Arsenal 0 Chelsea 3

Lost.......... One plot. If found, please contact Mr A Wenger at Emirates Stadium, London N5. Small reward on offer (if Arsenal can afford it).
England had the Wally with the Brolly. On Sunday Arsenal had the prat in the Anorak. In his dreadful waterproof hooded parka and straight-out-of-the-box trainers, Arsene Wenger was a pitiful sight on the touchline whether it was sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, gesticulating wildly for another non-existent penalty, or just crouching down on his haunches in an apparent effort to see the game from the same perspective as Sami Nasri.
Whether it was due to water on the brain from standing forlornly in the rain for 90 minutes, the Mad Professor was soon displaying how desperate his grip is on the last vestiges of sanity with his post-match comments.
The scoreline was a very unfair reflection of the game. Drogba didnt do a lot (apart from score twice, obviously) and he didnt mean to put the cross for the first goal into the net (Where did he mean to put it then? Over the bar? Into Row Z??). Absolutely everything went for Chelsea (apart from the stonewall penalty decision, of course). The disallowed Arshavin goal should have stood because I watched it five times and it was a Chelsea player that impeded Cech (try watching it a sixth time, Arsene. See that player with the blue boot kicking it out of Cechs hands? Thats Eduardo, that is). Chelsea didnt impress him (nah, not much) and will drop points (maybe so, but not enough for you to get back in the title race). And on and on and on.
Even the usually adoring members of the press didnt buy it. Risible, they labelled his comments. Wild and deluded. One went so far as to say that Wenger must have been so traumatised he was temporarily incapable of telling the truth. To which the rest of us would respond temporarily???
As far as Im concerned, Wengers relationship with reality has for some time now - been tenuous at best. His legendary inability to see certain incidents on the field can be dismissed as merely laughable. But his insistence that only Arsenal play proper football, and his apparent belief that games should be decided on artistic merit rather than the boring old traditional goals-scored method puts him firmly in the crank category.
He has promised to hold a press conference later this week with the aid of statistics, graphics, pie charts and presumably a Ouija board to show how Arsenal, in fact, dominated the game on Sunday. He will also prove that Chelsea carried out the 9/11 atrocities, that JFK was assassinated by Jose Mourinho, and that Roman Abramovich is single-handedly responsible for climate change.