Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE ..... WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE
Wait for it ............ Wait ............. Wait .............. keep waiting ....
OK ...................................... go maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
awwwwwwww .....................................................................
Monday, May 13, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Angry Scotsman to be released into community
BRITAIN faces the prospect of yet another unemployed, angry Scottish person at large.
Alexander Ghengis Ferguson, a Glaswegian, will be released during the summer, with experts warning of a devastating effect on tourism, the economy and everything else.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The one thing that puts people off visiting Britain is the very real prospect of being accosted in the street by an inexplicably furious Scotsman.
“Football clubs have proved to be very effective at containing belligerent Scottish people who would otherwise be free to vent their spleen in a public space.
“The football clubs should be forced to keep them, for ever, in a gated community where they can scream at each other and work on their endless, incomprehensible grudges.”
Meanwhile, Ferguson’s release has prompted golf clubs across the UK to draw up contingency plans in case they become the venue for his ongoing campaign of terror.
Martin Bishop, secretary of Hatfield Golf and Country Club, said: “We have taken down our website and prepared temporary signage to make the place look like a garden centre.”
Bishop added: “He now has the chance to travel. They should put him on the Orient Express so he can call everyone in Venice a bastard.”
Sir Alex Ferguson vows to continue abusing referees and journalists in retirement.
Sir Alex Ferguson has insisted he will continue to abuse referees and journalists in an unofficial capacity after his retirement as Manchester United manager.
The prickly Scot said he would also continue to throw things at players, and make fun of Arsene Wenger and Rafael Benitez, if time allowed.
Sir Alex said recent health scares made him reassess his priorities, telling reporters, “While I enjoy winning trophies, at the end of the day, they are just another statistic.”
“Real satisfaction is gained by incandescent screaming at a referee who fails to award a penalty, or executing a perfect shoe-throw that leaves a tread mark on a prima donna player’s forehead.”
“Being free from day-to-day footballing responsibilities means I can go further than just banning a journalist – I can pull out his tongue and feed it to Luis Suarez.”
Going out on top
Football commentators said that it was good to see Sir Alex going out at the top, with last weekend’s match against Chelsea seeing a trademark tirade against referee Howard Webb.
“Ferguson loves Webb – they might as well be brothers” said Alan Hansen.
“But like the pro he is, Sir Alex still lambasted him for being blind and incompetent, and sent him a post-game text message suggesting he does something that is anatomically impossible with something it would take two people to lift.”
Sir Alex said that while he was looking forward to an angry retirement unrestrained by premier league protocols, he would be careful to not interfere with, or distract, his management successor.
“Moyes or whoever takes over need to free to abuse referees and journalists in their own way – I’ll have a more ‘upstairs’ role, perhaps throwing shit from the director’s box and asking them where their girlfriends are.”
Alexander Ghengis Ferguson, a Glaswegian, will be released during the summer, with experts warning of a devastating effect on tourism, the economy and everything else.
Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “The one thing that puts people off visiting Britain is the very real prospect of being accosted in the street by an inexplicably furious Scotsman.
 |
| 'SEE YOOOOOOU JIMMY ' |
“Football clubs have proved to be very effective at containing belligerent Scottish people who would otherwise be free to vent their spleen in a public space.
“The football clubs should be forced to keep them, for ever, in a gated community where they can scream at each other and work on their endless, incomprehensible grudges.”
Meanwhile, Ferguson’s release has prompted golf clubs across the UK to draw up contingency plans in case they become the venue for his ongoing campaign of terror.
Martin Bishop, secretary of Hatfield Golf and Country Club, said: “We have taken down our website and prepared temporary signage to make the place look like a garden centre.”
Bishop added: “He now has the chance to travel. They should put him on the Orient Express so he can call everyone in Venice a bastard.”
Sir Alex Ferguson vows to continue abusing referees and journalists in retirement.
Sir Alex Ferguson has insisted he will continue to abuse referees and journalists in an unofficial capacity after his retirement as Manchester United manager.
 |
| 'It's a sad day for football' - Mancini |
The prickly Scot said he would also continue to throw things at players, and make fun of Arsene Wenger and Rafael Benitez, if time allowed.
Sir Alex said recent health scares made him reassess his priorities, telling reporters, “While I enjoy winning trophies, at the end of the day, they are just another statistic.”
“Real satisfaction is gained by incandescent screaming at a referee who fails to award a penalty, or executing a perfect shoe-throw that leaves a tread mark on a prima donna player’s forehead.”
“Being free from day-to-day footballing responsibilities means I can go further than just banning a journalist – I can pull out his tongue and feed it to Luis Suarez.”
Going out on top
Football commentators said that it was good to see Sir Alex going out at the top, with last weekend’s match against Chelsea seeing a trademark tirade against referee Howard Webb.
“Ferguson loves Webb – they might as well be brothers” said Alan Hansen.
“But like the pro he is, Sir Alex still lambasted him for being blind and incompetent, and sent him a post-game text message suggesting he does something that is anatomically impossible with something it would take two people to lift.”
Sir Alex said that while he was looking forward to an angry retirement unrestrained by premier league protocols, he would be careful to not interfere with, or distract, his management successor.
“Moyes or whoever takes over need to free to abuse referees and journalists in their own way – I’ll have a more ‘upstairs’ role, perhaps throwing shit from the director’s box and asking them where their girlfriends are.”
