Procter and Gamble company to an applauding public. People were thrilled at the initial novelty of being able to shampoo their hair quickly with a product that claimed to condition as well , since then they have added to their range ........ Here we see two new products only available in Liverpool at the moment .......................

SAD KEANU

TODAY'S TOP TIP

RATS : Improve your image by attaching a small brush to your arse and pretending to be a squirrel.

The Pizza Burger: A 2,500-Calorie 'Fat Bomb'

Burger King is set to launch the Pizza Burger - a two-in-one dish that contains more than 2,500 calories and is four times the size of the chain's Whoppers.

The meal will delight fast-food fans when it is exclusively introduced at Burger King's Whopper Bar in Times Square, New York, next month.

Besides the beef and a 9.5-inch sesame bun, the Pizza Burger is topped with pepperoni, mozzarella, Tuscan pesto and marinara sauce.

It also comes in six slices, just like a pizza.

According to blogger Me So Hungry, it is the perfect mix between a pizza and a burger.

"The visual highlight was the New York Pizza Burger... it's not bad. Tastes kinda like pizza, but also like a burger," the blogger said.

It has been dubbed the "fat bomb" because, for $13 (£8.40), customers can bite into 2,520 calories - the recommended daily intake is 2,500 calories for men and 2,000 for women.

One Pizza Burger contains 144g of fat - 59g of which is saturated. It also has 3,780mg of salt, which is more than double the daily limit for adults.

John Schaufelberger, Burger King's vice president of global marketing, insisted the Pizza Burger is "intended to be shared".

But he also admitted that it "demonstrates the type of menu offerings our guests can expect".

According to Mr Schaufelberger, the Pizza Burger is a homage to New York, the home of Burger King.

PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME HE'S SEEN IT IN YEARS







CAREFUL NOW !!!!!


A LIVERPOOL FAN WRITES

THESE ARE REAL LETTERS BEING SENT TO REAL PEOPLE BY REAL LIVERPOOL FANS THIS WEEK


Dear Mr. Hester,

I am e-mailing you as a concerned Liverpool fan, and indeed as a Liverpool fan who has been concerned about RBS' dealings with Liverpool Football Club and more particularly the 'owners' of the club, Tom Hicks and George Gillett for some time.

As a fan I have waited patiently for your bank, owned by the tax-payer to promptly and properly demand back the monies owed to the tax-payer by these two most disreputable football owners in British club history, and yet time and time again it appears that your bank (our bank, the tax-payer's bank) has refinanced their regime and thus perpetrated a moral wrong against a fabled British sporting institution of worldly fame, and its fanbase.

I have noted with interest the numerous presss reports detailing what is known of the current sales process and noted that the same press stories have carried word (not denied) that Hicks and Gillett have approached other banks to attempt to refinance their RBS loans. Furthermore other stories (not denied) have suggested that one of the agents of sale (BarCaps) are considering involving themselves in a refinance of the club with Hicks and Gillett.

I would wish to highlight to you my disgust should any of these eventualities come to pass and my intention should that happen to blame RBS and you personally and to seek to do all I can to have these matters made subject of a public and/ or Parliamentary inquiry. It is widely believed that RBS have the power (and have had for some time) to bring these matters to a head by seizing the security for their loans (Liverpool Football Club effectively) and then effecting a sale at a price that the market can bear. Given that Hicks and Gillett (despite apparently contrary assurances to you) appear not to be ready to sell the club at a price that the market can bear then morally I would suggest that this is the only option at present and an option that should be taken up. RBS will suffer no public backlash from Liverpool supporters for getting rid of Hicks and Gillett in this fashion, quite the contrary.

Please consider this e-mail and others you will no doubt receive from anguished Liverpool supporters and act accordingly.

Regards

_______________________________________________________________-

Dear All,

KOPFAITHFUL understand that when the Royal Bank of Scotland granted a six-month extension of the £237m loan with Liverpool Football Club in April, it was on the basis that the club’s American owners Tom Hicks and George Gillett provided firm evidence to RBS by July that they genuinely intend to sell the club.

We were therefore alarmed to read recent reports in the British press claiming without contradiction that the debt as of August 31 will be £282.4m - an alarming rise of 45.4m since April, and that the owners have been trying to refinance their massive debts with rival banks.

