Ferguson accuses FA of going easy on Liverpool [March 20, 2010]

Sir Alex Ferguson has stoked the fires before his team’s Barclays Premier League game against Liverpool at Old Trafford tomorrow by accusing the FA of giving the Merseyside club preferential treatment.

The Manchester United manager is furious that Steven Gerrard and Javier Mascherano, the Liverpool midfield players, escaped disciplinary action this season over incidents similar to the one that earned Rio Ferdinand, the United defender, a four-match ban for violent conduct.

“They [Liverpool] do all right,” Ferguson said, witheringly, of the FA’s decision not to charge Gerrard or Mascherano. “They are lucky like that. Maybe one day we will get lucky.”

Ferguson has called for an urgent overhaul of the FA’s disciplinary unit after openly questioning its integrity and dismissing the governing body as “dysfunctional”.

The FA could not take action against Gerrard for catching Michael Brown, the Portsmouth midfield player, with his forearm during Liverpool’s 4-1 win at Anfield on Monday because Stuart Attwell, the referee, said he had seen the incident and deemed it sufficient only to award a free kick to the away team. Ferguson, though, seemed unconvinced.

“He saw the elbow?” Ferguson said, disbelievingly. “You see, it goes on and on and on. I didn’t expect them to charge Gerrard simply because it’s a dysfunctional unit, the FA.

“I don’t think they know what they are doing. There is no consistency for a start, so you can’t expect to get consistency and I never expect any. So I’m not too bothered about it, to be honest with you. They’ll do what they want down there. It’s crazy at times.

“But I certainly think if it was a Manchester United player, he would have been done, as was the case with Rio Ferdinand. There is nothing you can do about it. You just scratch your head at some of the decisions they take and wonder how they came to them.”

HERE'S WHAT FERGUSON HAS TO SAY TODAY .....

Wayne Rooney will face no disciplinary action for his elbow on Wigan Athletic's James McCarthy at the DW Stadium on Saturday.

The FA spoke to the referee, Mark Clattenburg, this morning and he said he saw the incident and was satisfied that he dealt with it appropriately at the time.

Any ban would have ruled Rooney out of Tuesday's Premier League match against Chelsea, Sunday's meeting with Liverpool and the FA Cup quarter-final tie against either Leyton Orient or Arsenal.

Television replays apparently showed Rooney swipe McCarthy on the back of his head with an elbow after the midfielder had appeared set to block the Manchester United striker's run.

Old Trafford boss Alex Ferguson believes Rooney, who scored United's third, has no case to answer.

Fergie insisted: "I have had a chance to see it. There is nothing in it."

PARTRIDGE ON PARTRIDGE

83rd Annual Academy Awards Winners

The King's Speech won Best Picture and The Fighter scored two acting awards, Natalie Portman took home her first Oscar. Mellisa Leo drops the F-bomb live. Trent Reznor wins best score, and actress Gwyneth Paltrow is now...singing




BEST PICTURE

THE KING'S SPEECH









ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

COLIN FIRTH
[The King's Speech]







ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

CHRISTIAN BALE
[The Fighter]







ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

NATALIE PORTMAN
[Black Swan]








ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

MELISSA LEO
[The Fighter]









ANIMATED FEATURE FILM - Toy Story 3
ART DIRECTION - Alice in Wonderland
CINEMATOGRAPHY - Inception
COSTUME DESIGN - Alice in Wonderland
DIRECTING - Tom Hooper [The King's Speech]
DOCUMENTARY FEATURE - Inside Job
DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT - Strangers No More
FILM EDITING - The Social Network
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM - In a Better World [Denmark]
MAKEUP - The Wolfman
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE) - The Social Network
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG) - Toy Story 3 [We Belong Together] Randy Newman
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED) - The Lost Thing
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION) - God of Love
SOUND EDITING - Inception
SOUND MIXING - Inception
VISUAL EFFECTS - Inception
WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY) - The Social Network
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY) - The King's Speech

For all FaceBook users

Facebook will be closed for maintenance from February 29th to 31st!! Facebook wants YOU to Share this message with at least 15 of your friends for the best chance of alerting everyone. Many people will try to login from February 29 to 31, just to find the site close down for those days with no warning. HELP YOUR FACEBOOK FAMILY -- LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THIS

TODAYS JOKE

Whats Red and Gold and goes ' beep ... beep ... beep ... beep
... beep ... beep ... beep ... beep ... beep ... beep ... beep ' ?

The Arsenal open top bus reversing back into the garage !

GLOATING ISN'T BIG, AND IT ISN'T CLEVER

Arsenal goalkeeper tweeted this last week .........

TODAY, THE VERY SAME SZCZESNY COST HIS TEAM THE CARLING CUP FINAL.

BIRMINGHAM 2 - ARSENAL 1

Click here for lolz - http://i54.tinypic.com/2zfkg3s.gig

Belinda Heggen explains her dig at Mark Aiston

It's the talk of the internet... Channel Ten Adelaide newsreader Belinda Heggen's dig at Mark Aiston.

During the local Ten news in Adelaide Belinda made a passing comment at Mark Aiston as he wrapped up the sport which left everyone (including Aiston) shocked ... and then in tears!
We can tell you that both her comment and footage is very much real after the video set Facebook and Twitter alight with talk of the footage being fake due to Heggen's lack of expression.



It turns out the Newsreader was just as shocked as us by her comment telling Nova FM "He (Mark Aiston) just stepped wide open. He just served it up, I had to lob it back! It was only afterward when we crossed to the weather and went to a commercial break we just lost it".

While the hits on the video continues to rise we had to ask her if she got into trouble from the producers and News Director over the comment but it was just the opposite. "They lost it in my ear, everyone cracked up laughing. Mark was still in a state of shock. I must admit, once it hit me I thought oh no, am i going to get fired?" she laughs.

We can assure you that Belinda isn't going anywhere!

