Lawyers to offer cut price super-injunctions

LAWYERS have been forced to cut the price of super-injunctions by up to 75 per cent after it emerged they do not really work.

A host of actors and premier league footballers, including a certain Mr 'Bryan Riggs' obviously, have taken their super-injuction back to the lawmongers where they bought it and asked for a refund.

With the market in the doldrums Britain's lawyers are now offering Super Injunction Lite, which lasts for about 20 minutes but costs just £12,000, or an own-brand 'value' super injunction which is virtually useless but is only £6.50 or two for a tenner.

Denys Howe QC of the firm ' Dewey, Cheatum and Howe ' said: "Times are tough. People do not have much money and those that do and have been fucking someone behind their wife's back are demanding real value for their cover-up pound.

"I am currently offering a really nice injunction - very clean - for £10,000 that will cover everything expect the internet."

DENYS HOWE QC

He added: "It is starting to feel like I've got a warehouse full of Betamax video tapes."

Meanwhile Ryan, erm sorry, Bryan Giggs, Ooops .. Riggs said: "I got it home and within a week it had stopped working. I checked for a troubleshooting guide at the back of the instruction booklet, but there wasn't one.

"It was almost as if they were saying it could not possibly go wrong."

He added: "I just think British made super-injunctions are really poor quality. So in future, if I am going to have sex with Imogen Thomas again, I think I'll just offer her the money up front and get her to sign a confidentiality agreement.

"It's not terribly erotic but it's got to be cheaper than fucking about with lawyers.