Saturday, July 31, 2010

N KOREA REBUILDING FOR THE NEXT WORLD CUP

North Korea's football coach Kim Jong-Hun was put to shame and punished by being sentenced to forced labor as a builder after his team lost every World Cup match.
According to Sky News, the coach and his team were interrogated by 400 Communist party officials for six hours at the People's Palace of Culture upon returning home from their humiliating losses in South Africa's World Cup games.

North Korea lost 7-0 to Portugal, 2-1 to Brazil, and 3-0 to Ivory Coast.
"Jong-Hun was punished after being accused of 'betraying the trust' of Kim Jong-un - one of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il's sons and heir apparent."

Jong-Hun was further humiliated by being kicked out of the Workers' Party of Korea.
The team was also subjected to embarrassment for not "succeeding in their 'ideological struggle;" but under pressure they put all the blame on their coach for their three match failure.



"In the past, North Korean athletes and coaches who performed badly were sent to prison camps," a South Korean intelligence source said in regards to how "lightly" the players got off.

BACK TO THE FUTURE SEX SCENE

PREMIERSHIP 2010/2011 COUNTDOWN

http://chelseachatters.com/

VIVALDI OWNED

HOW ROCK 'N ROLL DESTROYED AMERICA

Once upon a time , there was a wonderful land called The United States of America .......... and in this land everything was peace and harmony and all men were equal and Mommy's and Daddy's loved each other for ever and ever .
There wasn't any hunger , or homelessness or racism in this fair land and everyone was as happy as could be , they all ate pot-roast for dinner and called their sons Chip or Brad or Junior . Everybody had an automobile called a Cadillac that could drive for hours on 2 cents worth of gas and every home had a white picket fence and a dog called ' Buddy '.



Then one day a man called Elvis Presley rode into town !!!

WARNING : WATCHING THIS MAY MAKE YOU MAD



Yes folks ...... the evil had begun ..... Elvis went on to invent Heroin , Aids , Methamphetamine , Paedophilia and America's Got Talent .... in fact , almost every evil we now know today can be directly traced back to the King of Rock 'n Roll .

........ and to think that even today , some people still persist with the belief that greedy , money grabbing corporations and even greedier politicians are to blame for the state of the world we live in .......... glad I sorted that out for you .

Thank You and Good Day to you

MY TV MEMORIES

Get Smart [1965 - 1970]

Get Smart was an American television comedy series that satirises the secret agent genre. Created by Mel Brooks and Buck Henry, the show starred Don Adams as Maxwell Smart, Agent 86, Barbara Feldon as Agent 99, and Edward Platt as the Chief of CONTROL, a secret American government counter-espionage agency.

Brooks said: "It's an insane combination of James Bond and Mel Brooks comedy."

The series centered on bumbling secret agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams), also known as Agent 86. His experienced partner is young Agent 99 (Barbara Feldon), whose real name is never revealed in the series. Agents 86 and 99 work for CONTROL, a secret U.S. government counter-intelligence agency based in Washington, D.C. (at 123 Main Street, a fictional address). The pair investigates and thwarts various threats to the world, though Smart's incompetence invariably causes complications. However, Smart never fails to save the day, typically thanks to his own dumb luck and often by 99's skills. Looking on is the long-suffering head of CONTROL, who is addressed simply as "Chief" (played by Edward Platt).

The nemesis of CONTROL is KAOS, described as "an international organization of evil". KAOS was supposedly formed in Bucharest, Romania, in 1904. However, it is a Delaware Corporation.

CONTROL and KAOS are not acronyms.

Yarnbombing movement fast becoming popular art

Yarn bombing, yarnbombing, graffiti knitting or yarnstorming is a type of graffiti or street art that employs colorful displays of knitted or crocheted cloth rather than paint or chalk , to put it simply ..... it involves creating a "cozy" for an object,. While yarn installations – called yarn bombs or knit bombs – may last for years, they are considered non-permanent, and, unlike graffiti, can be easily removed if necessary. The practice is believed to have originated in the U.S. with Texas knitters trying to find a creative way to use their leftover and unfinished knitting projects, but it has since spread worldwide .

Cars, buses, street signs, trees, buildings - nothing is sacred to those who practice random acts of yarn art. The quiet storm of acts of craftsmanship has spread across the western hemisphere. Ultimately, there is no end to what could be nestled into a colourful cozy.



Even though knitted graffiti is more environmentally friendly than the usual spray-painted variety, the art form has hit a nerve and simultaneously struck a chord with members of the public. The "soft and fuzzy" installations, it should be pointed out, can quite readily be dismantled at little expense - unlike spray painted graffiti.



Texas-based knitter Magda Sayeg wrote sentiments that appear to be shared amongst yarnbomb practitioners. Sayeg said she began taking her knitted cozies outside in
"... response to the dehumanizing qualities of an urban environment. By inserting handmade art in a landscape of concrete and steel, she adds a human quality that otherwise rarely exists."

Friday, July 30, 2010

NOW YOUR HORSE CAN DRESS LIKE A SKANK

Katie "Jordan" Price is a hardcore equestrian. She wants people to know that she even plans to complete in the 2012 Olympics. In fact, she's so serious about her riding that she has designed a line of clothing for riders and their horses.

Because nothing says serious equestrian like neon pink leg warmers for your stallion. But, Katie says you don't have to be a horse lover to enjoy her new line, "There's something here for everyone – all ages and sizes, the horsey and the non-horsey. It's fashionable and stylish but at the same time functional and wearable. And the horsewear is just fab. Your horse is going to look so cool!"