Nominees for the 83rd Academy Awards

Actor in a Leading Role

Javier Bardem in “Biutiful”
Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
Colin Firth in “The King's Speech”
James Franco in “127 Hours”

Actor in a Supporting Role

Christian Bale in “The Fighter”
John Hawkes in “Winter's Bone”
Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
Geoffrey Rush in “The King's Speech”

Actress in a Leading Role

Annette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter's Bone”
Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

Actress in a Supporting Role

Amy Adams in “The Fighter”
Helena Bonham Carter in “The King's Speech”
Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”
Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

Animated Feature Film

“How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
“The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet
“Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich

Cinematography

“Black Swan” Matthew Libatique
“Inception” Wally Pfister
“The King's Speech” Danny Cohen
“The Social Network” Jeff Cronenweth
“True Grit” Roger Deakins

Directing

“Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky
“The Fighter” David O. Russell
“The King's Speech” Tom Hooper
“The Social Network” David Fincher
“True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

Best Picture

“Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin, Producers
“The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg, Producers
“Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan, Producers
“The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray, Producers
“The King's Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin, Producers
“127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson, Producers
“The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin, Producers
“Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson, Producer
“True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
“Winter's Bone" Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin, Producers

Visual Effects

“Alice in Wonderland” Ken Ralston, David Schaub, Carey Villegas and Sean Phillips
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1” Tim Burke, John Richardson, Christian Manz and Nicolas Aithadi
“Hereafter” Michael Owens, Bryan Grill, Stephan Trojansky and Joe Farrell
“Inception” Paul Franklin, Chris Corbould, Andrew Lockley and Peter Bebb
“Iron Man 2” Janek Sirrs, Ben Snow, Ged Wright and Daniel Sudick

Writing (Original Screenplay)

“Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh
“The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson;
Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
“Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan
“The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
“The King's Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler

FREE RANGE ICE CREAM ANYONE ?

Icecreamists, an ice cream parlor in London’s Covent Garden, has introduced a new flavor of ice cream made with 75% human breast milk. The flavor, called “Baby Gaga,” will be served by a Lady Gaga impersonator and cost £14 a pop.

The breast milk was acquired through donations made by women responding to ad placed by the restaurant’s founder, Matt O’Connor. “Some people will hear about it and go yuck,” said breast milk donor Victoria Hiley, “but actually it’s pure organic, free-range and totally natural.”

WHEN YOU JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO STOP

Superette: Short shorts

With both men and women now wearing their shorts at breathtaking heights, fashion chain Superette was presented with a unique opportunity to draw attention to their sale on short shorts.

DDB Auckland ads were placed on the virgin thighs that are exposed in this latest trend, by putting indented plates across the inner city and fashion district bus stops, mall seats and park benches, so that when people sat down the message was imprinted on their thighs.

This meant that as well as having branded seats, a veritable army of free media was created for Superette, with thousands of imprints being created and lasting up to an hour. Plus, by the nature of where the ads were placed, only the hippest young cats were seen advocating the brand.

Kids who eat pizza 'do not ask lots of smart-arse questions'

FAT, happy children who eat pizza do not waste their time asking a series of annoying, smart-arse questions, researchers have discovered.

The Institute for Studies found that children who consume a healthy diet of fatty, processed food are quieter and more co-operative than the mouthy, jumped-up little shits who want to know exactly where their broccoli came from.

Researchers studied 1200 children across the UK and found that the fat children would finish their plate of chicken drumshapes and go and sit quietly in front of the television while children who ate cabbage would follow their parents around all day with a list of tedious questions about politics and the environment.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "We found that the fat children and everyone who came into contact with them were up to 95% happier.

"These children's brains are beautifully uncluttered, their parents blissfully undisturbed and everyone who sees them instantly breaks into the broad smile that invariably accompanies the sight of a roly-poly child.

"The most probing question a fat child will is ask 'can you lift me up to see if I'm sitting on the remote control?'.

"Meanwhile the smart-arse cabbage eaters are filled with incessant 'whys' and 'hows' and grow up into unhappy, interfering, Guardian reading bastards who cannot shut their fucking faces for two minutes without some opinion falling out of it like a turd."

MR M. MACKEY MESMERIZING HIS MENTORS WITH MATHEMATICS ..................... MMMM'KAY

Teacher Mr M. Mackey said: "I bloody love fat kids, M'kay. All glassy eyed and docile, M'Kay. It's like teaching a cow, M'kay.

"Whenever I see a hand in the air I know immediately that it belongs to some rosy-cheeked, twinkly-eyed little fucker who's just had a tangerine ........... M'kay"

Professor Brubaker added: "The key to human existence is pizza and happiness. Not vegetables and questions."

Polar storm threatens to give LA an Oscar weekend fit for snow angels

Blame Canada. An unusually cold polar storm is expected to usher fierce winds to Los Angeles this afternoon and snow this weekend down to 1,000 feet.

The Canadian cold front, in tandem with a winter storm, could snarl mountain passes with snow and ice and tie up traffic from San Francisco to Los Angeles to Las Vegas, weather forecasters said.

It could also bring bluster to the Oscar red carpet Sunday, with wool the smart choice over chiffon.

"Vera Wang is out. L.L. Bean is in."

The extreme cold system, originating north of the U.S. border and trailing a winter storm, was expected to head down the Pacific Coast, dumping the first snow on San Francisco Bay in 35 years.

The initial blast to the Southland on Friday will hit San Luis Obispo and Santa Barbara counties, with three to five hours of heavy rain, forecasters said.

Then, as the cold front catches up, snow levels in those counties is expected to drop to 500 feet, with 1 to 2 feet expected in the mountains above 5,000 feet.

The National Weather Service issued a winter storm warning across much of the region.

"We have a very cold storm coming in that originated in Canada," said Dessa Emch, manager of weather observation at the National Weather Service in Oxnard. "It'll bring some of the lowest snow levels we've seen.

"Snow and ice will definitely affect the major mountain passes around Los Angeles County."
In Los Angeles, showers were expected to bring up to an inch of rain, or up to six inches of snow down to 1,000 feet across the Antelope and Santa Clarita valleys, Santa Monica Mountains and lower foothills around the San Fernando Valley.

The freezing storm, accompanied by downpours, hail, gusty winds up to 50 mph, and waterspouts off the coast, is expected to peter out by Sunday.

Temperatures in the San Fernando Valley are expected to drop to freezing Saturday night.

