No crises at Fifa, says Blatter

Defiant Fifa president Sepp Blatter tonight insisted that football was not in crisis and said there was "no issue" over the award of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar.

Blatter said: 'I regret what has happened. In the days and weeks, great damage to the image of FIFA. There is disappointment for the football fans. I am speaking to the football fans.'

This is a scandal at the very top of football's world governing body, in global public view, about bribes allegedly being paid in return for votes to elect the president, and to award the 2022 World cup. The charges have followed other corruption allegations made or heard against eight of the 24 Fifa executive committee.

Blatter and Bin Hammam's cases bring that figure to 10. The allegation of corruption at Fifa has expanded very rapidly from a charge made by specialist journalists, such as the author and BBC Panorama reporter Andrew Jennings, to a defining public perception of the organisation.

Republic Of Ireland Win Inaugural Carling Nations Cup

A single Robbie Keane goal was enough to see the Republic of Ireland beat Scotland and get their hands on the inaugural Carling Nations Cup at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin yesterday afternoon.

The Nations Cup (also called 4 Associations' Tournament or Celtic Cup) is a biennial international association football tournament involving the national teams of Northern Ireland, the Republic of Ireland, Scotland and Wales.

The Nations Cup is structured as a round robin, with each team playing each of the others once, resulting in a total of six games in each season of the competition. Three of the teams involved (Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland) formerly competed in the now defunct British Home Championship, along with England.

The tournament was due to start in 2009, but was delayed until 2011 due to 2010 FIFA World Cup qualifying fixtures already being in place. Matches are played in February and May, with the location due to rotate on a tournament-by-tournament basis. The first tournament featuring the four teams began in February 2011 at the Aviva Stadium in Dublin.

LIVERPOOL PRANKSTERS LEAVE BANNER OUTSIDE MAN UTD MANAGER SIR ALEX FERGUSON’S HOUSE

Cheeky Liverpool fans got some revenge for the Anfield ‘MUFC 19 TIMES’ banner – which was applauded by Sir Alex Ferguson – by leaving a banner of their own outside the Manchester United manager’s house.

Fergie’s route onto the road outside his Cheshire mansion was temporarily blockaded by a sign reminding him that Barcelona have won four European Cups and Liverpool have won five, while United are still on three.

TODAYS JOKE

Swansea City FC are promoted to the English Premier League, the first Welsh team to qualify since its inception in 1991 ........ at least it will mean that Liverpool will get to play abroad next season ........... which is nice.


I'll get me passport !

WEEZERFIED

" ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR VULCAN MIND ? "

What the Dickens!

Gillian Anderson is to star as a ‘sexually charged and alluring’ Miss Havisham in a radical television reworking of Charles Dickens’s classic Great Expectations.


The former X Files beauty is in talks to co-star in the three-part BBC1 drama which The Mail on Sunday can reveal will feature Hollywood hardman Ray Winstone as Magwitch and rising star Douglas Booth as Pip.

The BBC is planning what it calls the most ‘visceral’ adaptation of
the novel yet in an effort to win over a generation of viewers unfamiliar with the original.

Although Anderson, 42, is perhaps best known for playing Special Agent Dana Scully in the Nineties science-fiction series The X Files, she won great acclaim playing Lady Dedlock in the BBC’s 2005 adaptation of Dickens’s Bleak House, one of the finest television series of the past decade in my opinion.

She is one of several actresses in negotiation for the part of Miss Havisham and has yet to sign up, but insiders insist that she is the preferred choice.

'Hangover Part 2' Shatters R-Rated Comedy Records For $137M

This sequel is shattering all R-rated comedy records. The previous largest first week for an R-rated comedy was Sex And The City was $79M. Overseas, Hangover 2 opened bigger than the original in 30 markets including Australia and the UK, where it is dominating with 60% market

The Wolfpack of The Hangover have done it again, virtually the same exact way they did it the first time. In The Hangover Part II, only the location has changed (from Vegas to Bangkok) but all the rest including the unexplained group drunken bender during a pre-wedding party for Ed Helms, the search for the buddy who inexplicably goes missing, the funny animal who just appears in their room (this time a drug-dealing monkey instead of a tiger), crazy Asian Ken Jeong naked again (really he should reconsider baring all) and even though you have to wait all the way to the end, Mike Tyson is back singing too! Predictable , yes. Funny, in parts.



You'd be forgiven for thinking it's a remake

Charlie Sheen Puts Beverly Hills Home on Market

Could it be that the Warlock isn't winning anymore?

Charlie Sheen, who two weeks ago was officially replaced on the hit sitcom Two and a Half Men by Ashton Kutcher, has put his Mulholland Estates mansion in Beverly Hills, Calif. on the market.

The almost 8,000 square foot, five-bedroom, seven-bath house, which Sheen dubbed the Sober Valley Lodge, is described in the MLS listing as "an entertainer's dream," with lavish landscaping, outdoor kitchen, pool and spa. The inside boasts "top-of-the-line appliances and finishes," with "spacious public rooms," including a screening room. The price tag is set at a hefty $7.2 million.

Internet porn giant YouPorn.com has hit the actor's real estate agents with an offer the former 'Two and a Half' star might not be able to refuse: $4.5 million ... and it's not like the property hasn't seen plenty of porn stars strutting their stuff over the years.

TMZ received a copy of Sheen's May 2010 contract that shows he got a $10 million advance on his salary, later paying it back to Warner Bros. with each episode. TMZ explains the math:

"To repay the loan, Sheen -- who was getting a base pay of $1.25 million a show -- had $769,230.77 deducted from each paycheck for the first 13 episodes. But then there's this pesky issue of interest. Under the deal, the interest -- calculated at the prime commercial rate -- would be deducted from the 14th paycheck."

Charlie Sheen left after the 16th episode, so Warner Bros. made all their money back, plus interest

AN APOLOGY

Recently I posted a picture of a Manchester United banner that had been unfurled at Anfield, the ground of Liverpool FC. The banner read ' MUFC 19 Times ' and I thought it was meant to represent the number of times United had won the league.

It now appears that it was the number of times United players would touch the ball during the 2011 Champions League final at Wembley.

Orlando Bloom WILL return as Legolas in The Hobbit

Orlando will join a star studded cast filming the two-part franchise in New Zealand


Hugo Weaving [Elrond], Sir Ian McKellen [Gandalf], Cate Blanchett [Galadriel], Elijah Wood [Frodo] and Andy Sirkis [Gollum] are also set to return alongside newcomers Martin Freeman [Bilbo] and Stephen Fry [The Master of Laketown (Esgaroth)].

