The BBC debate in 20 seconds (includes video)

The BBC debate in 20 seconds (includes video)

LOL

LAWKS ALMIGHTY

A 72-YEAR-OLD granny is having an incestuous affair with her own GRANDSON — and the pair are set to have a BABY.
Grey-haired Pearl Carter has shocked family and friends after beginning a bizarre relationship with her 26-year-old grandchild Phil Bailey.
Pearl, from Indiana, US, is now using her pension to pay $54,000 (£35,000) to a surrogate mother so they can have a child, say reports in Australia's New Idea magazine.
Pearl said: "I'm not interested in anyone else's opinion. I am in love with Phil and he's in love with me. Soon I'll be holding my son or daughter in my arms and Phil will be the proud dad."
Phil is the son of Pearl's daughter Lynette Bailey — who the pensioner put up for adoption when she was just 18.
When Lynette died, Phil tracked down his long lost gran — 46 years his senior — and they started their strange relationship.
Pearl added: "From the first moment that I saw him, I knew we would never have a grandmother-grandson relationship. For the first time in years I felt sexually alive."
The pair spent their first week together shopping, bowling and eating out. During the second week, giggly on wine after a night out, Pearl decided she wasn't going to deny her feelings anymore.
Pearl said: "I called Phil into my bedroom, sat him on the bed, and then I leant over and kissed him.
"I expected rejection but instead he kissed me back."
Phil said he had the same feelings towards Pearl.
He revealed: "I wanted to kiss her there and then. My feelings were overwhelming.
"I love Pearl with all my heart. I've always been attracted to older women and I think Pearl is gorgeous. Now I'm going to be a dad and I can't wait.
"Yes, we get laughed at and bullied when we go out and kiss in public but we don't care. You can't help who you fall for."
The pair have asked a 30-year-old woman to carry their child.
Pearl said: "I am finally going to be a mum and not forced to give up my child. Phil's going to be a great dad. I never in a million years thought at 72 I'd be 'pregnant' and in love with my grandson.
"I make no apologies and I believe God's given me a second chance."
Pearl says the relationship is not wrong after a friend told her about Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), which can occur when close relatives meet as adults, where relations find they are attracted to each other.
She said: "I could now understand my feelings and realise they weren't wrong."
Pearl was 18 when she fell pregnant with daughter Lynette. She was living with her Catholic parents in Indiana and they insisted she give the baby away.
They organised a private adoption and Pearl never saw her baby girl again.
Pearl went on to marry but she never had any more children. Instead she searched for her lost daughter until finally giving up hope 15 years ago.
Phil met Pearl for the first time in 2006 after tracking her down when Lynette died from brain cancer.

DROGBA STRIKES AGAIN

Didier Drogba has joined such iconic figures as Muhammad Ali and Michael Jordan in becoming one of the few sportsmen to have appeared on the front cover of Time magazine.


The Chelsea forward’s status, particularly in Africa, has persuaded Time that he is one of the world’s 100 most influential people.
“The Time 100 is not about the influence of power but the power of influence. Some of the people you’ll encounter on this list are influential in the traditional sense - we also seek out people whose ideas and actions are revolutionising their fields and transforming lives,” said Time managing editor Richard Stengel.
Drogba, who will represent the Ivory Coast at this summer’s World Cup, appears in the 100 list alongside Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, Sachin Tendulkar and Simon Cowell.

BIGOT = BROWN IS GONE ON THURSDAY ?

BRING BACK MY SOCCER AM

I PREFERRED IT WHEN IT WAS RANDOM ..... INIT

CARTMANS WET DREAM

M.I.A - BORN FREE ( GINGERS'S DO HAVE SOUL )
This single is meant to show intolerance , the fact that red-headed people are portrayed should make no difference whatsoever .... it simply makes it more powerful .





Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam better known by her stage name M.I.A., is a British songwriter, record producer, singer, rapper, fashion designer, visual artist, political activist, and artist of Tamil Sri Lankan origin.
An accomplished visual artist by 2002, M.I.A. came to prominence in early 2004 through file-sharing of her singles "Galang" and "Sunshowers" on the Internet.She released her Mercury Prize-nominated debut album Arular in 2005. Her second album, Kala, was released in 2007 and obtained Gold status in the United States according to the RIAA. "Paper Planes," a track from this album became a chart favourite in 2008. She has been nominated for two Grammy Awards and an Academy Award.
Her compositions have been noted to encompass various genres, often with political lyricism and artwork. M.I.A. has described her music style as being "other".In addition to her work as a graphic designer, providing artwork and photography for releases and as a director of music videos, she has also experimented with documentary film and in 2008 released a collection of her fashion designs. She is the founder of the record label N.E.E.T.
In 2009, Time magazine placed M.I.A. in the Time 100 list of "World's Most Influential people" for having "global influence across many genres"

THE SPECIAL ONE

LOVE HIM OR LOATH HIM ...... YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIM AT YOUR PERIL

One of Jose's favorite phrases is " Win like champions , lose like champions "
Barcelona didn't come out of this tie with their reputation intact , their dirty tricks campaign started days before the return leg of the semi final of the Champions League at The Neu Camp ....... with the Spanish authorities trying to arrest Samuel Eto'o for tax evasion and continued with Barcelona supporters setting off fireworks outside the Inter Milan hotel at 4am on the eve of the game .


(Inter coach Jose Mourinho was left stunned and shaken after Barcelona fans attacked the vehicle he was travelling in on Tuesday night, according to Il Corriere dello Sport.
Mourinho got into a vehicle laid on by UEFA following his pre-match press conference, but he did not get very far.
A group of Barcelona fans waiting outside marauded down the street and caught up with the car.
Once there, they started to spit and kick at it, punching windows, throwing cans, bottles and cigarette packets as the coach looked on from inside.
At one point, fans on both sides of the vehicle started to rock it in an attempt to topple it over onto its side.
Luckily, the local police were quick to intervene and they dispersed the crowd, leaving a stunned Mourinho to proceed with his journey.
It was the second attack within hours, after a previous one when Inter players were heckled at the airport.)


The Barcelona diving team showed up on the pitch on the night but couldn't do enough to trick the referee into giving them the penalties they needed for a win and a place in the final .
The Barca goalkeeper manhandled Jose after the match in some sort of effort to get a reaction no doubt and then the sprinklers were turned on in the section where the Inter Milan players were celebrating with their fans ....... a poor show from Barcelona .......... simply not able to lose like champions .

There's dancing on the streets of Madrid tonight as Los Blancos (The Whites) see their rivals go out of the biggest European club competition and thereby not having the chance to win it at the Santiago Bernabéu ....... the home of Real Madrid .

On a related note , the two Real Madrid players who were shipped out last season to make way for Ronaldo and Kaka ( Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder ) are both in the Champions League final with their respective new clubs ..... its a funny ol' game .



As for Mourinho, aside from turning the tables on Barcelona, he proved once more what really makes him special: he is the first manager that people would pay to watch manage.
He is the Barcelona of bosses, in fact; and there is no greater compliment.

Inter can clinch back-to-back Serie A titles by beating Lazio on Sunday and then claim the Coppa Italia next Wednesday when they take on Roma at the Stadio Olimpico.
Winning the Champions League against Bayern Munich would then give them the treble , that would not be bad way to end a season ..... in fact , it would make it a special one .

F*CK RIGHT OFF !!!

THE DAILY RAG

THE 1940'S HAD TALENT

Yea , I was thinking the same thing myself , but it turns out that these sisters were clean living American girls ....... sorry .

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE OFFICE

WANNA KNOW WHERE YOUR PLANE IS RIGHT NOW ?

click here ----> http://www.flightradar24.com/

SOMETHINGS ARE BEST LEFT ALONE

Now that most TV series and movies are available online , on Blu Ray or DVD .... why do they feel the need to remake the best of them ....... surely those are the ones you cannot improve upon.... as with this gem .



The producer Trevor Hopkins confirmed that he had invited McGoohan to play the role of the Number Six-like old man encountered by Caviezel's character early in the first episode; McGoohan declined, but suggested he could play Number 2 instead .

SPECSAVERS BANNED TV AD

TODAY'S BIT OF NONSENSE

Sir Clive Woodward , coach of the England Rugby team from 1997 to 2004, managing them to victory in the 2003 Rugby World Cup ......... when entering Australia ... was asked " Do you have a criminal record ? ........ to which he replied " I didn't realize that I still needed one ! "

Ooooooooooops !

BLUE IS THE COLOUR

Posted on: Thu 15 Apr 2010
Chelsea will be wearing our home kit for the FA Cup Final, after winning the toss of a coin at Wembley.
It means Portsmouth will play in their change colours and we will be in our traditional blue, unlike last season where we wore our yellow change kit and Everton played in their usual blue shirts.