SIDEKICK SIMON BETTER WATCH HIS STEP

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE

TODAYS JOKE

The wife and I went out for a lovely meal tonight at our local
Korean restaurant, the Han Yang.

it was the dogs bollocks !

Thats no. 23 on the main course.


I'll get me coat !

The First Ever YouTube Video

The first video to ever be uploaded to YouTube isn’t a classic by any means. Shot by Yakov Lapitsky at the San Diego Zoo it shows co-founder Jawed Karim in front of the elephant enclosure going on about long trunks. It has, nonetheless, racked up a very healthy 4,282,497 views since its online debut on April 23, 2005.

MARK HAZ TEH AIDS

..... must have been the Spotted dick he had for lunch

NEED YOUR BRAIN TESTED ? - HERE'S ONE WAY

The 2011 Nifty Fifty 8 Hour [Le Mans] Race is being held in Mondello Park on Saturday the 26th of Feb 2011. It will be held on the "national" circuit and will go for 8 hours (light permitting!)

The price is the same as last year 300 euros per team. So 75 euros each. Not bad for what is the best crack you will have on 2 wheels!!!



Its expected to sell out seriously fast so please dont hang about, get in contact. You will need to pay in full before your place is confirmed.

Same format as last year, 4 riders per team [ bring your own pit-crew], one day licences given out on the day, full or two piece leathers only and a lid that is full face and less then 5 years old.

There will be a serious session in the Bar on the Saturday night, so even if you cant race, come on down for the piss up!!


RULES


1: Honda cub/club 50’s entered must have a genuine Honda 50 cub/club engine not exceeding 50cc in the Frame.
2: Honda cub/club 70’s entered must have a genuine Honda 70 cub/club engine not exceeding 70cc in the frame.
3. Honda cub/club 90’s entered must have a genuine Honda 90 cub/club engine not exceeding 90cc in the frame.
4. Yamaha T80’s entered must have a genuine Yamaha T80 townmate engine not exceeding 80cc in the frame.
5. One motorcycle per team. You may bring another to strip for spares, but only one motorcycle may be scrutineered and used.

HELMETS

Helmets must be full face.
Helmets must be less the 5 years old.
Helmets must have the manufacturer’s stamp showing their age on the inside.
Helmets must not have any large chips or scuffs on them
Helmets must have a visor or if riders are using Moto-cross helmets they must have goggles.
Helmets must be in good working condition.

RIDING GEAR

One or two piece leathers.
If two piece they must have a sturdy zip to connect top and bottom.
No textiles, no exceptions.
Motorcycle boots only.

ENGINES

The engines and exhausts may be tuned, but the following modifications are not allowed.

1: ANY SORT OF BIG BORE KIT
2: Non-standard carburettor’s
3: Engines not standard to the machine.
*(the winning machines engines in each class will be stripped)
4: No Turbos !!!!!

MOTORCYCLE PARTS

The frames are to remain standard to that model of machine.
The Forks are to remain standard to that model of machine.
The wheels are to remain standard to that model of machine.
The brakes must be standard Honda cub/club 50/70/90 or Yamaha T80 drum brakes.
No disk brakes allowed.
No modifying of frames or forks to take larger tyres/wheels.
Every machine will be carefully checked before the race by a team of scrutineers from the MCUI.

ONE DAY LICENCES

If you are getting a one day licence on the day, it will cost you 20 euro’s. This is to be paid on the morning of the event.
The 20 euro fee can be taken off the cost of your full race licence if they know in advance you are applying for one
(Riders will be examined by the MCUI doctor on the morning to make sure you all have 2 arms, 2 legs & a head ........ a brain is optional !)
Riders will be able to get all the paperwork for the one day licence on the morning at sign on.

STAYING OVER ON THE FRIDAY/SATURDAY NIGHT

If you are camping in the paddock on the Friday/Saturday night you will need to supply a list of names of all the people in your camping party. Security will need to make sure that only authorised people are allowed in.

Please email the list of names on your team to niftyfiftyrace@yahoo.com or call on 0858454194 after 7pm (and not after 11.30pm please).

Teams will be (hopefully) able to have their machines scrutinised the on the night before the race if they are camping.

The Mondello Racing season will commence with the second annual 'Nifty Fifty' Motorcycle Endurance race for Honda 50's and other step through motorcycles up to 90cc.

ALL PROCEEDS IN AID OF THE DUBLIN RAPE CRISIS CENTRE.

Uefa starts disciplinary action against Milan's Gennaro Gattuso

No further action will be taken, however, against Milan's Mathieu Flamini, whose ugly, two-footed challenge on Vedran Corluka was punished only by a yellow card. When even Graham Souness is appalled by your tackling, you know you must be doing something wrong.

Uefa will decide next Monday on what action to take against Milan's Gennaro Gattuso after opening disciplinary proceedings against the midfielder following incidents in the Champions League game against Tottenham Hotspur at San Siro.

The Milan captain was accused by the Tottenham manager, Harry Redknapp, of "losing his head" during a tempestuous performance after which he butted the Spurs coach Joe Jordan. He had also clashed with Tottenham's Peter Crouch and picked up a yellow card during the match.

Uefa's Control and Disciplinary Body will meet on Monday to discuss the case.

"I don't know why it got so silly," Redknapp said. "Gattuso had a flare-up with Joe Jordan. I don't know why. He obviously hadn't done his homework. He could've picked a fight with somebody else. Putting his head into Joe's face, it was crazy. He lost his head." Gattuso later apologised for his actions.



The booking rules Gattuso out of the return leg of their last-16 tie at White Hart Lane, which Spurs lead 1-0 after last night's victory, but he faces the possibility of a lengthier ban following his confrontation with Jordan after the final whistle.

Amazing Japanese Fake Pool

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOU WANTED

Wood Looking Rug

Bring a touch of trendy cottage-chic charm to your everyday decor with this wood-looking rug by YLdesign. The Woody Wood rug was designed to look like the cross-section of a log complete with rings, grain and bark, giving the edge a rough, interesting border (which is cut, burned and fixed for a neat edge). The circle-shaped rug measures 1, 1.95m or 3m which offers the versatility of being placed in any-sized space. What a cool addition to either a rustic room or your modern, minimalist home in need of an interesting yet functional focal point. And this wood looking rug is made using durable, contractor-grade material that’s designed to remain beautiful for years to come.

