GAME ON

Chelsea FC sign Fernando Torres for £50m, the biggest deal in Premiership history

The deal went right down to the wire ahead of the transfer window closing, with Torres only travelling down to London late on Monday evening to undergo a last-minute medical.

The deal went right down to the wire ahead of the transfer window closing, with Torres only travelling down to London late on Monday evening to undergo a last-minute medical.

The Spaniard, who spent almost four years at Liverpool after arriving from Atletico Madrid in 2007, could take on his former club as early as this weekend when the Reds travel to Stamford Bridge in the Premier League.

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WELCOME TO THE BRIDGE LADS,

Chelsea complete £21.3m Luiz signing

Having signed Liverpool striker Fernando Torres for a fee rising to £50 million, Chelsea have also strengthened their defence with the acquisition of Luiz from the Portuguese club.

Luiz, 23, was named Portugal's Player of the Year for 2010 as he helped Benfica win the domestic Double and has carved out a reputation as a defender of some repute since joining the club in 2007.

At Chelsea, he will compete with John Terry and fellow Brazilian Alex for a place in the heart of Carlo Ancelotti's defence.

Luiz joins Chelsea for a fee of €25 million (£21.3 million), while young midfielder Nemanja Matic also moves to Estadio da Luz.

IT'S BEEN A LONG WEEKEND

His armband proved he was a red - torres torres
until the league campaign was dead - torres torres
chelsea came in with a bid
torres fucked off and we were fine
fernando torres chelseas number 9

His armband proved he was a red - torres torres
You'll never walk alone it said - torres torres
We bought the lad from sunny Spain
He gets the ball he scores again
Fer-nan-do Torres, Liverpool's number nine.

He is a blue, he was a red - torres torres
He left the Kop, he loves the Shed - torres torres
He used to go out on the rob
But now he's got a proper job
'Nando Torres - Chelsea's number 9

His armband proved he was a red, Suarez Suarez
You'll never walk alone it said, Suarez Suarez
He bought the band from a lad in Spain.
Tall, blonde hair, forgotten the name.
Luis Suarez Liverpool's Number 9

He wanted to leave to be a blue - Torres Torres,
He couldn't stand living in Liverpoo -Torres, Torres,
We saved the lad from a town of crime
And a burgled house in extra time
Fer-nan-do Torres, Chelsea's number nine.

He was a red, he's now a blue - Torres Torres
He used to sulk and smell of Poo - Torres Torres
but now that he has left the scum
a Premiership medal is sure to come
Fer-nan-do Torres, Chelsea's number nine.


"We used to give you loads of shit, Torres Torres,
But now we like you quite a bit, Torres Torres,
The Scouse are saying please don't go,
but you're the next Tore Andre Flo,
Fernando Torres, Chelsea's number nine!"


He's half a girl, he's half a boy, Torres, Torres.
He looks just like a transvestite, Torres, Torres.
He wears a frock, he loves the c*ck,
He sells his a*se on Albert Dock,
Fer-nan-do Torres, Carraghers bit on the side...

He was a red, now he's a blue - torres torres ,
faark those scousers, boo hoo hoo - torres torres ,
knew the lad had loads of class,
Carra will miss his Spanish ass,
Nando Torres , chelsea's no 9

We used to hate your fuckin' guts Torres Torres
But now he's driving Scousers nuts Torres Torres
They banged his car they burnt his shirt
To see him play in Blue will hurt
Fernando Torres Chelsea's No. 9

His armband lied, he was no red, Torres Torres
He's just a rentboy like they said, Torres Torres
Into our backs he plunged his knife
I hope John Terry shags his wife
Fernando Torres, Chelsea's new number 9

"We're sorry for the things we said -Torres, Torres
It's just that we all hate the Reds - Torres, Torres
The "half a girl" stuff was just a joke
We really think you're a brilliant bloke
Fernando Torres, No longer a ladyboy"


POETRY COURTESY OF CHELSEA CHAT AND RAWK

TRANSFER NEWS

Roberto Mancini has confirmed he will be bringing in a new face by the end of the day





Carlos Tevez and Joleon Lescott are fighting over who gets it

Incomprehensible Scotsman buys £20m worth of Soleros from Ajax

INCOMPREHENSIBLE Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish has inadvertently signed more than £20m worth of fruit-covered ice cream treats from Dutch giants Ajax.

The iconic scowl has now been forced to employ interpreters to make his transfer requests understood after buying a huge quantity of non-footballing items from Europe's leading clubs.
Ajax manager Frank De Boer said: "Mr Dalglish came into my office and told me he wants to buy 'lots of Soleros' and that he has more than £20m available. The fleet of trucks leaves next Monday.

"We even managed to negotiate a £5m add-on fee for some training cones and a tablecloth, although I think he may actually have been trying to order a taxi at the time."

The trip to Ajax has brought Liverpool's January spending up to £35 million after Dalglish left the San Siro in Milan with eight tons of topsoil and then orderded 40,000 pies from Aston Villa.

But he has recouped £7m after accidentally selling Ryan Babel to Hoffenheim during a takeaway pizza order.

Dalglish thinks he fits right in during his new stint at Liverpool but continues to struggle with basic sentences and many of the foreign players are under the impression the manager is still Roy Hodgson after having had some botox and a stroke.

Assistant Sammy Lee said: "Sometimes I look into his eyes and I can almost sense what he's trying to tell me.

"Hopefully, unlike his two predecessors, it's not that there's a draught coming from somewhere or that he's being targeted by Mossad because of his shoes."

Keys points finger at Sith

RICHARD Keys has blamed disturbances in the Force for his recent inability to cling on to his job.

The sports pundit impersonator and flexi-time Jedi claims the Youtube account leaking footage of him chasing secretaries around a desk is the work of the Sith Lords.

Using home-made equipment fashioned from an old BskyB squarial, he claimed the leaked footage is teeming with bad midichlorians.

Keys said: "Women lead to bras. Bras lead to breasts. Breasts lead to making 'flubalubaluba' noises whilst shaking your head back and forth.

"A very serious conversation with Human Resources where they ask you to hand back your security pass, that way lies."