Tiger Woods - Christian Bale's Opinion

No ! this is not Tiger singing his favorite Xmas song ....... " I'm creaming on some white bitches "

MAN UTD GO OUT OF EUROPE

For anyone who missed it , here is exactly how Manchesterfield United lost to Bayern Munich to go out of the Champions League in 2009/2010



I love that someone went to all that trouble to re-create that ....... gotta love the Interweb

AND IN RELATED NEWS , DAVID BLAINE THE AMERICAN ILLUSIONIST AND ENDURANCE ARTIST HAS LOST OUT ON ANOTHER RECORD THIS YEAR , IT SEEMS THAT DIMITAR BERBATOV HAS USURPED HIS RECORD BY GOING 42 DAYS WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING IN A BOX .

FAVORITE COMEDY SKETCH'S

THE GOON SHOW - WHAT TIME IS IT ECCLES ?
The originators of the sketch show , this sketch features Eccles (Spike Milligan) and Bluebottle (Peter Sellers)




MONTY PYTHON - THE CHEESE SHOP SKETCH
(Most people would pick The Dead Parrot Sketch but you can learn a few things from this gem)



THE FAST SHOW - UNLUCKY ALF
(You cant help but have a soft spot for Alf , and it is a Parrot sketch)



VICTORIA WOODS " AS SEEN ON TV " - ACORN ANTIQUES
(It cant be easy making a soap opera this badly)




SMACK THE PONY - BIKINI LINE , RELAY RACE , CATCH ME , DOG WALKING AND WATER CONTEST



ARMSTRONG & MILLER - RAF PILOTS COMPILATION





MITCHELL & WEBB - BRAIN SURGERY



ABSOLUTELY - FRANK HOVIS (TAXI)



THE SMELL OF REEVES AND MORTIMER - MULLIGAN AND O'HARE
(This is from their album " Moods " , also availabe are their albums " Tittybiscuits " and " Pancake Day ")



THE SKETCH SHOW - THE FAST TALKING JOCKEY (Lee Mack)



BIG TRAIN - WANKING



THE HARRY ENFIELD SHOW - ARSENAL Vs LIVERPOOL 11-10
(My sister's favorite sketch , well she was a Gunner)



KENNETH WILLIAMS - MA CREPE SUZETTE



A BIT OF FRY and LAURIE - THE DEPARTMENT



PETER COOK & DUDLEY MOORE - ONE LEG TOO FEW
This is a comedy sketch written by Peter Cook and most famously performed by Cook and Dudley Moore. It is a classic example of comedy arising from an absurd situation which the participants take entirely seriously, and a demonstration of the construction of a sketch in order to draw a laugh from the audience with almost every line. Peter Cook said that this was one of the most perfect sketches he had acted in, and that it amazed him, later in his career, that he could have created it so young (circa 1960).
In some early versions of the sketch a further punchline follows after Moore has left. A two-legged actor walks in normally.
Cook: Ah, good morning Mr Stanger. Now I believe you are applying for the role of Long John Silver.



RAINBOW - Special episode made for OTT



THE THREE LITTLE PIGS WITH CHRISTOPHER WALKIN

MAN STROKE WOMAN

TRANSFER SPECULATION

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR 2 ARSENAL 1

Well that's Fabregas and Bendtner off to Spain this summer -
Fabregas to Real or FC Barcelona , Bendtner for two weeks in sunny Benidorm .



IS WAYNE ROONEY ON HIS WAY ?

TODAYS JOKE

At an international medical conference, four doctors were discussing the state of medicine in their respective countries.

The Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

The German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

The Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours!

JUST A BIT OF PREMIERSHIP FUN

FAVORITE STAND UP COMICS

ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMICS ON TODAYS CIRCUIT ....... ITS DANIEL TOSH





BILL HICKS (December 16, 1961 – February 26, 1994) , a man before his time .