For details on the Woody Wood rug visit YLdesign.

COMING SOON ..........

Paul [Opening today]

Written by and starring the comedy duo of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, who previously teamed on Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, Paul follows two British comic book nerds on an RV trip in the American Southwest who stumble upon an alien named Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen) that has escaped from the secret government installation known as Area 51. Comedy ensues as the pair give Paul a lift and come to grips with the fact that aliens are real and that they are fond of funk music and smoking marijuana.



HALL PASS



Sucker Punch [from the director of Watchmen and 300]



DRIVE ANGRY



SOURCE CODE [think Déjà Vu (2006) with Denzel Washington]

When decorated soldier Captain Colter Stevens (Gyllenhaal) wakes up in the body of an unknown man, he discovers he's part of a mission to find the bomber of a Chicago commuter train. In an assignment unlike any he's ever known, he learns he's part of a government experiment called the "Source Code," a program that enables him to cross over into another man's identity in the last 8 minutes of his life. With a second much larger target threatening to kill millions in downtown Chicago, Colter re-lives the incident over and over again, gathering clues each time, until he can solve the mystery of who is behind the bombs and prevent the next attack.

Fur flies over racist name of Dambuster's dog

The multimillion-pound remake of the film The Dambusters has become mired in a debate about political correctness over the name of a major character's dog.

Nigger, a black Labrador, was Wing Commander Guy Gibson's faithful companion and the mascot of the RAF's 617 Squadron, which carried out the successful 1943 bouncing bomb raid on Germany's Ruhr dams.

Peter Jackson, the New Zealander who is producing the remake of the 1954 epic starring Richard Todd, is known to be passionate about remaining faithful to the authentic details of the story.
But others working on the blockbuster, which is backed by Hollywood studios and has a £ 26 million budget, are insisting that the dog's name is too racially offensive, particularly in the crucial United States market.

The Dambusters with Guy Gibson [Richard Todd] and Nigger

Nigger was mentioned 12 times in the original, and also featured prominently in the book by Paul Brickhill, published three years earlier, on which the film was based.

Stephen Fry, the actor who is writing the new script, was asked to come up with alternative names for Nigger.

But Sir David Frost, the executive producer, is reported to have rejected all the options Fry offered.
Sir David has been quoted as saying: "Guy sometimes used to call his dog Nigsy, so I think that's what we will call it.

"Stephen has been coming up with other names but this is the one I want."

Matthew Dravitzki, Jackson's executive assistant, said this week: "A lot of people have said that the dog's name was Nigger and, to stay true to the story, you can't just change it."
He told Wellington's Dominion-Post newspaper: "That name is talked about a lot, but we have not made any decision yet.

"The script is still being written and that decision on whether we have Nigger or not will be made closer to the time."

Jackson, who has a collection of Second World War aeroplanes and memorabilia, originally sought to make the film because of his interest in the subject.

He said, when announcing his plans in 2006: "It is not our intention to offend people. But really you are in a no-win, damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don't scenario.

"If you change it, everyone's going to whinge and whine about political correctness. And if you don't change it, obviously you are offending a lot of people inadvertently."

In most recent television reshowings of the 1954 film, the dog's name is either edited out or altered.

An edited version for American television has Nigger's name redubbed as Trigger.

WALK DE WALK ........ TALK DE TALK

TODAYS JOKE

What's the difference between a run in the wild and Jamie Oliver ?

One's a pant in the country .....................


I'll get me coat !

MEL

REMEMBER TED WILLIAMS ?

HERE'S TED NOW

The Wicker Tree

The Wicker Tree is a 2010 film by British director Robin Hardy. The film contains several similar elements to the 1973 film The Wicker Man, but is neither a sequel nor a remake of that film. It is due for release in 2011.

Young Christians Beth and Steve, a gospel singer and her cowboy boyfriend, leave Texas to preach door-to-door in Scotland . When, after initial abuse, they are welcomed with joy and elation to Tressock, the border fiefdom of Sir Lachlan Morrison, they assume their hosts simply want to hear more about Jesus. How innocent and wrong they are.

Swimming With Polar Bears

The Cochrane Polar Bear Habitat (CPBH) is the only captive bear facility in the world dedicated solely to polar bears. Through exceptional animal care standards, educational programs and research partnerships, the CPBH is an internationally respected centre for polar bears. Situated on five acres of northern Ontario terrain, visitors have the opportunity to take in northern landscapes while walking along our three large outdoor bear enclosures.

At the Cochrane Polar Bear Habitat in Cochrane, Ontario, children are invited to swim inside a wading pool attached to a polar bear enclosure, getting as close to the Coca Cola mascot as safety, and five centimeters of shatterproof glass, permit.

“Staring into the eyes of an immense polar bear, while swimming only inches away from him, is to be remembered,” according to the habitat’s spokesman.

Sharing a moment with a polar bear? Priceless.

Important message for Catholic iphone users

Called Confessions: A Roman Catholic App, the $1.99 iPhone software has the user make an instant messenger confession with a virtual priest.

The Vatican put its foot down Wednesday over the idea of "confessing'' by iPhone, after news that US users can now download an application for the Apple gadget that helps the faithful gain absolution.

"It is essential to understand that the rites of penance require a personal dialogue between penitents and their confessor... It cannot be replaced by a computer application,'' Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi told journalists.

"I must stress to avoid all ambiguity, under no circumstance is it possible to 'confess by iPhone','' he said.

"Confession: A Roman Catholic App,'' is the first program for the Apple devices created by a South Bend, Indiana-based company called "Little i Apps'' and sells for $1.99 dollars (1.45 euros) on iTunes.

The app guides the faithful on their path to confession by checking whether their behaviour conforms to the rules of the Scriptures with questions such as "have I been involved in occult practices?"

There are some issues with the new approach, to put it mildly:

It will actually promote more “sinning”:

One of the biggest deterrents from sinning is realizing the ritual of confession that will eventually have to happen afterwards. For the Catholic, it means going to the neighborhood church, saying the sins out loud to a priest, and doing the requested penance. By iConfessing, the penalty for a sin is equal to a FourSquare check-in.