It is our belief that messrs Hicks and Gillett have no intention of selling Liverpool FC, and we have discovered that they have approached the following banks to seek refinancing: -
• Beach Point Capital Management
• Halcyon Group
• Blackrock
• Davidson Kempner Capital Management LLC
• Stone Tower Capital LLC
• Trimaran Capital Partners
• DE Shaw & Co
• Avenue
• Centrebridge Partners LP
• The Blackstone Group / GSO Capital Partners LP

We believe that the owners have undermined the sale process and have breached the terms of the refinancing agreement.We therefore urge ALL supporters to send an email saying NO TO REFINANCE FOR TOM HICKS AND GEORGE GILLETT to the following:

'Stephen.Hester@rbs.co.uk'; 'info@beachpointcapital.com'; 'uk.investor@blackrock.com'; 'broker.services@blackrock.com'; 'info@trimarancapital.com'; 'investorrelations@trimaranadvisors.com'; 'inquiries@deshaw.com'; 'recruiting-inquiries@deshaw.com'; 'media-inquiries@deshaw.com'; 'irweb@deshaw.com'; 'kari.elassal@deshaw.com'; 'donald.goodson@deshaw.com'; 'fkanga@avenueinvestment.com'; 'pgardner@avenueinvestment.com'; 'pharris@avenueinvestment.com'; 'bharris@avenueinvestment.com'; 'info@centerbridge.com'; 'hr@centerbridge.com'; 'hr@fbr.com'; 'fbcmir@fbr.com'; 'advisors@fbr.com'; 'media@fbr.com'; 'mmurray@fbr.com'; 'fbrresearch@fbr.com'; 'webproducer@fbr.com'; 'BlackstoneInvestorRelations@blackstone.com'; 'info@blackstone.com'; 'jon.laycock@barcap.com'; 'john.hourican@rbs.com'; 'roger.lowry@rbs.co.uk'; 'rebecca.oliphant@rbs.com'; 'richard.holliday@rbs.com'; 'gngillett@bcmgt.com'; 'ian.ayre@liverpoolfc.tv'; 'philip.nash@liverpoolfc.tv'; 'thicks@hicksholdings.com'; 'tohjr@hicksholdings.com'; 'martin.broughton@ba.com'; 'lisa@lemastergroup.com'; 'rick@lemastergroup.com'

Chelsea fan vs Liverpool fan

IT'S A DOGS LIFE

Jennifer Aniston, the perky actress that stole America's heart in the television series "Friends" appears to be quite a remarkable gal off-screen as well. Jennifer Aniston has reportedly adopted yet another rescue dog from the Saving Spot Animal Rescue in Los Angeles, California, this time a Cockapoo - a cross between a Cocker Spaniel and a Poodle. The 41 year-old star of the dog themed film "Marley and Me" was supposedly inspired after an encounter with the dog of her acting coach and decided it was time to add a new rescue dog to her family.

Well-known within celebrity circles as an advocate for rescue animals, Jennifer Aniston has put her love for animals into action beyond the obligatory press release spiel. In the past, Jennifer Aniston has adopted two rescue dogs that are her constant companions and travel with her often. Her dog Norman is a 15 year-old Corgi-terrier mix that is reportedly now experiencing joint problems associated with age, and Dolly, who is Jennifer Aniston's 4 year-old white shepherd.

DNA tests reveal Hitler descended from Jews, Africans

Adolf Hitler has some Jewish and African blood in him, according to new DNA tests carried out on his relatives. The tests reveal he is biologically linked to the races he sought to murder.

Adolf Hitler, who called Jews and Africans "sub-human," is actually a descendant from both those backgrounds, DNA tests reveal.

According to journalist Jean-Paul Mulders and historian Marc Vermeeren tracked down 39 of the Fuhrer's relatives earlier this year using DNA. The family lineage included an Austrian farmer revealed only as a cousin named Norbert H.

The researchers found in their DNA a chromosome called Haplopgroup E1b1b (Y-DNA), commonly found in the Berbers of Morocco, in Algeria, Libya and Tunisia as well as among Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews.



Mulders told the Belgian magazine: "One can from this postulate that Hitler was related to people whom he despised."