For many years, Hicks was friends with fellow comedian Denis Leary. However, in 1993, Hicks was angered by Leary's album No Cure for Cancer. While he had laughed off similarities between the two comedians before, the parallels between the album and Hicks' material (including jokes about smoking, Jim Fixx, and Judas Priest) and tone were clear. Reportedly, upon hearing the album, "Bill was furious. All these years, aside from the occasional jibe, he had pretty much shrugged off Leary's lifting. Comedians borrowed, stole stuff, and even bought bits from one another. Milton Berle and Robin Williams were famous for it. This was different. Leary had, practically line for line, taken huge chunks of Bill's act and recorded it."
The friendship ended abruptly as a result. At least three stand-up comedians have gone on the record stating they believe Leary stole Hicks' material as well as his persona and attitude. In an interview, when Hicks was asked why he had quit smoking, he answered, "I just wanted to see if Denis would, too." In another interview, Hicks famously told an interviewer: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his [Leary's] act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

STEWART LEE is a British comic who came up with a unique way of stopping other comics from stealing his material ...... here's how it goes .



STEVEN WRIGHT - The Complete Works



CHRIS ROCK



RICKY GERVAISE



NORM MacDONALD (The master of exaggeration)

MY FAVORITE MOVIE ....... EVER

I have ... what may be described by some as " a peculiar criteria " for rating whether a movie is good or bad ......... WOULD THIS MOVIE BENEFIT FROM HAVING CHRISTOPHER WALKIN IT IN OR NOT ?
Mostly the answer to that question is Yes but in this case the answer is No .
For me the casting is pretty much perfect .


A HELL OF A THING , PICKIN' A FAVORITE MOVIE .... KICKIN' OUT ALL THE MOVIES THAT HAVE EVER BEEN MADE AND EVEN THE ONES THAT WILL EVER BE MADE

Well have you guessed ?

It is Unforgiven , a 1992 Western film produced and directed by Clint Eastwood with a screenplay written by David Webb Peoples. The film tells the story of William Munny, an aging outlaw and killer who takes on one more job years after he had hung up his guns and turned to farming. A dark Western that deals frankly with the uglier aspects of violence and the myth of the Old West, it stars Eastwood in the lead role, along with Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris, Jaimz Woolvett, Saul Rubinek and Frances Fisher.
Eastwood dedicated the movie to deceased directors and mentors Don Siegel and Sergio Leone. The film won four Academy Awards including Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Hackman), Best Director, Best Film Editing and Best Picture. Eastwood himself was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance, but he lost to Al Pacino for Scent of a Woman. Unforgiven was inducted into the United States National Film Registry in 2004.
In June 2008, AFI revealed its "Ten Top Ten," the best ten films in ten "classic" American film genres after polling over 1,500 people from the creative community. Unforgiven was acknowledged as the fourth best film in the western genre ever , beaten only by Shane, High Noon, and The Searchers.
Eastwood stated that this would be his last western film.

I have ... what may be described by some as " a peculiar criteria " for rating whether a movie is good or bad ......... Would this movie benefit from having Christopher Walkin in it or not ?
Mostly the answer to that question is Yes but in this case the answer is No .
For me the casting is pretty much perfect .
I have to put it first is because of the moral ambiguity it illustrates , it is unlike any western made before or since , it doesn't have the usual format of a good guy and a bad guy ......... to put it simply ..... they are all bad , " men of low character " as Little Bill would say and yet , you still find yourself siding with Will Munny , a " killer of women and children " .



Why is this ? ...... I suppose its because he at least lives by a code , he doesn't deny it , he doesn't apologize for it , he doesn't expect his life to be easy or beautiful ....... its all he knows how to do , he's " always been lucky when it comes to killin' " .
He would simply have come to Big Whiskey and killed the two cowboys for the bounty , gone home and continued his life such as it was if it had not been for his code . Once Little Bill had killed Ned , who had actually done nothing in Big Whiskey , Munny's code dictated that revenge had to be sought , and even then .... it would have only been Little Bill who had to pay if it had not been for circumstances outside of Munny's control .
Skinny Dubois , the owner of the billiard house / bar / whorehouse ( he bought it off Greeley for $1000 ) had to die for " decorating the front of his establishment with his (Munny's) friend " and from then on anyone who drew a pistol on Munny had to die .
There is no evil intent , there is the code and self defence ....... it is a fabulous shoot-out and unlike any I've seen before , you think you know what to expect ..... but thats not what happens ..... when Munny's 2nd barrel misfires , there's this pause where no one quite knows what to do which is a wonderfully comic moment , you know that all hell is about to break loose and yet there is this slightly Hitchcockian moment that prolongs the suspense just enough for you to take a breath .

When the smoke clears , Munny allows those who hadn't been involved to go unharmed as his code dictates .
There is another comic moment as Will leaves the premises , comic and yet chilling ....... he assures those outside that " any man he see's out there , he will kill him ..... and any sum'bitch that takes a shot at him .... he wont only kill him , he'll also kill his wife ... and all his friends ..... and burn his damn house down " and since we've just witnessed how cold bloodedly efficient he is in that department , one would tend to believe that he would follow through on that threat .