It will lower the amount of actual confessions:

The Catholic Church is naive to believe that the average churchgoer will do an iConfession and still come in for an official one, particularly if they are a tech-savvy, younger member. It’s like doubling the requirements demanded of the parish.

It feels unethical to charge:

The creator (of the app, not the Earth) Little i Apps is charging $1.99 for a service that is free in the church. The app cost money to create and users are enjoying the convenience of it, but it seems counter to the “bring your sick, bring your poor” approach preached within the average church today.

If the Catholic Church were a business, this would be called outsourcing.

TODAYS JOKE

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, an Aussie, an American,
a Pakistani, an Indian, a Pole, an Estonian, a Russian,
a Mexican, a Brazilian, a Turk, an Israeli, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Chinese, a Frenchman, a German walk into a bar, and the doorman says, "Sorry, you can't come in without a Thai."


I'll get me coat !

75-year-old pensioner takes on armed robbers with handbag

Four men are being held by police after a gang of crash-helmeted robbers wielding sledgehammers was put to flight by a pensioner who attacked them with a handbag.


Video footage of the attempted robbery at a jeweller’s in Northampton town centre showed the unlikely have-a-go-hero crossing a road and jogging briskly towards the six-strong mob as they smashed the shop’s windows.



The raiders, who had arrived at the scene on three scooters, drove away just moments after the red-coated pensioner, thought to be aged in her 70s, began lashing out at them with a large black handbag.

The footage of the robbery also showed other members of the public pinning down a man who had fallen from one of the scooters just yards away from the shop.

WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THIS .......... RIP GARY MOORE

Charlie Sheen done with porn stars and drug addiction

Charlie Sheen recently announced his decision to rehab in the comfort of his LA mansion. Sheen's critics say he's not taking his addiction seriously, but a look at the star's rigorous rehab schedule reveals that he'll be plenty busy...


MONDAY

6:00 AM-12:00PM -- Sleep in

12:00PM-12:30PM -- Try to pee

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Daily Reflection (optional)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Beer pong

3:00PM-3:30PM -- Counseling (canceled)

3:30PM-5:00PM -- Lunch with Andy Dick

5:00PM-6:00PM -- Bingeing

6:00PM-8:30PM -- Nap

8:30PM-9:00PM -- Body Painting

9:00PM-10:30PM -- Movie Night ("Major League 2")

10:30PM-1:00AM -- Jell-o shot contest

1:00AM-2:30 AM -- Fainting spell

TUESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Wake up

12:00PM-12:30PM -- Wake up porn stars

12:30PM-2:00PM -- Spiritual Group (postponed)

2:00PM-3:00PM -- Tickle fight

3:00PM-5:00PM -- Stare at hand

5:00PM-7:00PM -- Foursome (not golf)

7:00PM-10:30PM -- Clean handguns

10:30PM-12:00AM -- Skinny dip

12:00AM-3:30 AM -- Bender

3:30AM -- Curfew

4:30AM -- Lights out


WEDNESDAY

6:00AM-12:00PM -- Learn to play trumpet

12:00PM-2:00PM -- Peel label off Jim Beam bottle

2:00PM-4:00PM -- Lunch with Dealer

4:00PM-6:00PM -- Nude dodgeball

6:00PM-7:30PM -- Try on hats

7:30PM-9:00PM -- Lock Domino's delivery guy in bathroom; demand extra cheesy bread

9:00PM-11:30PM -- Rampage

11:30PM- 6:00AM -- Blackout

THURSDAY

6:00AM-11:00AM -- Wake up screaming

11:00AM-12:30PM -- Ninja training

12:30 PM-2:00PM -- Prank call CBS execs

2:00 PM-3:00PM -- Think about a Mohawk

3:00 PM-5:30PM -- Eat Minute Rice straight out of box

5:30PM-7:00 PM -- Practice walking on elbows

7:00PM-3:30 AM -- Porn Movie Night ("How to Drain Your Dragon")

3:30AM-6:00AM -- Hide in bushes

FRIDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Pull own Wisdom tooth

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Group grope

10:00AM-10:30AM -- Punch FedEx guy

10:30AM-3:30PM -- Free time

3:30PM-4:30PM -- Find tattoo with safe combo

4:30PM-7:00PM -- Substance Abuse Education Group (postponed)

7:00PM-11:00PM -- Luau Night

11:00PM-4:00AM -- Collect call to Bogota



SATURDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- "Manscaping"

7:30AM-10:00AM -- Try to fry egg on sidewalk

10:00AM-12:00PM -- Threaten President

12:00PM-4:30PM -- Drink nine bottles of Chateu Latour

4:30PM-7:00PM -- Choke somebody

7:00PM-11:00PM -- Text pictures of junk to Eva Mendes

11:00PM-3:00AM -- Smash some shit with ballpeen hammer




SUNDAY

6:00AM-7:30AM -- Snort Count Chocula

7:30AM-11:00AM -- Buy replacement liver on eBay

11:00AM-2:30PM -- Brunch w/ Ron Jeremy

2:30PM-7:30PM -- Write "hush money" checks

7:30PM-8:00PM -- Eat live spider

8:00PM-5:00AM -- Soil self

The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers by Andy Borowitz

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Pirate Bay, Others Fight Back With Plan To Stop Domain Seizures

A BitTorrent-based DNS system has been proposed to combat the government's ability to seize domains at will.

Reacting to recent seizures, like this week's Cyber crackdown, which shut down 16 domains, a group of Internet enthusiasts are working on a peer-to-peer-based system that will not rely on the current system.

Together with several other sites, popular sports streaming and peer-to-peer website Rojadirecta has had its domain seized by U.S. authorities. The seizure of the site is particularly controversial because Rojadirecta, a Spanish site, was found by Spanish courts to be operating legally. The domain's closure has been accompanied by a spate of other crackdowns by the government: Other sports-streaming websites such as ATDHE.net, Firstrow.net, ChannelSurfing.net, and Ilemi.com have also been seized by the authorities. It's a controversial move that came just ahead of the Super Bowl.

