UH OH !

LOL

A.B.U.

My next door neighbours kids just challenged me to a water fight ,
they are Man Utd fans ..... just waiting for the kettle to boil !!

I FEEL CHEAP AN' DURTY NOW

QUIZ NIGHT DOWN THE PUB

We lost again ........... by one point .......... grrrrrrr

Apparently " A place where most women have curly hair ? " is Africa !!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

One of these videos was made for comedy effect , the other wasn't ..........
can you spot which is which ?

HOW TO SAY " THANK YOU " HOLLYWOOD STYLE .

Hollywood etiquette is a funny thing , when do you kiss ? , when do you simply shake hands ? , do you wear underwear if you know you'll be getting out of cars drunk ? , do you go to award shows right after plastic surgery ? , do you date someone whose name when combined with yours spells out a rude word ?






" Dearest Hillary , this is to show you how much I love and respect you "










" OMG ...... let me show the world exactly how much I love your ring ! "












Hillary Duff obviously has a handle on how to thank her man when she receives a $1m
engagement ring .............. Classy Lady .

NOT FOR THE ( MOCK THE ) WEAK !!!!

TODAYS JOKE

A guy is sitting the bar in departures at a busy airport.
A beautiful woman walks in & sits down next to him.
He decides because she's got a uniform on, she's probably
an off-duty flight attendant.
So he decides to having a go at picking her up by identifying
the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her.
He leans across to her & says the Delta Airlines motto.
'We love to fly & it shows.'
The woman looks at him blankly.He sits back & thinks up another line.
He leans forward again & says the Air France motto: 'Winning the hearts of the world.'
Again she just stares at him with puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: 'Going beyond expectations.'
Finally, the woman looks at him sternly & says: 'what the **** do you want?'
Aah!' he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. 'Ryanair.'

THE WIKIPAUSE

The Wikipause is a new invention that occurs online during conversations about various random subjects , a question is posed and there follows a 30/40 sec pause while the answer is sought via the Wikipedia website ..... the answer , when given is usually accompanied by some extra useless information included in a vain attempt to sound like one is in fact an expert on the subject .

AH ....... VALENTINES DAY

USB GADGETS

Vacuum Cleaner















USB aquarium is a mini high tech gadget that adds more to your desktop beauty. It is the dream of every geek to make his/her desktop look more tech-like and in that case this gadget is the best choice for you. The USB Mini Desktop Aquarium is the home to two life-like tropical fish. A small motor generates a current in the water, allowing the fish to gently swim about the tank. The aquarium is equipped with a high-intensity blue LED that illuminates the tank in dark environment. Both motor and LED can be independently switched off.



Motorcycle engine

It even sounds just like a real engine! Push the kick starter and sound of engine starting will come out, pressing the gear shift lever will make this gadget sound like a real motorcycle shifting speeds! This device is useful in two ways: first, it makes your desk look original, and second - it leaves more free USB slots available for another interesting USB gadgets you might have. This gadget is already available at Japan, for about 43 dollars (price is converted from 5,250 yen).


If the Culture Club worked in an office (now there’s a thought) then the place would be stuffed with tunes “Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon” and PCs would be decked-out with USB Chameleons and possibly some rather dodgy wardrobes). Yes we agree it would be quite Chameleon themed but still, we can’t see Boy George in a faceless cubicle just doing the accounts, can you? Ok we got a bit distracted there. The USB Chameleon is a bizarrely loveable desk buddy. Pop him on your computer screen, plug him into a spare USB port, and watch as he randomly rolls his eyeballs in opposite directions, and sticks his tongue out to catch passing flies. Utterly pointless, endlessly diverting.


USB Greenhouse

Ah, USB Gadgets. We sure do love ‘em. And so does Crunchgear (seriously Doug, that’s one hell of a list). This cute little USB Greenhouse might be our new favorite.