Some have said that this could be part of a trilogy with the first one being " A Fistful of Dollars " and the second being " The Outlaw Josey Wales " ..... but really , that just aint so .

I love the pace of this movie , I also love the script and the minimalist acting style that Clint brings to the role , for an actor who didn't have any training at The Actors Studio ... he certainly has their style down to a T , its a very Brandoesque performance of a man who had little real contact with others in his life .

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE ............

DONT WORRY , THERE'S NO RICK ASTLEY HERE

HURT ( is a song written by Trent Reznor, first released on Nine Inch Nails' 1994 album The Downward Spiral. In 2002, "Hurt" was covered by Johnny Cash to critical acclaim; it was one of Cash's final hit releases before his death. Its accompanying video, featuring images from Cash's life and directed by Mark Romanek, was named the best video of the year by the Grammy Awards and Country Music Awards )



The Mercy Seat ....... NICK CAVE AND THE BAD SEEDS (This is the Johnny Cash cover)

The song tells the story of a man about to be executed by the electric chair. The "Mercy Seat" refers both to the throne of God in the heavens, which the man feels he will soon visit, and to the electric chair. The song is laden with allusions to Christianity; in the Old Testament, the mercy seat is the symbol of the throne of God over the Ark of the Covenant.



Leonard Cohen ........ FAMOUS BLUE RAINCOAT ( The song is written in the form of a letter, and tells the story of a love triangle between the speaker, a woman named Jane, and the addressed person, who is identified only briefly as, "my brother, my killer." Implied in the song is that Jane was either engaged to or married to the speaker, but after the events, "And you treated my woman to a flake of your life, and when she came back she was nobody's wife."
Later in the song, the speaker admits that he is partially grateful for the affair, because Jane had been troubled, and the affair alleviated it when he hadn't been able to )



Nick Drake - DAY IS DONE (1948-1974) Although he failed to find a wide audience during his lifetime, Drake's work has gradually achieved wider notice and recognition; he now ranks among the most influential English singer-songwriters of the last 50 years .



Pink Floyd ......... WISH YOU WERE HERE ( is the title track on Pink Floyd's 1975 album Wish You Were Here. The song's lyrics encompass writer Roger Waters' feelings of alienation from other people. Like most of the album, it refers to former Pink Floyd member Syd Barrett and his breakdown ( He was The Crazy Diamond ). The main riff came to David Gilmour at home while playing on an acoustic guitar, and it became something which he continued to play in-between takes at Abbey Road Studios where it caught the attention of Roger Waters. They collaborated to complete the song, as Waters had already written some lyrics. In 2004, the song was ranked #316 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time )



Peter Green and Fleetwood Mac - BLACK MAGIC WOMAN (Nothing beats hearing the original version of a song .... Green [the composer of the song] inspired B. B. King to say, "He has the sweetest tone I ever heard ; he was the only one who gave me the cold sweats").



Neil Young ............ OLD MAN



Crowded House ..... FALL AT YOUR FEET



Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue ........... WHERE THE WILD ROSES GROW



Luke Kelly ........ SCORN NOT HIS SIMPLICITY



Limp Bizkit ....... BEHIND BLUE EYES ( Its always nice when someone combines a beautiful song with footage from a great movie [UNDERWORLD EVOLUTION].



Sting ........ SHAPE OF MY HEART (Once again , beautiful music and a great movie [LEON])



Craig David ......... RISE AND FALL ( I dont often like samples , but in this case I think Craig David has done a nice job .... and seeing as this Sting track has been sampled by a dozen or more bands , well ..... it must have something )



u2 ......... ONE



From my favorite album of all time " AUGUST AND EVERYTHING AFTER " by Counting Crows ..... could have picked almost any song off this album .



Fun Lovin Criminals .......... SCOOBY SNACKS ( This always cheers me up )



The Fray ........... HOW TO SAVE A LIFE



Bryan Ferry/Roxy music ............ AVALON

Radiohead ............... STREET SPIRIT (FADE OUT)



Gorillaz ............ DARE



Dolly Parton ........ EAGLE WHEN SHE FLIES (For my Mother)



Tuli Kupferberg and The Fugs ........ CIA MAN ( who said that Malcolm McLaren invented punk ?)