He has asked his former employers to be on the lookout for a woman named Darth Sexual Grievance filing harassment suits while ancient men in hooded robes look on and cackle before saying: "Good... good. You have controlled your fear of being groped, now unleash your claim for compensation!"

Rumours have already surfaced that Keys will retire from broadcasting altogether, after he told friends: "Excitement? Adventure? A sporting anchor craves not these things. Especially when presenting a Wednesday night League Cup tie between Swindon and Ipswich you are."

But most insiders suggest he will hide away on the unregarded backwater station of Talksport and await the arrival of a young punditry apprentice whom he can instruct in the ways of calling women 'Tittyfolol'.

Keys added: "With this new apprentice and the spectre of my former colleague, I will rid the sporting galaxy of the Sith feminists forever.

"When Sky struck Andy Gray down, they made him more powerful than they could possibly imagine."

TRANSFER NEWS

Liverpool have just made a £20 million bid for Andy Murray !

DALGLISH STATED : " I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE HIT THE NET SO MANY TIMES IN 90 MINS " 

Special 1 TV

Andy Gray, Richard Keys parody song

 :

LOL

Can you hear the Shed, Fernando?
I do not remember ever another starry night like this;
When the Chelsea called Fernando,
And then sang your name out loud as you came down to sign the deal,
And we heard the Scousers cry as their blood started quickly to congeal.

There was burning in the air that night, red shirts alight, Fernando,
now you'll be scoring goals for you and me, for CFC, Fernando,
though the Scousers thought you'd never leave, they're all depressed,
and when you get to meet Reina again, you'll score my friend, Fernando.

It got closer now, Fernando;
every hour, every minute seemed to last eternally;
They are so afraid, Fernando;
They are young and full of life and all of them prepared to cry,
And I'm not ashamed to say the roar of Chelsea celebrating made me smile.

There was burning in the air that night, red shirts alight, Fernando,
now you'll be scoring goals for you and me, for CFC, Fernando,
though the Scousers thought you'd never leave, they're all depressed,
and when you get to meet Reina again, you'll score my friend, Fernando.

Now I'm old and grey, Fernando;
and since many years I haven't seen the Chelsea smile;
Until you came round, Fernando;
Do you still recall the moment you were no longer at Liverpool?
I could see it in your eyes how proud you were to wear the Chelsea Blue.

There was burning in the air that night, red shirts alight, Fernando,
now you'll be scoring goals for you and me, for CFC, Fernando,
though the Scousers thought you'd never leave, they're all depressed,
and when you get to meet Reina again, you'll score my friend, Fernando.

There was burning in the air that night, red shirts alight, Fernando,
you'll be scoring goals for you and me, for CFC, Fernando,
though the Scousers thought you'd never leave, they're all depressed,
and when you get to meet Reina again, you'll score my friend, Fernando.

GENIUS [CFC FAN]


AND HERE HE IS ...................................... CHELSEA'S NEW NO 9

Newly-formed Thai airline recruits "Ladyboys" as air hostesses

A newly-formed Thai airline has recruited transsexuals as air hostesses, in a pioneering move it believes will be copied by other carriers.

PC Air, which has yet to take to the skies, selected three "Ladyboys" in its first round of hiring this week to promote equal opportunities for what is dubbed the "third sex" in Thailand.

Peter Chan, the new airline's boss, is enthusiastic about his groundbreaking move because of the opportunities it would afford transsexuals.

COFFEE, TEA OR KATOEY ?

"I think these people can have many careers – not just in the entertainment business – and many of them have a dream to be an air hostess," he said. "I just made their dream come true. Our society has changed. It's evolution. I'm a pioneer and I'm sure there will be other organisations following my idea."

One of the successful candidates was Thanyarat "Film" Jiraphatpakorn, who won the annual Miss Tiffany "katoey" beauty pageant in 2007. "At first I thought they would just take applications but not actually recruit us, as happened at other places before," said the 23-year-old, adding that she was delighted to have been chosen.

Thailand has the largest number of "katoeys" – as they are called in Thai – in the world, with the country's surgeons pioneering cheaper and quicker sex change operations because of the sky-high demand from men wishing to become women.

But PC Air did not make proof of sexual reassignment a criteria for the job, merely that the applicants possessed the necessary language skills and the potential to provide good service.

Many "katoeys" do not undergo sex change operations, either because of the expense or possible medical complications. But they dress as women, often taking birth control pills to reduce facial hair and grow breasts.

More than 100 transsexuals applied for the first places. The airline decided on a quota of three in the initial round of recruitment, where 17 men and ten women were also hired.

The transsexual flight attendants will wear special gold-coloured "third sex" name badges to help passengers and immigration staff to easily identify the gender they are faced with.

Al Jazeera want to sign Keys and Gray

Super-rich Arab TV station Al Jazeera want to snap up Richard Keys and Andy Gray - after the pair were axed by Sky.


Keys is due in Qatar today for talks about a lucrative contract and if he takes up their top post he would bring long-term friend and sidekick Gray with him.

ANDY GREY AND RICHARD KEYS HEAD OFF TO WHERE WOMENS RIGHTS DON'T EXIST

Both Keys and Gray are ‘faces’ in the TV world and the Arabs are not concerned about the fall-out from the sexist comments that cost them their Sky posts.

It would be a massive coup for the station to land two of football’s leading presenters in a double act - they currently use several English frontmen, including Gary Lineker, for their shows.

Al Jazeera are expanding their sports coverage and have just done a deal to broadcast the World Cup in the Middle East and Africa for the next three tournaments.

The move would mean that both Keys and Gray would spend extended periods in Qatar but there is also scope for them to do programmes from the station’s London base.

There are few other stations in the market for the pair and the cash on offer in the Middle East could make up for the loss of their seven-figure Sky salaries.

GENDER EQUALITY

                                                                                                                                                           CLICK HERE -> http://www.femalefreedom.ca/default.htm

Nominations announced for 31st annual Golden Raspberry Awards

Worst Picture Nominees

“The Bounty Hunter,” “The Last Airbender,” “Sex & The City 2,” “Twilight Saga: Eclipse,” “Vampires Suck.”