PREMIERSHIP RULES 2010/2011


From this season, all Premier League sides have to name a first-team squad of no more than 25 , Those 25 must include eight who qualify as 'home-grown', although those players can be of any nationality, providing they played for an English or Welsh club for three years before they were 21 . In addition to the chosen 25, clubs can field an unlimited number of players under the age of 21 and any registered player in domestic cup competitions, where the new regulations will not apply , also a revised squad can be named after the January transfer window
- These rules apply only to Premier League matches, not European, FA Cup or League Cup action.

As it stands right now , Chelsea FC have 30 first team players with both Deco and Ricardo Carvalho due for release in the next two weeks . I also expect Franco Di Santo , Scott Sinclair and Sam Hutchinson to go out on loan for the upcoming season with one or two additions to the squad arriving soon . All in all , a healthy enough situation .

As it stands with Manchester City right now ......... they have a current squad of 36 with Mario Balotelli and a few more on their wishlist to come , and with the likes of Shawn Wright-Phillips , Wayne Bridge , Stephen Ireland and Micah Richards looking to be on the way out of Eastlands ......... the homegrown rule will certainly be tested sooner rather than later unless they know of a loophole that no-one else has thought of . Mancini's toughest job will be in deciding which of his millionaires must spend the next few months doing nothing more on match days than watching the action from the stands . That would leave the club to shell out up to £10m in wages before the January transfer window to a group of players expected to do nothing more strenuous than pick up their pay cheques.

With Craig Bellemy resisting a move to Glasgow Celtic , and Robinho due to arrive back any day now ........ they have 6 strikers with Balotelli still to arrive .

Jose Mourinho , a manager known for his man management skills had a great deal of trouble with the young Italian striker Balotelli , and along with Tevez , Adebayour and Robinho ...... I foresee exciting times at Manchester City in the coming months.

OH WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT FFS

[On her honeymoon in Thailand] - " I feel like I'm backpacking " : Katie says before checking into a five star hotel.

Bitter Truths About Chocolate - No 5

Like many tech-related industries, chocolate companies rely on secret technology, known to exist only by their patents, in order to get an edge on the competition. Also like their tech-heavy counterparts, Big Chocolate aren't above blurring the line between candy company and crime syndicate.

Remember when Willy Wonka closed his factories to outsiders and replaced his entire workforce with an orange dwarf sweatshop because he was worried about rivals stealing his secrets? It turns out that Roald Dahl, the author of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, was drawing upon the actual behavior of companies such as Nestle and Rowntree, who were well known for sending spies, posing as workers, into factories to steal trade secrets. As a result, both began to guard their chocolate making processes very carefully.

Toblerone and Nestle would have done well to follow suit. Remember when Forrest Mars went to Europe to begin his own chocolate empire? He simply got a job with Toblerone first, then with Nestle, learned all their secrets and got the hell out of there. Most importantly, he learned never to let outsiders into his factories. If he absolutely had to, he made visiting workers enter and leave by the same way and forced them to wear blindfolds.

The paranoia came to a crescendo when a Nestle product called Magic (which they themselves ripped off from an Italian treat called Kinder Surprise) was forced off the market when the U.S. Government feared it would become a choking hazard. Certain that the Mars company was somehow behind this, Nestle chairman Helmut Maucher sent out his own spies, private detectives and winged monkeys, to get to the bottom of it.

Mars' executives were followed, conversations were eavesdropped upon, phone records were obtained and dumpsters were raided. Nestle agents were placed strategically all over a restaurant where executives were dining so someone would be certain to be within earshot of the conversation.

Crazy, right? Not really. Mars actually was behind the death of the chocolate toy egg thing, and since Nestle had already lost millions on the product, Mars didn't really need to give a damn.

They've since come to terms, apparently. In 2008, federal regulators in Germany, Canada and the U.S. investigated several chocolate companies, including Hershey, Mars, Cadbury and Nestle, for price fixing.

Executives from rival companies, according to one affidavit, have been meeting in coffee shops since 2001 (or possibly earlier) in order to set prices, meaning we all probably paid too much for every candy bar this past decade. Motivating this uneasy alliance, most likely, was an increase in the cost of cacao and milk, and the more or less unchanged level of chocolate sales.

Or maybe they just like money.

Myouterspace.com

Star Trek's William Shatner is one of the founders of Myouterspace.com , a new place on the Internet where science fiction fans can gather.

Shatner teamed with Sammy Oriti and Carlos Hoz De Vila to create an original Sci-Fi destination and social network. The ultimate goal of the site is to release commercial products.

Shatner appears on a video on the site about what the site is about.



"Join us today as we aim for the stars."

The premise is that Starships will complete missions using the skills and energy of those from various Planets. Those missions are the commercial products that the site hopes to produce.

Creative talent John Eaves is Governor of Anteros, one of the Planets. Eaves designed ships and props for many of the Star Trek shows. Anteros is where those who are skilled in animation, motion and graphic design gather.

From actors to gamers, there is a planet for sci-fi fans.

TODAY'S TOP TIP

BOIL AN EGG TO PERFECTION : without costly eggtimers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out the pot.

MY TV MEMORIES

Green Acres [1965 - 1971]

Green Acres was about Oliver Wendell Douglas (Eddie Albert), an accomplished and erudite New York City attorney, acting on his dream to be a farmer, and Lisa Douglas (Eva Gabor), his glamorous, bejeweled Hungarian wife, dragged unwillingly from the privileged city life she adored to a ramshackle farm.