Rojadirecta, which compiles links to live broadcasts of sports events such as the NBA, NFL, and MLB, typically receives more than a million visits each day and is "listed among the 100 most popular sites in Spain in terms of traffic," according to TorrentFreak. TorrentFreak also notes, "Similar to BitTorrent sites, Rojadirecta doesn't host any copyrighted material. Instead, it indexes HTTP links to sports streams that can already be found on the Internet, and also carries links to .torrent files which are hosted on other sites."

DNS refers to the Domain Name System. DNS converts human-legible addresses like www.blogger.com into numerical IP addresses. The DNS keeps internet information stable and consistent, even if routing arrangements change; it is the phone book of the Internet. At the very top of the system are root servers, which are run by ICANN, or the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers. ICANN manages root zones in the DNS on behalf of the U.S. government, as well as maintaining popular domain suffixes like .com, .org, etc.

The proposed BitTorrent based DNS will be protected from government shutdown. Currently, ICANN's control of the DNS allows them to easily shut down "misbehaving" domains. The Dot-P2P project, as it has dubbed itself, will decentralize the DNS system by distributing the system through an application that can be installed on the computer. The new system would run on a .p2p domain suffix.

"By creating a .p2p TLD that is totally decentralized and that does not rely on ICANN or any ISP's DNS service...there will be a way to start combating DNS level based censoring like the new US proposals as well as those systems in use in countries around the world including China and Iran," the project's mission statement reads.

Peter Sunde, co-founder of the torrent site Pirate Bay, is one of many P2P community members supporting the cause. "We want the internet to be uncensored!" he wrote in a blog. "Having a centralised system that controls our information flow is not acceptable."

Volkswagen Super Bowl Ad 'The Force' Goes Viral

A Volkswagen Super Bowl ad called "The Force" has registered more than 12.5 million views on YouTube, 10,000 comments and 62,000 "likes", four hours before the game.

While it’s certainly not the first time a Super Bowl advertiser has revealed a spot before the game, it may be the first time the best commercial ran on YouTube before the big game. Now when it airs, many people will explain to their friends that they’ve already seen it — a sort of “reverse recommendation” that carries its own social cache.

US actor Larry Hagman to return in new Dallas TV series

US actor Larry Hagman, who became popular in a long-running TV series "Dallas" for his leading role as JR Ewing, will return to television's classic soap opera.


Hagman, who is now 79 years old will lead the cast as oil baron JR Ewing for a pilot show of the updated version of the soap opera which will be made by TNT.

Original stars Patrick Duffy and Linda Gray will also return to play Bobby and Sue Ellen Ewing respectively.

The new show will focus on the Ewing offspring - John Ross and Christopher Ewing - as they clash over the future of the family dynasty.

Reality TV World reports: "The original 'Dallas' ran from 1978 to 1991 and followed the Ewing family of Southfork. The modern story of 'Dallas' focuses on the Ewing offspring -- J.R. Ewing's son, John Ross, and the adopted son of Bobby and Pam Ewing, Christopher -- as they clash over the future of the family dynasty," the cable network said in a news release Tuesday.
New characters include Jordana Brewster and Josh Henderson.

Hagman, Duffy and Gray will reprise their roles of J.R., Bobby and Sue Ellen from the original series, while Brewster will play Elena, who is involved in a love triangle with Christopher and John Ross.

ROBERTO DI MATTEO SACKED ?

BREAKING: West Brom manager Roberto Di Matteo has been relieved of his duties and put on gardening leave with immediate effect.

THE SCOUSERS VISIT THAT THERE LONDON ..........

Chelsea TV's Chris Cohen brings you this ..............

THE REDMEN

Fifa to discuss banning snoods

FIFA have put the wearing of the neck-warmer up for discussion at the meeting of the game's law-making body, the International FA Board (IFAB), on March 5.

Snoods have become increasingly popular in the Premier League after Carlos Tevez and Emmanuel Adebayor started the trend last season, but they are not officially-sanctioned kit.

A FIFA spokesman said: "We want a debate over the snood and whether it could be dangerous. There may be a safety issue - if for example a player was running through on goal and an opponent grabbed his snood, that could pose a potential danger to his neck."

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has banned his players from wearing them, with club captain Rio Ferdinand saying on his Twitter account: "You won't see a Man Utd player wearing a snood."

Roy Keane has also declared his opposition to snoods, saying: "They've all gone soft. I don't know how they do it and focus on the game, it's weird. That's the way the game's gone, man the f**k up. It’ll be bobble hats next."

FIFA also want the IFAB to insist that if players wear tights then they should match the colour of the shorts. Arsenal's Emmanuel Eboue and Bayern Munich's Arjen Robben have both worn tights in matches this season - but these would have complied with the proposed new rule as they did match the colour of the shorts.

FIFA are also looking to clarify the rules for referees to stop play when an object - such as another ball, or an animal - comes onto the pitch.

This follows the incident last season when Darren Bent scored for Sunderland against Liverpool with the ball deflecting in off a beach ball that had blown onto the pitch.

FIFA's submission to IFAB says: "There are many times when objects may enter the field of play, and it is unclear in the current text of the Laws of the Game which decision the referee should take when an object interferes with play, and which decision the referee should take when an object does not interfere with play."

The Football Association, which makes up the IFAB along with the three other home nations and FIFA, will ask the body to consider the use of 'vanishing spray' by referees to mark out the line where a defensive wall should not cross.

This is common practice in Brazil and South America where officials use a spray to prevent the wall encroaching on the 10-yard gap at free-kicks. The spray evaporates after a minute.

There will also be a discussion on whether fouls which deny a clear goal-scoring opportunity should be deemed automatic red card offences if a penalty is also awarded.

Woman tries to mail dog using Priority Mail

An 11-year-old boy will not be unwrapping a dead puppy as a birthday gift thanks to employees of a Minneapolis post office being witted enough to suspect something odd about a moving package, which tumbled off the counter.

Stacey Champion, 33, reportedly walked into the Loring Station post office on Feb. 1 with a box. She paid $22 to have shipped via the United States Postal Service's (USPS) Priority Mail shipping service.



