Monday, October 15, 2012

Say 'Hebbo' to Tarvuism !

Since the dawn of time, mankind has searched for the meaning of life and existence. Who are we? Why are we here? Where are we going? But thanks to Tarvu - Lord and Master of the Universes - mankind can find the answers to all of life's questions.

 Tarvu - creator of Universe A and Universe B (we live in Universe B) - came to Earth over 3,000 years ago as a tiny baby boy. After landing in the oceans, and swimming with Oobu the holy octopus, Tarvu came ashore and lived amongst men and women so that he could teach them "to live". Soon his Word spread, and that Word became Tarvuism.


 Tarvuism is one of the oldest and largest religions in the world, with over 1 billion followers in over 150 countries - from afar as Iceland to Timonia - speaking as many languages. As Tarvu said "Every land is nice, and everyone who lives there is nice too". (Chronicles of Amzamiviram, Cpt 44). Tarvu's teachings - in the holy book, The Tarvunty - show man and woman the path to true righteousness. His Word points to a unifying vision of the purpose of existence (or 'mdfitty numnum') and lead, ultimately, to a Tarvunian paradise

 Why not take a look at some of our exciting web pages? Click on the Tarvupedia to read our online Tarvuist encyclopedia, learn all about Tarvu, chat to other Tarvuists in our Tarvuist forum, and find out how you too can become a Tarvuist.

 The Tarvunty

The Tarvunty consists of a great many books, some of which have yet to have been discovered.

B*g*nn'ngs - the creation of the two universes
Q*est'ons - why are we here? Why are not here? Why would we have been there? Questions on daily philopophy
N*rr*t'ves - Stories pertaining to honour, and humourous lyrics
D*l'mmas - Which river should a blind man cross if a deaf lady is on the other side, etc.
D*cis'ons - Should one say yes or no? When to say yes or no? Daily decision making
C'ntr*dict'ons - A treatise on life's contradictions
Pr*ff'ts - Stories of the lives of the great Tarvuist proffets
P*nty-h'ynu - Details regarding the practice of Penty-haynu. Includes diagrams
J*urn'ls - Tarvu's daily diary from the age of 16-20 - Discusses the onset of a very late puberty
P*ety - prayers
Cl*cks - Time-telling methods
N*rchun'ssaar - How to make Narchunassaar, and the best time to do so
T*rtun'ssaar - As above
V*rbun'saar - The way to dress, Tarvuist style
N*mb'rs - A collection of facts and figures relating to numbers. I.e 'there are 5 number 9's in the number 99999'
L*cky Nu*mb'rs - As above but all to do with the number 8 *nsw'rs - Answers to all questions left unanswered so far in the Tarvunty
M*re *nsw'rs - Basically Answers continued.
B*lls - Treatise on bell-making and ringing
P*r'doxes - Tarvuist paradoxes
Abl*t'ons - Pertaining to matters of the toilet
W*tn'sses - Holy Tarvuists who have witnessed great things, i.e Alvinni the Martyr
C*incid'nces - Tarvu bumped into himself on Ralfinty Island, when he least expected it etc.
C*me-*pp'nces - Those who have crossed Tarvu, and what happened to them
M*sings - Thoughts on life in general Irr'tat'ons - Things that have annoyed Tarvu (such as stomach cramp) F*llies - Little jokes
R*c'pes - Tarvuist meals - how to make them
P*n'caeum (the Book of Medicines) - Natural remedies F*shion - A replica of Virbunasaar, but written in capital letters
M*r'ls I - Tarvuist morals
M*r'ls II - As above Gh*sts - A personal reflection written by Amzamiviram on ghosts he has met
Fe*l'ngs - Tarvu discusses various feelings he has had in his life. The greatest proportion is devoted to shyness
W*rs I - Tales of terrible battles witnessed by Tarvu
W*rs II As above, contd.
Pr*p'rty - How to keep a good house. Tips on buying a house
F*'ls - Idiots Tarvu has met
M*st'kes - Errors committed by Tarvu (very short book) *n'mals - Early zoology
M*nst'rs - Amzamiviram muses on possible monsters that might have existed
Pl*ys - Three plays written jointly with Amzamiviram: 'He is the Light' 'And they Bowed Down' and 'Handmaiden in Love'
M*nn'rs - Tarvunian etiquette
H**v'ns - Details on the afterlife
R*fl*cti'ns - A collection of memoirs
Disagr*em'nts - A list of every time someone had disagreed with Tarvu and how he was proved right H*lid'ys - Writings on the various vacations and short breaks Tarvu took

A Treatise on Succesful Irrigation Systems


The official Internet website for the Tarvuist Faith ->

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