The dishonest, oily salesman Mr. Haney (Pat Buttram), who sold Oliver the Green Acres farm, continues to con his easy "mark" in most episodes. Haney, along with young, glib farmhand Eb Dawson (Tom Lester), scatterbrained county agent Hank Kimball (Alvy Moore), and grocer Sam Drucker (Frank Cady), make up the main supporting cast. Eb habitually addressed the Douglases as "Dad" and "Mom", to Oliver's irritation.

The Douglases' childless elderly neighbors, Fred and Doris Ziffel, "adopted" a pig named Arnold Ziffel as their "son". Arnold understands English, lives indoors, and is pampered. Arnold is an avid TV watcher and a Western fan, he attends school and is mentioned from time to time as the best student in a particular subject. Only Oliver seems cognizant that Arnold is just livestock, although he frequently slips and begins treating him as a boy. Arnold makes regular appearances throughout the series, often visiting the Douglas farm to watch their TV.

Top Gear star at centre of complaints ........ again

The BBC received some complaints after Top Gear star Jeremy Clarkson told viewers that he saw a woman in a burka wearing racy underwear beneath her gown.

Clarkson had been talking with co-hosts Richard Hammond and James May about distractions while driving. They were saying that when a girl walks past wearing summer clothing it is impossible not to look. Hammond had suggested that there might be a case for the burka in this situation, because then that problem wouldn’t exist.

“No, no, no,” Clarkson had said. “Honestly, the burka doesn't work. I was in a cab in Piccadilly the other day when a woman in a full burka crossing the road in front of me tripped over the pavement, went head over heels and up it came, red g-string and stockings. I promise that happened. The taxi driver will back me up on that.”

When the other men expressed disbelief he promised that it had happened.

According to The Daily Mail, by Monday morning some viewers had complained and singer Lily Allen had called the comment 'distasteful' on her Twitter site.

The Muslim Women's Network UK criticised Top Gear for joking about using the burka as a way of preventing drivers from being distracted by pedestrians.

Clarkson, 50, has stirred up controversy in the past. In 2008, his comments drew more than 300 complaints when he mocked lorry drivers by saying they cared only about fuel prices and killing prostitutes. This was a reference to Suffolk Strangler Steven Wright and Yorkshire Ripper Peter Sutcliffe.

The Royal National Institute of Blind People, and Scottish politicians, were upset with him last year after he called Gordon Brown a 'one-eyed Scottish idiot'.

Empire strikes bank:

Darth Vader's heist in New York

Long Island City - A man who recently dressed as Darth Vader is probably hoping the force will not be with him any time soon, although the (police) force is currently looking for him. A man wearing the Star Wars costume held up a bank in New York on July 22.

Perhaps Vader was stealing money to purchase new clothing, as he had shown up with a blue cape instead of a black one, and wearing camouflage trousers.

The man, whose height was estimated at around 6’2”, walked into the Setauket Chase bank around 11:30 a.m. One customer did not take him seriously at first, but when he tried to joke with him the caped man shoved him to the floor.

The New York Post reported that this Vader carried a semiautomatic handgun instead of a light saber. He demanded cash from the teller, and then took off on foot through a parking lot.

Fox News reported that he was seen later, still in costume, on a bike.

Star Wars fans strike back with "wookieleaks" on twitter

The Empire is striking back with Twitter's Wookieleaks in what appears to be a massive conspiracy to leak Star Wars classified documents to the world. At this time the Pentagon does not see Wookieleaks as a threat to National Security.

While the Pentagon steps up their efforts to stop the Wikileaks twitter fans are compiling and releasing one hilarious tweet after another from The Galactic News Network, also known to Earthlings as Twitter.

Thousands of hilarious comments compiled from all the Star Wars movies are keeping the world entertained today with some previously declassified information as well as some new, confidential and highly classified information that has Darth Vadar and Luke Skywalker wondering what embarrassing information may come out next.

A sampling of the top secret information released includes:

tcarmody -Despite billions invested on construction of an untested defense system, the new Death Star may not yet be fully operational. #wookieleaks
turkshead 'Insurgents' targeted by Imperial Stormtroopers revealed to be cute fuzzy Ewoks. #wookieleaks
SynthBio More oil soaked Gungans washed up on the shores of Naboo today as BP still says there is no leak. #Wookieleaks
GundamWZero Jar Jar Binks cited on impersonating a Jamaican...#wookieleaks
GunnulfTheRed Sources close to the Emperor claim that he was aware of the tragic design flaw that allowed Rebels to destroy the Death Star. #wookieleaks
PhishSlave Retired general, jedi Kenobi arrested after accusations of soliciting young farm boys on Tatooine
MrJohnRain #wookieleaks Weapons of Mass destruction apparently found on Alderaan
FatGiant Leaked docs show proof that Princess Leia is really Luke's sister
RT @kchams New evidence shows @darthvader's mask is not "life support" as stated on Imperial tax returns
gregdektest RT @wookieleaks Wookie population purring loudly in anger after #WookieLeaks is accused of disseminating false information.
theothercheney Darth Vadar is really Dick Cheney in disguise and has ties to the planet Endor.
Skywalker has yet to respond to a leak claiming that Darth Vadar may not be his father while one source claims Vadar said, "Luke you're not my son."
Check out more of the fun at Twitter #wookieleaks and be sure to check out #wookieeleaks as the intergalactic battle rages on over which spelling is correct for Chewbacca and friends.