Before the puppy [Guess] made his presence known, Champion told postal workers to disregard sounds they may hear coming from the box, because the package just contained a toy robot, according to Private Officer News. Robots, however, don't require air-holes in their boxes when being shipped, which Champion was at least thoughtful enough to add for Guess. Unfortunately, though, she taped over the holes while sealing the box.

Champion was tracked by the return address on the box and cited by Minneapolis police for misdemeanor animal cruelty and has 10 days to appeal and reclaim the dog. According to Sgt. Dodge, Guess is being held at the city's animal control facility and will be made available for adoption after the 10-day period. Dodge also said Champion has not yet contacted authorities to claim the dog.

Mexican ambassador demands apology over Top Gear remarks

The Mexican ambassador in London has demanded an apology from the BBC over remarks made by Top Gear presenters, saying they were "outrageous, vulgar and inexcusable."


Eduardo Medina Mora complained about comments made when Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson and James May were reviewing the Mastretta, a Mexican car, on Sunday's program.

"Why would you want a Mexican car? Because cars reflect national characteristics don't they?" Hammond said on the show.

"Mexican cars are just going to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat."



Clarkson later said that they wouldn't get any complaints about what they had said because the Mexican ambassador would be "sitting there with a remote control like this," and he slumped down in his chair and made a snoring sound.

The ambassador did complain though.

He wrote: "The presenters of the programme resorted to outrageous, vulgar and inexcusable insults to stir bigoted feelings against the Mexican people, their culture, as well as their official representative in the United Kingdom.

"These offensive, xenophobic and humiliating remarks only serve to reinforce negative stereotypes and perpetuate prejudice against Mexico and its people."

Other comments by the presenters have resulted in complaints in the past, but their style of banter has also made the program very successful.

Some people were upset by scenes which showed Clarkson and Hammond wearing burkas in their recent Christmas special.

There were complaints last year after Clarkson said that when a woman wearing a burka tripped he had seen her red g-string and stockings.

In 2009 he called Gordon Brown a "one-eyed Scottish idiot." In 2008 there were hundreds of complaints after he joked about lorry drivers killing prostitutes.

The show was also criticised in 2008 after Clarkson and May were seen drinking while driving in the Polar Special.

The BBC said they would respond directly to the Mexican ambassador over the latest incident.

Not only do they dress like thay live in the 70's, they act like it too,

THE ' WEST SIDE ' OF THE FORCE [nsfw]

Fernando Torres shirts outsell Andy Carroll by 250-1

CHELSEA’S record £50million signing Fernando Torres is already king of the shirt sales – outselling his ­Merseyside replacement Andy Carroll by 250-1.


Demand for the new Torres home shirts are currently 40% higher than when he signed for Liverpool three years ago, according to suppliers.

Shirt sales for the Kop’s other new player Luis Suarez are 380% more popular than Carroll, but are still trailing behind Chelsea’s Spanish signing by 30-1.

Ray Evans, managing director of Kitbag.com, said: “It will be interesting to see whether Torres can maintain his popularity among Chelsea fans and whether Carroll can break into the hearts of the Liverpool fans.”

BORED AT WORK ?

Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth

WASHINGTON—In a strong rebuke of President Obama and his domestic agenda, all 242 House Republicans voted Wednesday to repeal the Asteroid Destruction and American Preservation Act, which was signed into law last year to destroy the immense asteroid currently hurtling toward Earth.

The $440 billion legislation, which would send a dozen high-thrust plasma impactor probes to shatter the massive asteroid before it strikes the planet, would affect more than 300 million Americans and is strongly opposed by the GOP.

"The voters sent us to Washington to stand up for individual liberty, not big government," Rep. Steve King (R-IA) said at a press conference. "Obama's plan would take away citizens' fundamental freedoms, forcing each of us into hastily built concrete bunkers and empowering the federal government to ration our access to food, water, and potassium iodide tablets while underground."

"We believe that the decisions of how to deal with the massive asteroid are best left to the individual," King added.

Repealing the act, which opponents have branded 'Obamastroid,' has been the cornerstone of the GOP agenda since the law's passage last August. Throughout the 2010 elections, Republican candidates claimed that the Democrats' plan to smash the space rock and shield citizens from its fragments was "a classic example of the federal government needlessly interfering in the lives of everyday Americans."

"This law is a job killer," said Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), who argued the tax increases required to save the human species from annihilation would impose unbearably high costs on businesses. "If we sit back and do nothing, Obamastroid will result in hundreds of thousands of lost jobs, which we simply can't afford in this economy."

"And consider how much money this program will add to our already bloated deficit," Foxx continued. "Is this the legacy we want to leave our children?"

Many GOP members have also criticized the legislation for what they consider pork-barrel spending, claiming the act includes billions in "giveaways" to NASA, nonperishable food manufacturers, and pharmaceutical companies contracted to produce mass volumes of vitamin D supplements in the likely event that dust from the asteroid's impact blots out the sun for a decade.

In an effort to counter Republicans' claims, Democrats have asserted that the long-term benefits of preventing the United States from being incinerated by an explosion several billion times more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb would far outweigh the initial monetary outlay.

In support of their position, Democrats have pointed to estimates from the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office that show repealing the law could result in a loss of up to $14 trillion in the nation's GDP.

"I will be the first to admit this is not a perfect bill, by any means," said Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD), who has argued that the measure does not go far enough in deflecting the ensuing debris that will rain down on Earth once the asteroid has been destroyed. "But it is absolutely a bill that each and every American needs now if we want to move forward as a country."

According to political pundits, the showdown over whether to let the asteroid blast a 150-mile-wide, 20-mile-deep crater in the Earth's crust represents a potential turning point for the nation, and could completely reshape the American political landscape for many centuries to come.

"If efforts to destroy the asteroid are successfully overturned, then there will be major ramifications for both Obama and his Republican opposition, as well as the American populace at large," political scientist Alan Abramowitz said on Face The Nation Sunday. "This could have a huge impact come 2012."

With repeal rhetoric reaching a crescendo, the president used his weekly radio address Saturday to state his case for destroying the one-trillion-ton asteroid before it barrels into Earth at 60,000 miles per hour.

