Thursday, March 10, 2011


In the media firestorm surrounding Charlie Sheen's recent outbursts, we are all left asking the same question: Were those lines delivered by Will Ferrell as his character Ron Burgundy in the feature film "Anchorman," or did an actual human being form these sentences in real life? I honestly can't tell the difference. Can you?

Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists. [CS]
I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy. [CS]
I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. [RB]
I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. [CS]
I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. [RB]
There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins. [CS]
My life is perfect and winning every second, and I'm delivering the goods at every frickin' turn. [CS]
I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come see how good I look! [RB]
I'm going to hang out with these two smokin' hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view. [CS]
[I have] tiger blood and Adonis DNA. [CS]
I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many push-ups. I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand. [RB]
I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars. [CS]
I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels, especially if he winds up in my octagon. [CS]
If you want to throw down fisticuffs, fine. I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for ya, right here. [RB]
Let's go over the ground rules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT! [RB]
If you try [my drug], you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. [CS]
I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker. [RB]
I am a werewolf stampede. I will stomp on your infant minds with my righteous fuzzy toes. [I MADE THAT ONE UP TO SEE IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION]
Vatican assassin warlocks! [CS]
You are a smelly pirate hooker! [RB]
I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain! [CS]
I have no interest in [the public's] retarded opinions. I'm gonna win inside every moment, and they can just find the most comfortable chair in their small house and sit back and enjoy the show. [CS]
We will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited. [RB]
[Normal people] lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, I can't process it. [CS]
I'm in a glass case of emotion! [RB]
I am battle-tested bayonets! [CS]
I'm expressing my anguish through the majesty of song! [RB]
You can't process me with a normal brain. [CS]

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