Worst Actor Nominees

Jack Black for “Gulliver’s Travels,” Gerard Butler for “The Bounty Hunter,” Ashton Kutcher for “Killers” and “Valentine’s Day,” Taylor Lautner for “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” and “Valentine’s Day” and Robert Pattinson for “Remember Me” and “Twilight Saga: Eclipse.”



Worst Actress Nominees

Jennifer Aniston for “The Bounty Hunter” and “The Switch,” Miley Cyrus for “The Song,” all four starring actresses for “Sex & The City 2,” Megan Fox for “Jonah Hex” and Kristen Stewart for “Twilight Saga: Eclipse.”

Worst Supporting Actor Nominees

Billy Ray Cyrus for “The Spy Next Door,” George Lopez for “Marmaduke,” “The Spy Next Door” and “Valentine’s Day,” Dev Patel for “The Last Airbender,” Jackson Rathbone for “The Last Airbender” and “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” and Rob Schneider for “Grown Ups.”

Worst Supporting Actress Nominees

Jessica Alba for “The Killer Inside Me,” “Little Fockers,” “Machete” and “Valentine’s Day,” Cher for “Burlesque,” Liza Minnelli for “Sex & The City 2,” Nicola Peltz for “The Last Airbender,” Barbara Streisand for “Little Fockers.”

Worst Eye-Gouging Mis-Use of 3-D Nominees

“Cats & Dog 2: Revenge of Kitty Galore,” “Clash of the Titans,” “The Last Airbender,” “Nutcracker 3-D” and “Saw 3-D.”

Worst Screen Couple/Ensemble Nominees

Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler for “The Bounty Hunter,” Josh Brolin’s face and Megan Fox’s accent for “Jonah Hex,” the entire cast of “The Last Airbender,” the entire cast of “Sex & The City 2” and the entire cast of “Twilight Saga: Eclipse.”

Worst Director Nominees

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer for “Vampires Suck,” Michael Patrick King for “Sex & The City 2,” M. Night Shyamalan for “The Last Airbender,” David Slade for “Twilight Saga: Eclipse,” Sylvester Stallone for “The Expendables.”

Worst Screenplay Nominees

M. Night Shyamalan for “The Last Airbender,” John Hamburg and Larry Stuckey for “Little Fockers,” Michael Patrick King for “Sex & The City 2,” Melissa Rosenberg for “Twilight Saga: Eclipse,” and Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer for “Vampires Suck.”

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel Nominees

“Clash of the Titans,” “The Last Airbender,” “Sex & The City 2,” “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” and “Vampires Suck.”

Richard Keys quits Sky

The long-time host of the channel's Premier League football coverage conceded his position had become untenable.


Keys' TV partner Andy Gray was fired by the station yesterday and MirrorFootball understands touchline reporter Andy Burton is also about to leave.

Keys earlier claimed that "dark forces" have been at work in the sexism furore that has cost fellow presenter Andy Gray his job.

Keys, who admitted that he may be sacked too as Sky's football anchorman or quit himself, said he was wrong to have made the disparaging remarks about female assistant referee Sian Massey on Saturday but that he was prevented from making his apology public.

Keys told talkSPORT: "There are some dark forces at work here.

"I apologised on the Sunday. I realised how deeply wrong we were. Having done that I asked 'could we make people aware of the fact we had a conversation and that both parties felt it was right to move on'. I was told 'no'.

"Then 24 hours had passed, by which time the world had gone mad.

"I don't know why I was told 'no' and stopped from telling people what I had done."

Gray was sacked yesterday after a video clip showed him making inappropriate remarks to another presenter, Charlotte Jackson.

SKY SPORTS 2011

JUST FOR MEN ...........

Sian Massey is to front the new 'Just For Men' ad campaign

USE ONCE AND THE GREY IS GONE

Sky has announced Andy Gray's contract has been terminated for unacceptable behaviour

Not only is Andy Gray sexist, he was also the worst pundit

Andy Gray, Sky Sports’ leading football pundit, has found himself at the centre of a sexism row following his off-air comments about assistant referee Sian Massey.

Along with lead presenter Richard Keys, the pair concurred that female officials “don’t know the offside rule” with Keys adding: “I can guarantee you there’ll be a big one today. (Liverpool manager) Kenny (Dalglish) will go potty.”

When not making sexist comments, Gray was renowned for his over-blown (and sometimes questionable) analysis.

He's a sexist and a pig - Andy Gray Andy Gray
He thought the fans wouldn't twig - Andy Gray Andy Gray
He was always on his knees
down in front of Richard Keys
Whenever Man Utd won the day - Andy Gray

It's important to keep footie traditions alive


And without wanting to kick a pundit when he’s down, it would appear football fans have had enough. A recent poll for FootballFanCast.com which asked ‘who is the worst pundit in the English game?’ saw Gray came out well on top.

The Scotsman scooped 24 per cent of the vote, beating Garth Crooks and Jamie Redknapp in the process, which is quite an achievement. Perhaps it was comments such as “I watched the game and I saw an awful lot of it,” and “It’s what I call one of those ‘indefensible ones’ – you can’t defend against them,” that saw him win the vote.

Here’s the top ten worst pundits, as voted for on FootballFanCast.com

1. Andy Gray (21%)

2. Garth Crooks (18%)

3. Jamie Redknapp (14%)

4. Mark Lawrenson (14%)

5. David Pleat (11%)

6. Andy Townsend (7%)

7. Mark Bright (4%)

8. Craig Burley (4%)

9. Graham Taylor (4%)

10. Joe Royle (3%)

Stallone’s ‘Expendables’ Truck Sells For $134K

There are times when you’re driving your car and you realize: “I need more secret compartments for movie weapons.”

Well, sorry to tell you this, but you missed your chance to own the customized truck Sylvester Stallone drives in The Expendables, which sold at an Arizona auction for $134,000. The modified 1955 truck features a Ford 347cid Edelbrock engine, race seats, and “hidden compartments to hold movie weapons.”

42-inch Pizza !