Benedict Cumberbatch is also said to have secured a role alongside his 'Sherlock' co-star Martin freeman.



MARTIN FREEMAN – BILBO BAGGINS CONFIRMED
RICHARD ARMITAGE – THORIN OAKENSHIELD CONFIRMED
AIDAN TURNER – KILI CONFIRMED
DEAN O'GORMAN – FILI CONFIRMED
GRAHAM MCTAVISH – DWALIN CONFIRMED
JOHN CALLEN – OIN CONFIRMED
STEPHEN HUNTER – BOMBUR CONFIRMED
MARK HADLOW – DORI CONFIRMED
PETER HAMBLETON – GLOIN CONFIRMED
JAMES NESBITT – BOFUR CONFIRMED
ADAM BROWN – ORI CONFIRMED
SYLVESTER MCCOY – RADAGAST THE BROWN UNCONFIRMED
BRIAN BLESSED – unknown RUMORED
BILL NIGHY – THE VOICE OF SMAUG RUMORED
VIGGO MORTENSEN – ARAGORN RUMORED
CHRISTOPHER LEE - SARUMAN RUMORED
IAN MCKELLEN – GANDALF CONFIRMED
HUGO WEAVING – ELROND CONFIRMED
CATE BLANCHETT – GALADRIEL CONFIRMED
ANDY SERKIS – GOLLUM CONFIRMED
ORLANDO BLOOM - LEGOLAS CONFIRMED
STEPHEN FRY - THE MASTER OF LAKETOWN CONFIRMED
NORI - JED BROPHY CONFIRMED [Father of Sadwyn Brophy who also appeared in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King as Eldarion (Arwen & Aragorn's son in Arwen's vision)]
KING THRANDUIL - LEE PACE CONFIRMED

THE HOBBIT WILL BE IN 3D

THRAIN - MIKE MIZRAHI CONFIRMED
BALIN - KEN STOTT CONFIRMED
BIFUR - WILLIAM KIRCHER CONFIRMED
THROR - JEFFREY THOMAS CONFIRMED

Unknown Casting or Voice Talent

Bert
Tom
William
Beorn
Bard
Dain
Eagles
Spiders Etc..

The first film, titled The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, will be released on December 14, 2012. The second film, titled The Hobbit: There and Back Again, is slated for release the following year, on December 13, 2013.

CATALAN V's MATALAN

Barcelona's Messi masterclass carves Manchester United open by scoring his first goal on English soil in their 3-1 rout in the 2011 Champions League final at Wembley.

There was no repeat of 1968 Wembley euphoria for Manchester United in their bid to lift a fourth European Cup, just an unwelcome reminder of how it felt to be outplayed in 2009. Once again, United could not get enough of the ball to do themselves justice, once again their most experienced players were unable to impose themselves and for a second time in three seasons, Barcelona did almost exactly as they pleased.

It is supposed to be United who do what they want, but they were even more comprehensively taken apart than was the case two years ago. With Lionel Messi dazzling once again, United only had Wayne Rooney's aggression with which to counter some scintillating passing and movement, and only some erratic, almost casual finishing from the Spanish side prevented the score reflecting what a mismatch this really was. Barcelona could easily have been three goals to the good by half-time, and must have been in double figures for scoring opportunities in the second half by the time David Villa scored a third to kill off any faint United hopes of recovery.

Barcelona had been unable to name quite their strongest team too, with their influential captain, Carles Puyol, only fit enough for a place on the bench and Javier Mascherano having to continue as emergency centre-half. The United line-up was the one everyone had guessed in advance, though Sir Alex Ferguson too sprang a surprise among the substitutes, with Michael Owen's selection nudging Dimitar Berbatov out of the entire squad. In the end, Puyol came on for the last couple of minutes, with Barcelona in celebratory mode well before the end. Owen stayed in his seat.

TODAYS JOKE

What do Fernando Torres and Imogen Thomas have in common ?

They were both fucking good football players not so long ago !


He's Welsh, he's red ... he sleeps in his brother's bed ... Ryan Giggs, Ryan Giggs

DID YOU KNOW ................

Poor Man's Drycleaning

This is a home remedy for a common problem: Stinky clothes. We've all been there: You want to wear that shirt but it's got that not-so-fresh smell and you don't have time to get it dry cleaned.

All you have to do is put some vodka – yep, even the cheap stuff will do -- and a little bit of water in a spray bottle and spray the article of clothing with the mixture. Let it dry and voila ! The odor is gone. It's the poor man's drycleaning !

This is a trick used on Broadway, so they don't have to dryclean the clothes after every show. Joan Rivers swears by it. So does Madonna. And we have it from a good source that there's a spray bottle of vodka in the dressing room of the Lion King on Broadway right now. They spray their costumes down with it after every show. For the rest of us, we can wear that shirt, and if we're feeling a little not-so-fresh midday, a little spray under here, a little spray under there and we're good to go.

YEARS TOO LATE

Fifa opens ethics proceedings against Sepp Blatter

The Fifa president, Sepp Blatter, has been summoned to appear on Sunday before the organisation's ethics committee alongside two of his most senior executive committee members as world football's governing body threatens to implode ahead of next week's presidential election.

The 75-year-old will now appear alongside Mohamed bin Hammam, the Qatari challenger for the presidency accused of offering cash bribes, and Jack Warner, the controversial Concacaf president who has clung to a pivotal role in Fifa's power structure despite an alleged series of ticket touting and bribery claims.

MR SLEEEEEEEZE

Evidence in the file compiled by the US lawyer John Collins, including signed affidavits, text messages, photographs and email conversations, includes claims that Bin Hammam made "football development" payments of $40,000 to the 30 member organisations of the CFU. Twenty-five of the 30 have a vote in Wednesday's presidential election, in which Blatter is seeking to extend his 13-year term for another four years.

Michel Platini has described the decision to investigate Blatter as a "very interesting moment". After being told of the new developments, the Uefa president said: "We have some strange days these new, these next days." He said that because of the Fifa elections: "I will go back to Zurich after the final of the Champions League." Platini added: "You know the people who are corrupt, they know who can be corruptible. They know I am incorruptible."

DEXTER ; SEASON 6 UPDATE

"Lights Out" actor Billy Brown has joined the cast of Showtime's "Dexter."
Brown will appear in the sixth season in a recurring capacity, playing the character of Mike Cutler, a no-nonsense Chicago homicide detective who transfers to Miami Metro, where he immediately ruffles some feathers.

Brown, who played Patrick "Lights" Leary's boxing nemesis Richard "Death Row" Reynolds on the short-lived drama "Lights Out," has also appeared in "Southland," "Dirt" and "Californication."

