I had to step out on three separate occasions just to stop myself from chewing my own ears off. This is a cheap movie, there .... I've said it ....... it's cheap. I have no idea what the budget was, I don't care ..... I know they didn't spend it on a storyline [co written by Stallone, on a napkin presumably], They didn't spend it on the script, they didn't spend it on locations or vehicles either. I can only guess that this is simply another 'Golden Parachute' for some over the hill, has been action stars. A celebrity Big Brother on film, a chance for us to gawp at our heroes of yesteryear and think to ourselves ....... OMFG.
It reminded me the 1978 movie 'The Wild Geese', a rollocking tale of 65 year old mercenaries who go to Africa on one final mission to free the leader of an African country .... it starred Richard Burton, Roger Moore, Stewart Granger, Richard Harris and Hardy Krüger ......... sound familiar ? ...... this is nothing to do with entertainment ...... this is about a payday, pure and simple. The largest profit for the least investment. This is meant to tug at our heartstrings .... to bring out the nostalgia in all those who remember when these actors looked like they could do what they portrayed on screen.
I'm sure many will go to and enjoy watching this muck .... Celebrity Big Brother has been going for over a decade now and they still manage to find an audience, people who want to feel better about themselves by seeing how low some celebs have sunk. I myself am uncomfortable with this 'car crash' entertainment.
So, if you want to see Arnie say 'I'll be back' one more time, or you think that corny, over the top oneliners are still kewl ..... this may be the movie for you, because that's about all there is ........ I think the lowest point has to be the Chuck Norris joke .... I mean really ? .... a meme ? ..... that's what you went for. I felt something inside me die and slither away at that point.
I get the feeling that the 'tragedy' of performers are having alot more fun hanging out together than the audience will have watching this movie. The usual suspects are back, Stallone, Statham, Lundgren, Schwarzenegger, Willis, Crews ..... Jet Li for a few minutes along with van Damme as the baddie ..... and Expendables 3 is in the pipeline. No doubt they are trying to get Steven Seagal or Harrison Ford, but knowing my luck, they'll probably end up with Mr T and Roger Moore.
....... and to make matters worse ...... Producer Adi Shankar wants to make a female version. Names thrown out so far are Linda Hamilton, Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis, Lucy Lawless, The Matrix star Carrie-Anne Moss and martial arts queen Cynthia Rothrock.
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