DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR 12 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS ?

Westlife to split after 14 years

The Irish boyband, which was formed in 1998 and has inflicted more than 20 top five hits on the general public since then, will no longer be releasing records as relentlessly creative, not to mention downright influential, as Unbreakable, Fool Again and Flying Without Wings. We must, however, keep our champagne corked for now – the band are threatening a farewell arena tour and greatest hits album before they are finally on their way.

IT'S A TRICK QUESTION - THEY'RE ALL GAY.

Westlife have sold more than 40m albums during their career and the tour will be a chance for their fans to hear some of those 14 No 1 hits nobody can quite recall the name of for one last time. After that, the foursome, which comprises Nicky Byrne, 33, Shane Filan, 32, Mark Feehily, 31, and Kian Egan, 31, have promised to explore "new ventures". Whether this means a sonic exploration along the fringes of underground electronica or just some charity work and crap solo albums remains to be seen.

Unfortunately for those of us trying to spin a news story out of this event, there are no reported fights, affairs or even creative differences to attribute the split to. Rather, it seems their parting is "amicable" and quite possibly based around the fact they can't believe they're still getting away with this rubbish after 14 years so best quit while they're ahead.