Luxury car worth £1.2m clamped outside Harrods

A luxury car valued at £1.2m was clamped outside Harrods in central London after being illegally parked.

The Koenigsegg CCXR and a £350,000 Lamborghini Murcielago LP670-4 SuperVeloce were both clamped on the afternoon of 22 July.

Kensington and Chelsea Council said the light-blue vehicles were in serious contravention of parking rules.

The Knightsbridge store was bought by members of the Qatari royal family in April for £1.5bn.

It was bought by the Qatar Holding group, led by the Qatari Prime Minister Sheikh Hamad Bin Jassim Bin Jabr Al-Thani, from Mohammed Al Fayed.

Both the cars are very rare with the Swedish-made Koenigsegg being one of only six ever made.


'Effective deterrent'


A Harrods spokesman said: "Any matters relating to parking tickets and enforcement are strictly the domain of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea."

The council said £120 penalty charge notices were issued, but the cars were released for £70 each as the fines were paid within 14 days.

A spokesman said: "There is a greater shortage of parking space for residents in Kensington and Chelsea than practically anywhere else in the country.

"At the same time we have a huge number of visiting motorists attracted here by our fine shops, restaurants and other attractions.

"Our priority is our residents. To keep space available for them, we must deter visitors from taking up residents' bays and our experience is that clamping is simply the most effective deterrent."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

EACH MONTH : put a pet mouse down the back of your sofa for a few hours. Hey Presto, all loose biscuit crumbs will be eaten.

DADDY'S A MUMMY

Tokyo's 'oldest man' had been dead for 30 years


He was thought to be the oldest man in Tokyo - but when officials went to congratulate Sogen Kato on his 111th birthday, they uncovered mummified skeletal remains lying in his bed.

Mr Kato may have been dead for 30 years according to Japanese authorities.

They grew suspicious when they went to honour Mr Kato at his address in Adachi ward, but his granddaughter told them he "doesn't want to see anybody".

Police are now investigating the family on possible fraud charges.

'Living Buddha'

Welfare officials had tried to meet Mr Kato since early this year. But when they went to visit, family members repeatedly chased them away, according to Tomoko Iwamatsu, an Adachi ward official.

Authorities grew suspicious and sought an investigation by police, who forced their way into the house on Wednesday.

They discovered a mummified body, believed to be Kato, lying in his bed, wearing underwear and pyjamas, covered with a blanket.

Mr Kato's relatives told police that he had "confined himself in his room more than 30 years ago and became a living Buddha," according to a report by Jiji Press.

But the family had received 9.5 million yen ($109,000) in widower's pension payments via Mr Kato's bank account since his wife died six years ago, and some of the money had recently been withdrawn.

The pension fund had long been unable to contact Mr Kato.

"His family must have known he has been dead all these years and acted as if nothing happened. It's so eerie," said Yutaka Muroi, a Tokyo metropolitan welfare official.

MY MUSICAL MEMORIES

Special Brew by Bad Manners


BORED ? .............. TRY THIS



click here --> http://www.themobiletracker.com/english/index.html

OH WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT FFS


" Any child that has parents who are divorced are lucky . They get extra Christmas presents , birthday presents and extra trips ."

JACK HANDEY QUOTE OF THE DAY


" It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money , and I guess that's what I like about it . It's easy . Just sitting there , rocking back and forth , just wanting that money ."

I LUV AMERICANS

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

PARENTS : A small amount of cement added to your child's sandcastle will ensure that his/her hard work is not ruined when the tide comes in.

MY MUSICAL MEMORIES

All About Eve - Martha's Harbour

BELIEVE IT OR DONT


Tom Cruise might be famous for all the movie roles he's turned down. Even though we knew he could do some fancy footwork exhibited in "Risky Business", Cruise apparently declined the lead role, which went to Kevin Bacon, in "Footloose." The actor also passed on parts in "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "Enemy of the State" and "Cold Mountain."

The Emperor Wears No Clothes

The Emperor Wears No Clothes is a book written by Jack Herer. Starting in 1973, Jack Herer took the advice of his friend "Captain" Ed Adair and began compiling tidbits of information about cannabis and its numerous uses. In 1985, after 12 years, this data was published as The Emperor Wears No Clothes. The book is in its eleventh edition, and is often used in cannabis rescheduling and re-legalization efforts.
The book, backed by H.E.M.P. (America), Hanf Haus (Germany), Sensi Seeds/Hash, Marihuana & Hemp Museum, Amsterdam, (Netherlands), and T.H.C., the Texas Hemp Campaign (America), offers $100,000 to anyone who can disprove the claims made within. To quote the back cover:

" If all fossil fuels and their derivatives, as well as trees for paper and construction were banned in order to save the planet, reverse the Greenhouse Effect and stop deforestation; then there is only one known annually renewable natural resource that is capable of providing the overall majority of the world's paper and textiles; meet all of the world's transportation, industrial and home energy needs, while simultaneously reducing pollution, rebuilding the soil, and cleaning the atmosphere all at the same time... and that substance is -- the same one that did it all before -- Cannabis Hemp ... Marijuana ! "

THIS BOOK IS NOT ABOUT DRUGS ...... IT'S ABOUT SAVING THE PLANET.