"I am more than willing to work with my Republican colleagues to improve the Asteroid Destruction Act," Obama said. "But let me be clear: Repeal is not an option."

"While I recognize that intelligent minds may disagree on this issue, I believe we have an obligation to prevent our citizens from having their flesh seared off in a global firestorm that transforms our planet into a broiling molten wasteland," Obama added. "I think Americans deserve better."

Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

HAD TO HAPPEN

TODAYS JOKE

I was sitting on the train this morning opposite...
a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, "Please don't get an
erection. Please don't get an erection."


But she did.






I'll get me coat

I FEAR FOR OUR SPECIES ..........

From a Danish game show called Total Blackout

Pub landlady's EU case paves way for Premier League rights revolution

Venues showing live Premier League matches from foreign broadcasters are not breaking EU law, court advised


The European Union's highest court was today advised to rule that EU law does not prohibit pubs showing live Premier League matches from foreign broadcasters, potentially sparking a revolution in the way media sports rights are sold across the continent.

Juliane Kokott, one of the eight advocate generals of the European court of justice, gave her view on a landmark case brought by Karen Murphy, landlady of the Red, White and Blue pub in Portsmouth. Murphy uses a Greek decoder card to show live Premier League matches at much cheaper rates than BSkyB charges commercial premises in the UK.

The FA Premier League, which sells TV rights exclusively to broadcasters across Europe on a territory-by-territory basis, is attempting to clamp down on British pubs buying in live coverage from foreign broadcasters.

Kokott today opened the door for the potential dismantling of this country-specific sports rights regime, saying that in her opinion the "exclusivity of the rights in question have the effect of partitioning the internal market into quite separate national markets, something which constitutes a serious impairment of freedom to provide services".

While Kokott's opinion is not binding, the ECJ tends to follow the advice of advocate generals in the majority of cases. The Luxembourg-based court is expected to deliver its verdict on the Murphy case later this year.

She dismissed the copyright argument put forward by the Premier League that it held exclusive rights to matches broadcast to the public. "There are no comprehensive rights which protect the communication of a broadcast to the public where no entrance fee is charged," she said.

One observer pointed out that while the specifics of the case deal with sports rights, the outcome of the ECJ judgement has ramifications for any audiovisual industry that sells packaged rights in Europe including the film, TV and music sectors.

AND SO IT BEGINS .................

THE SHIRT HITS THE FAN

SHIRTY soccer fans don't have to dump their jerseys - even if their idols have moved in megabucks deals.

The Sun has teamed up with Oxfam to ensure unwanted old tops bearing the stars' names can find a new home with children in Africa.

We acted after Chelsea splashed out a British record £50million for Liverpool's Fernando Torres on the final day of the transfer window, and the Merseyside club spent £35million of it on securing Newcastle's Andy Carroll as a replacement.

Yesterday some supporters were pictured BURNING the "traitor tops". But instead, replicas bought in tribute to ANY player who was then transferred can be sent in to our shirt amnesty.

Oxfam's Sarah Farquhar said: "Football shirts are treasured for years by kids and adults alike across West Africa.

"Your unwanted footie shirts will be worn with pride in places such as Senegal and Gambia by football fans who love the game just as much as you do."

The scousers set his shirt alight Torres Torres
Just goes to show that we were right Torres Torres
They're just a load of pikey scum
Now we've signed their number one
Fernando Torres Chelsea's No.9

THEY JUST KEEP ON COMING.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



RECORD £50million striker Fernando Torres visited Chelsea's training ground yesterday - checking out multi-million pound mansions on the way.

The Spaniard, 26, saw new team-mates' swanky homes as he was driven to a fitness test in Cobham, Surrey.

Liverpool fans gutted at his transfer included Shaun McCormack, 36, who changed his name to Fernando Torres a month ago. He said: "I cried when I heard."

Michelle Moore, 31, who has her former idol's name tattooed on her arm, admitted: "It looks silly now."






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NEWCASTLE fans mourning the loss of £35million Andy Carroll turned to February's page on their club calendar yesterday - to find a photo of the ace.

Toon fan Damien Douglas, 32, said: "It's like salt in the wound to turn the page."

But fans eased the pain - by replacing the hitman's face with a pic of celeb Geordie Ant McPartlin.

Meanwhile Carroll, 22, said he was "pushed" out by owner Mike Ashley and was "gutted" to leave.

The ace revealed Ashley even laid on a helicopter to fly him to Liverpool.

He added: "I had no choice."

Andy Carroll: United pushed me out of Newcastle

ANDY Carroll told the Chronicle how he felt he was pushed out of Newcastle United. Following his £35m move to Liverpool, the Gateshead-born forward said he wanted to stay on Tyneside.


Today the striker poured his heart out as the club explained why they “reluctantly” allowed their prized asset to leave when he submitted a written transfer request after they initially rejected bids from Liverpool.

Carroll said: “I was in talks about a new contract and talking to the gaffer about that.

“He told me that they are now not going to give me a contract. That was as soon as the offer of £30m came in.

“So I asked why (I wasn’t getting a new contract) and he said his hands were tied.

“He said it wasn’t up to him. Then a £35m bid got accepted.

“And then I was allowed to talk to Liverpool. The owner then made it clear to me that I was not wanted at the club.

“Saying that his own helicopter is waiting for me to go down to talk to them.

“So being shown I’m not wanted I said OK I will talk to them. Then suddenly the bid was rejected.

“And then Derek asked me to hand in a transfer request. So I was pushed into a corner and had no choice.

“I wasn’t wanted by them and they made it clear they wanted the money.

“Then I flew down in his (Ashley’s) helicopter. I didn’t want to leave.

“I’m gutted that I wasn’t wanted at my home team after everything I’ve done and progress I’ve made.

“I didn’t want to leave at all. Make sure they know I didn’t want to leave.

“The players, staff and fans were fantastic.”

The lad he came from Tyne & Wear, Carroll Carroll,
he's big and hard but cost us dear, Carroll, Carroll,
We got him to replace the lad from Spain, you know the one, forgot his name,
Andy Carroll, Liverpool's number 9,