Terry talk all about football as FA stop England skipper answering questions on race row

The Football Association prevented John Terry answering any questions about the ongoing racism investigation into comments he allegedly made towards Anton Ferdinand. Chelsea defender Terry is alleged to have racially abused the QPR defender in a Barclays Premier League match three weeks ago, an allegation which is now the subject of a Metropolitan Police investigation.

Chief Inspector Lou Tennant of the Metropolitan Police announced today that the investigation is still in it's initial phase and will continue until such time as all avenues of inquiry were exhausted.

Chief Inspector Tennent leading the hunt for clues on Dartmoor yesterday

Scotland Yard is expected to interview every football fan who attended the game at Loftus Rd. on the 23rd of October and both MI5 and MI6 are preparing to call on everyone who watched the match on television.

The Home Secretary has confirmed that The Director General of the Security Service will enlist the services of the Armed Forces, " The Army, The Navy and The Air Force will be involved " said Theresa May earlier today, " We are even recalling troops from Afghanistan and Iraq to help with the investigation ". She denied that the SAS had been mobilized during the initial stages of the trouble.

Renowned psychic Mystic Meg has been called on to commune with the spirit of former slave trader and Confederate General Nathan Bedford Forrest [1821-1877] in an attempt to get to the bottom of the case. Forrest, who served as the 1st Grand Wizard of The Ku Klux Klan during the reconstruction of the south during the mid 19th century is believed to have 'racist radar' and may be able to either confirm or deny any shenanigans that may or may not have occurred on the day in question.


Prince Phillip is expected to lead a Royal Inquiry into the racism row with HRH The Queen giving evidence as it seems that she passed a television which was broadcasting during the incident.

" We don't want another Vietnam ! "

Sgt Chuck Slaughter, Head of Traffic Division for Sth Yorkshire has confirmed that  thus far, the Americans aren't involved, "we have our fingers crossed" he said  "and are confident that this incident won't escalate into an international crisis like we saw with The Gulf of Tonkin in the '50's ..... we don't want all those yanks coming over here with their Hueys and their Napalm tearing up Stamford Bridge every saturday afternoon for 19 yrs .... the British authorities have the case under control and it should be concluded within the next year or so ".

Mrs Rita May Snipe

Councelling  services will be provided to all those who witnessed what may or may not have happened at the time according to The British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP), http://www.bacp.co.uk/. A spokesperson for (BACP), a Mrs Rita May Snipe said " Incidents such as this have an enormously negative effect on the average sports fan, and it could be several months before any symptoms manifest themselves. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is the bugger we are looking for in most cases, but sudden hair loss and diarrhoea may also occur ", she went on to say that " the average footie fan usually deals with stressful situations by shouting abuse or indulging in random acts of violence, but in a case such as this where he [or she] may [or may not] have been a witness [or not] to a racist outburst during , what is normally such a joyous event ...... the consequences could be devastating [or not] ".

Mrs Entwhistle spoke for a further 30 mins on the subject, using words like 'confusion, paranoia, moron and juxtapose', she concluded some time later with a dire warning to both the FA and the country as a whole ..... " We still do not know where this will end up, or the effect this may have on our nation ..... we don't even know if John Terry will receive a retroactive Yellow card ..... I would therefore advise the Government to do it's utmost to get to the bottom of this case in the next year or so and not allow it to drag on in the press. People need some good news, and if Stefanie Powers were to win 'I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here' the world as we know it could, in theory, fall apart ".

Max Clifford has so far made no comment on the incident which leads some to believe that nothing whatsoever took place.

Jedward have announced that they will be doing a live concert on the 26th Nov for victims of the incident. Tickets will be £53 and available at all good megastore outlets throughout the UK.