The kit comes complete with marigold seeds for planting, but hey, you can plant whatever you want, according to the product’s website. A great Cubesday accessory to brighten up your little office. This would give all those pot smoking hippies on South St ideas, if they had jobs with computers and USB ports to begin with.

Along with the seeds, the kit has fake soil, lighting, and a program that lets you monitor your plant on the PC!

Unfortunately, the USB Greenhouse only works with Windows 2000 (stuff works in Windows 2000?) and XP, and will not run on a Mac.




Biggest USB Gadget ever ?

Alesis introduced their USB Pro Drum Kit, which combines the Trigger|iO interface with drum kit controller hardware to give you a complete, computer-friendly electronic percussion kit.

Everything has a USB connector on it now – but this could be the biggest USB gadget ever.

All of the pads in the USB Pro Drum Kit have real drum heads. The snare and tom pads have dual zone triggers for added expression, and all of the cymbals have been designed to offer a natural, true cymbal feel. The crash and ride cymbals have choke capability and the ride has dual-zone triggering, while the HiHat controller pedal sends continuous controller messages for realistic HiHat playability.

The USB/MIDI control can send notes and controller information to a software program or a hardware drum module.

USB Pro Drum Kit Features:

Real drum heads and electronic cymbals with dual-zone triggers
HiHat pedal which constantly translates motion into proper expressiveness at various open and closed settings
Ten TRS trigger inputs for Single or Dual-zone trigger input
Twenty programmable presets for storing and recalling various setups
BFD Lite Software Drum Module (Mac and PC) with pro-quality acoustic and electronic drums in standalone, VST, AU and DXi plug-in formats
Compatibility with most music software applications
Easy Interface for quick editing and user setups
USB 1.1 Plug and Play (Windows and Mac), MIDI Out
HiHat input for on/off or Continuous Control of HiHat sound for natural playability
Up/Down foot switch input for selecting kits remotely
Customizable trigger settings for Gain, assignment of MIDI channels, Note numbers, Crosstalk, Velocity curve, Threshold, Re-trigger time and Pad type
Mounting holes for optional drum stand mount
The Alesis USB Pro Drum Kit will be available Q2 – 2008 at music instrument retailers and is expected to retail for about $800.



USB Guard Dog

We probably spend more time at our desks than at home, and more time with colleagues than our loved ones. That's why we all tend to treat our desks as our own personal space, and you wouldn't expect to find someone else sat at your desk in the same way you wouldn't expect to find your neighbours sat on your couch when you get home.

The Desktop USB Guard Dog is here to protect your desk from any unwanted guests. Just plug him in (or insert batteries) and Rex will let out a menacing growl each time someone comes too close.

Guard your desk and leave Rex in charge, he will alert everyone to those unwanted intruders.

Spec:

USB powered or can run from 3 x AA batteries.
Uses a motion sensor to detect those people too close to your property.



USB Chainsaw ( iSaw )

Unfortunately it doesn't actually work , but it sure looks cool .














RC Mini and Garage

This tiny RC car from Japan's Solid Alliance comes with its own garage, which plugs into your PC via USB. When the car is inside, it charges. But when you want to take the car for a spin, you CONTROL IT WITH YOUR KEYBOARD. The garage doubles as a wireless transmitter. It even makes a revving engine sound .








USB Toaster .... and this one IS real .















USB Alien

The USB Alien looks like one of the evil aliens from the Alien movies, it plugs into your USB drive and it will randomly pop out an illuminated alien tongue just like the movies.











And if they're not enough , there's always ...........

The USB Panic Button will relieve your stress with one press of big red button. At least that is idea unless you feel pressured to press it. Anyway, you got the point.
There are 3 different screen effects which are Excel worksheet, Simulate Bomb Explosion and Boss Punch out.

SPAGHETTI CAT

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE FOR BOYS

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she’s soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice), this insanely funny expanded edition will introduce Jane Austen’s classic novel to new legions of fans."