This recent DNA discovery isn't the first time a theory about Hitler's Judaic roots has surfaced. The Jerusalem Report says Hitler's father, Alois, was "thought by some to have been the illegitimate offspring of a maid called Maria Schickelgruber and a 19-year-old Jewish man with the family name of Frankenberger."

TICKY TACKY

IS THAT THE DUKE I HEAR ROLLING OVER IN HIS GRAVE ?



Handcrafted John Wayne American Icon illuminating Cuckoo Clock with full-colour portraiture and a miniature Dollar figurine appearing on the hour.

On his horse, Dollar, John Wayne galloped into the hearts of generations of movie fans. Now enjoy Duke at his heroic best, riding tall in the saddle and standing his ground, on the first-ever John Wayne Cuckoo Clock – exclusively from The Bradford Exchange.

This 2-foot long, wood encased masterpiece is designed like an old West clapboard building with a projecting illuminated porch handcrafted of artist’s resin. Simply flip the switch and hidden LEDs light the standing image of John Wayne in the saloon’s swinging doors, casting a dramatic shadow on the floorboards. A full-colour portrait of Duke riding into the sunset on his favourite horse, Dollar, decorates the face of the battery-operated quartz-movement clock. You can even see this mighty stallion appear above the clock face on the hour. And underneath, a brass-toned pendulum swings gently alongside two decorative pinecones.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

CLASS ACT

In Hollywood , they have a tradition called a ' Roast ' , it's when a group of stars get together [usually in Las Vegas] to honour one of their own in an unusual fashion.
Rather than praise the recipient to the rafters , they instead tear them to pieces ..... this tradition has been going on for fifty years and stars such as Henry Fonda , Jimmy Stewart , Johnny Carson , Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin have all received the treatment .... it is a great honour to be publicly ridiculed in this way .
In 1973 , Dean Martin brought to the TV screen a series called Dean Martin's Celebrity Roast , this show ran for 11 years and one of the stalwarts of this show was a man named Foster Brooks ..... perhaps you've heard of him .. perhaps not ................ here's a taste of Foster roasting Snoopy Duncan Jr .

SAD KEANU

LIVERPOOLS FIRST 3 POINTS OF THE SEASON

SHOCK HORROR !!!

X Factor Auto-Tune scandal deepens amidst claims performances were altered during live finals


X Factor is supposed to be a fair talent contest where aspiring singers compete to become stars with the help of TV viewers.

But a probe today reveals both contestants and fans are apparently being cheated on a surprisingly wide scale by producers tampering with Auto-Tune to alter performances.

In a scandal that has rocked Britain’s favourite show, new claims have emerged singers’ voices were doctored to improve their appearances on the ITV1 show including the live finals.

Other performers are said to have been cruelly edited by technicians in the auditions to make them sound even more out of tune.

X Factor bosses have already admitted using the audio wizardry to alter performances in the show.

Legendary pop producer Mike Stock, of hitmakers Stock, Aitken and Waterman is convinced producers have been making contestants sound even worse on purpose. He said: “You can mess somebody’s vocals up by the judicious use of Auto-Tune either incorrectly or deliberately incorrectly.”

THIS IS AUTO-TUNE AND THIS IS WHAT IT DOES






Well all I can say is ' I'm stunned , stunned and shocked ........ I thought that drivel went off the air years ago '.

CARELESS MISTER

George Michael told he could face jail after admitting drugs crash charges

Pop singer George Michael today admitted crashing his Range Rover into a shop while under the influence of cannabis.

The 47-year-old star, whose real name is Georgios Panayiotou, also admitted possessing cannabis cigarettes for his own use.

Highbury Corner magistrates' court heard a police patrol found him slumped at the wheel of his car in the early hours of July 4.

The engine of the car was still running and when police roused him he attempted to put it back in gear.

Police suspected Michael had taken drugs as he appeared "spaced out", was sweating profusely and had dilated pupils.

The star was arrested and taken to Hampstead police station where he was found to be carrying cannabis cigarettes.

A blood sample was taken and chemicals linked to cannabis were found in his system. He had not been drinking alcohol.

The crash smashed a window and damaged wooden panelling of a branch of Snappy Snaps in Hampstead, north-west London.