Jordan's writers to kill off Alex Reid

THE writing team behind Jordan is considering killing Alex Reid amid concerns the story is becoming too complex for its target demographic.

In the current storyline, the model has ditched her cross-dressing cage fighter husband after she intimidated his sperm, clearing the way for a new male lead, probably a boxer.

But her writers fear it was a mistake to keep a second ex-partner alive.

Script supervisor, Wayne Hayes, said: "We decided to keep Alex around so we could maybe do a sub-plot involving a failed transvestite heist with Essex gangsters.

"But with a new Peter Andre love story and a Kerry Katona revelation planned for next week, we've simply got too many balls in the air.

"Plus he was never a popular character in the first place, except with small children and sexually confused bouncers."

The team are now discussing a number of death options.

Hayes added: "We've got this idea that Jordan turns her house into a sort of personal wildlife park for Harvey, with genetically-tweaked pink grass.

"Broken-hearted Alex scales the perimeter fence with a bunch of daffodils and a mid-sized box of Terry's All Gold, but his stiletto gets hooked in the mesh and he ends up dangling helplessly upside down while timber wolves tear at his liver.

"It certainly has impact and could help pull in pet food sponsors."

The Jordan concept was created in 1979 by a shadowy group of stocky elderly men known only as 'The Sigil', who make everything from electrical tape to perfume and are above the law.

The offside rule explained for girls:

You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The 'opposing' female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.

Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper,
catch the purse and buy the shoes.

Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.

Mic captures Sky presenters' sexist diatribe

Sky Sports presenters Andy Gray and Richard Keys were at the centre of a sexism row last night after they questioned whether a female linesman knew the offside rule during a Premier League football match.


The commentators, who apparently believed their microphones were switched off, were recorded making disparaging remarks about Sian Massey, 25, before Liverpool’s Premiership clash with Wolves yesterday.

They also criticised Apprentice star and West Ham vice-chairman Karren Brady who had yesterday written about sexism in a newspaper column.

Keys and Grey living in the 1950's

Commenting on Ms Massey, Mr Keys said: ‘Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.’

Mr Gray, a former Scottish international footballer, replied: ‘Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule.’

Mr Keys replied: ‘Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny (Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish) will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?’

Later in the exchange, Mr Keys said: ‘The game’s gone mad. Did you hear charming Karren Brady this morning complaining about sexism? Do me a favour, love.’

Ms Brady had said she had ‘experienced sexism at its rankest, lies about my personal life and a level of calculated mischief that is simply appalling’.

Asked about the pundits’ remarks, she said: ‘I think this just sums up everything I said in my column.’

During the game, which Liverpool won 3-0, Ms Massey angered Wolves by refusing to rule Raul Meireles offside before he set up Liverpool’s first goal. The replay showed that she made the correct decision.

When The Mail on Sunday put the transcript to Mr Keys, he said: ‘I have no recollection of that. I have no idea what you are talking about.
'My recollection is that I wished the young lady all the best.’

When told a recording existed of the conversation, he said: ‘If you have a tape then you don’t need me to talk to you.’

Last night The Mail on Sunday sent a transcript and a copy of the recording to a Sky Sports spokeswoman.

The Optus Australian Open

PREMIERSHIP ACE FORGETS HIS PORCHE

EX-England soccer starlet Jermaine Pennant left his flash Porsche at a rail station for a month - after he forgot he owned one.

The £2.8million winger, 28 - back in the Premier League after playing in Spain - was baffled when his former club contacted him about it.

Real Zaragoza officials alerted by local rail staff told Stoke City's new star he owed a fortune in parking fines.

They were amazed as he insisted the car was not his and had to prove it by telling him it bore his personal plate - P33NNT.

The former Arsenal and Liverpool ace got a pal to retrieve it from Zaragoza rail station, where officials had forced open the door and found the keys inside.

The friend drove it to the player's Spanish apartment. A top source at Stoke City said: "The plate is now on his Ferrari, which is over here."

FREAKIN' LOL

PERHAPS SHE'S A COCKNEY !

LOL

MY MUSICAL MEMORIES

TUBULAR BELLS

COMING SOON

The Onion, the satirical news organization that broke the fake story that the smoke monster from “Lost” would receive its own spin-off series and cheekily reported that television critics who praised “The Wire” had never seen the show, is itself headed to the small screen.



The Onion series, called “Onion News Network,” will bring the deadpan sensibility of the Web site’s popular video clips (which detail silly if untrue stories like “Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of ‘Friendster’ Civilization” and “Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire”) to a half-hour show in the vein of authentic news programs like CNN’s “Situation Room” or “Anderson Cooper 360.”

“It just seems to us, CNN, Fox News and MSNBC are already doing such great comedy out there, without a whole lot of competition,” said Will Graham, an executive producer of the Onion News Network videos. “We thought it was about time that someone really gave them a run for their money.”

IFC, which draws an audience that is 70 percent male with a blend of indie movies and comedies like “Arrested Development” and “Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” said its new programming reflected an expanded focus on independent culture as well as independent film.

CHEESES !

RUMOUR MILL

ELTON JOHN SET TO REPLACE GERARD HOULLIER AS ASTON VILLA MANAGER

Since the announcement that the new strike force at Aston Villa will be Young, Bent and perhaps Keane, discussions have been going on behind the scenes at Villa Park all day.

ELTON JOHN - BENT

HOW SAD

Once upon a time, this Ussuri tiger would have inspired awe and wonder, and now its just fodder for youtube



LAUGH ALL YOU LIKE, IT STILL HAS MORE RAW POWER THAN ANY MAN ALIVE.

Judge rules inmate 'bitten on penis by rodent' may sue

A New York man who says a rat bit his penis during a jail stay may sue county officials, a judge has ruled.

Peter Solomon, who said he later had to endure a course of rabies jabs, says jailers knew the ward in which they placed him was infested with rodents.

He says the jail was negligent and mistreated him because he is black.

Lawyers for Nassau County sought to have the suit dismissed. Among other arguments, its experts said they saw no evidence of serious injury.