"Dexter," led by Michael C. Hall as the title character, is on a roll as of late, securing several actors in key parts for the new season, including "Battlestar Galactica" vet Edward James Olmos, rapper Mos (formerly Mos Def) and "The Good Guys" star Colin Hanks.

Production began in Los Angeles on Wednesday, with the new season launching in the fall.

LOL

"... AND YOU GIVE ME YOUR WORD AS A POLICEMAN THAT THIS IMOGEN
LASSIE  WILL DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE HOWARD ? "

TODAYS JOKE

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that even though he is happy in Manchester ....... he does miss Wales occasionally.

Ryan, who is originally from Cardiff, is famous for taking out an injunction against former Miss Wales Imogen Thomas. He also works as a professional footballer in  Manchester.

I'll get me shin pads !

DUM DE DUM DUM .... DUMMMMM !

A TEXAS TODDLER BECOMES THE THIRD CHILD TO BE CALLED ESPN

A Texas couple who named their son ESPN after the cable sports network will soon be getting a visit from the toddler's namesake.

An ESPN film crew is coming to this Panhandle town next month to interview the family of 2-year-old ESPN Malachi McCall for a feature on several children around the country named after the network.

ESPN (pronounced Espen) McCall is one of at least three children in the United States known to be named for the sports network. A couple in Corpus Christi named their son Espn Curiel in 2000, the same year Espen Blondeel was born in Michigan.

ESPN spokesman Dave Nagle said the feature will air Sept. 6 as part of a two-hour special celebrating the network's 25th anniversary. The special focuses on the company's history, growth and impact.

"We don't have viewers. We have fans," Nagle said Saturday. "And I guess there's no better testament than when someone names their child after your product. It just shows the bond we have with people."

Rebecca and Michael McCall said their son's name started as a joke after they heard on the radio about another couple naming their son "Espen."

"He looked at me and said, 'That's a cool name,'" Rebecca McCall said in Saturday's editions of the Amarillo Globe-News.

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Couple Names Their Baby After Facebook's 'Like' Button

These days everybody is frantic about facebook. Facebook is becoming an important part of daily life. Its popular all the genre of people. Kids, teen, young and old they are all obsessed and very much enjoying facebook.Eery time there is an activity going on facebook and every activity is being shared and liked at facebook. So as the terms of facbook are getting famous.

An Isralian couple had been found extreme in its devotion with facebook because they named their girl as LIKE. Like is very common term among the one of terms of facebook features.

Mr. ADLER the father of new born girl says: To me it is very important to give my children names that are not used anywhere else, at least not in ISRAEL.

It has been told that LIKE the baby girl have to other sisters and they are names as PIE and DVASH( honey in Hebrew).

Mr. Adler do thinks there could be reaction for the strange name of newborn girl by the family and friends but he hopes they will admire it and appreciate LIKE.

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Back in February, an Egyptian couple went the distance and named their daughter "Facebook."

There's also the option of giving the child a more traditional first name and using the middle name as a repository for one's peculiar loyalty to a faceless multinational. That's what one Swedish couple did a a few years back when they named their son Oliver Google Kai.

NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson was even more subtle. His daughter Genevieve Marie just has the initials "GM" — as in "General Motors." Johnson's No. 48 car is a Chevy Impala, naturally.

Speaking of celebrities, Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have a daughter named Apple, but there doesn't seem to be a connection to the company that makes Macs, iPhones and iPads.

I grew up knowing a girl called " Annette Curtin "

There's a girl in England who's first name is " Posh ".

A study discovered that 7,261 girls have been called Kylie, with another 288 named Madonna.

But film characters also proved a hit with six babies named Gandalf after the wizard from Lord of the Rings, and two lucky boys given the name Superman.

Thirty-six sets of parents called their child Arsenal after the football team.

Sporting legend Tiger Woods has also made his mark with 1,200 boys named after him - or the animal.

Eva-Toni-Ann Pierce owes her unusual hyphenated name to her dad's love of Everton Football Club.

South African mothers got in on the act following the 2010 World Cup by giving their children names such as FIFA and SOCCER CITY.

URGENT !

Successor to ‘Scholes can’t tackle’ phrase needed

If you were to thumb through the elegantly quilled CV of the Salford born ginger ninja Paul Scholes [Cptn Crunch to his friends], planted right in between mentions of his 9 Premier League titles, 66 England caps and glowing references from Zinedine Zidane, Thierry Henry and Xavi, you’d inevitably find the term ‘can’t tackle’.

Force-fed to footballing fans with stunning regularity ever since Scholes first strolled onto the pitch in the early 90s, the term is today believed to account for two thirds of a commentator’s vocabulary during any one United game.

But with the clock fast ticking on Scholes’s career, where next for commentators ? Who, post-Scholes, will plug the gaping hole left in the commentator’s verbal armoury ?

TODAYS JOKE

Did you know .........
that an anagram of Imogen Thomas is ' A smooth minge ' ?
and ' Saggy Ring ' is an anagram of the player who has seen it.

Here are some more clues ......
He plays in red with all his might, for a son of Scotland .. he wages the fight
he plays on the left but not on the right, the hair on his chest is dark as night
and he isn't quite black yet he isn't all white .......... who is he ?

I'll get me dictionary !

COMING SOON ..........

DID YOU KNOW .................

A string of celebs and footballers hiding behind injunctions were last night bracing themselves to be outed.

High-profile stars fear they will soon follow in Ryan Giggs’ footsteps by having their private lives exposed.

They know there is nothing to stop politicians using parliamentary privilege to reveal their sordid secrets.

The group includes Premier League players, a former top-flight manager and a respected TV actor trying to hide sexual trysts and cheating on their wives, and a celebrity chef accused of mistreating and sacking staff.

A goalkeeper was caught texting photographs of his private parts to a woman, while a married England star on £100,000 a week took out an injunction banning his mistress from describing their affair.

A 2006 injunction stops footballers and managers who spent millions on gambling being named.

RELEGATIONS FAIL TO REDUCE FOOTBALL

TEAMS relegated on the final day of the Premier League season will only be replaced by different ones, it has emerged.

OSCAR O'LEARY
PRESTON NORTH END RESERVES 1950/56

West Ham, Birmingham City and Blackpool were all asked to play football next season in another league while three clubs from the league the relegated teams are going to will play 38 premier league matches over a nine-moth period.

They are then expected to once again swap places with West Ham, Birmingham City and Blackpool as football threatens to go on for ever and ever and ever.

Footballologist Oscar O'Leary said: "These relegations would initially seem like a thinning-out of weak, dreadful football but instead the teams are replaced in blatant defiance of nature.

