GARETH BALE SOLD TO SAN DIEGO ZOO

TOTTENHAM'S Gareth Bale is to become the star attraction in a Californian zoo, it was confirmed last night.

The adult male wing-back will be gradually introduced to his new teammates over the summer, which may include David Beckham if funding for a new breeding program is approved.

Keepers in San Diego hope that Bale settles in quicker than at Tottenham, where Harry Redknapp had to live with the creature's family of mixed Welsh for over six months before eventually gaining their trust.

The Spurs manager said: "It will be a shame to lose him but he's already started swinging on the Crouch and flinging his poop at supporters in a bid to display his dominance.

"He's a magnificent specimen and the last thing we want to see is him ending out his days at White Hart Lane rocking back and forth and masturbating with a forlorn expression on his once noble face. Nobody wants another David Ginola on their hands."

Bale came to the world's attention after savaging Inter Milan's Maicon so badly that the right-back later had to be destroyed. Redknapp initially said that he had no intention of selling the club's most popular exhibit since Ricky & Ossie, Tottenham's famous pair of novelty Argentinians, in the late 1970s.

But he was eventually convinced that, given the endangered status of Welsh footballers, Bale was better off in San Diego as they were currently negotiating access to a Zeta Jones.

Redknapp said: "There's only three decent Welsh left in captivity, and with Giggs too old and Bellamy too repulsive to find a breeding partner we have to do what's right for footballing conservation if we ever want to recapture the days when the Big Nosed Rush stood patiently on goal lines across the whole of England."