The Wham! star, who lives in nearby Highgate, was released on bail and charged on August 12 at Camden police station.

Monday, August 23, 2010

LOL

NEW MANCHESTER CITY SONG

webuyanyc*nt.com
webuyanyc*nt.com
webuyanyc*nt.com - any race, any size, any age, any price, from £50 to a hundred mill!
webuyanyc*nt.com...any any any any
enter your squad number now at
webuyanyc*nt.com

Tiger Woods says he has divorced Elin Nordegren

Tiger Woods has announced on his website that he and wife Elin Nordegren are divorced. The website says the judgement was entered today in Bay County (Florida) Circuit Court dissolving the marriage, and that it provides for shared parenting of their two children.

The divorce comes nine months after Woods crashed into a fire hydrant outside their home near Orlando, which led to a flood of revelations about his infidelities. That cost Tiger millions in endorsements, and he also took five months off from golf.

The world's No. 1 player has been in a slump ever since.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Roy Hodgson before tonights match with Man City


" Both teams have very offensive players "

Thats a little harsh on Carlos Tevez and Joleon Lescott Roy , it's taken years to assimilate Klingons into the Premiership and this kind of remark could potentially start big trouble through-out the entire quadrant .


FINAL SCORE ........... Man City 3 - Liverpool 0

DILLA THE FILM

dilla The Film from mikey sauls on Vimeo.

JOE COLE

CAPELLOVISION

FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN THEM




TODAY'S TOP TIP

BURGLARS : When fleeing from the police, run with your right arm sticking out at 90°, wrapped in a baby mattress in case they set one of their dogs on you .

SAD KEANU

KITTY LITTER

BRITAIN - A NATION OF ANIMAL LOVERS ?


Coventry - Shocking CCTV footage has been released of a middle-aged woman in the UK petting the friendly kitten before picking it up and dumping it in the owner's garbage bin.

Daryll and Stephanie Mann, owners of Lola the kitten, heard her crying from inside the garbage bin at their Coventry, England home.

After playing back footage from their security camera, they were shocked to see the deed was done by a mature, grey-haired woman.

Mr Mann told Sky News: "I was shocked how someone could do something like that to an animal. I know some people don't like cats, but you wouldn't expect them to do that to an animal that can't defend itself."

Lola was stuck in the garbage for 16 hours, from Saturday evening until the Mann's went out to lunch on Sunday afternoon and heard her crying.

"Anyone who witnessed anything or who recognises the person responsible is urged to call the RSPCA national cruelty and advice line on 0300 1234 999, leaving a message for inspector Nicky Foster."

UPDATE WED 25 AUG

Under police protection as the death threats continued to pour in, cat dumper Mary Bale went into full apology mode yesterday.
The 45-year-old bank cashier had earlier insisted she could not understand the fuss after she was filmed tossing Lola the tabby into a wheelie bin.

'It was a split second of misjudgment that has got completely out of control. I am due to meet with the RSPCA and police to discuss this matter and will cooperate fully with their investigations.'
But she claimed the outcry had been blown out of all proportion: 'I don't know what the fuss is about. It's just a cat.'

The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Surname

Many babies born with disorders because parents are cousins

Hundreds of children in the UK are being born with genetic disorders every year because their parents are first cousins.

Channel 4s Dispatches prepared a report stating that in Britain's Pakistani community, more than 50 per cent of people marry their first cousin, and in Bradford 75 per cent of ethnic Pakistanis do so.

About one quarter of those in the UK's Bangladeshi community follow this practice, and it is common in some Middle Eastern and East African communities.

“It also happens in the white British community: Dispatches features a couple, first-cousins-once-removed, whose daughter died of a genetic disease,” says an article on the Channel 4 web site.

The reporter interviewing affected families, Tazeen Ahmad, is the grandchild of first cousins. Her grandparents had five children die before they were 10, and three that were deaf.

Many British studies have shown the risks of first cousins having children, but many still deny the dangers or say they should not be made public.

The Telegraph reported that many people were upset with Ann Cryer, the former Labour MP for Keighley, for talking about the issue.

"It's a public health issue and we deal with public health issues by raising awareness, by talking about subjects such as obesity, such as drug addiction, such as alcohol," she had said.

"But for some reason we're told that we mustn't talk about cousin marriages because this is a sensitive issue.