Up until the 20th century , Hemp was the largest cash crop in the United States ..... all the canvas [derived from the Dutch word for cannabis] for shipping and covered wagons , all the rope used in shipping , even as a sealent on ships ..... it was used for animal feed , in cosmetics ..... in clothing , it has been used for making paper for thousands of years .
Hemp seeds contain all the essential amino acids and essential fatty acids necessary to maintain healthy human life. The seeds can be eaten raw, ground into a meal, sprouted, made into hemp milk (akin to soy milk), prepared as tea, and used in baking. The fresh leaves can also be eaten in salads. Products range from cereals to frozen waffles, hemp tofu to nut butters.
Today , a few companies produce value added hemp seed items that include the seed oils, whole hemp grain (which is sterilized by law), hulled hemp seed (the whole seed without the mineral rich outer shell), hemp flour, hemp cake (a by-product of pressing the seed for oil) and hemp protein powder. Hemp is also used in some organic cereals, for non-dairy milk somewhat similar to soy and nut milks, and for non-dairy hemp "ice cream."
Industrial hemp is produced in many countries around the world. Major producers include Canada, France, and China. While more hemp is exported to the United States than to any other country, the United States Government does not consistently distinguish between marijuana and the non-psychoactive Cannabis used for industrial and commercial purposes.
Hemp is one of the faster growing biomasses known, producing up to 25 tonnes of dry matter per hectare per year, and one of the earliest domesticated plants known. For a crop, hemp is very environmentally friendly, as it requires few pesticides and no herbicides .

WONDER IF PAUL KNEW THIS WAS COMING

Paul the Octopus as film star : Catherine Shoard reports “World Cup heroes make easy subjects for stirring cinema, be they real-life (The Game of their Lives, Zidane, The Miracle of Bern) or, usually more lucratively, fictional (Goal!, Sixty Six, Mike Bassett: England Manager). And now it seems the big star of this year’s contest is to follow suit, for production has already wrapped on The Murder of Paul the Octopus, a fictional take on the eight-limbed beastie whose knack for predicting the match outcomes won him worldwide fame.

The film, a co-production between China Film Group Corporation and Beijing Filmblog Media Company, was shot over the past few weeks in South Africa using a body double, owing to the indisposition of the real Paul, who has gone into retirement. Release is scheduled for August. According to Sky News, the film’s makers have focused on Paul’s remarkable winning streak and explore ‘how the octopus acquires the ability and discuss his possible fates.’”

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

TODAY'S TOP TIP

GRATED CHEDDAR : cheese from the supermarket can be squashed tightly together with the fingers to produce a block of cheese, ready for slicing.

LUCKY TED

WONDERFUL GOAL CELEBRATION

KENNETH WILLIAMS

" I'm not homosexual ......... I just help them out when they're busy "

Saturday, July 24, 2010

R.I.P. ALEX ' HURRICANE ' HIGGINS

Tributes have been paid to former world snooker champion Alex Higgins, who died today
aged 61 after a long battle against throat cancer.

The Belfast man had long-term problems with alcohol and smoking since winning the world title in 1972 and 1982.

But he still remained one of the most iconic figures in the sport.

Higgins' quickness around the table and flamboyant style earned him the nickname "Hurricane Higgins", and made him a high-profile player. His highly unusual technique sometimes included a body swerve and movement when cueing, as well as a stance that was higher than for most professionals. While Higgins was arguably a classic example of how not to cue, he nevertheless managed to pot balls at a rapid rate. He also drank and smoked during tournaments, as did many of his contemporaries, helping sponsored tobacco advertising. In October 1998, he had an operation to remove a cancer from his throat. A volatile personality got him into frequent fights and arguments, both on and off the snooker table. One of the most serious of these clashes was when he head-butted a referee at the UK championship in 1986. This led to him being fined £12,000 and banned from five tournaments

Dennis Taylor - "There was just something about the way that he played the game. There was a little bit of [John] McEnroe in there. There was always going to be a little bit of controversy."

Steve Davis - "To people in the game he was a constant source of argument, he was a rebel. But to the wider public he was a breath of fresh air that drew them in to the game."

Willie Thorne - "We just remember the games when he played, everybody wanted to watch, he was exciting, nobody knew what would happen, it was dangerous. It's a sad loss."

TODAY'S TOP TIP

BIRD FLU : could be quickly and easily eradicated by adding a few drops of Lemsip or Daynurse to birdbaths. Obviously, you would have to put Nightnurse in the birdbaths for owls.

2010 / 2011 HERE WE COME

Nearly half of the clubs in the Premier League have banned vuvuzelas from their grounds for the new season. It's an excellent start.

Now can we extend that banning order to some more lasting irritations.

- The England brass band. There was a time when they were a welcome novelty. But that was a decade ago. They've been parping out The Great Escape ever since and someone needs to lock them up and throw away the key.

- Any footballer wearing an Alice band. Put them away, girls, and mind you don't chip your nails while you do.

- Goal celebration music. There are few more thrilling sounds than the roar of a crowd. So why do fans need to hear Tony Christie piped over a loudspeaker as a goal is scored?

- The Mexican Wave. Anybody who starts one should be immediately deported to
Central America.

- WAGS. This will ensure a TV director never opts for the tedious cutaway shot documenting the (lack of) facial expression from a botoxed, orange-skinned, fame-hungry refugee from the perfume counter at Debenhams.

- The corporate section of any ground grandly entitled 'The Platinum Club'. It's not classy. It sounds like a lap dancing joint.

- Badge kissing. It is a ridiculous pose, usually followed by a transfer request.

BUGATTI REGAINS TITLE

Hollywood stars Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz have appeared on the BBC's Top Gear show.

The A-listers took on the 'Star in a reasonably priced car' challenge and each drove a Kia cee'd around the famous test track.

