It's safe to assume that on numerous occasions over the past nine days, Neil Prendeville has thought to himself that nobody on the planet had it as bad as he at that very moment.
No public figure could have suffered even greater embarrassment or ruination of a healthy career due to a lethal mix of liquor and libido.
Astonishingly, he would, however, have been very wrong. Step forward Joel Monaghan.
Hes undoubtedly learned many lessons in recent days but before assuming that no one could have further plumbed the depths than himself, Prendeville should first have checked the latest goings in Australias NRL. Because no professional sports league in the world can boast as many knuckle-dragging, self-imploding misfits as the National Rugby League Down Under.
Monaghan is just the latest, but undoubtedly the greatest, example of this. An Australian international and State of Origin star for New South Wales, he plied his club football with the Canberra Raiders until quitting in utter mortification on Tuesday afternoon.
Mid-way through last week a photograph surfaced on the website of a Melbourne radio station. While taken from a mobile phone, the quality of the image was still sufficiently grain-free to identify Monaghan engaging in a sex act with a dog.
Without going all Ron Jeremy and into the most lurid specifics, it was visibly clear that Monaghan was enjoying oral pleasure from a golden retriever, who happened to belong to a teammate, in whose home the picture was taken.
In minutes the image - snapped on the day of the Raiders end-of-season knees-up (commonly called Mad Monday in Australia) - went viral.
In an instant there was a lifetime infamy for Monaghan, shame for the Raiders and the NRL at large and uproar from animal rights campaigners.
For the leagues chiefs it couldnt have come at a worse time. Constantly striving to ditch its tag as a sport played and watched by bogans (a uniquely Australian term that could be loosely translated to a mix between rural rednecks and inner-city chavs), the NRL is also preparing to negotiate what they hope will be a bumper new TV rights deal.
In that context, seeing one of the sports biggest names giving a whole new meaning to beast in the backline was not quite what they were looking for.
To his credit, Monaghan immediately held his hand up, admitted his stupidity and didnt try to blame the unknown source of the photograph or the website who first published it.
However his clubs response that the furore showed the modern dangers of social media - rather than the depravity of sexually cavorting with a canine would appear peculiar and ill-advised. But then again, this is the NRL.
And so, in spite of a wave of support from fellow players and Raiders coaching staff over the weekend, Monaghan fell on his sword on Tuesday, 24 hours before the NRL would have sent him packing in any case.
One of the clubs favourite sons, he broke down in front of the media, leaving his agent to read his scripted apology.
I'll have to handle the jokes and taunts which is understandable but the players shouldn't have to put up with the pressure of my ongoing presence, said Monaghan.
I received a huge amount of support from all the players and loved ones but the reality is the prank isn't going to be forgotten any time soon. I'd love more than anything to take it back but I can't.
He intends to seek out a new life in Englands Super League but only temporarily as both the club and the NRL have hinted that his pariah status is unlikely to last too long.
But at least for now, Monaghans dog days Down Under are over.
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