"We are tinkering with the very stuff of life here and - if we are lucky - we will live to regret it."
He added: "I have now written to the Football Association demanding that the league gets smaller each year until there's only one team left and we can all get on with our lives. Even if it turns out to be Manchester City."

O'Leary also attacked Uefa's decision to stage another tournament in 2012 to establish who the best team in Europe is, despite the fact Spain won the World Cup less than a year ago.

He said: "It's almost like they're playing football for the sake of it. It sickens me."

Meanwhile, Sky and the BBC are to send viewers a new set-top box in time for next season which will deliver pin-sharp, high definition images of everything except QPR boss Neil Warnock.

A BBC spokesman said: "It would be like thrusting a broken bottle in Britain's weeping face."

Lawyers to offer cut price super-injunctions

LAWYERS have been forced to cut the price of super-injunctions by up to 75 per cent after it emerged they do not really work.

A host of actors and premier league footballers, including a certain Mr 'Bryan Riggs' obviously, have taken their super-injuction back to the lawmongers where they bought it and asked for a refund.

With the market in the doldrums Britain's lawyers are now offering Super Injunction Lite, which lasts for about 20 minutes but costs just £12,000, or an own-brand 'value' super injunction which is virtually useless but is only £6.50 or two for a tenner.

Denys Howe QC of the firm ' Dewey, Cheatum and Howe ' said: "Times are tough. People do not have much money and those that do and have been fucking someone behind their wife's back are demanding real value for their cover-up pound.

"I am currently offering a really nice injunction - very clean - for £10,000 that will cover everything expect the internet."

DENYS HOWE QC

He added: "It is starting to feel like I've got a warehouse full of Betamax video tapes."

Meanwhile Ryan, erm sorry, Bryan Giggs, Ooops .. Riggs said: "I got it home and within a week it had stopped working. I checked for a troubleshooting guide at the back of the instruction booklet, but there wasn't one.

"It was almost as if they were saying it could not possibly go wrong."

He added: "I just think British made super-injunctions are really poor quality. So in future, if I am going to have sex with Imogen Thomas again, I think I'll just offer her the money up front and get her to sign a confidentiality agreement.

"It's not terribly erotic but it's got to be cheaper than fucking about with lawyers.

OUTED BY AN MP......... IMOGEN THAT !

The footballer at the centre of a gagging order over a relationship with reality TV star Imogen Thomas was named by an MP in the Commons today as Ryan Giggs.

The MP's action finally lifted the blackout on mainstream media identifying the Manchester United star even though a High Court judge had again refused to lift the injunction earlier today.

House of Commons speaker John Bercow took the MP to task over his action, saying: "Let me just say to the honourable gentleman, I know he's already done it, but occasions such as this are occasions for raising the issues of principle involved, not seeking to flout for whatever purpose.

"If the honourable gentleman wants to finish his question in an orderly way he can do so."

Mr Hemming said: "The question is what the Government's view is on an enforceability of a law that clearly doesn't have public consent."

Banning newspapers from naming such stars while the information was widely available on the internet was both "unsustainable" and "unfair", Mr Cameron told ITV1's Daybreak

Giggs is due at open training tomorrow ahead of United's Champion's League final against Barcelona at Wembley on Saturday night. He is also expected at a Gary Neville testimonial tomorrow night at Old Trafford

PREMIERSHIP 2010/2011 ROUND-UP

SIR ALEX FERGUSON PUTS UNITED IN TO THE LEAD WITH 19 PREM TITLES.

CHELSEA have sacked boss Carlo Ancelotti after they failed to win any silverware this season, but who's in the frame to take over ?


1. Guus Hiddink [64]
Roman didn’t want to lose him the first time around after a successful stint at the club. The Dutchman lost just one game during his temporary stint at Stamford Bridge. The Dutchman, 64, guided the Blues to FA Cup glory after taking control in February 2009 following the sacking of Big Phil Scolari. "Since I left two years ago I've been advising the club on things concerning the squad."

2. Marco Van Basten [46]
Another Dutchman who has been repeatedly linked with the Chelsea job over the last few years. His achievements as a coach are not exactly earth-shattering, but Abramovich has a different set of criteria to the rest of us. He is also Guus Hiddink's recommendation to succeed Ancelotti.

3. Avram Grant [56]
Another Abramovich favourite now available on the cheap after leaving his previous post (you might have heard about that). You would think Roman had learnt his lesson, but you can never be sure. Rumoured to lined up as the new Director of Football at CFC.

4. Andre Villas-Boas [33, same age as Drogba]
The highly-rated Porto boss is touted as the new Mourinho, and Abramovich would love a new era of Mourinho-style success. He’s also been pimping his contract release clause around in recent days. Hiddink agreeing to move upstairs would open the door for Villas-Boas, who is currently the hottest young coach around. Dubbed the new 'Special One' after breaking several records set by Jose Mourinho at Porto, the 33-year-old knows Stamford Bridge well having worked as a scout under his fellow Portuguese. He would be a gamble but he wrapped up the Portuguese championship with five games to spare and last week added the Europa League title in Dublin before making it three trophies for the season with victory in the Portuguese Cup final on Sunday.

5. Jose Mourinho [48]
Why go for the new Mourinho when you could have the original? His Marmite status at Real Madrid is well-documented and he has made no secret of his desire to return to England for his next post. It would hurt him to leave Spain without winning the Champions League though. Jose stated recently that if Real sold Ronaldo ... he would quit .. but since then, a rift has developed between the player and his manager. It is believed that Real Madrid have offered him another season to de-throne rivals Barcelona.

6. Didier Deschamps [42]
The ex-Chelsea midfielder has reportedly been on the Blues’ radar in recent times. He has impressed in his tenure at Marseille and Roman could be tempted by the French World Cup winner.

7. Rafa Benitez [51]
He always seemed to have the upper-hand on Chelsea during his time in charge of Liverpool, so could Abramovich be tempted to bring his former nemesis in from the cold ?
Every Chelsea fans nightmare would be to see him in charge at The Bridge.

8. Gianfranco Zola [44]
Another former Chelsea player and one with a bigger write-up in the club’s history books than Deschamps. His time as West Ham manager was not without its wobbles, but most Hammers fans were ultimately happy with Zola’s brand of football. His 17th place finish is also looking pretty favourable at the minute. Rumour has it that he may return as coach under a new manager.

9. Frank Rijkaard [48]
Another example of Abramovich’s apparent penchant for Dutch managers. Rijkaard is always linked with a move to Stamford Bridge when there is a vacancy (and often when there isn’t). He is bound to be among the names circulating once again. He is the man credited with building the present Barca team and won back to back La Liga titles in 04/05 and 05/06. He also led Barcelona to win The Champions League in 05/06.