"Hurricane" is a protest song by Bob Dylan co-written with Jacques Levy, about the imprisonment of Rubin "Hurricane" Carter. It compiles alleged acts of racism and profiling against Carter, which Dylan describes as leading to a false trial and conviction . Dylan had been inspired to write it after reading Carter's autobiography, The Sixteenth Round, which Carter had sent him "because of his prior commitment to the civil rights struggle." After meeting with Carter in prison and meeting a group of his supporters, Dylan began to write "Hurricane" in a "cinematic" style. This song was one of Dylan's few protest songs of the 1970s and was his fourth most successful single of the 70s, reaching #33 on the Billboard chart and #43 in the UK chart.

WORDS OF WISDOM ?

Some say that the worst vice is "advice" ....... but there are exceptions to every rule . Wear Sunscreen or the Sunscreen Speech are the common names of an essay titled "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune as a column in 1997. Both its subject and tone are similar to the 1927 poem "Desiderata" (Latin for "desired things", plural of desideratum) a prose poem by Max Ehrmann about attaining happiness in life.
The most popular and well-known form of the essay is the successful music single Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen), released in 1998, by Baz Luhrmann.

And like any great work , there's always some joker out there who thinks its oh so funny to make fun of it ....... and of course it is .... if its done right .

"Deteriorata" is a famous parody of San Francisco radio and television personality Les Crane's spoken word recording of Desiderata. It was written by Tony Hendra and recorded by National Lampoon as part of their National Lampoon Radio Dinner album of 1972.



Then of course there's " IF " by Rudyard Kipling (Rudy the Kip), for those of you who like Kipling or even those who've never even tried to Kipple ..... here it is :

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream–and not make dreams your master,
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!

By the way .... he did not make exceedingly good cakes .

TODAYS JOKE

Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.

A man asks "What's wrong?"

Boy says "Me Ma is dead"

"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?"

Wee boy replies "No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."



Reminds me of the Private Eye phrase ........ " In the old days , boys wanted to enter the priesthood , nowadays .................. "

" TYPICAL GERMANS "

Typical germans ........... those French and Dutch !
It's not something that Man Utd would ever ever do I suppose .






APPARENTLY WHAT SIR ALEX FERGUSON MEANT WAS THAT BY THE TIME RAFAEL GOT BACK TO THE CHANGING ROOM , SCHWEINSTEIGER HAD ALREADY PUT HIS TOWEL OVER HIS BENCH !

TODAYS JOKE

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner.
Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at age 50, the group meets again, and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

At 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet.
Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

ARSENAL TO SPEND BIG THIS SUMMER

Arsene Wenger has confirmed today that Arsenal FC will break the bank this summer to ensure that the "Arsenal kids" will have the best possible start to the 2010/2011 season ......... They will be outfitting the team bus with state of the art seating that may see their away form improve dramatically next season .

OH NO HE DIHN'T !

HANDS UP ANYONE WHO DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING .

COLD BLOODED MURDER OR SIMPLY WAR ?

http://www.youtube.com/v/5rXPrfnU3G0&hl=en∓fs=1&rel=0

I debated with myself whether or not to post this as it is a graphic piece of film of an American Helicopter Gunship shooting what appears to be civilians , innocent journalists and injuring children in the process ....... I guess the question is ... Was there a better way to deal with this situation ?

My answer is ...... There has to be .

Sending what are essentially young men who wouldn't be allowed to drink legally in The United States to a foreign land and putting them in charge of millions of dollars worth of military hardware and expecting them to behave like adults is asking alot ....... the old phrase " I was only following orders " didn't work in 1945 and it still holds no water today .

This is the type of footage that should be played on American television news everyday in order to show the ordinary American public what the consequences of going to war really are to the people of Iraq , a people who aren't that different to themselves . They want to build homes , raise families , worship their God ....... they also have all the tiny minutiae of everyday life that we all go through ..... looking for parking spaces , wondering if their kids are doing well in school , wanting a better life for themselves , and then their country is attacked by foreign powers in the name of democracy ..... but they are just ordinary folk , now having to survive in a war zone and a war that has nothing to do with them , and will in no way change their lives for the better , Although the video's existence has been known since shortly after the July 12, 2007, attack, all attempts to make it public under the Freedom of Information Act have been rebuffed by the U.S. defence department.

