IRELAND TO DANCE ITS WAY OUT OF DEBT

IRELAND is to save itself from bankruptcy by dancing.

The Irish government has walked out of talks with the European Union over a £77bn rescue package and instead plans to perform a series of exhilarating jigs in exchange for shiny gold coins.

Prime minister Brian Cowan said the first stage in rebuilding the economy was for Irish people to dance for each other in a bid to make the nation self-sufficient in dancing for the first time since 1957.

But he also stressed that Irish dancers would be available to rent in groups of up to a million.

He added: "A one, a two, a one two three four..."

Meanwhile, it has also emerged that thousands of young Irish people are already leaving the country in the hope of finding dance work in Britain and America.

Boggeen O'Toole, from County Wexford, said: "As soon as oi get to Boston oi'll do me little jig and they'll all throw their coins at me magical feet.

Boggeen O'Toole

"Oi'll send some home to me dear little mammy and then spend the rest on whiskey and goats."

Economist, Julian Cook, said: "The Irish economic boom was based on call centres full of flirty-voiced girls called Rose and Cathleen who were bursting with dirty passion but unable to assist you with your insurance claim.

"And of course it was also based, to a very large extent, on huge amounts of European taxpayers' money being tossed around like holy water.

"Therefore it would be ridiculous if their survival was to be based on even larger amounts of European taxpayers' money, but thankfully they have recognised that and have decided to dance their way out of trouble instead."

He added: "To be honest they'd have been better off planting potatoes."