10. Harry Redknapp
If Abramovich decides bringing in foreign managers is where he has been going wrong then he might plump for the current highest profile English manager. Redknapp has experienced a degree of Champions League success and his achievements at Tottenham speak for themselves.

and as always ... a statement from Sven implies that he has had no contact from Chelsea yet !!!

RELEGATED BLACKPOOL MAY PLAY IN EUROPA LEAGUE ON 'FAIR PLAY' POINTS

Blackpool could follow Birmingham City's lead by participating in the Europa League next season despite being relegated from the top flight.

A place in the competition will go to an English club via the Premier League's fair‑play table and Fulham had been in pole position to claim it in the first qualifying round.

But a red card for Zoltan Gera against Arsenal on Sunday has opened up the prospect of Blackpool taking top spot. The Premier League must await the arrival of its delegates' reports from the games involving Blackpool and Fulham before making a decision, which is expected on Thursday.

The table is calculated not just according to red and yellow cards but also on positive play, respect towards opponent and referees, and the behaviour of club officials.

Birmingham qualified for the Europa League by winning the Carling Cup.

A decision on this matter is expected on Thursday.

MANCHESTER CITY SEAL THIRD WITH COMFORTABLE WIN AT BOLTON

Roberto Mancini's side cemented third place in the Barclays Premier League with this victory and with it automatic entry to the group stages of Europe's premier club competition. Expect another summer spending spree from the Abu Dhabi United Group having already splashed out on Gareth Barry, Roque Santa Cruz, Kolo Touré, Emmanuel Adebayor, Carlos Tévez, Joleon Lescott, Jérôme Boateng, Yaya Touré, David Silva, Aleksandar Kolarov, Mario Balotelli, James Milner and Edin Džeko.

ARSENAL'S SEASON OF FRUSTRATION ENDS WITH A DRAW

Arsenal's season of frustration ended with a 2-2 draw at 10-man Fulham, which will leave the Gunners having to qualify for the Champions League.

" I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING " said Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger.

The Gunners had won just twice in their previous 10 league matches as a campaign which promised so much quickly fell apart after defeat in the Carling Cup final against Birmingham at Wembley.

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger left the field to chants of "spend some money" from the travelling support, who will expect much better next time around.

DEFEAT BY VILLA ENDS LIVERPOOL EUROPA HOPES

Aston Villa duo Stewart Downing and Ashley Young have been on Liverpool's radar for some time and manager Kenny Dalglish witnessed first-hand their qualities as his side slipped to the defeat which ended their Europa League hopes.

With Tottenham only drawing the Reds could have leapt into fifth place and secured European qualification with a victory but they rarely troubled their hosts yesterday. It means Liverpool have failed to qualify for Europe for the first time since 1999, although many will see that as a blessing [except perhaps for the “Cannibal of Ajax”, Luis Suárez who left that club in January, they have since qualified for next seasons Champions league for the first time in five seasons.] as it will give Dalglish a chance to concentrate on strengthening his squad and making a challenge to get back in the Champions League next season.

'Macho Man' Randy Savage dies in Pinellas car wreck

Once known for his spectacular shades, bulging biceps and blustering bloviation, former professional wrestler "Macho Man" Randy Savage was killed in a car wreck Friday when he crashed head-on into a tree on Park Boulevard. He was 58 years old.

During a ring career that spanned more than two decades, the six-time World Wrestling Federation heavyweight champion strutted his stuff in gaudy costumes cut to show off his muscles and frame his championship belt. Savage had a high-volume swaggering delivery, daring opponents to get in his way.

According to the Florida Highway Patrol, Savage, whose real name was Randy Poffo, was driving a 2009 Jeep Wrangler west on Park Boulevard when, just west of 113th Street, he lost control of the vehicle.

The Wrangler went over the median, across the eastbound lanes and hopped the curb before crashing head-on into the tree at about 9:25 a.m. Savage was taken to Largo Medical Center, where he died, according to the FHP report.

"I am the greatest intercontinental champion that ever lived," he once said, "and I am the greatest professional wrestler that ever lived."

45lb baby leads to Schwarzenegger divorce

ARNOLD Schwarzenegger knew his marriage was doomed shortly after the birth of a three-stone baby carrying a sawn-off shotgun.

HE WON'T BE BAAAACK

The tower of knuckles will part from his wife Maria Shriver, who in turn will begin the slow surgical process of reversing all the work she has had done to make her look like her husband.

Family lawyer, Wayne Hayes, said: "I think the jig was up when Maria was sent a Youtube link of five year-old Gunther shouting 'Fug you, asshole' to his nursery nurse in a thick Austrian accent.

"I don't know if you've ever seen a toddler chomping on a cigar, but it's fantastic.

"He's now 10 years-old but he already looks like a Nazi midget made out of bowling balls."

Shriver first became suspicious that Schwarzenegger was having an affair with a member of their domestic staff when the woman in question made no complaints of sexual harassment.

By the time she eventually left their employment to go on maternity leave, she had to prop her stomach up with a unicycle.

Final confirmation of Schwarzenegger's secret son came on the boy's tenth birthday when he arrived naked at their house demanding clothes, boots and a motorcycle as a birthday present.

Hayes said: "The last time I spoke to Arnold he was making plans to go back in time to kick his own arse so he wouldn't be able to rump the maid in the first place.

What sort of a world are we living in when we can't trust our politicians ?

HAVE YOU SAID YOUR GOODBYE'S TO EVERYONE YET ?

Well, this is it folks ..... according to http://www.familyradio.com/index2.html,


we shall all go to meet our maker tomorrow ...... trains will be leaving Platform 5 at approximately 4.15 pm .......... for more info, visit the site.

And don't forget ..... UKTV Gold will be repeating this event on Tuesday 23th May 2011 ... Thank You.

At least The Queen got to visit Cork City before it all went Pete Tong !!

DID YOU KNOW ........

Two years ago, a New Hampshire retiree named Bart Centre decided to do something about this event. Centre, more commonly known by his nom-de-blog “The Atheist Camel,” cobbled together a nationwide network of 44 pet-loving nonbelievers to come to the rescue if and when the big day comes. For a nominal fee, he and his Rapture Rescuers will take in pets whose Christian masters have evaporated. Their enterprise, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, has over 250 customers willing to pay $135 to give their fuzzy charges a chance of surviving the coming tribulations.

TEH INTERWEBZ IS THE NEW TV

Charlie Sheen 'Destroyed' by Ashton News

Charlie Sheen wasted no time on Friday to mock the decision to replace him on 'Two and a Half Men' with Ashton Kutcher, calling the 'That '70s Show' alum a "sweetheart" but a choice that would bring the show down. Despite his public show of gravitas, a source close to Charlie told the press that privately he's "destroyed" by the casting news.


