Most experts expected the luxury 55-seater to start Sunday’s top of the table clash at the Etihad Stadium, having proved central to Chelsea’s matches against Arsenal, Manchester United, and Bayern Munich.
But Chelsea boss José Mourinho sprung a surprise by fielding a team of eleven relatively small but agile humans, leaving the bus “distraught” and considering its future.
The bus’s agent said: “It has always done everything asked of it, from parallel parking on a wet Tuesday night in Hull, to blocking the goalmouth like a vast force field of gears, metal and wipe-down leather seats.
“Parked buses have been the basic ingredient of every Mourinho team, and for him to leave it in the car park for the full ninety minutes is an appalling insult to a faithful servant.”
Dismayed Chelsea fan Tom Logan said: “If our team isn’t going to base its tactics and identity on the fundamental immobility of a ten-tonne vehicle, then I just don’t know what the world’s coming to.”
“Next thing one of our strikers will score an actual goal in an actual game of football.”
The bus is expected to seek a move to Stoke City, where for once it won’t be the largest, least mobile thing on the pitch.
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