"I think it's absurd, we have to talk about it in order to find solutions."

________________________________________________________________________

People have married their cousins pretty much the day everyone got together and defined marriage and cousins. This is because every person alive would like nothing more than to keep the feeling of family get-togethers going all year long, especially the parts where you just look at each other and eat drab hamburger patties from Sam's Club while some game you wouldn't otherwise watch plays on TV.

Still, Americans know this is wrong, and that too many generations of it leads to Prince Charleses and high Mountain Dew sales, so they have banned marriages between first cousins outright in 33 states and the District of Columbia.Here are a few famous people who married their cousins ....


Some people argue that many biblical figures married their cousins, as did important Egyptians and millions of people all over the world . Addressing the increased likelihood of birth defects - a study by the National Society of Genetic Counselors says that having a child with your first cousin raises the risk of a significant birth defect from about 3-to-4 percent to about 4-to-7 percent.

Is cousin marriage icky ?...... Why ? .... You can't appeal to Victorian morality; Queen Victoria married her first cousin. You can't appeal to the Bible; in the Bible, God commands marriages between first cousins. Instead, advocates of laws against cousin marriage appeal to science. To let cousins marry, they argue, is "to play Russian roulette with genetics." Many genetic diseases are caused by recessive genes. To get the disease, you have to get the bad gene from both parents. The greater the genetic similarity between your parents, the greater your chance of getting two copies of the bad gene.

But if that's your reason for banning cousin marriage, you've drilled into a mother lode of problems. Many cousin couples can't pass on genetic diseases, since they're infertile. Are you going to ban them from marrying? If not, maybe the 24 states that ban cousin marriage should follow the lead of the five states that allow it if either party is sterile. And if procreation between first cousins is too dangerous, why stop there? Six states ban marriage between first cousins once removed, i.e., marrying the son or daughter of your first cousin. Theoretically, that's half as risky as marrying your first cousin, in terms of increasing the probability of passing on a genetic disease to your kids. How about marriage between second cousins? Theoretically, that's one-fourth as risky. No state bans such marriages. Should we change that?


If your purpose is to prevent people with dangerous genes from marrying each other, why use a crude standard such as kinship? Why not test everybody for bad genes, ban marriage between carriers, and let cousins without bad genes marry each other? Banning cousin marriage keeps these couples in the closet, deterring them from seeking genetic screening, which would help them decide whether they could safely have kids. And as the NSGC study notes, the crude assumption that children of cousins will turn out badly leads to unnecessary abortions.

If you're afraid of mandatory genetic testing and you'd prefer to ban marriage among people in high-risk categories, why not start with fertile women over 40? And what about ethnicity? Cousin couples compare laws against cousin marriage to laws against interracial marriage. They've got it backward. Sickle-cell anemia runs in the black community. Tay-Sachs runs in the Jewish community. The best way to curtail such diseases would be to ban marriages within ethnic groups.

Many advocates of cousin marriage dismiss bans on the practice as racist. The authors of the NSGC study urge counselors to be "culturally respectful" of immigrant communities in which cousin marriage is "traditionally preferred." Why do these traditions promote cousin marriage? In some cases, because it promises "better treatment by in-laws" or because it keeps "goods and property within a family," says the study. That sounds more like pressure than freedom. Maybe we should worry more about whether people in these communities are free not to marry their cousins.

If cultural respect is your principle, how far do you carry it? According to the study, some African, Asian, and Middle Eastern cultures prefer marriages "between an uncle and niece." Should we respect those cultures by permitting those marriages? The question isn't just hypothetical: Minnesota law has a grandfather clause allowing uncle-niece marriages when "permitted by the established customs of aboriginal cultures."

This is the problem with sleeping with your cousin. You can move on from an ex-spouse or ex-lover, but there's no such thing as an ex-cousin. How are your parents and your ex's parents supposed to handle a nasty divorce or a breakup? How can they support their kids without antagonizing their siblings and their siblings' kids? You've wrecked your whole family. It isn't as bad as if you'd slept with a sibling, but it's a lot worse than if you'd slept with a friend or an officemate. We don't ban you from dating people at the office, but we don't tell you it's a great idea, either.