Charlie said: "Ashton Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!!" the actor told TMZ. "Enjoy the show America, Enjoy seeing 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty, or love there."

Ashton is expected to earn at least $750,000 per episode .... who's the winner now Charlie ?

Bids For Princess Beatrice's Hat Reach 18K

An internet auction of Princess Beatrice's royal wedding hat has attracted bids of £18,400, with four days left to put in an offer.

Princess Beatrice's royal wedding hat has attracted a bid of £18,400.

THE TOILET SEAT

The 22-year-old royal listed the bizarre Philip Treacy creation on auction website eBay in order to make money for the Little Bee Initiative, a charitable organisation set up by the princess to raise money for Children in Crisis and Unicef and she is astonished by the response so far.

Bidding on the hat - which has been compared with pretzels, spaghetti and toilet seats in spoof internet videos - was started by British businessman Duncan Bannatyne, best known for his role on UK TV show 'Dragon's Den', who offered £5,000 within minutes of the listing going live.

Other high-profile bidders have included Australian children's group The Wiggles, who offered to pay £17,500 for the headwear.

Blue Wiggle Anthony Field said: "We wear some pretty crazy costumes on stage, but this hat beats them all - it could bring about an Australian republic all by itself!

"When we heard about the auction we knew we had to bid - we're ambassadors for Unicef and we think it's great that Princess Beatrice has chosen to support children in great need."

They also joked they would donate the accessory to the Australian cricket captain to use next time the team play England.

Anthony added: "We might give it to Michael Clarke to wear when he bats against the Poms next time - it would certainly distract the bowler."

Speaking about the auction - which closes in four days time - Beatrice has said: "I've been amazed by the amount of attention the hat has attracted.

"It's a wonderful opportunity to raise as much money as possible for two fantastic charities. I hope whoever wins the auction has as much fun with the hat as I have."

CHELSEA WIN 2011 LEAGUE TITLE

Ghana's Berekum Chelsea did what their English namesakes failed to do when they clinched their premier league title on Wednesday.

A late penalty from Emmanuel Clottey, the league's leading scorer, handed Berekum Chelsea a 1-0 win over Real Tamale United and an unassailable lead over Asante Kotoko at the top of the standings with three games left.

It was a first title for the club from the provincial town of Berekum which was formed just 11 years ago by two ardent Chelsea supporters and they will play in next year's African Champions League.

The English Chelsea were beaten to this season's Premier League title by Manchester United.

...... and as far as I know ... they haven't dropped the trophy yet.

NO RUNNING BY THE POOL ... IT'S DANGEROUS !!

I THINK JENNIFER ANISTON MAY HAVE FINALLY FOUND HERSELF IN A DECENT MOVIE

Horrible Bosses is an upcoming black comedy film directed by Seth Gordon and starring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Jason Sudeikis, and Kevin Spacey.



The movie's premise follows a trio of long-suffering friends who team up to murder their respective overbearing bosses with disastrous results.

The trailer, released earlier this week, provides a preview for just how far Aniston has come since she played Rachel Green on "Friends." Stripped down to her underwear, Aniston seductively eats a Popsicle, a banana and a hot dog.

"There's a whole bunch of things she does that couldn't be put in this trailer. Stuff you won't believe," director Seth Gordon told Entertainment Weekly. "It's really exciting to see her do something a bit further … afield, if you will."

That's not all. Later this fall, Aniston could also appear topless in Judd Apatow's "Wanderlust," in which Aniston and Paul Rudd play a couple who drop out of the rat race to become hippies. According to HollywoodLife.com, Aniston not only rips off her shirt, she smokes pot and has a threesome.

Maybe this new Aniston is hoping that going topless can do for her career what it did for Halle Berry's. If you recall, Berry went topless in "Swordfish" opposite John Travolta, before baring her skin in "Monsters Ball," for which she won an Oscar.

Or maybe she's hoping Apatow, creator of "Knocked Up," can work his magic on her. He has made stars of some of his actresses, notably Katherine Heigl.

Either way, Aniston could use the career boost. Her last movie, "Switch," came in eighth its opening weekend and was pounded by critics. It was the latest in a recent string of flops at the box office. Before "Switch," there was 2010's "The Bounty Hunter" with co-star Gerard Butler, 2009's "Love Happens," with Aaron Eckhart, and the dismal dark comedy "Management" with Steve Zahn, also in 2009, which earned a paltry $935,000 at the box office.

Juan Manuel Biaiñ’s Documentary on the Surveillance State

“No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.”



Article 12 examines how vulnerable and exposed we have become in our relationship to each other and as a society and talks about those who are gaining from this condition… The film brings together the world’s leading academics, philosophers, cultural figures and technologists to highlight the devastating potency of surveillance and the dangers of public and individual complicity, and presents a growing movement fighting for the upkeep of our right to privacy.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO Awwwwwwww

Disney Trademarks ‘Seal Team 6′

In a perfect example of a big media company looking to capitalize on current events, The Walt Disney Company has trademarked “Seal Team 6,” which also happens to be the name of the elite special forces team that killed Osama Bin Laden.

Disney’s timing on this was almost like a Navy SEAL operation in and of itself. Don’t forget—reports state they’d filed the trademark application two days after it was announced. The kill was announced on a Sunday. Which means that Disney executives came into work on Monday, found the balls to ask one another, “Is there a merchandising opportunity in this murder?” and had the trademark application prepared and filed with the USPTO 24 hours hours later.

Marijuana Might Be Legal in Canada by July

The Toronto Star reported “an Ontario Superior Court judge has ruled that the federal medical marijuana program is unconstitutional, giving the government three months to fix the problem before pot is effectively legalized.”

Canadians have been fighting for marijuana reform since 1973, when the LeDain Commission called for an end to the criminalization of citizens who possess and cultivate marijuana. At the time, the medicinal effects of marijuana were being recorded and the criminality of marijuana possession was becoming scrutinized by the public and lawmakers alike.

To rational human beings, the idea a teenager would be branded a criminal for life for possessing a small amount of marijuana seems ludicrous. In Canada, this is one of the primary reasons for marijuana reform. (In the United States, harsh drug laws were designed to incarcerate generations of low-income and ethnic offenders, becoming the bedrock of it's prison culture.)

Canadian lawmakers have danced around the issue since 2001, when the legal regulation of medical marijuana use was introduced. However, many doctors believe there is no scientific evidence that marijuana has any medicinal effects whatsoever. Furthermore, Canadian doctors are uncomfortable with their role as “gatekeepers” to marijuana therapy. This is fair, as it is a societal, legal and cultural issue—not a medical one.