Rodent problem disputed

In February 2007, Mr Solomon, a Vietnam veteran who says he has been treated for post-traumatic stress disorder, was jailed in the Nassau County Correctional Center near New York City, pending trial on charges he had menaced his wife.

He was transferred to a medical observation unit amid worries he was mentally ill. In court documents obtained by the BBC, he claims at night a rat "or similar rodent" emerged from a hole in his mattress and bit him on the penis and hand, drawing blood.

Mr Solomon, 54, claimed the county was indifferent to his treatment and failed to protect him from the vermin, and sued for damages.

County officials said they were shielded from lawsuits because they had acted in an official capacity, they were unaware of substantial risks, and they disputed the notion that a rodent problem existed in the jail.

They also noted the wound did not require stitching and argued that his injuries were merely psychological.

"The parties dispute whether the rodent was a mouse or a rat, whether Solomon was bitten or scratched, and the nature and extent of his injuries," US District Judge Arthur Spatt wrote.

He ruled on Thursday the suit may proceed.

BECAUSE THERE JUST ISN'T ENOUGH DUMB IN THE WORLD

Ricky Gervais digs himself into irreversible hole as 2011 Golden Globes host ?

Never has the concept of "less is more" been more richly illustrated than by host Ricky Gervais' virtual disappearance from the second half of Sunday night's Golden Globes Awards.



Well, I thought it was funny

LIST OF WINNERS:

Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: Christan Bale for The Fighter.
Actress in a TV Series – Drama: Katey Sagal for Sons of Anarchy.
Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini-Series or TV movie: Chris Colfer for Glee.
Actor in a TV Series – Drama: Steve Buscemi for Boardwalk Empire.
TV Series – Drama: Boardwalk Empire.
Animated Feature Film: Toy Story 3.
Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical: Annette Bening for The Kids Are All Right.
Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama: Melissa Leo for The Fighter.
Best Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech.
Motion Picture – Drama: The Social Network.
Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama: Natalie Portman for Black Swan.

RUMOUR MILL

Alex Ferguson is set to rest Howard Webb for todays trip to Spurs

Webb and his team-mates celebrate together

Actress Susannah York dies at 72

British film and stage actress Susannah York died on January 15, at the age of 72, after a battle with bone marrow cancer.


She was born Susannah Yolande Fletcher and when she was 13 she was expelled from school for swimming naked in the facility’s pool.

BBC News reported that she graduated from the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in 1958, winning the Ronson Award for most promising student.

York won a Bafta and received an Oscar nomination for her role in the 1969 film They Shoot Horses Don’t They. She won the award for Best Actress at the Cannes Film Festival for her role in the 1972 film Images.

The Guardian reported that her most memorable performance was when she played a young lesbian in the film adaptation of the hit play The Killing of Sister George (1969). The movie’s extended lovemaking scene was so explicit that it was X-rated and banned in several locations.

She had roles in Tunes Of Glory (1960), Tom Jones (1963), A Man For All Seasons (1966), Battle Of Britain (1969), The Maids (1974) and Zee and Company (1972), as well as a television production of Jane Eyre (1970).

She played Superman’s mother in Superman (1978), Superman II (1980) and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987).

UNTITLED SPIDER-MAN REBOOT

FIRST PIC

Andrew Garfield

Born in the United States to Anglo-American parents, he moved to England when he was aged four and was brought up in Epsom in Surrey.

Won the Milton Shulman Award for Outstanding Newcomer at the 2006 Evening Standard Theatre Awards.

Shared the 2007 London Theatre Critics Circle Most Promising Newcomer Award with Connie Fisher.

Won the 2004 Manchester Evening News Most Promising Newcomer Theatre Award for his performance in "Kes" at the Royal Exchange Theatre, Manchester.

Trained at the Central School of Speech & Drama, graduating in 2004.

2008: Named as one of European films' Shooting Stars by the European Film Promotion Board.

One of Variety Magazine's '10 Actors to Watch' (2007).

Also in the cast are Emma Stone (Gwen Stacy), Martin Sheen (Uncle Ben), Sally Field ( Aunt May), Dennis Leary (George Stacy) and Rhys Ifans (Dr Curt Connors/The Lizard).

Release date - July 2012

American College Kid’s Map Of The World

TRUST IS SUCH A FRAGILE THING

Play Scrabble Online

Here's the link --> http://www.quadplex.com/

WAIT FOR IT

DONT TRY THIS AT HOME

Man marries pillow

True love can take many forms. In this case, it has taken the form of a Korean man falling in love with, and eventually marrying, a large pillow with a picture of a woman on it.


Lee Jin-gyu fell for his 'dakimakura' - a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan, often with a picture of a popular anime character printed on the side.
In Lee's case, his beloved pillow has an image of Fate Testarossa, from the 'magical girl' anime series Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha.

Now the 28-year-old otaku (a Japanese term that roughly translates to somewhere between 'obsessive' and 'nerd') has wed the pillow in a special ceremony, after fitting it out with a wedding dress for the service in front of a local priest. Their nuptials were eagerly chronicled by the local media.

'He is completely obsessed with this pillow and takes it everywhere,' said one friend.

'They go out to the park or the funfair where it will go on all the rides with him. Then when he goes out to eat he takes it with him and it gets its own seat and its own meal,' they added.
The pillow marriage is not the first similarly-themed unusual marriage in recent times - it comes after a Japanese otaku married his virtual girlfriend Nene Anegasaki, a character who only exists in the Nintendo DS game Love Plus, last November.

FOREVER LAZY

Barcelona forward Lionel Messi wins the inaugural Fifa Ballon d'Or

Lionel Messi has become the inaugural winner of the FIFA Ballon d'Or at a glittering award ceremony in Zurich.

Argentina star Messi was selected ahead of Barcelona team-mates Xavi and Andres Iniesta, who both won the World Cup with Spain last summer.

Messi, 23, scored an astonishing 60 goals for club and country in 2010 and is regarded by many as the most gifted player of his generation.

The FIFA Ballon d'Or was created following the merging of France Football magazine's European Footballer of the Year prize with the FIFA World Player of the Year gong.

As such, it is awarded based on votes cast by journalists from around the world and coaches and captains of national teams.

