Chelsea is my favourite team because they have the best looking players but my wardrobe contains a replica kit for every single premiership team, and Arsenal. I'd say I'm more a fan of football than a fan of any particular team. This means that I can pick the most suitable shirt to charm a particular guy.
But don't imagine that I just pick a football shirt to match a man - that would be stupid. No sometimes I choose a shirt and let the man pick me. I can influence the type of man I end up shagging just by the colour of my shirt, for example when I wear black and white stripes I tend to attract fat men who drink ale, whilst red shirts seem to appeal more to Londoners, it's funny that, as they always talk about northern teams. I don't know why this is, it must be complicated science, but I have a knack for guessing correctly.
Before going to a match I always make sure I pick a waterproof mascara to give me the option of crying in response to a dramatic score. I also pick a really short skirt or tight fitting trousers to prove that I'm a size 8, since the shirts are too baggy to really show off my figure. Once I'm satisfied with my look in a full-length mirror, I'm ready to hit the pub.
I usually choose sports bars with large screens. I find myself a seat as close to the screen as possible so that people can't help looking at me. I've memorised key footballing moments such as The Corner Click and The Penalty Shooter. If I'm really trying to catch someone's eye, I stand up just as the match defining moment is about to take place, like when the players are building a wall. I sure get a lot of focus then.
Post-football match sex varies a lot. When a guy's team has lost he's generally unfocussed and boring, but bed a winner and you're a winner. When a man has just watched his football team win he is full of energy and passion. Sometimes I switch which team I'm supporting at half time just to get the better sex. Sometimes you have to move pub to pull that one off.
My friends are all jealous of my interest in football. They only wish they understood the game as I do, but I do give them tips ...... 'If you can't spot any players on the pitch, it might be half time', is a good one for beginners, 'People suddenly standing up and cheering can indicate a goal' is another good one. 'If you can't remember which direction your team is shooting, toss a coin - that's how it's decided at the beginning of the match so it must be right' is one for the more advanced fan.
So, good luck to all the girls who heed my advice, you will be a WAG before you know it.
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