The creation of medical marijuana laws has cost the government its ability to criminalize marijuana use. If the Canadian government doesn’t appeal the court’s decision within three months pot will not only be decriminalized in Canada (such as getting a parking ticket) it will be legalized.

The ruling comes from a case where a 37-year-old man suffering from fibromyalgia, scoliosis and seizures took to growing his own pot because it was too complicated and time-consuming to work with doctors.

MANCHESTER UNITED FANS UNVEIL ’19 TIMES’ BANNER AT ANFIELD

Manchester United supporters infiltrated Anfield before Liverpool’s match against Spurs on Sunday to unveil a banner celebrating overtaking their rivals’ record number of league titles.

As the Anfield faithful launched into their pre-match chorus of You’ll Never Walk Alone, the undercover Red Devils hung a banner reading “MUFC 19 TIMES” in the Anfield Road End.

The pranksters, from the Red Issue fanzine, had a getaway driver waiting and exited the ground sharpish. United fans had also taken up positions in other parts of Anfield to capture photographic evidence of their efforts.

It’s not clear how long the banner was allowed to stay in position before being spotted by Reds fans.

ONE FOR THE FUTURE

THIS IS GETTING TO BE A HABIT

I hope Manchester United buy this guy to replace Edwin van der Sar

Chinese City Uses Human Pedal Power to Go Green

WEIZHONG - This city in Shaanxi Province, central China, is set to become the greenest city on Earth, according to Cheng Xialong, spokesperson for the mayor of Weizhong Municipal Government.

In a press release dated today, Weizhong city declared that it will source 100 percent of its electrical power from sustainable and renewable sources by 2012. Hydropower from the nearby Fundashen Dam will continue contributing 14.7 percent, wind energy from an experimental turbine farm will contribute 1.3 percent, while the remaining 84 percent will be derived from human pedal power.

The municipal government is building a Citizen Power Station, consisting of 50 gymnasium-sized halls which will house 2,000 stationary pedal-type electricity generators each. Each citizen of the city will be mandated to provided at least 90 minutes of cycle time per weekday, and 2 hours on weekends.

The Weizhong Citizen Power Station will generate approximately 200 megawatts. Chinese homes are smaller than Western homes and consume less electricity, and the Weizhong planners hope that in conjunction with stringent electricity saving measures, the power station will produce enough power for the entire city.

"If people are profligate in their use of power, we will increase the required quota to two or even three hours a day," said a municipal administration official who asked not to be identified. "This will encourage them to enthusiastically save electricity at home."

Citizens who cannot or do not want to contribute pedal power to the city's grid may allow substitute cyclists to take their place. A group of local businessmen have already set up a labor market for citizens who wish to hire non-resident laborers to cycle on their behalf.

Zheng Fubei, a wiry 48-year-old migrant laborer from a rural village, who lost his job at an electronics factory in Guanzhou and has been jobless for eight months, said he looked forward to providing green pedal power to the city.

"It will be my honor to create sustainable and renewable energy for this city which will be the most environmentally advanced city in China and the world," Zheng told members of the press, in what seemed to be a rehearsed statement.

Cheng Xialong, the municipal spokesperson, stressed that most residents would be happy to serve as electricity generators.

"In today's world, obesity is an increasing health risk with many ill effects such as diabetes and hypertension," he explained. "Cycling an hour and a half a day will not only produce green electricity, but also lower health care costs in the city."

"They can also watch educational programs on television while cycling," he added.

The Citizen Power Station is scheduled to start producing power within two months from now.

GUESS WHO ?

Kevin Federline

BRITISH SUPER-INJUNCTIONS DON'T WORK ABROAD RYAN

BIG BROTHER CONTESTANT AND GLAMOUR MODEL IMOGEN THOMAS AND
MARRIED MANCHESTER UNITED WINGER RYAN GIGGS.

The Big Brother star who is battling to overturn a high court gagging order brought by a Premier League footballer denied accusations that she attempted to blackmail the player.

Imogen Thomas, 28, denies attempting to solicit £100,000, a signed football shirt, and matchday tickets from the high-profile footballer in order not to speak out about their alleged six-month affair.

Mr Justice Eady on Monday reserved judgment following a joint bid by Thomas and the Sun newspaper to overturn the high-profile footballer's privacy injunction — before setting out his reasons for issuing the gagging order in April in an eight-page judgment.

The footballer accused Thomas of repeatedly demanding £50,000 from the footballer in March. He agreed to meet her "in a hotel where he was staying" in April. There he gave her "a signed football shirt" but said he was not prepared to give her "the sum of £50,000".

The player claimed that on 13 April, he texted Thomas to say that he might be willing to offer her some money after all. At this point, Thomas is accused of attempting to solicit £100,000 from the player.

EUROVISION 2011

What started out as something of a bad joke has somehow turned this duo into one of the longest lasting comedy events since Tommy Tiernan set the Guinness World Record for the longest Stand-Up Comedy Show by an individual by a staggering 36 hours and 15 minutes.

JEDWARD will embark on a monster tour in Europe, win or lose in tonight's Eurovision final showdown.

The Herald can reveal how twins John and Edward Grimes (19) have been offered a string of big gigs after winning over the European media with their charm offensive.

As they take to the stage in Dusseldorf tonight in front of 125m viewers to perform Lipstick, manager Louis Walsh promised this won't be the last that mainland Europe sees of the popular pair.

He has the quiff-haired twins fully booked up until next year -- with plans to include some new European dates in their schedule, including 5,000-capacity arenas.

Their high-energy routines, eye-catching costumes and entertaining antics have seen them installed as firm favourites among Eurovision pundits.



CAN'T SING. CAN'T DANCE ... THEY WILL GO A LONG WAY .... UNFORTUNATELY 

TURKEY

PRIEST, a western-fused post-apocalyptic thriller, is set in an alternate world -- one ravaged by centuries of war between man and vampires. The story revolves around a legendary Warrior Priest (Paul Bettany) from the last Vampire War who now lives in obscurity among the other downtrodden human inhabitants in walled-in dystopian cities ruled by the Church. When his niece (Lily Collins) is abducted by a murderous pack of vampires, Priest breaks his sacred vows to venture out on an obsessive quest to find her before they turn her into one of them. He is joined on his crusade by his niece's boyfriend (Cam Gigandet), a trigger-fingered young wasteland sheriff, and a former Warrior Priestess (Maggie Q) who possesses otherworldly fighting skills

LET'S CALL IT ROCKY VII

'NUFF SAID

SAYS IT ALL REALLY

HAVEN'T WE SEEN THIS BEFORE ?