If you get into bed with your cousin, there's no need for Uncle Sam to throw you in jail. If it works out, great. If not, you'll find yourself in a jail no uncle will let you out of.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

DOG OWNERS : Stop your pet drooling whenever you fry bacon by placing an odour-eater under each rasher as it cooks .

Sir Alex Ferguson faces Premier League fines for continued BBC boycott

Sir Alex Ferguson faces a series of escalating fines, beginning with a punishment in the region of £3,000-6,000, after maintaining his boycott against the BBC in direct opposition to new Premier League rules.

Ferguson's refusal to speak to Match of the Day 2 after Manchester United's thrilling 2-2 draw at Fulham today follows weeks of discussions behind the scenes in which he has come under growing pressure from the Premier League and the League Managers Association.

United's chief executive, David Gill, has asked Ferguson to think closely about ending his grudge with the BBC, dating back to a Panorama documentary in 2004, entitled Father and Son, about the business activities of his son Jason, who was then working as a football agent.

The threat of weekly fines appears to have made no difference, however, with Match of the Day staff told before kick-off at Craven Cottage that requesting an interview with the United manager would be pointless.

Ferguson is worth around £22m and the 68-year-old is said to be largely unmoved by the threat of comparatively small fines. Instead he has told colleagues he is waiting for an apology before he speaks to the BBC again. He has accused the institution in the past of "breathtaking arrogance".

The matter will now be referred to the Premier League board to decide the extent of the first fine, with the amount set to rise every week he continues to ignore the different Match of the Day shows and Radio 5 Live. Talks will continue behind the scenes and BBC staff have been told from within Old Trafford that there may eventually be a change in his position.

In previous years Ferguson was immune to punishment because the rules requested that managers talk to the broadcast rights-holders under a "best endeavours" clause. The idea of tightening it up was specifically to tackle Ferguson and was voted in by all 20 Premier League clubs, including United.

The BBC chose not to comment but Gary Lineker, the Match of the Day host, expressed his belief earlier in the day that it would be "the amount of the fine which will make his [Ferguson's] mind up".

Lineker said: "It's a shame. We would like him to speak to us because we respect him and his teams, and always have done. It makes no difference to the programme because it's action-led. But it does make a difference to the Manchester United fans. They are the ones missing out.

"I get letters saying: 'We never hear from Sir Alex,' and I have to explain. It's something he feels very strongly about, so what can you do?"

The Premier League issued a statement saying: "The Premier League is disappointed that the BBC and Manchester United have, as yet, been unable to resolve the issue of Sir Alex Ferguson providing post-match interviews.

"We will, of course, continue to monitor the situation and offer any help deemed necessary by either party to try and help remedy the situation.

"However, this is a breach of Premier League rules and the board will consider the appropriate course of action at their next meeting scheduled for late September."

WELL THEY DO SAY THAT THE WAY TO HURT A SCOTSMAN IS THROUGH HIS WALLET




UPDATE [AUG 24] , MANCHESTER UNITED will pay £60,000 in fines for Alex Ferguson as he carries on his ban of speaking to the BBC.

Vanessa Perroncel and John Terry

It's been an exceptional year for sex scandals. From Tiger to Terry to Vernon Kaye's texts. From Ronan Keating's dancer to Mark Owen's dancer to Peter Crouch's £800 hooker. No Sunday has been complete without another newspaper revelation. Sex scandals are Max Clifford's forte, his gift to contemporary British culture. All the best sex scandals are stage-managed by Clifford.

"Although these days," he says "my job is much more about protection than promotion. It's 90% protecting people like Vanessa. For every story I broker, there's 10 I stop from coming out, because I know they [the individual] can't handle it. I'll tell them they can't handle it."

Vanessa Perroncel – the woman at the centre of the sex scandal that lost footballer John Terry the captaincy of the England team and kick-started a bumper year of celebrity infidelity splashes – has always denied the affair.

There is no reason not to believe Perroncel. Evidence for the affair comes from journalists with a vested interest in it being true, from a number of nameless, faceless and unsubstantiated sources (ah, the unimpeachable credibility of the anonymous "close friend").