Messi was the holder of both titles and therefore joins former Brazil strikers Ronaldo and Rivaldo and France legend Zinedine Zidane as a multiple winner of the latter accolade.

Alfredo Di Stefano, Johan Cruyff, Franz Beckenbauer, Kevin Keegan, Michel Platini, Marco van Basten, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge and Ronaldo are the only other men to win the Ballon d'Or more than once.

Messi also became the first player to be awarded the prize in a World Cup year without having won the tournament for the first time since 1994 (when non-Europeans were ineligible).

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Jose Mourinho Wins 2010 FIFA Coach Of The Year Award

Jose Mourinho has been named the best manager of 2010 by FIFA after leading Inter Milan to the Scudetto, Coppa Italia and the UEFA Champions League title last season. The "Special One" beat out Spain manager Vicente del Bosque, who won last summer's World Cup, and Pep Guardiola, Barcelona's boy wonder who took Barca to the Spanish title last season.

Now at Real Madrid in Spain's La Liga, Mourinho left Inter Milan after the club's most successful season in their history. Currently second in La Liga only behind rivals Barcelona, Mourinho has again transformed a side in need of something different, something special.

While over taking Barcelona as Spain's best club looks to be a difficult feat, Mourinho has Madrid qualified for the Champions League round of 16, in striking distance of Barcelona for top spot and has Madrid playing some of the best football in Europe.

A brilliant man manager, tactician and manipulator of the media, Mourinho has succeeded at multiple clubs across Europe in year's past including Portugal's Porto (UEFA Champions League title in 2004, multiple times League and Cup winner), England's Chelsea (winner of the Premier League twice and multiple Cup winner) and recently, last year's Inter success.

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LOL

Giant Tuna (754lb) Sells For A Record £254,000

THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE THE TIN

The 342kg (754lb) fish was snapped up in auction by the owners of Kyubey, an upscale Tokyo sushi restaurant, and Itamae Sushi, a Hong Kong-based chain.

The previous record was set in 2001 when a 202kg fish sold for 20.2 million yen (£130,000) at the same Tsukiji market in Japan.

Sushi has become increasingly popular worldwide while the first sale of the New Year is traditionally seen as an important day for Japan's fishing industry.

Even so, the price tag surprised traders.

"It was an exceptionally large fish," said market spokesman Yutaka Hasegawa.
"But we were all surprised by the price."

Environmental groups are concerned about the levels of bluefin tuna.

The World Wildlife Fund has warned that the Atlantic bluefin will be "functionally extinct" in three years if fishing continues at current rates.

Environmental groups want to see bluefin fishing slashed or suspended.

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN

LET ME IN is an American remake of a 2008 Swedish vampire move called Låt den Rätte Komma In (Let the Right One In), ....... The Swedish version is already considered a classic in the genre, calling to mind the work of Anne Rice and Stephen King. It's an atmospheric adaptation of Swedish author John Ajvide Lindqvist's bestseller [2004] and is well directed by his countryman Tomas Alfredson.

Oskar is a 12-year-old-boy who is being bullied at school. He lives with his mother, who is loving and with whom he initially seems to have a good connection. His father is an alcoholic who lives out in the countryside. Oskar seems intelligent, has morbid interests including crime and forensics and keeps a scrap book filled with newspaper cuttings about murders. He befriends who he thinks is a new girl who moved in next door - Eli. Eli lives with an older man Håkan, a former teacher who was fired and became a homeless vagrant when he was discovered to be a pedophile. Eli is revealed to be a vampire, who was originally a boy. He was castrated about 200 years ago and was turned into a vampire. The two children develop a close relationship and Eli helps Oskar fight back against his tormentors. Throughout the book their relationship gradually becomes closer and they reveal more of themselves and in particular Eli's lengthy history.

THIS IS THE ONE TO WATCH --->







LET ME IN [2010]

The rights for the English-language film were acquired at the 2008 Tribeca Film Festival, where Let the Right One In won the "Founders Award for Best Narrative Feature," and Matt Reeves was quickly introduced as the director.[14] Tomas Alfredson, the director of the Swedish film, was initially asked to direct the remake, but he turned it down stating that "I am too old to make the same film twice and I have other stories that I want to tell."

The decision to make a new film adaptation has been criticized by Tomas Alfredson. He has stated on numerous occasions that he is not in favor of remaking his film. "If one should remake a film, it's because the original is bad. And I don't think mine is", he said. He also opined that
remakes should be made of movies that aren't very good, that gives you the chance to fix whatever has gone wrong.

"I'm very proud of my movie and I think it's great, but the Americans might have another opinion. The saddest thing for me would be to see this beautiful story made into something mainstream. I don't like to whine, but of course – if you spent years on painting a picture, you'd hate to hear buzz about a copy even before your preview."

BREAKING NEWS

Howard Webb's kids have vehemently denied their father is a secret Manchester Utd fan.

"He is totally unbiased"  said 22 yr old Trafford Webb at the family home 'Carrington' yesterday, " I don't know where the press get these stories from .... you can ask anyone in the family ".

The rumour was also rubbished by Webb's other sons Alex [18], Eric [16],  Rio [10], Christiano [9] and Wayne [8] on a day out at a local park with the family pets Scholdsie [an English Pitbull], Keano [an Irish Setter], Cantona [a French Poodle], Solskjær [a Norwegian ridgeback]  and Schmeichel [a Great Dane].

Mrs Webb [Fergie to her friends] was unavailable for comment, after the recent death of her Welsh Corgi [Gigsie] during a day trip to Manchester.

Liverpool fans really are different class

Spirit Of Shankly has recently contacted LFC to discuss with them the treatment of supporters at Old Trafford, in particular being denied access to toilets. There have in recent seasons, been a number of problems caused by this refusal to allow supporters their basic rights to access the toilet and other facilities, often for over one hour.

* Today they were allowed to use them and guess what ?, they smashed them up and caused substantial flooding to some OT offices *

Today's result - Manchester United 1 - Liverpool FC 0

Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas agrees to join Barcelona on five-year deal ?