Cameron Diaz also gave 'The Stig' a run for his money, trying to remove his helmet between laps.



It was after the mysterious test driver had to come to Diaz's aid when she had problems with the car's gearbox mid-way around the track.

Speed freak

Cruise and Diaz were in the UK for the premiere of their action flick, Knight and Day, held in London's Leicester on Thursday evening.

Explaining his appearance on the show Cruise said: "I like fast cars and motorcycles. I've always loved them since I was a kid."

Diaz was tempted to spill the beans about who was fastest but said she had to keep the result a secret.

"We did timed laps", said the 37-year-old actress. "It's very exciting - we know the score and we want to tell everybody, but we can't because we want them to watch the show."

Mission Impossible star Cruise, 48, also played real life hero during the studio segment by going to help an audience member who fainted.

The two stars can be seen trying their luck on the test track this Sunday on BBC Two at 8pm.

BUGATTI'S VEYRON HAS RECLAIMED THE TITLE OF WORLD'S FASTEST SUPERCAR.

A new version of the vehicle, called the Super Sport, hit 268mph at Volkswagen's test track in Ehra-Leissien, Germany.

The Veyron's previous record of 253mph was broken in 2007 by the American SSC Ultimate Aero which reached 256mph.



Bugatti test driver Pierre Henri Raphanel piloted the Super Sport over two runs, averaging 431.072 km/h (268mph).

Uprated specs

The new top speed was reached after Bugatti uprated the specifications of its flagship sportscar.

Its 8.0 litre, 16 cylinder engine remains the same.

However, its four turbochargers have been upgraded and larger intercoolers added.

The new combination raises the Veyron's power output from 1,001 horsepower to 1,200hp.

Bugatti has also redesigned the car's bodywork, with an all carbon fibre shell reducing weight.

It also appears on this weeks Top Gear where Tom Cruise got a spin in the fastest road-going supercar on the planet.

HOW TO FIND YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE

Try this test , simply scroll down and do the quiz as it instructs

................ and find out what movie is your favorite. It really works! This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most. Don't ask me how.

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.

Mine was No 14 " Unforgiven " - exactly right ! So be honest , and do it before you scroll down to see the list below . It's easy and it works .

Now look up your number in the list below .....................


1. GONE WITH THE WIND
2. E.T.
3. BEVERLY HILLS COP
4. STAR WARS
5. FORREST GUMP
6. THE GOOD , THE BAD AND THE UGLY
7. JAWS
8. GREASE
9. SHEMALE COCKTAIL
10. DAS BOOT
11. JURASSIC PARK
12. SHREK
13. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
14. UNFORGIVEN
15. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
16. HOME ALONE
17. MRS. DOUBTFIRE
18. THE GREEN MILE

Absolutely amazing, isn't it?

LOL

HERE'S WHY BLOGGERMAN KEEPS HIS IDENTITY A SECRET

LARGEST VENDING MACHINE IN THE WORLD

For some people, shopping is something to suffer rather than celebrate, with smash and grab like raids or resorting to online retailers the only means of survival. Many Japanese on the other hand seem to see shopping as a source of happiness, or even a hobby, which practically turns popular shops into places of worship – sort of.

A mindset that makes the movie mantra of ‘If you build it, they will come’ ring very true indeed, especially in regards to recently opened outlets; however a fondness for fads also dictates that a fair number of them will fail in the far from distant future.

Such a situation makes the newly opened UNIQLO UT in Tokyo’s Harajuku district an intriguing one indeed, as the combination of a nationally well-known brand and an especially novel new shop means its immediate success is guaranteed.

But as it only sells T-shirts, will the fact that they are served tucked up in tubes rather than fastidiously folded on shelves be enough to hold the attention of the capital’s consumers in the long term?

Although considering Japan’s long lasting love affair with vending machines, the answer is probably a positive one.

WATCH OUT HOLLYWOOD

STUNNING Kelly Brook has revealed her most difficult movie scene ever...
And it's MAKING LOVE to a gorgeous female porn star underwater while completely starkers!

Kelly and porn star Riley Steele strip off for a sizzling scene in forthcoming horror epic Piranha 3D.

Last night, Kelly revealed:" It was really difficult. "Holding your breath while making out with someone as hot as Riley Steele.

"I had to learn to hold my breath for a very long time."

The busty brunette claimed they had to "have a lot of practice" before filming the no-holds barred lesbo romp.

Kelly who battles flesh-eating prehistoric fish in the movie and Riley became firm friends while shooting the film.

And Riley admitted:" It's not work when you get to kiss Kelly Brook. She's so hot.
Doing it underwater did make it a bit more difficult but I'm not complaining."
Cinema goers will see the sexplicit scene in glorious 3D when the film is released next month.

Kelly giggled when fans were given a special and tantalising short preview of the raunchy romp in San Diego.

But she promised:" It's a lot longer in the film. It goes on for quite a long time."


OMG !! ......... WHEN ARE THE OSCARS ANNOUNCED ?

Friday, July 23, 2010

LOL

TODAY'S TOP TIP

MOTORISTS : Park for free in any city centre by smashing the windows , pulling out the radio and attaching a 'Police Aware' sticker to the front windsreen . Long term parkers may wish to burn their vehicles out for greater effect .

France World Cup squad suspended for Norway friendly

The French Football Federation has suspended all 23 members of France's World Cup squad for their next game.

New France coach Laurent Blanc requested that no member of the squad be selected for a friendly against Norway in Oslo on 11 August.