We know Perroncel did not "tout her story round Fleet Street – for a figure in excess of £250,000" (Daily Mail, 4 February). No Perroncel-authored tabloid "tell all" ever ran. We also know Terry did not buy Perroncel's silence for figures estimated to be anything from £400,000 (Times) to £800,000 (Evening Standard). We know this because she's agreed to talk to the Observer, for a sum of precisely £0. So Vanessa Perroncel is the girl who didn't kiss and didn't tell – and got trashed in the tabloids anyway.

"Vanessa Perroncel is a she-devil in John Terry's dirty game," Sue Carroll wrote in the Mirror on 23 February. She was a "maneater", a "football groupie". She was "money-hungry" and "gagging for it". Claims that Perroncel had slept with five members of Chelsea surfaced; one red-top paper printed a team photograph and circled the men concerned in marker pen. "Maybe she'll make it a full 11 by the weekend?" the Mail wondered. When anyone reported Perroncel's denials of relationships with anyone other than Bridge – which occasionally, they did – those anonymous sources piped up. "To say she's a Chelsea girl is a bit of an understatement. By the time she got to John Terry, she'd achieved her own five-a-side football team,'" said one particular unidentified "close friend", choosing to speak in a tabloid-ready soundbite.

TODAYS "JOUNALISTS" GET AWAY BEING LAZY , AND UNPROFESSIONAL ...... IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THESE HACKS ARE IN THE SAME BUSINESS THAT GAVE US EDWARD R MURROW ....... I DONT BUY THE REDTOPS ANYMORE .

SAD KEANU

New Michael Jackson video game announced

Major international video game studio Ubisoft, who is responsible for high-concept hits like "Assassin's Creed" and Prince of Persia: Forgotten Sands is developing a game based on the King of Pop.

Dont worry , it's not about a group of children staying for the weekend at Neverland , drinking ' Jesus Juice ' and sleeping in Jacko's bed with him .



This game will use top Ubisoft technology to allow players of all ages to take the place of the master-performer. The game will feature aspects of other popular games such as "Guitar Hero" as it allows players to sing and dance as The King of Pop to a string of his hits.

The game is slotted for a coveted Holiday 2010 release, and will be playable on a cross-section of platforms, from Nintendo's Wii to Microsoft's X-Box.

Video game platform manufacturers such as Microsoft and Nintendo will also be working the game into their latest updated systems, including X-Box's highly anticipated "Project Natal" which ups the stakes for 3-D interactive entertainment.

KKKKKKEEEERRRRCHINGGGGGGG !!!!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

DEVIL WORSHIPPERS :. For the full effect when photographing Satan, make sure to switch off your camera's red-eye reduction feature .

MAY THE WORST MAN WIN



Sven Goran Ericsson is on standby if any or all competitors mislay or damage their sacks.


TO BE UPDATED AS WE GO ALONG

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED

The Shark Bean Bag Wants To Eat Your Ass


The shark bean bag chair is both brilliant and scary. And how fitting that an Australian retailer should carry it. You know, because they surf a lot and from my understanding they have their more than fair share of run ins with the razor sharp toothed fishies.

It’s $19.95 AU, and you’ll need to bring your own beans. 200 litres worth to fill its hungry stomach, otherwise you’ll be sitting on a polyester shark skin.

Drogba chasing first hat-trick of hat-tricks since 1946

Record-chasing Chelsea striker Didier Drogba will bid to become the first player in 64 years to claim three successive hat-tricks in the English top-flight when his team visit Wigan Athletic on Saturday.

No one has scored a treble in three consecutive English top-flight games since Liverpool's Jack Balmer in 1946.

The only other players to achieve the feat were Tottenham Hotspur's Frank Osborne in 1925 and Tom Jennings of Leeds United in 1926.

Ivory Coast international Drogba helped to wrap up the Premier League title for Chelsea on the final day of last season when he bagged three goals in an 8-0 demolition of Wigan at Stamford Bridge.

Drogba then started the new campaign with another treble in a 6-0 rout of promoted West Bromwich Albion last Saturday.

The 32-year-old's second hat-trick in a row helped him surpass Jimmy Greaves's total of 132 goals as Chelsea's sixth-highest scorer.

"I didn't know (about the record) but it is really nice," Drogba told the club's website http://www.chelseafc.com/.

"I have said I want to make history in the club and by being among these big players I have done it. But I don't want to stop here, I want my name as high as I can (get it)."