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
IT'S FUNNY COZ IT'S TRUE
If you kill yourself, it's called suicide........
If you kill someone else, it's called homicide
If you kill thousands, it's called genocide
If you kill the king, it's called regicide
If you kill your brother, it's called fratricide.
and ............. if you have 2 premier league teams and neither of them have won the league for over 20 years, it's called Merseyside.
If you kill someone else, it's called homicide
If you kill thousands, it's called genocide
If you kill the king, it's called regicide
If you kill your brother, it's called fratricide.
and ............. if you have 2 premier league teams and neither of them have won the league for over 20 years, it's called Merseyside.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
TODAY'S JOKE
Went to see a house today with period features.
Wife hates it when I call her that.
I'll get on to me solicitor !
Collecting Rainwater Now Illegal in Many States
Many of the freedoms we enjoy here in Ireland are quickly being eroded across the pond as the US transforms from the land of the free into the land of the enslaved, but what I’m about to share with you takes the assault on freedoms to a whole new level. You may not be aware of this, but many Western states, including Utah, Washington and Colorado, have long outlawed individuals from collecting rainwater on their own properties because, according to officials, that rain belongs to someone else.
Check out this news report out of Salt Lake City, Utah, about the issue. It’s illegal in Utah to divert rainwater without a valid water right, and Mark Miller of Mark Miller Toyota, found this out the hard way.
After constructing a large rainwater collection system at his new dealership to use for washing new cars, Miller found out that the project was actually an “unlawful diversion of rainwater.” Even though it makes logical conservation sense to collect rainwater for this type of use since rain is scarce in Utah, it’s still considered a violation of water rights which apparently belong exclusively to Utah’s various government bodies.
Check out this news report out of Salt Lake City, Utah, about the issue. It’s illegal in Utah to divert rainwater without a valid water right, and Mark Miller of Mark Miller Toyota, found this out the hard way.
After constructing a large rainwater collection system at his new dealership to use for washing new cars, Miller found out that the project was actually an “unlawful diversion of rainwater.” Even though it makes logical conservation sense to collect rainwater for this type of use since rain is scarce in Utah, it’s still considered a violation of water rights which apparently belong exclusively to Utah’s various government bodies.
“Utah’s the second driest state in the nation. Our laws probably ought to catch up with that,” explained Miller in response to the state’s ridiculous rainwater collection ban.
Salt Lake City officials worked out a compromise with Miller and are now permitting him to use “their” rainwater, but the fact that individuals like Miller don’t actually own the rainwater that falls on their property is a true indicator of what little freedom they actually have in the U.S.
Utah isn’t the only state with rainwater collection bans either. Colorado and Washington also have rainwater collection restrictions that limit the free use of rainwater, but these restrictions vary among different areas of the states and legislators have passed some laws to help ease the restrictions.
In Colorado, two new laws were recently passed that exempt certain small-scale rainwater collection systems, like the kind people might install on their homes, from collection restrictions.
Prior to the passage of these laws, Douglas County, Colorado, conducted a study a study on how rainwater collection affects aquifer and groundwater supplies. The study revealed that letting people collect rainwater on their properties actually reduces demand from water facilities and improves conservation.
Additionally, the study revealed that only about three percent of Douglas County’s precipitation ended up in the streams and rivers that are supposedly being robbed from by rainwater collectors. The other 97 percent either evaporated or seeped into the ground to be used by plants.
This hints at why bureaucrats can’t really use the argument that collecting rainwater prevents that water from getting to where it was intended to go. So little of it actually makes it to the final destination that virtually every household could collect many rain barrels worth of rainwater and it would have practically no effect on the amount that ends up in streams and rivers.
Hey guys .... people aren't shipping the rainwater off-planet .... it will still end up on the ground ..... it just might take a few hours longer.
Salt Lake City officials worked out a compromise with Miller and are now permitting him to use “their” rainwater, but the fact that individuals like Miller don’t actually own the rainwater that falls on their property is a true indicator of what little freedom they actually have in the U.S.
Utah isn’t the only state with rainwater collection bans either. Colorado and Washington also have rainwater collection restrictions that limit the free use of rainwater, but these restrictions vary among different areas of the states and legislators have passed some laws to help ease the restrictions.
In Colorado, two new laws were recently passed that exempt certain small-scale rainwater collection systems, like the kind people might install on their homes, from collection restrictions.
Prior to the passage of these laws, Douglas County, Colorado, conducted a study a study on how rainwater collection affects aquifer and groundwater supplies. The study revealed that letting people collect rainwater on their properties actually reduces demand from water facilities and improves conservation.
Additionally, the study revealed that only about three percent of Douglas County’s precipitation ended up in the streams and rivers that are supposedly being robbed from by rainwater collectors. The other 97 percent either evaporated or seeped into the ground to be used by plants.
This hints at why bureaucrats can’t really use the argument that collecting rainwater prevents that water from getting to where it was intended to go. So little of it actually makes it to the final destination that virtually every household could collect many rain barrels worth of rainwater and it would have practically no effect on the amount that ends up in streams and rivers.
Hey guys .... people aren't shipping the rainwater off-planet .... it will still end up on the ground ..... it just might take a few hours longer.
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