France failed to win any of their three group games in South Africa.

The campaign included a training strike by the players in support of Nicolas Anelka, who was sent home for insulting coach Raymond Domenech.

Blanc said: "I obviously cannot act as if nothing had happened in South Africa.
"I followed the events with sadness, I was disappointed with the sporting results and I was shocked by certain behaviours."

"I will integrate these elements into my analysis and my thoughts. I always had the principles, rules of conduct and not just in my sporting life. They have not changed and I will not change."

Latest rumour is that the Arsenal squad will replace the suspended French team .

JOE'S FIRST NIGHT OUT IN LIVERPOOL WITH HIS NEW BEST MATES

Thursday, July 22, 2010

LOL

Blatter embarrassed by SA government error

FIFA president Sepp Blatter was left embarrassed after receiving an award from the South African government with an unwanted nickname, seemingly taken from his altered Wikipedia entry.

Blatter, 74, was announced on the South African presidency's website as "Joseph Sepp Bellend Blatter" after picking up the Order of The Companions of O R Tambo award for his contribution towards the 2010 World Cup.

A saboteur is believed to have altered his profile on Wikipedia, the online encyclopaedia, before it was copied across to the official site. Both websites have since been amended. The award is one of the country's highest distinctions and is given to foreign nationals (Heads of State and Government) and other foreign dignitaries for ''friendship shown to South Africa''. It is also presented for contributions to ''peace, co-operation and active expression of solidarity and support''.

TODAY'S TOP TIP

A CIGARETTE butt placed beneath a Band-Aid makes a cheap nicotine patch.

SAME OL' SAME OL'

Alot of Chelsea fans are not happy with Joe Cole's comments about joining rivals Liverpool FC .......... they feel he stepped over the line , then back again , then over again , back , over , back , over , before finally losing the plot as usual .



" But Dad , you always said that nicking was wrong "

" I know that son , but you're going up to Liverpool now ...... its a way of life for them .... and anyway , it's been years since they've seen any silverware "




Incidentally , Joe Cole's Dad really is called George Cole.

HERE'S HOW IT'S DONE JOE [ you chav ]

EDUARDO has spoken of his pain at having to quit Arsenal and insisted: I'll love the club forever.

The striker has moved to Shakhtar Donetsk after falling down the pecking order at the Emirates.

The Croatian, 27, struggled to make his mark following his horror leg injury in 2008.
And he said: "I want to say thank you to the Arsenal supporters — you have been fantastic to me and always sung my name and I will never forget this.

"I had some very difficult times with my injury, but Arsenal was always there for me — the medical staff, the management, the players and the supporters. Thank you everybody.

"Although I have now left the club, Arsenal will always be in my heart."

The Brazil-born star, who has put pen to paper on a four-year deal in Ukraine, added: "The past few days have been very emotional for me.

"Although I am excited about the challenge ahead with my new club Shakhtar Donetsk, I am so sad to be leaving my home for the past three years — Arsenal Football Club.

"Arsenal is a very special football club and I will miss so many people."

MY MUSICAL MEMORIES

STEPHEN BISHOP - LITTLE ITALY

" I left Chelsea to sign for the biggest club in England "

UNFORTUNATELY FOR JOE .......... MANCHESTER UNITED WEREN'T INTERESTED - [Perhaps he meant ' The biggest club in Liverpool ']

The England midfielder officially signed his four-year deal - worth £80,000 a week - after leaving Chelsea this summer.

The new Liverpool No 10 said: 'I could have stayed at Chelsea because the fans loved me and I won things, but I wanted to challenge myself [Europa League ?] and when I knew Liverpool were interested it was a no-brainer because they are the biggest club in the country [ never to have won the premiership ].
'I set myself a deadline to make a decision and when I made it I sent a text to Christian Purslow and Steven Gerrard and then turned my phone off.

I know I have made the right decision and I am looking forward to the challenge. This is a huge challenge for me [try hanging on to your alloys in Liverpool Joe] . I have played in London all my life.'

'This is a massive club. I tried to take everything out of the equation, take the financial and location side out and just thought in football terms.

'I thought about the semi-final of the Champions League in 2005 when I ran on to the field and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I was thinking about playing in that atmosphere every week [sorry Joe .... you have to play some games away from home] and that swung it for me.

'You talk to Liverpool players and talk about the European nights. I experienced it as an opponent and it was immense. To go out there and play in that atmosphere every week [maybe he won't be travelling with the team when they play away] will be phenomenal.'

' I know I'll have to take a few weeks to understand the accents. I don't know how the Spaniards have coped with it. I have always enjoyed good banter with them.

A FEW OF LAST SEASONS STATS

Gareth Bale [Spurs] : 5 apps. 2 goals.
David Bentley [Spurs] : 12 apps. 2 goals.
Cesc Fàbregas [Arsenal] : 27 apps. 15 goals.
Aaron Ramsey [Arsenal] : 18 apps. 3 goals.
Mikel Arteta [Everton] : 13 apps. 6 goals.
Tim Cahill [Everton] : 33 apps. 8 goals.
Florent Malouda [Chelsea] : 26 apps. 12 goals.
James Milner [Aston Villa] : 36 apps. 7 goals.

These are all players who play in Joe's position

Joe Cole : 14 starts , 2 goals , 5 assists .......... doesn't stand out , does it ?

Or to put it another way ...... Michael Essien scored 4 goals last season and only played half a season due to injury ....... sorry Joe , but I think we can live without you.