This is seemingly something of a worrying fad, this ‘getting trophy tattoos before said trophy is actually won’..... The FA Cup ? It’s a one-off game where anything can happen.

Granted, Man City are huge favorites and should win it, but that doesn’t make this gentleman any less of an absolute idiot.

This before considering the fact this man has a trophy tattoo based on a game in which he will play no part. And it’s a cup competition. Against Stoke with a kajillion dollar payroll. And I really have no idea what part Jesus is to play in this little victory, but you can be damn sure Citeh will try and snap him up this summer with Champions League football as the ever alluring carrot.

I GUESS IT WAS DESTINY

As Stargate Universe draws to a close this week, many viewers are still wondering just what happened. Why was a show that has reached its creative zenith, and holding its own (relatively speaking) on a very competitive night of programming, kicked to the curb?

After just two short seasons, The Vancouver Sun reports that "Stargate Universe," the newest series in the massively popular "Stargate" sci fi franchise, has received the proverbial axe, effectively cutting off the franchise completely for the first time since it began as "Stargate SG-1" in 1997.

The original Stargate SG-1 dawned in 1997. To give you an idea of how long ago that was, the most-watched shows on TV that year were Seinfeld, ER, Friends, Home Improvement and Touched by an Angel. In the end, Stargate SG-1 lasted 10 seasons -- a full decade -- and in 2004 spun off the companion series Stargate Atlantis, which itself lasted five seasons.

Multiple theories have been posited to explain away the choice to cancel two of SyFy’s original series’, SGU and Caprica. Most agree (even Scalzi), however, that poor network scheduling is the main culprit, particularly the choice to move these shows from Fridays to Tuesdays. They were shucked aside in favor of the guaranteed revenue brought by WWE SmackDown on Friday Nights, which SyFy acquired rights to in 2010.

TV is a business, so it’s no surprise that the network values SmackDown over SGU. New shows still have to prove their worth, while SmackDown came with a Friday night audience. It’s simply bad business to put your best bet on the back burner.



The future looks bleak for "Stargate," but maybe they'll be able to eke out another movie or two before it's lights out.

Schwarzenegger to Terminate marriage to Shriver after 25 years

The breakup comes about four months after Schwarzenegger ended a bumpy, two-term run as California governor, a job his wife never wanted him to pursue. Since then, Schwarzenegger, 63, has been fashioning a role as an international advocate for green energy, giving speeches and lining up work in Hollywood. Shriver, 55, has guested-edited an edition of Oprah Winfrey's magazine but also talked about the stress of changing roles after serving as California's first lady.

The joint statement, issued by a spokesman for Schwarzenegger, said the two were working on the future of their relationship while living apart and they would continue to parent their four children together.

In a May 2009 commencement speech at the University of Southern California, Schwarzenegger alluded to the powerful influence Shriver had on his life. He said when people ask him the secret to success, "I say, number one, come to America. Number two, work your butt off. And number three, marry a Kennedy."

JERSEY FLOOR

Princess Beatrice's hat offered own TV series

The Philip Treacy creation became a hit with online communities due to its self-deprecating nature and will now sign a television contract thought to be worth millions.

A spokesman said: "Princess Beatrice’s hat fronting a talk show is just what the nation needs during these tough times. It’s strange looking but talented, like Susan Boyle if she was a hat."

But the TV deal has been condemned by Princess Beatrice's sister Eugenie who also wore a hat at the wedding.

A friend of Eugenie's said: "If you'd told her last week that Bea's hat would be offered a prime-time talk show she'd have eaten her own hat which at least looks like a hat."

Although widely loved, the hat of Princess Beatrice, now known as 'the hat of hearts' is not without its detractors.

It has received death threats from fundamentalist milliners with one describing it as 'looking like a tarantula trying to sodomise a Frisbee'.

The hat is understood to be delighted, with friends and family insisting it will not allow fame will go to its head.

The talk show will include segments hosted by other celebrity apparel, such as the Lady Gaga's Meat Dress's armchair aerobics and gardening with Judy.

LOL

You might recall that John Hinckley Jr was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's.

Hinckley Jr was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster, and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley Jr may soon be released as having been rehabilitated.

Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Hillary to John Hinckley Jr:

To: John Hinckley Jr

From: Hillary Clinton

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.

We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.


Best wishes,
Hillary Clinton & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Barack Obama has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

Golfing great Seve Ballesteros dies, aged 54

SEVERIANO Ballesteros, who died aged 54, was one of golf's all-time greats, a charismatic figure who lifted five majors, led the European challenge to the decades-long US supremacy and turned a new generation onto the sport.


For two decades, from the mid-1970s to the 1990s, 'Seve' was one of the sport's most celebrated personalities.

He collected 87 career titles and was a crucial ingredient in Europe's rediscovered love affair with the Ryder Cup, before retiring in 2007 with back problems.

Known for his flamboyant and imaginative style of play, he famously won one of his three British Open titles by playing a shot from a temporary parking lot.

Ballesteros was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour after losing consciousness at Madrid airport on October 6, 2008.

He underwent four operations to remove the tumour and reduce swelling in his skull, as well as chemotherapy. He called his battle against the tumour the "hardest challenge of my life".

"During my career I was one of the best at getting around obstacles on golf courses. Now I want to be the best at confronting the most difficult match of my life with all my strength," he had said in a statement when he revealed his illness.

Golf Digest magazine in 2000 ranked him as the greatest golfer Europe has produced.

Super 8 - June 10

Super 8 is an upcoming science fiction film written and directed by J. J. Abrams and produced by Steven Spielberg, and starring Elle Fanning, Amanda Michalka, and Kyle Chandler, due to be released on June 10, 2011.

In the summer of 1979, a group of friends in a small Ohio town witness a catastrophic train crash while making a super 8 movie and soon suspect that it was not an accident. Shortly after, unusual disappearances and inexplicable events begin to take place in town, and the local Deputy tries to uncover the truth - something more terrifying than any of them could have imagined.

The first teaser trailer for the film screened ahead of theatrical releases of Iron Man 2. It depicted the seemingly deliberate derailment of a United States Air Force train (tagged "Groom Lake One"), which was presumably transporting undisclosed materials from Area 51 to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, and the subsequent escape of an unknown entity from inside one of the cargo cars.



On February 6, a 30-second television advertisement for Super 8 premiered during the American broadcast of the Super Bowl XLV on FOX. The commercial had been promoted in the days leading up to the Super Bowl XLV with online advertising that itself contained teaser images and a hidden code.