"Whenever I watch him play, to me David Luiz looks like he's being controlled by a 10-year-old in the crowd on a PlayStation." Sky Sports pundit Gary Neville offends all 10-year-olds with access to FIFA 12.
"I saw, from 10 metres, a table full of drugs." An ordinary day in the life Mario Balotelli, as he pops back to Italy to meet a Mafioso boss.
"Very good win gays!" Arsenal's Andre Santos wins the gong for best Freudian Tweet of the Year.
"My favourite book is Lord of the Rings, although I haven't read the book, I have watched the films. The book must be good because the films are so good." Darren Mackie
"I saved your club in 2005 and 2007 when nobody else would. The rebuilding of Leeds United is a bit like sex. In an age of instant gratification, Leeds United is having a long, drawn-out affair with plenty of foreplay and slow arousal." Ken Bates
"Nice of him. But Benni, I'm meant to have t***, you aren't!" Brady responds to being called 'the devil with t***' by Benni McCarthy.
"I do not honestly know what is really happening in Libya at the moment but it must be very hard for Gaddafi and his family." El-Hadji Diouf
"It borders on abuse, but I can't help where I was born." Steve Bruce. Yup, we'd say 'Fat Geordie b******' probably qualifies as abuse.
"The price we paid for Andy seems to be a problem for some people, but not us. We are looking at it from the point of view that he cost us minus £15m. That's a good argument against people who say he's replaced a £50m striker." Kenny Dalglish
"There is no racism, there is maybe one of the players towards another, he has a word or a gesture which is not the correct one. But also the one who is affected by that, he should say that this is a game. We are in a game, and at the end of the game, we shake hands." Sepp Blatter
"Tevez is one bad apple. He can undo all the good work that has been done at City. He's a disgrace to football. He epitomises what the man in the street thinks is wrong with modern football. It is totally unacceptable." Graeme Souness
"Be careful of the cat. Don't say you have the cat in the sack when you don't have the cat in the sack." Giovanni Trapattoni
"I have to be on top of my game when they start thinking about who is going to replace Fabio. If I am on top of my game with West Ham United I might get considered." Sam Allardyce
"I don't pick them, they're a bit dodgy but we have to wear them." Gabriel Agbonlahor delights his boot sponsor Nike.
"I used to have two Drogba jerseys - one to sleep in and another for when I played in the streets with my friends. I had a poster of Didier on the ceiling above my bed and another of Anelka just to the right. I always wore the same shoes as Didier and I subscribed to Chelsea TV to watch these clips they show of training. We have the same hair." Romelu Lukaku
"When I was aged 12 or 13, boys would meet their football manager dressed in a blazer or at least a pair of trousers. Now some of them turn up to see me wearing a pair of jeans with their a**e hanging out. They just don't care." Harry Redknapp
"I have just been unlucky." Paul Scholes on his 90 yellow and four red cards in the Premier League.
"Chelsea players are always bitching against the referees. I really cannot understand that. Just shut the f*** up and focus on playing football. If you want to witness a lot of complaints, you should just go the bakery or something." Robin van Persie
"The only player I was scared of was Vinnie Jones. I was young and it was just the way he looked at me. I don't know if he was acting. I didn't want to find out." Patrick Vieira
"I watched Hamlet the other night and, what a shame, they nearly all died in the end. I've never heard so many words make so little sense. It was brilliant, a bit like my interviews." Ian Holloway
"If you ask me, I'll take penalties. We've been practising." Harry Redknapp in fine deadpan form ahead of Tottenham's return game with Real Madrid, trailing 4-0 from the first leg.
"If some stupid fans don't understand and appreciate such a gift they can go to hell. I don't want them to be fans. If they don't understand and don't believe in things I believe in they can go to Chelsea. They can go anywhere else." Mohamed Al Fayed flies off the wall and tells Fulham fans who don't appreciate his Michael Jackson statue to beat it.
"He's done really well to get where he is so I think Andy is focused on his football. I've been with him at Boyzone concerts and he's still never bought me a drink!" Kenny Dalglish
"I don't like to hear any manager getting hostility. But I'd prefer it to be him than me so, no, to be honest I don't give a flying flute. I can empathise with him, I've been there, but 'sympathy' is not the word. Look it up in the dictionary, it's between sh*t and syphilis." Gerard Houllier won't be crying on Mick McCarthy's shoulder anytime soon.
"Birmingham is a c**p city and I wasn't going to make the effort, especially as I wasn't playing. I don't give a damn for Ireland. Live in Cork? I'd rather shoot myself. I prefer Los Angeles." Stephen Ireland
"I did try and cheat like Tony Cascarino did by going over and having 14 pints of Guinness. Didn't work though." Kevin Nolan admits he looked into the idea of playing for Republic of Ireland.
"I don't enjoy firing people - it's not my style." Milan Mandaric reflects on getting through his 14th manager in 12 years.
"I got some sweets and the next thing I felt someone pull my overcoat. There are two guys on their knees in front of me and they've got my trousers and they keep pulling them. I'm pushing them away but while I'm doing that they're rifling my pockets." Harry Redknapp has his wallet nicked in Madrid.
"There is no chance I would ever consider having all my hair cut off. My hair is my life. It's so important to me. If you cut off my hair, it is like cutting out my heart or cutting off my legs. I would cry for days and days." Anderson
"They should rename it Tw*tter - and anybody on it should be renamed. Too many tweets make a t***." Mick McCarthy's
No comments:
Post a Comment