El Mundo Deportivo claims the Spanish international will don the famous shirt next season after agreeing a deal with the Catalan giants.


The report also states that the 23-year-old will also be given the No. 4 jersey and is expected to pen a five-year deal which will keep him at the club until June 2016.

However, Barcelona still have to negotiate the transfer with Arsenal who have already proven to be resistant to a move for their captain and talisman.

Indeed the Gunners rejected a bid from the Spanish championns for Fabregas back in June and have since insisted they have no intention of selling the World Cup winner.

NEWS FOR CRUISE

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes may boycott next month’s Oscars ceremony because they don’t want an awkward red carpet confrontation with the host, Anne Hathaway.


The 28-year-old actress, who will be presenting the 83rd Academy Awards alongside 127 Hours actor James Franco, upset Katie by mocking her on U.S.comedy show Saturday Night Live in November.

Anne was guest-presenting the comedy show when she mimicked Katie in a sketch, speaking in breathy tones and constantly tucking her hair behind her ear.

Katie Holmes' mini-series The Kennedys will not air on the History Channel as planned, after issues were raised about the accuracy of the eight-part programme.

The actress plays John F. Kennedy's wife Jacqueline Kennedy in the multi-million dollar production, which is the most expensive programme the network has ever commissioned.

But after viewing the final product, History Channel executives determined the portrayal of the Kennedys to be inaccurate and no therefore no longer suitable for them.

CELEBRITY MASTERMIND

Kristina Rihanoff - Strictly Come Dancing

Question : What flightless bird is the national symbol of New Zealand ?

Answer : A kangaroo

Hodgson leaves Liverpool

Roy Hodgson has left Liverpool with Reds legend Kenny Dalglish put in charge until the end of the season at Anfield.

Hodgson found himself under intense pressure at Liverpool following the disappointing 3-1 defeat to Blackburn in midweek.

Liverpool are languishing in 12th spot in the Premier League and are sitting just four points above the drop zone.

The 63-year-old refused to answer questions on his future following the defeat at Ewood Park and speculation over his future intensified after his pre-match media briefing on Friday was cancelled.

The club have turned to former player and manager Dalglish to take up the reins for the rest of the campaign and try and rescue a wretched campaign for the Merseyside titans.

Dalglish, who wanted to return as manager before the appointment of Hodgson in the summer, will now take charge of the side for this weekend's FA Cup showdown with arch-rivals Manchester United at Old Trafford.

In a statement on the club's website, the club's principal owner John Henry said: "We are grateful for Roy's efforts over the past six months, but both parties thought it in the best interests of the club that he stand down from his position as team manager.

"We wish him all the best for the future."

Wenger named world's best manager of the past decade

Forget the heroics of José Mourinho and Sir Alex Ferguson, or the genius of Carlo Ancelotti, Arsène Wenger has been the world’s best manager over the past decade – and it’s official.


The Arsenal boss topped a table complied by the ‘International Football Federation of History & Statistics’ (IFFHS) – an organisation recognised by FIFA.

The 61-year-old, whose team have not won any silverware in six years, earned 156 points while Ferguson was second (148) and Real Madrid’s Mourinho followed in third (135).

The result was calculated by combining the results of the previous 10 years of the organisation’s manager-of-the-year, which in 2010 was won by Spain’s World Cup-winning coach Vicente Del Bosque.

According to the IFFHS it was Wenger’s consistency in the 10-year period that earned him the award.

Their website stated of the man who moved to Arsenal from Japanese club Nagoya Grampus Eight in 1996: 'Although the Frenchman has until now never won the annual vote, he has been among the best-placed coaches every year.

'It is admirable how he has repeatedly moulded young players into an attacking and technically brilliant way of play.'

Arsenal have not won a trophy under Wenger since the 2005 FA Cup, but the early part of the decade brought much success for the Frenchman they call the Professor.

IFFHS – Top 10 managers 2001-2010

1. Arsene Wenger France 156
2. Sir Alex Ferguson Scotland 148
3. Jose Mourinho Portugal 135
4. Fabio Capello Italy 120
5. Guus Hiddink Holland 112
6. Carlo Ancelotti Italy 108
7. Luiz Scolari Brazil 101
8. Marcelo Bielsa Argentina 101
9. Rafael Benitez Spain 97
10. Marcello Lippi Italy 88

ELEGANZA !

Job offers for street beggar and homeless man Ted Williams soar

A homeless man with awesome velvety radio voice has dominated the front and entertainment pages of leading newspapers including the Internet and broadcast media following his 97-second sample voice-over which was later uploaded on You Tube.


Ted Williams, who roams the streets of Columbus, Ohio, begging from strangers passing by the highway for the past two years, has suddenly become a celebrity of sorts after The Columbus Dispatch posted a clip of him demonstrating his voice-over skills while begging by the side of the road.



On Thursday, Williams, who was living in a tent near a highway in Columbus, Ohio, just days ago, was in New York for an emotional reunion with his 90-year-old mother, media appearances, and to do some commercial voice-over work. On NBC's "Today" show, he described his previous 48 hours as "outrageous."

Williams, who said he attended broadcasting school once worked a WVKO (1580 AM), a former soul music radio station now offering catholic programming.

He confessed he had problems with drugs, alcohol and 'a few other things' which affected his career but he said he's been out of it the past two years.

Left homeless after his life and radio career were ruined by drugs and alcohol, Williams has been offered a job by the NBA's Cleveland Cavaliers, and the 53-year-old is being pursued by NFL Films and others for possible work.

MICHAEL CAINE DOES MICHAEL CAINE

GLOBAL WARMING

THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS

A few days before Christmas, former Vice President Dick Cheney ended a self-imposed sabbatical from partisan politics to headline a fund-raiser for Maria Cino, a party operative and Bush administration official who is running to replace Michael Steele as head of the Republican National Committee.

Mr. Cheney’s heart will never beat at full strength again, doctors say. His new mechanical pump, a partial artificial heart known as a ventricular assist device, leaves patients without a pulse because it pushes blood continuously instead of mimicking the heart’s own beat. Most pulse-less patients feel nothing unusual, but the devices do pose significant risks of infection. They are implanted as a last resort either for permanent use or as a bridge to transplant until a donor heart can be found. Mr. Cheney, who has participated in some of the nation’s toughest decisions for decades, now faces a crucial one of his own: whether to seek a full heart transplant.