Only Bobby Tambling (202), Kerry Dixon (193), Frank Lampard (158), Roy Bentley (150) and Peter Osgood (150) are ahead of Drogba (134) on Chelsea's all-time list.

Wigan will be wary of the Ivorian especially as Roberto Martinez's team had the second-worst defensive record in the Premier League last season and slumped to a shock 4-0 home defeat by promoted Blackpool last Saturday.

SAD KEANU


A WORLD CUP ONE .... AS IT'S THE FOOTIE SEASON

Stephen Ireland blasts Manchester City

Stephen Ireland last night lifted the lid on life at Manchester City with an astonishing attack on his former club. Ireland, who joined Aston Villa this week as part of the deal that took James Milner in the opposite direction, tore into everyone, from the manager Roberto Mancini to the club's "money-obsessed" young players, as he revealed the full extent of his anger at the way he has been treated.



The Irishman was prevented from discussing the details of the financial pay-off he received from City because of a confidentiality agreement he has signed – he is believed to have picked up a little more than half the £2m he was demanding – but every other subject was considered fair game as he reeled off a list of complaints that painted a bleak picture of his final 12 months at City. Ireland's tirade included:

• Warning James Milner he will get a shock if he thinks the grass is greener at City

• Claiming Mancini has no relationship with any of the players

• Insisting he is as good as if not better than any of the new signings

• Accusing City's young players of wearing £10,000 watches and believing they are Premier League stars

• Describing City as a club where loyalty is no longer recognised

• Branding Mancini's criticism of his attitude unfair because he was the "best player in training"

It was a remarkable assault on City and will make for uncomfortable reading when the club's officials, players and supporters wade though Ireland's diatribe. The midfielder, who is expected to make his Villa debut at Newcastle on Sunday on his 24th birthday, spoke about City as if they were a club he could not wait to leave. "I think Aston Villa got a really good deal," he said. "I guess James Milner must think the grass is greener on the other side. He's going to get a shock soon because it's definitely not that way.


"I've really landed on my feet here. I think it's a family club and one that will get the best out of me. I am actually shocked at how good it is. I've settled in so well, so fast. Even the young lads are so polite. I'm actually quite shocked with that. At City they're not like that. They're coming in with £10,000 watches on their wrists and walking around as if they have played 200 Premier League games."

Ireland, who has a reputation for spending his own money quite lavishly, came through City's youth system and spent nine years at the club, but he felt as though the service he gave them counted for nothing in the end.

"I don't think loyalty is much in anyone's mind at Manchester City," he said. "I felt like I would be next [to leave]. A lot of players felt like that as well – the homegrown guys."

The former City trainee said he had not spoken a word to Mancini before he left although he suggested there is little communication between the manager and his former team-mates full stop. "He doesn't really build relationships with players," said Ireland. "He brought Patrick Vieira in and when I spoke to him about his relationship [with Mancini], he said he doesn't really have one, and he's worked for him for years. I think that's the way he is."

Ireland won the player of the year award at City in 2009 but he was a peripheral figure last season, in particular after Mancini replaced Mark Hughes in December. When asked about Ireland's lack of action last season, the Italian implied the midfielder had an attitude problem, when he claimed he needed to "change his head". Ireland remains deeply upset with those comments.

"I think that was really unfair, all the players know I was the first player into training and the last to leave," he said. "I worked the hardest. With all the heart-rate monitors and tests, I was always No1, far ahead of everyone. You see the performance in training and I was practically always the best player in training. If [Mancini's] standing there watching that, I don't know how he doesn't see that."

Another wave of big names have arrived at Eastlands this summer but Ireland claimed he is as good as any of them. "I'm not really a highly-self-confident person," he said, with no hint of what was to come. "But I can honestly say Manchester City have tried to replace me for the last three or four seasons and it's never happened. I can easily say I've got, if not more ability, as much ability as any player they have signed this year."

Ireland described the way his time with City ended as "heartbreaking" but he is adamant he is heading in the right direction. "I can understand why James Milner has gone there but I can tell him that I'm very happy to leave there and come here," he said. "Some people have used the phrase that I've been forced out. I couldn't be more happy to be forced to come here, to a club like Aston Villa."