In the film we see a group of men talking and walking , some may have weapons over their shoulders but surely that cant be so unusual in a war zone ...... they are chatting with two journalists out in the open when they are fired upon , most are killed straight away , some are injured ......... when one journalist crawls away , the helicopter crew debate whether to kill him or not ...... even though he clearly poses no threat ..... then we see a van pull up and some unarmed men go to him .... they carry him to the van and as they drive away they are fired upon and try as they might ... they are also mown down and their van is fired on until it is entirely destroyed . It then turns out that there were two children in the front seat of the van and both were injured .

It seems that these people were merely good samaritans who wanted to help the journalist get to hospital ............................ Who is to blame for this tragedy ? ....... is it the kids in the Gunship ?

The people up the ladder from them who said it was ok for them to take action ? ....... The US government ? ............. are we all a bit to blame because we dont stand up and say that war isn't the answer in the 21st century ? .

I leave it up to each person to give their own answer .

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT
1- don't shoot at wounded people
2- don't shoot at unarmed civilians ( cameras don't count ) 3- avoid casualties at all cost (kids and women)
4-give verbal commands to surrender armed weapons permission to shoot is not a verbal command)
5- the subject resists verbal commands ( picking up an injured person is not ressitance) 6- use defense tactics to neutralize subject .

AND IF YOU THINK THAT THIS IS A ONE OFF EVENT ......... THINK AGAIN , THIS HAPPENS ON AN ALMOST DAILY BASIS (watch the 1st and last minutes of this piece , hell , why not watch it all to get a real flavour of whats really going on in Iraq , why not watch the whole documentary ... its only 100 mins of your life and you might learn something))




NOW WATCH THIS ..... ITS A GAME THAT KIDS PLAY
DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE A CONNECTION SOMEWHERE ?

MALE AND FEMALE ATM PROCEDURES

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

TODAYS JOKE

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes ?

Nothing , you've already told her twice already !

THIS IS WHY I DONT EAT FAST FOOD

Here's what you order ---------------------------->
















Here's what you get --->




THERE SHOULD BE A LAW AGAINST THIS NONSENSE ..... imagine ordering a Mercedez Benz and then receiving a Fiat Punto .... why do people put up with this level of service ?

I understand that it is supposed to be cheap food for the masses , but ...... dont put up pictures of something you cannot reproduce on a consistent basis , put up an accurate photograph and take your chances ....... how many other business's are allowed to get away with this ?

When you consider the abuse that the Fast Food industry is doing to the animal kingdom worldwide what with feeding corn to cattle ...... CORN !!! ...... (grass is one of the most plentiful plants on the planet , cows love it and starving people can eat corn) and bits of other dead cattle , its no wonder that the outbreaks of Salmonella are increasing every year ......... the last thing they should do is treat us Humans as if we were stupid as cattle !!

IT SEEMS TO GET EARLIER EVERY YEAR

http://daystochristmas.chrisfixit.eu/xmas.html

IF ONLY OFFICIALS SAID WHAT THEY REALLY THOUGHT

Caricature Drawings

A caricature is defined as a portrait that exaggerates the essence of a person to create an easily identifiable visual likeness. The question is, why do we quickly recognize a well-drawn caricature of a famous person, even though it is clearly not accurate? In short, because visual perception is much greater than the sensory information we take in through the eyes.

It all starts with the fact that sensation—what we sense—is not the same as perception. Sensation refers to the input of raw sensory data from the external world into your processing system. Perception organizes sensory information into a mental impression or a percept—in an effort to make it meaningful.

In order to recognize a famous person in a caricature, we must match the information in the percept (our mental impression) to our memory’s stored representation of the person. Interestingly, we usually recognize a well-drawn caricature more rapidly than a realistic drawing for several reasons.

We store the visual attributes of a face in memory, possibly as an image or as a group of rules. Seeing the exaggerated features in a caricature seems to closely match what we have stored in memory, probably because the distinguishing features are what makes the face unique. When what we perceive matches our memory store, we recognize the caricature.



Here are some of my favorites (from top) .... Christopher Walken , Bill Murray , Nicole Kidman , Elvis , House , Napolian Dynamite , Sylvester Stallone and Will Smith .

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

For those of you who like a party ...........................................
April 28th will be the 20th anniversary of when liverpool FC last won the league.
Try to send a card :-).... I'm sure they'd appreciate anything at this point .

OH KAMMIE !

LOL

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sy​stemisdown.html

MY PERFECT DINNER PARTY

click to enlarge