NICE OF HIS MISSUS [CARLY] TO PACK JOE'S BED FOR HIM.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

LOL

Bitter Truths About Chocolate - No 4

What do you think is the biggest chocolate company in the world? Hershey, right? Wrong. Mars Inc. is four times the size of Hershey (they make the Milky Way, Snickers, Mars Bar, plus countless other products). And they got there via pure insanity.

The company was started by Frank C. Mars out of nothing, Mars probably earning his first penny selling sugar-coated twigs to schoolchildren. So magnificently tight-assed was he that he poured every dollar into the slowly-growing business at the expense of his marriage and his relationship with his son, Forrest. When the two finally reunited after more than a decade of estrangement, Frank promptly sent Forrest off to Europe to expand the company. Then Frank died.

Forrest Mars then set himself up in a one-room factory in England and made chocolates--at a huge cost to his family. He eventually had to send them away because he couldn't afford to feed and house them. But it would all be worth it, as he would soon stumble upon the innovation that would make his career: candy-coated chocolates you now know as M&M's. And of course, shenanigans were involved.



Forrest manipulated an executive from rival Hershey into helping him produce M&M's, by offering to make the guy a partner. As proof, he offered to put the guy's name on the candy (the Hershey guy's name was Bruce Murrie, so M&M's stands for Mars & Murrie's). Then, once M&M's were a huge success and Mars had everything he wanted from Hershey, he proceeded to treat Murrie like dirt until he quit.

Forrest then had his own children. The kids of this real-life Willy Wonka, by the way, were never allowed to eat a single M&M. No, he wasn't worried about tooth decay or grimy fingers contaminating a batch of candy. He was just cheap. Forrest demanded perfection from his kids and ran his business like a Soviet gulag. One improperly wrapped piece of chocolate, a Mars bar without enough caramel, or even a pin-sized hole in a chocolate coating, and he, very reasonably, would go to the factory floor, fly into a rage, trash the place and reduce his workers to whimpering in the fetal position.

That barely scratches the surface of the Mars family craziness that continues to this very day.

The entire operation, now on its fourth generation of Mars family ownership, is run as if it has OCD. Millions of M&M's get thrown straight into the garbage if the M symbol isn't perfect. You know, those little candies you shovel into your face 10 at a time without glancing at them. The company is so secretive that they won't share their financial records with their own bankers. They won't go public for fear of having to tell stockholders what's going on.

Why are they so paranoid? Well ....... all will be revealed in Bitter Truths About Chocolate - No 5

Massachusetts' fisherman catches another mutant lobster

Captain Joe and Son's received another mutant lobster this week when a large lobster with triple pincher's was delivered to their dock in Gloucester by a local fisherman. How can you be sure the lobster you're eating is safe to eat and chemical free?
Captain Joe and Son's showed off the lobster who has a triple pincher on his one of his claws but not enough hinges for all three pincher's to work independently of each other.

This isn't the first mutant lobster that this fresh seafood selling business has seen since they opened their doors over fifty years ago. With the pollution in the ocean it is probably not the last one they will see at their dock either.
The family owned business has been documenting these crippled and crusty crustaceans for years and when questioned about the frequency of these deformed lobsters, Captain Joe said "I've seen double pincher clawed lobsters, I've seen triple and quadruple clawed crabs, albino lobsters, half blue lobsters, all blue lobsters, yellow lobsters, speckled lobsters, you name it but never one with a claw like this.
The triple claw is a rare deformity only seen a few times in waters off the coast of Massachusetts. It joins the likes of the Siamese twin lobster in rare or never before seen anomalies in the lobster species.



Lobster aren't the only seafood experiencing bizarre abnormalities, the crabs have also produced many odd and bizarre specimen for fishermen to talk about and share with the scientific research community.

JACK HANDEY QUOTE OF THE DAY

" You know one thing that will really make a woman mad ? , just run up and kick her in the butt . [ps] This will also work with men ."

TODAY'S TOP TIP

OIL COMPANIES : Buy twenty quid's worth of groceries at Safeway and you'll be given a voucher for 20p off a litre of petrol. Send one of your tankers and fill it up with 20,000 litres and save 4 grand. Then sell it at your own petrol stations at the normal price. Safeway are in some disarray at present and are unlikely to work out your scam, and you won't have to rob your employees pension funds to shore up your profits.

Palin 'boycotts' daughter Bristol's wedding

Former Alaska governor and Vice Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin, will boycott daughter Bristol Palin's August wedding.

Alaskans, regardless of their political leanings, are likely to covet an invitation to Bristol Palin's wedding this August. However, Sarah Palin, perhaps Alaska's most famous resident, will not attend.

This has created a somewhat awkward situation for Todd Palin, who as the father of the bride, is expected to walk her down the aisle. He has indicated that he will attend, regardless of Mrs. Palin's decision. Some celebrity commentators have speculated that Mr. Palin may be able to persuade Mrs. Palin to attend between now and the day of the wedding. Given the compressed timetable of the marriage (it was announced only this month that they were re-engaged to wed), Mrs. Palin may very well be in attendance.

A local Alaskan has compared the marriage between Levi and Bristol to Princess Diana's wedding to Prince Charles. At least one popular blogger has speculated that Mrs. Palin's reported 'refusal' is merely a publicity stunt to generate additional press for the event, which is at least partially competing with Chelsea Clinton's summer wedding. This post indicates that Mrs. Palin has had every intention of attending wedding all along, as she would not miss the opportunity to attend such a widely covered event.