FACELESS LED WATCH

The Faceless LED Watch by Japanese designer Hironao Tsuboi of 100% a design studio based in Tokyo, Japan. Astound your friends by not looking at your phone for the time.

TODAYS JOKE

A chap has a pain in the crotch area and goes to
see a doctor.

The doc brings in a dog to have a sniff.

Then he brings in a cat which walks round the bloke with a superior expression.

Doc then says; "It's fatal I'm afraid".

Chap yelps and shouts "I want a second opinion!"

Doc replies "Look mate, you've had a lab report and a cat scan what more do you want?"

BOY OH BOY

TODAYS SILLY JOKE

I Was stopped by a plain clothes Policeman the other day.

I said; "Nice jacket officer" (after he had identified himself as a plain clothes plod obviously).

He replied;

"It's just a routine check Sir".



Ba Boom ........ Tish !

Arsenal fans at Stamford Bridge .... 2 nil CFC

Apparently the St John's Ambulance people at the Bridge
yesterday have released a report saying they had to deal with 2,364 cases of hyperventilation from Arsenal supporters who forgot to breathe in during the match.

"Never before have oppostion fans had to do so much booing," a source has revealed, "They just didn't know who to hate the most, and at one time there was a passage of play where Terry passed to Cole who laid it on to Lampard who found Drogba and half the Arsenal end passed out."

Sikh judge Sir Mota Singh criticises banning of Kirpan

Sikhs should be allowed to wear their ceremonial daggers - known as Kirpans - to school and other public places, Britain's first Asian judge has said.
There have been a number of cases of Sikhs being refused entry to venues because they wear the Kirpan or other religious artefacts.
Sir Mota Singh QC, who is retired, has criticised schools over the issue.
"Not allowing someone who is baptised to wear a Kirpan is not ," Sir Mota told BBC Asian Network.

'No objection'

Last year, a Sikh police officer, who had been told to remove his turban during riot training, won a discrimination case against Greater Manchester Police.
A schoolboy was also banned from wearing his Kirpan at the Compton School in Barnet, north London.

The kirpan is one of five 'articles of faith' Sikhs must carry
And, in 2008, 14-year-old Sarika Singh won a High Court case against her school after it excluded her for breaking its "no jewellery" rule for wearing a Kara (steel bangle), which is another symbol of Sikh faith.
The school was found guilty of indirect discrimination under race relations and equality laws.
"I see no objection to a young Sikh girl or boy, who's been baptised, being allowed to wear their Kirpan if that's what they want to do," said Sir Mota, who received a knighthood in the 2010 New Year Honours list.
"I wear my Kirpan and I've always worn it for the last 35 to 40 years, even when I was sitting in court or visiting public buildings, including Buckingham Palace."
Sir Mota, who is now retired, added: "I think these are issues that can be dealt with with a certain amount of sensitivity.
"The girl not allowed to wear the Kara is a petty thing for the administrators to have done and it doesn't do them any good.

"It is the right of every young girl and boy to be educated at the school of their choice. For him or her to be refused admission on that sort of ground, as far as I'm concerned, is quite wrong.
"It ought not to happen but it does. I think it's wrong to be discriminated against for that reason."
The Compton School offered the boy the option of wearing a smaller knife, welded into a metal sheath, but his parents refused and withdrew him - an action by the family that Sir Mota said he supported.
He later told BBC Radio 4's Today programme: "But on the other hand, I am also conscious of the health and safety position.
"I accept that, because I think as one realises the increase in crimes of violence involving the use of knives and other offensive weapons, I can see that.
"But there has been no reported case, certainly none that I know of, of a Sikh using a knife in order to cause injury."






I am always in favour of religious freedom and as
viking myself ... I think that all religious weaponry should be allowed to be
worn in public as a right and doesn't necessarily indicate any intimidatory intent ,
fact is ... I dont get alot of aggro and I've never even had to use any of the Axes
or Swords that I habitually carry on a daily basis .

CAUSE I'M A LAAADYYYY

A sexy woman went up to the bar
in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room!"