ROY KEANE SACKED BY IPSWICH TOWN

RTÉ understands that Roy Keane's tenure as Ipswich Town manager has come to an end after a torrid twenty months in charge of the Championship side.

News of his dismissal was reportedly delivered to the former Manchester United and Republic of Ireland captain by chief executive Simon Clegg after a meeting with ambitious owner Marcus Evans.

The Tractor Boys battled relegation for much of last season and currently languish in 19th place in English football's second tier, just three points above the relegation zone.

The beleaguered Suffolk club now face a daunting trip to Stamford Bridge to face Chelsea in the third round of the FA Cup on Sunday.

Things arguably get even more arduous for Ipswich next week, when Arsenal visit Portman Road on Wednesday for the first leg of the semi-finals of the Carling Cup.

Keane appeared to be bracing himself for the worst in the wake of Saturday's 1-0 home defeat by Nottingham Forest, saying: 'I'm doing my best and if my best isn't good enough, then I'll take the consequences.

'I don't expect you (the media) to be giving me phone calls if I do lose my job. It's the nature of the game.

'Even managers who win football matches lose their job, let alone managers who don't.'

END OF DAYS ?

NEW ZEALAND

Hundreds of dead snapper have washed up on Coromandel beaches, leaving holidaymakers perplexed.

People at Little Bay and Waikawau Bay, on the north-east of the peninsula, were stunned when children came out of the sea with armfuls of the fish and within minutes the shore was littered with them.

People with binoculars said the snapper stretched as far as they could see and boaties reported 'a carpet of floating fish further out to sea all along the coast'.

The Fisheries Ministry are currently investigating the situation and said they could not yet say what the cause was.

UNITED STATES

State officials say they are investigating a "very large" fish kill in the Chesapeake Bay, but suspect cold temperatures killed them, rather than any water-quality problems.

An estimated 2 million fish have been reported dead from the Bay Bridge south to Tangier Sound, according to the Maryland Department of the Environment, which investigates fish kills. The dead fish are primarily adult spot, with some juvenile croakers.

Agency spokeswoman Dawn Stoltzfus said bay water quality appears acceptable, and biologists believe "cold-water stress" the likely cause of the fish kill. Spot are susceptible to colder water, she said, and normally leave the upper bay by now. Water temperatures plummeted in late December to near-record lows for that time of year, about 36 degrees. The average air temperature last month was 32.4 degrees, 4.3 degrees below normal, and reached 16 degrees at its lowest, according to the National Weather Service.

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Thousands of dead fish have been found along Spruce Creek, Florida.

The fish have been seen from where the creek starts near the Spruce Creek Fly-In to where it ends near U.S. 1.

Officials with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission said the two recent cold snaps are to blame for the fish kill.

BRAZIL

Fishermen have found at least 100 tonnes, mainly sardines.

A survey conducted by the Federation of Fishermen’s Colony of Paraná, Paranaguá on the coast of the state, indicates that at least 100 tons of fish (sardine, croaker and catfish) have turned up dead since last Thursday off the coast of Parana.

On Sunday, representatives from the Environmental Institute of Paraná (IAP), the Secretary of State for the Environment and Water Resources (SEMA), took samples to verify the reason for the deaths. O relatório será divulgado hoje. The report will be released today.

The president of the Federation of Fishermen’s Colony of Parana, Edmir Manoel Ferreira, reports that between Paranaguá and Guaraqueçaba at least 2,800 fishermen depend on the daily seafood.


WALES

HUNDREDS of dead fish were found in a marina near Abergavenny today.

The Environment Agency said the fish, mostly bream, carp and roach, were found on the on the Monmouthshire and Brecon Canal at Goytre Wharf.

A possible reason is a 30cm drop in the water level at the marina caused by work upstream, but the cold weather, ice and a lack of oxygen are more likely to have killed the fish.

Smaller fish were found alive in the marina and initial tests showed there was no pollution.

Environment Agency officers are continuing their investigations and advising people not to remove or go near any fish.


HAITI

Authorities near the border between Haiti and the Dominican Republic are investigating the mysterious death of scores of fish in a lake.

Environmental officials are testing samples, while the government tries to allay fears that it is linked to a deadly cholera epidemic.

Michel Chancy, the Haitian Agriculture Minister, said: “At this time we cannot connect this problem with cholera. Cholera affects people, not fish. The fish don’t have anything to do with cholera. Something else caused this problem. It could be something toxic, a disease.”

Samples are currently being tested at laboratories in the Haitian capital and in Mexico.

The cholera epidemic is affecting thousands across a country still struggling to recover from a devastating earthquake.


Western Kentucky sees dead bird problem

MURRAY, Ky. (AP) -- State wildlife officials say "several hundred" dead birds were found near the Murray State University campus last week.

They say grackles, red wing blackbirds, robins and starlings were among the dead animals.

New Year's Eve fireworks have been blamed for causing the deaths of thousands of blackbirds in central Arkansas last week.

The bird deaths made national headlines.
Kentucky Department of Fish and Wildlife Resources spokesman Mark Marraccini says someone called police about the discovery in Kentucky, and they alerted state officials.

Marraccini says tests performed on the birds ruled out diseases or poisons. He said the deaths could have been caused by weather conditions or another natural event.


Thousands Of Dead Doves Fall From The Sky In Italy

Thousands of dead birds fall from the sky in Arkansas, New York and New Jersey

BEEBE, Ark. -- Wildlife officials are trying to determine what caused more than 1,000 blackbirds to die and fall from the sky over an Arkansas town.

The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission said Saturday that it began receiving reports about the dead birds about 11:30 p.m. the previous night. The birds fell over a 1-mile area of Beebe, and an aerial survey indicated that no other dead birds were found outside of that area.

Commission ornithologist Karen Rowe said the birds showed physical trauma, and she speculated that "the flock could have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail."



AND IN KENTUCKY